With or Without You Part 5
I made my way to the restaurant, worried about Duo, hoping he was okay, wondering where the hell I had messed up so badly when all I had wanted to do was the right thing...
I walked into the restaurant. Isabella was by the cash register. "Are you here for breakfast Heero?" She smiled at me. "You can't be here to work yet." She raised an eyebrow. "Do you know you have a bruise right here?" She tapped the side of her face.
"Yes. If there's something to do, I'll do it. I had a bad night, Isa."
She smiled. "Why don't you go join the customer at table five and I'll bring you some coffee?"
I turned, expecting to see one of my regulars at the table by the front window.
Duo was sitting there, dressed as he had been last night, looking tired and rumpled. He was looking out the window, a paper spread out on the table in front of him.
I looked back at Isa. She was grinning. "He came in this morning and Uncle talked to him. Uncle tried to call you, but you didn't answer your phone."
She vanished toward the kitchen and I made my way through the tables to Duo.
"Hey," I said softly when I got close enough. He looked up at me. "I'm glad to see you."
That earned me a faint smile.
"I have a question," Duo said softly.
"What is it?"
"Was... was what you said last night non negotiable? Could we... I mean, could you..." Duo bit his lip.
I sat down in the chair across from him. "No. I was up all night thinking. I- said some things wrong. Maybe we could try again?" I looked at the glass of water in front of him. "Do you want coffee? Isa's bringing me some."
"I had some already."
"So," I plunged ahead. "Where do we start?"
Duo looked down at the paper. "I have some things I need to know. Things I wanted to find out about last night, but- the conversation got away from me."
"It's okay- I think the conversation got away from both of us." I told him. I decided that Duo was going to lead the conversation. We'd talk about whatever he wanted.
Isa arrived with my coffee.
"Grazie," I told her and she gave me a smile.
"Let me know if you need anything else. You okay Duo? Want some more water?"
"No thank you," he smiled for her and she winked back. "She's nice," he said when she had gone back to the register.
"They all are. The Medicis have been very kind to me."
"Isa said her sister got you the job?"
I chuckled, and saw an opening to share some information that I thought he needed to know. "No, she noticed that I needed one. Then I talked to the owner. After I promised to keep my hands off his nieces, he hired me."
Duo's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Yes. He spent ten minutes telling me how anyone he hired would have to treat his girls like sisters, that they couldn't be distracted from their education. I don't think he really wanted to hire me until I told him about you- and he realized his girls were safe."
"You told him about me?"
"Yes. That's why Sofia took your table last night. I'm sorry Duo- I just couldn't handle seeing you here with someone else."
He blinked. "But..." he closed his mouth. "Oh. I see..." I sipped my coffee, waiting for him to speak.
It was hard. There were lots of things I wanted to say. But I waited.
"Heero... the guy last night..."
"Yes?"
"He and I... Well, I've been staying at Quatre's. He's a friend of theirs- he'd come over and kinda, well, you know how Tro and Quat are... So, I guess it was like dating. It felt like dating. And I was lonely..."
"Of course you were."
"Last night I had agreed to go out with him for real... but..." I waited. "Then we saw you."
"I'm sorry I messed your date up." Duo shook his head.
"I messed up a lot of things last night." He looked up. "I may have been seeing him but... it's not... wasn't anything like we had."
I nodded. He looked at his water glass. I took another sip of coffee and let my eyes wander away from him for a moment.
Sofia, Isabella and Vittorio were all by the counter, all studiously not looking our way.
I choked on my coffee.
Duo looked at me eyes wide, then glanced over at the counter.
"Maybe we need to go someplace else and talk?" I asked.
"That might be good." Duo agreed. "I'd hate to have them mad at me. It took me twenty minutes to convince the old guy to let me stay and wait for you."
I got to my feet, Duo beside me and headed for the exit.
"I'll be back in time for my shift." I told Vittorio.
"No worries," Isa answered. "I have it covered! Take the day off and sleep in late tomorrow, we aren't open anyway!"
Her uncle rolled his eyes at her. "Be here on Monday," he said and then added in Italian: "if that boy breaks your heart again, let us know." He frowned at Duo.
"Thank you, but I think I broke his first." I replied in the same and ushered Duo out of the restaurant.
"Do I want to know what you two said there at the end?" Duo asked me.
"No. Where shall we go? Is my apartment okay?"
Duo didn't answer for a moment. Then he said: "If it's okay with you."
We walked back to my apartment in silence, both of us immersed in our own thoughts. I was wondering if there was anything salvageable left. Had I destroyed everything?
I opened the door to my apartment and let Duo in. He looked around again. "You only have one chair?"
"I don't get much company." Duo sat down on the edge of my bed. I sat down next to him and waited.
