Author: Merula
Pairings: Hints of 1x2, 3x4.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Yaoi, silliness, Relena Bashing, tons of it. We couldn't help it. What can we say- we had too much fun writing the first one.
Disclaimer: We don't own Gwing.
Yes, we had a professor like this one that LOVED to listen to the students talk about each other's problems. Not kidding.
Natural Selection Part 2
Psych Class
The psychology teacher was surprised to see a group of students coming in late. "Why are all of you so tardy?"
"Well, our discussion in our last class got a little... out of hand," Mr. Barton explained in a soft voice.
"Very well, have a seat." The teacher watched as they sat down and got their notebooks out. He was surprised to see that they all, even the usually fastidious Miss Peacecraft, looked a bit rumpled. Almost like they had been in a fight.
"Well, now that everyone's here," the teacher continued with a halfhearted glare, "let's continue our discussion of personality disorders. Can anyone give me an example?"
Duo's hand shot up in the air. Heero made an odd throat-clearing noise. Duo glanced to his left. Under the edge of Heero's desk, he could see the barrel of a gun. He looked up into Heero's eyes which were clearly stating 'don't you even THINK about volunteering you braided idiot' and lowered his hand with a pout.
"See if you get any tonight," he mouthed at Heero.
"Miss Catalonia?" Heero's eyes widened and he glanced behind him at Duo's partner in crime. Crap, he had forgotten about her!
"Yes, I can give you an example of an obsessive personality."
"That would be splendid!" the teacher said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Is it a real-life example?"
"Oh, of course. I'm thinking of a young man of my acquaintance who hates women." Dorothy shot a knowing glance at Wufei.
The teacher frowned, "That doesn't necessarily mean he's obsessive, he might just have some kind of deep-seated fear of his mother."
Wufei turned sideways his seat and glared at Dorothy.
"Oh no," Dorothy frowned seriously. "The young man is totally obsessed about women! If he hates something it's 'womanish'. If someone is weak, they are 'weak like a woman.'"
Wufei's glare was hot enough to melt Gundainium. Dorothy's response was to merely smile sweetly at Wufei. The professor leaned over his podium, his gaze rapt with interest.
"I would say the young man has some serious gender issues! You mentioned 'weak', is he frightened of being thought of as weak?"
"Oh yes, all the time!" Dorothy said cheerfully as Wufei glowered.
"Hmm." the professor reined his enthusiasm back in. "A very good example, Miss Catalonia. Please consider getting your friend some professional help- or a date. It may be that he hasn't had much success with women and is displacing his frustration."
"Thank you professor. I will." Dorothy simpered back. Duo chuckled and Heero smirked, but Wufei looked ready to explode.
Relena raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Peacecraft?"
"Would an example of a personality disorder be someone who was so obsessed with their father that they are dating someone who looks just like him?" She asked sweetly raising an eyebrow at Quatre.
"Well, yes. It's called a Jocasta complex." Quatre snarled at her behind his hand. "Do you know someone like this?"
"Oh yes. This boy is dating a young man that looks EXACTLY like his father. It's really kind of creepy."
"Ooh, yes. That does sound like he has a problem. Again, I'd make sure he gets some help." The teacher turned to another student with their hand up. Relena looked at a red Quatre and muttered:
"That will teach you to draw silly pictures!" Abruptly the red in Quatre's face vanished. His eyebrows drew together and the look he gave Relena was enough to make her draw back a bit in her chair.
"So, you want to play games with me Miss Peacecraft?" He growled softly and put his hand in the air.
"Mr. Winner?" The teacher acknowledged his hand.
"Yes, I was wondering what you would call a person who stalks a boy who has no interest in her. Is that a personality problem?"
"Depends on the 'stalking'," the teacher chuckled. "Just following him around at school isn't stalking."
"Oh no. She's opened his private letters. He's transferred schools and she's followed him each time. She's also assembled teams of other female students to keep an eye on him. She's even asked him to kill her."
The teacher leaned on his podium again, freakily fascinated. "Really Mr. Winner? Does your friend try to discourage this behavior? Or does he encourage it?"
"He doesn't encourage it at all. He's tried many times to get away from her." Quatre smiled angelically. "Even odder, she knows that he's... well, let's just say he has no interest in girls and yet she still pursues him."
"Fascinating. There are several types of problems that this girl might have... let's see... students? What do you think?"
Relena was bright red and shooting furious looks at Quatre. Duo had his hands over his mouth, stifling his chuckles. Wufei was leaning back in his seat, still glaring at Dorothy, who was leaning forward on her desk listening to Quatre intently. She was amused that Relena had been so stupid as to choose Quatre as her target for a counterattack.
Heero was grinning.
Duo's hand shot up. "Well most obviously, she's got a death wish. I mean she wants him to kill her."
"Yes. Which hints at some deep seated depression." The teacher agreed.
"Or necrophilia," Duo added. Relena turned and glared at him. He blew her a kiss.
"Oh no Mr. Duo," Dorothy scolded lightly, "Necrophilia implies she wants to have sex with a dead person. She is the one who wants to be killed, remember."
"Erotic asphyxiation then?" Duo offered helpfully.
"Yes, I think that is more like it," Dorothy nodded.
Relena's face turned a pale shade of blue, almost as if she had forgotten how to breathe.
Trowa stepped in, "Obsessive behavior."
"Very much so." The teacher nodded approvingly.
Wufei's hand went up. "She has deep rooted sexual issues," he said flatly, making all of his allies/friends/adversaries look at him in surprise. "This girl is scared of sex so she is chasing someone 'safe'."
Duo choked with laughter. Dorothy silently applauded and Relena hid her face behind her textbook.
"Very good Mr. Chang. Perhaps she had some kind of trauma in her past, perhaps she simply fears men, or like Miss Peacecraft's friend she has issues with her father." Quatre grinned.
Dorothy raised her hand. "Feelings of inadequacy?"
"Yes Miss Catalonia. Very good. Obviously this girl is lacking basic self-esteem."
Heero met Duo's eyes for a moment before raising his hand. "Sheer stupidity."
"That's not really a personality problem Mr. Yuy, but it is possible that she might be mentally deficient." The teacher conceded. "Or perhaps she is too clueless to realize that he's not interested."
"Amen to that brother!" Duo rhapsodized.
The top of Relena's head was just barely visible at desk level, as she slowly sank down in her seat.
The professor tapped the book in front of him to regain the class's attention.
"Whatever her problem is Mr. Winner, you must see that this poor girl gets some professional help and soon."
"Oh, it will be my pleasure sir." The teacher turned to another student and Quatre managed to catch Relena's eye from beneath the desk. "Even if I have to tie her up and drag her to it."
OWARI
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