Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4
Rating: PG
Warnings: Yaoi, silliness, Relena Bashing. Severe Relena bashing.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
I really wasn't going to do another chapter of this, but the poem that Heero recites just kind of came to me, and I had to find a way to use it. Many apologies to Edgar Allen Poe, Dr. Seuss, Christopher Marlowe, Mike Myers, and anyone who has ever written a haiku.
Natural Selection Part 3
Literature Class
Quatre and Trowa walked to the next class, heads close together as they watched Relena. She was sweeping along in front of them, her 'fan club' clustered around her. Dorothy was walking with Wufei, talking in a low tone and to the surprise of Duo and Heero, who were trailing along behind, he was actually listening to her.
They managed to get to their next class right before the bell rang. This time though, Relena didn't sit near the others. She had put her nose in the air and sat far away from them, surrounded herself with her fan club. She was a bit put out that Dorothy had obviously gone over to the enemy as she was sitting next to Wufei and behind Duo and Heero. Quatre was also next to Dorothy and Trowa sat in front of him, next to Heero. They were all chatting together happily. Relena wished that they would at least look in her direction so they could see that she was ignoring them.
"Today class we are going to focus on poetry." The English teacher smiled pleasantly as she spoke. "We've spent some time reading it these last weeks, but today we are going to write some. You may use one of the standard forms for an original poem or parody a famous poem, whatever you like. After you have finished your poem I'll be asking you to share it with the class."
"What's our topic?" One of Relena's fan club asked.
"Anything you like, Miss Jones. Your choice. You may begin."
The students all obediently got out their notebooks and started writing. The teacher noticed that Mr. Maxwell seemed to be trying to hide his giggles and wondered what he was writing. Well, he would definitely be one of the ones she'd call on. She had never forgotten that time a few weeks ago when he had shared that exciting science-fiction short story he had written with the class. Mr. Yuy had gotten quite upset about it for some reason, but the teacher had enjoyed it.
Relena stared dreamily in Heero's direction for a moment before she started to write. She'd show him that she had more to offer than that longhaired freak! She did not have sexual issues no matter what that idiot Chang said! She'd show the both of them!
Wufei would've had a nosebleed if he could've seen what she was thinking at that moment.
Heero would've self-destructed.
After 20 or so minutes had passed, the teacher asked the students to put down their pencils and began calling on them.
Relena volunteered eagerly. Her fan club giggled and clapped. She stood up and tossed her blondish hair over her shoulder. Casting several significant looks at Heero as she read:
Come live with me and be my love
And I will all the pleasures prove
Forget that braided little fool
And I will you in pleasure school
Duo looked murderous. Heero looked sick. Relena finished with a smile at the teacher and sat down. Her fan club applauded. Quatre leaned over and whispered to Duo: "Don't worry, Duo. We'll get her."
"Hm, good job Miss Peacecraft, if not very original." The teacher commented carefully. You had to be so careful these days. Suggest that student might be mentally unbalanced or immoral and you could lose your job. "Who's next?" To her surprise, Mr. Yuy's hand shot into the air. "Mr. Yuy? You'd like to read?" He never had before...
Relena looked expectant. Heero stood up to read his poem in a flat monotone.
I hate the pink girl
She will not leave me alone
I will kill her soon.
"Nice haiku, Mr. Yuy." The teacher again commented carefully. No lawsuits for her, no way. Duo was waving his hand back and forth vigorously. "Mr. Maxwell?"
Duo bounced to his feet. In a cheerful singsong tone, he recited:
Stalker Ma'am by Duo Maxwell
Would I kill her on a train?
Shove an icepick through her brain?
Stash the body over there?
I could kill her anywhere!
I do not like that stalker ma'am
I do not like her, Duo I am
Will I stuff her in a box?
Lock it up with big padlocks?
I would stuff her in a box!
I'd lock it up with big padlocks!
Stash the body over there!
I could kill her anywhere!
I do not like that stalker ma'am
I do not like her, Duo I am
Duo bowed as his fellow pilots and Dorothy applauded.
"Nice Seussic poem, Mr. Maxwell. Good job." The teacher didn't add that it seemed a bit psycho, she told herself to be pleased that at the very least the students seemed to be so enthusiastic. So many were volunteering that had never so much as spoken in class before! For instance- "Mr. Barton?"
Trowa stood up and produced a candle. He lit it and recited his poem to the snapping of his fingers.
Wo-man. Woah-man Wooooaaahhhman!
You dirty fink
All dressed in pink
You stalk my friend.
When will it end?
Will we have to hurt you or what?
He blew out the flame with a meaningful look towards Relena. She was looking a bit pale as the meanings of all the poems had finally started to sift through her head. Dorothy and Duo did a silent cheer.
"Nice beat poem, Mr. Barton." The teacher nodded approval. "Mr. Winner?" Quatre got to his feet and shot Relena an evil grin.
Once upon a day quite cheery
While I toiled happy but weary
Over my Sandrock's systems and more
While I worked so neatly tapping
Suddenly there came a rapping
Rapping on my neighbor's door.
Tis some enemy I thought
Rapping at my neighbor's door
Only this and nothing more
Presently my anger grew stronger
Hesitating I no longer
"Ozzie" said I or "Alliance"
your forgiveness I implore
But now I must shoot you by my neighbor's door.
And here I threw wide my chamber door
A pink menace there and nothing more
Then methought the air grew denser,
And my body it grew tenser
As she made her way across the floor
"Bitch" cried I "Who has told thee
Where we hid behind this door?"
Quoth the menace 'Heero- implore!'
So I shot her dead upon the floor.
Quatre ended abruptly and sat down. Trowa gave him a thumbs up and Dorothy and Duo did their silent cheer again.
"Very Poesque Mr. Winner. Nice job."
The teacher was really beginning to worry about the mental health of these kids, but since they weren't threatening her, it was okay, she supposed. She checked the clock with a sigh of relief.
"That's all for today students. Tomorrow we'll write some more poetry." She missed the glares that shot across the room.
Relena was fuming. How dared they! This meant war!
The pilots read her look accurately. Duo grinned. Now the fun was really going to start!
OWARI
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