With or Without You Part 3
Time passed. Customers began to clear out. Isabella went up to bed- she had the breakfast shift tomorrow. I helped Sofia clean off tables and lay things out for the morning.
We were finishing up the last few things when she finally said something.
"They were very sweet guys."
"I know they are." Well I could vouch for three of them anyway.
"The one with the braid- he asked me a lot of questions about you." I wasn't surprised.
"What did you tell him?"
She raised a shoulder. "Not much. I said you were a good worker, that you were nice to the customers and didn't have an attitude." She grinned. "That you had been completely hopeless when you started."
That made me smile. We worked in silence for a moment.
"His last name is Maxwell, isn't it?" She asked quietly.
"Yes."
"I wondered- he acted so odd when I told him." She looked me in the eye. "He's a very nice man."
"The best." I agreed.
"Why did you leave him?"
"Because I'm not."
Sofia snorted and then smacked me on the head with the palm of her hand. "Idiot."
"I know." She shook her head.
"Go home. I'll see you at lunch tomorrow!"
She locked the front door behind me and I started off down the street.
What was going to happen? Duo knew where I was now- but he was dating someone else. The memory of the guy's arm across Duo's shoulders flashed through my head. I shook myself. I had let him go. The guy seemed okay, just right for someone like Duo. Better than I had been.
More than likely I wouldn't see them again. I hadn't planned on him finding me, but really, it wasn't like we had much to say to each other now, right?
I heard footsteps behind me. It was late for anyone to be out. We didn't have a lot of crime in our area, but we had some. I took a deep breath. Any mugger was going to find himself in for a nasty surprise. I wasn't in the mood to play nice tonight.
I walked a bit more, the footsteps still echoing behind me- nether gaining nor falling back, just keeping pace with me. Reaching my building I wondered if I should just dash inside.
But then if it were a mugger, they'd go looking for another target. Better me than one of my neighbors.
Turning quickly, hoping to catch my follower by surprise, I found myself face to face with Duo.
"What... ?" I managed.
"I want to talk to you." He was scowling. "Now."
It was late- but I doubted he'd want to wait until morning.
"Okay." I paused for a moment, but he still glared at me. "My apartment's right here..." I offered and he nodded.
"So let's go."
We climbed the stairs to my apartment in silence. Thankfully, Mia's light was off. I didn't have to introduce Duo to her.
I opened the door for Duo and followed him inside. I flipped the lights on and he looked around the room, still frowning.
It wasn't anything like the apartment we had shared. I knew I hadn't decorated much. I was never really home. I had gotten sheets and pillows for the bed, and a desk for the laptop, but that was about the extent of it. Duo turned to look out my small window at the dark street.
"So," I asked as I put my keys down, unwilling to let the silence continue. "How are things with you?"
"I thought you were dead." Duo's back was to me, his voice even and flat. "I called home that morning after I left, because I realized I had forgotten a file. You didn't answer the phone; I knew you were upset. I was worried. I kept calling and you didn't answer- I panicked. I went home and found your note." He took a deep gasping breath. "I thought you had gone off to kill yourself. I couldn't find you..."
It had never occurred to me that Duo would see my absence that way. "Oh Duo, I'm sorry...."
"It wasn't until days later that I checked the bank... then I went to L1... I sent feelers out everywhere... I couldn't find you... I wondered if you had taken the money and donated it- and then killed yourself."
He turned to me, mouth pulled back in a snarl. "How could you do that to me! I told you I was going to help you! Why didn't you trust me? How could you just leave me like that?"
I sat down on the bed and looked at him. "How else was I supposed to leave you?"
A moment later and Duo's fist connected with the side of my jaw, knocking me off the bed and sending me sprawling onto the floor.
"Not like that! Not at all!" I sat up and looked at him.
"Duo, it was the only way I could do it." I put a hand to my jaw. Damn it hurt. "I was a failure- I couldn't pull you down with me." He opened his mouth. "Duo- I was hurting you. I didn't know I was doing it, but that doesn't excuse it. I was a lousy partner at work and at home. You deserved better than me."
I pulled myself up to my feet and faced him again.
His eyes were wet. "I thought you were dead... I started seeing someone else!"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm glad. I hoped you'd move on."
He grabbed the front of my shirt, yanking me closer. "Don't you care?! I was in hell because of you! And now... now that I thought I was getting over you- you're here!"
I put my hands over his. "Duo, I'm so sorry. That didn't even occur to me. Honestly. If I had known... I didn't even think of it. I just wanted to stop hurting you. I wanted you to find someone better. That's all. You don't have to find me. You can forget you ever saw me."
He put his head against my chest. "I thought you loved me."
I couldn't help putting my arms around him. "I do love you. More than anything. It's been hell without you."
"I hope it has been," he whispered. "I hope it hurt."
I closed my eyes. "It still does." He made a faint noise.
"I don't understand this. I wanted to help you. I told you I would. I was honest with you. This should've been something we did together."
"It was my problem Duo, not yours. And it was hurting you."
He laughed, and it wasn't a happy sound. "She said you had gotten over your superior attitude Heero. Doesn't sound like you've lost it at all. Still telling me what's best. Still holding all your emotions in, not letting me help you..."
That made me wince. I opened my eyes and dropped my arms. "I'm sorry. I guess I fixed the work attitude but not this one..."
Duo let go of my shirt and stepped back. "I could've helped you with it Heero."
"At what cost to yourself?"
"It would've been for you. Why can't you see that I would've gone to the same lengths you did for me? I would've done anything for you! I didn't care what it would cost me..."
"But I would. Would you have wanted me to help you if it meant I was the one getting hurt? Hurt because of you?"
He opened his mouth and then closed it again, thinking. "I guess you have a point." He said finally. "But it doesn't mean that I like it."
"Fair enough."
We looked at each other silently for a long moment.
"What now?" He asked me.
"I don't know." I lifted a shoulder. "I know I hurt you. I know you've found someone else- and I'm happy for you. He seemed like a nice guy."
Duo's mouth curved up in a faint smile. "Yeah, he is."
I bit the inside of my cheek hard. There was only one thing to do.
"So then we say goodbye the way I should've done it the first time."
He blinked. "That's what you want?"
"That's what would be best for you, and so, yes, that's what I want."
"You don't want anything else? We couldn't be friends? I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, but I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?" I reached out, slid my hand under Duo's chin, lifted his head up and kissed him.
It had been so long, and I had wanted it so badly. He opened his mouth for me, pulling me deeper into the kiss.
I dragged myself away from his mouth.
"That's why," I told him. "You aren't mine anymore. I know it's my fault, but I couldn't... I couldn't be around you and not want to do that." I moved away from him and went to open the door. "Goodbye Duo."
He stood where he was for a moment, head bowed. Then he nodded and joined me at the door. "Goodbye Heero."
I closed the door behind him and sat down on the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs and burying my face against my knees. I realized that I had been holding onto hope- despite my protests that I had wanted Duo to move on and be happy, I hadn't really wanted that at all. I had wanted to be able to go back to him and show him that I had changed... and now that hope was dead. Duo would never be mine again.
TBC...
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