With or Without You Part 4
I didn't sleep at all that night. I couldn't. I had messed up even worse than I imagined and hurt Duo more than I thought.
If Vittorio and the girls weren't depending on me, I think I would've just ended it. Driven out to the bridge and jumped off into the bay.
But I couldn't do that to them. They were depending on me, and right now I couldn't let myself fail anyone else.
I pulled myself up off the floor the next morning and into the shower. I decided to go into work early, help Isa out with the morning crowd, or help Vittorio back in the kitchen. As long as I wasn't here I would be okay.
I walked down the stairs and heard Mia's voice.
"Heero is a good boy! Why are you here asking all these questions about him?"
"Ma'am, I assure you, I'm an old friend of his," said a familiar voice.
I looked over the railing and saw Quatre standing in front of Mia's door, very proper looking and out of place in his expensive suit and tie.
Sighing, I made my way down the rest of the stairs. "Morning Mia!"
"Heero!" She greeted me and then gestured at Quatre. "This gentleman claims to know you!" Her tone indicated that she doubted his claim, and didn't think he was much of a gentleman.
"I know him." I told her. "Good morning Quatre."
"Heero. Do you have a moment to talk?" He smiled and raised an eyebrow at me.
"I'm on my way to work," I prevaricated.
"They said you didn't work until eleven when I called- it's only eight now."
I suppressed a sigh. "Okay."
I led him out of the building. I wasn't taking him up to my apartment. There was a small coffee stand nearby. We could go there and talk. "We can get some coffee around the corner, all right?" He nodded.
"You live in a charming neighborhood, Heero," Quatre said as we walked down the street.
"Thank you," I told him.
"Why did you choose it?"
"It wasn't an area I was familiar with. I thought that would be best."
"Someplace you felt uncomfortable?"
"Yes."
Quatre nodded. "I see. Same thing with your job?"
"Yes."
"And yet you've gotten very good at it. The server last night said so." He smiled. "She also claimed you were hopeless when you started."
"I was."
We reached the coffee stand. Quatre insisted on paying for it, and I let him. He made more than I did after all. We claimed a bench outside, and I leaned against the hard back and waited. I was sure he hadn't come down here just to talk about my job.
Quatre took a sip of coffee and sighed. "We've missed you."
"I missed you too." Was this a lead in to a lecture? Part of me hoped it was, hoped that Quatre was going to rip me to shreds. Maybe I'd feel better.
Quatre turned on the bench, drawing one leg up, so that he was facing me. "I have to apologize to you Heero."
I blinked. "For what?"
"Last night." He sighed. "It was all my fault."
"What are you talking about?"
"Duo's been a wreck since you left. He took a leave of absence from the Preventers- went looking for you, ran himself ragged. We were worried that he was..." Quatre frowned. "Well, we thought you were dead, we figured he was next. So a month ago we made him stop. Trowa and I made him move in with us. He went back to work, we tried to get his life as normal as we could."
I put my coffee down on the bench and rubbed my forehead. This was even worse than I had thought...
"Heero," Quatre reached out and touched my arm. "I know you feel guilty, and you should. Trust me- part of me wants to beat the shit out of you..." He shook his head. "The other part of me feels guilty for not realizing that having to resign from the Preventers would do this to you. I should've stepped in right away..."
He shrugged. "But right now we need to focus on Duo. Trowa and I, in an effort to get Duo interested in other things, introduced him to Clark. He works with Trowa, he had met Duo. We had him over for dinner a few times a week or we all went out to dinner together."
"Duo said he was a nice guy."
"He is, that's why we asked him to join us. We didn't think it would be anything serious- just someone to balance us out, so Duo wouldn't feel like a third wheel. Clark is from L2, he shares some of Duo's interests, they get along very well. We kept telling him that it wasn't a crime to see someone occasionally and enjoy their company."
Quatre took another sip of his coffee. "Last night was the first time we convinced Duo to go out with Clark- on something that was more like a date. I will admit Clark had been pushing for it for a while- I'm still not sure how he got Duo to agree... But we were all going to have dinner together and then they were going to go to a movie."
I inhaled sharply. "And I ruined it."
Quatre's lips quirked up in a faint smile. "Only you would worry about that aspect of it. Duo panicked when he saw you- well, you saw, we all froze... it's not everyday that someone comes back from the dead. And then you didn't come back to the table... and that lovely server was hanging all over you when we left..."
I blinked startled. It had never occurred to me that they would even look at Sofia that way...
Quatre's jacket made an odd buzzing sound. He frowned and reached inside his coat and pulled out a cell phone. "One minute," he told me, and flipped it open. "Winner... Trowa?...No... What?" He looked at me and bit his lip. "I'm sitting with Heero. No... Please do. I'll be home soon."
He flipped the phone closed. "Duo's not in his room. No one saw him leave. I have to get back..."
"Where is he?"
"I don't know. He has a few places he usually vanishes off to. Look- I need to make this quick... Duo came home last night upset- he said he had messed up his talk with you, and you had made him leave. Will you agree to talk to him again?"
I wanted to argue with Quatre that I hadn't made Duo leave, but it wasn't important right then. "Of course... do you need my help?"
Quatre shook his head. "No, you have work. We'll do it." He tossed his cup in the trash. "I'll let you know when we find him, okay?"
"Okay..." Quatre turned and walked back down the street, moving quickly.
I stared at the cup of coffee in my hands. Duo thought he had messed up? That I had made him leave? Had I?
I thought back to the end of our conversation. I had gone to the door and opened it- like there was no other choice...
Hot coffee splashed over my hand and I realized I had crushed the coffee cup between my fingers. I got up, tossed the cup and grabbed some napkins to clean up.
If the road to hell was truly paved with good intentions, I must be pretty close to the doors by now.
TBC...
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