"Are you going to say something?" He asked.
"I said all the wrong things last night. I'm waiting for you to start," I told him.
Duo took a breath. "I'm furious with you." He said softly. "I can't believe you just left me like that. I knew you were upset, and I knew what your job meant to you. I understand now why you thought you were doing the right thing, but you weren't!" His voice rose. "It's like you thought your attitude was hurting me all the time- and it wasn't. I was used to it- it was a part of you. We all have faults Heero, and that is one of yours."
I nodded, he took a deep breath.
"And one of mine is jumping to conclusions. I saw you with that girl and assumed the worst. I wanted to hurt you. And last night I tried- and I messed up. I left last night because I thought I had ruined my chance with you. That you didn't want me and that was your way of telling me..."
"Duo..."
He shook his head. "Then I went home and really thought about what you had said. I thought about the things I had said- and what I had done to hurt you. So I came back today, because I had to know more..."
He stopped again.
"What do you need to know Duo?"
"Tell me why you left me- and not the I deserved better part. The other part. The part that has to do with you."
I closed my eyes. This hurt.
"Because I failed. Out of all the jobs on the planet, I should've been able to hold on to that one. I thought... I thought you would be ashamed of me. I was already trying to figure out how to fix myself... and then you told me that I was doing the same thing in our relationship. I was failing." I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"I was hurting you. I didn't know how to stop. I wanted to, but I was afraid that if you tried to help me I'd hurt you worse. That I'd fail you more."
"Heero- we all fail sometimes..."
"I wasn't supposed to fail. I was supposed to be the best. Perfect. I thought I could do anything- and then I lost my job. And I lost you."
"You left me- you didn't lose me."
"Yes I did- or I thought I was. How could you love a failure?" Duo snorted.
"Idiot."
"I know it." I sighed. "Trust me, I know it. I was an idiot. I was scared. I wanted to do what was best for you and screwed it up. Badly."
Silence stretched between us again, both of us deep in our own thoughts.
What next?
"So," Duo leaned back on his hands and took a deep breath. "What do we do now?"
I slid off the bed and knelt in front of him. "I apologize. Over and over, and I know it's not enough, but I do and I will. If there is any way to make this mess up to you, I'll do it."
He smiled faintly. "So we can be friends again?"
"If that's what you want."
"You said last night we couldn't be friends- that you'd want more..."
"I'll always want more. But... that's not my decision. That's yours. I left you. I've missed you. I don't deserve you. If you ever decide that you want me that way again, I'm yours. If you'd rather be friends, or even if you choose to walk away, it's your choice and I'll do what you want."
The phone rang, making both of us jump. We blinked at each other.
"Maybe your work got a sudden rush of customers?" Duo blinked at me.
"I don't know..." I reached out and scooped up the phone, settling myself down flat on the floor. "Hello?"
"It's Quatre. Is Duo with you?"
"Yes."
A sigh. "You knew we were looking for him. Put him on the phone please."
I handed the phone to Duo. "It's for you."
"Hello? Oh Quatre! For goodness sakes, I'm not your kid!" Duo flung himself backwards across my bed. "OW! Huh? Oh no- Heero's bed has a popped spring in it or something. Yes. Yes. I'm fine. Oh...oops. Yeah, I'll call him. Yes. Yes, Dad I will. Bye." He sat up again and hung up the phone.
"I forgot to tell you Quatre came to talk to me this morning- and he was looking for you."
Duo shook his head. "It's okay. Quatre's just a worrier- you know how he is." He leaned over and propped his arms up on his knees. "Where were we?"
"You were making a choice."
Duo shook his head. "There isn't a choice. I love you. I want to be with you. But I swear to you Heero- you ever, ever hurt me like this again- there won't be a second chance. It won't matter how much I love you. Okay?"
I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could answer him. "Okay."
He leaned forward and grabbed my shirt collar. "Come here and kiss me."
I did as he asked, rising up on my knees and meeting his lips. Gently at first, but then it moved into something else. Duo went backwards, yanking me with him.
"Ow!" He complained against my mouth. I rolled over, putting him on top.
"Sorry," I apologized when he let me.
"We're getting that spring fixed."
I blinked at him. He smiled. "Unless you want to move away from your job. I can get to mine easily enough from here." He raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"I thought... I thought you'd want me to quit. Move back with you."
Duo shook his head. "I gave up the apartment a month ago. And why would you quit? You like your job." He smiled. "Though you have to do one thing for me."
"Anything."
"Teach me Italian... it's going to drive me crazy if I go in there and have no idea what they are saying to you." I laughed and pulled him close, letting my hands sink into his braid, my mouth graze his.
"Whatever you want, mio tesoro."
OWARI
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