Love The One You're With Part 2
It's bright. I blink, realizing that the sun is creeping in through Duo's blinds and that it's way too early to be up. There's a buzzing type noise in one of my ears too.
I try to roll over and discover that I'm caught in a tangle of arms and legs and chestnut hair. The buzz in my ear is Duo- snoring softly. It's not the first time I've woken up like this...
Though some sensations are new. I'm a bit sore, and some parts of me are faintly itchy. I vaguely remember cleaning up some last night, but I must've missed a few spots.
No surprise there, the whole experience had been mind-blowing... I realize that I'm smiling. I hadn't thought it would be quite that good, but oh...
I slide carefully in Duo's embrace, rolling myself over so that I can face him. He doesn't wake up, and I can study his sleeping face, admire the faint smile that curves his lips.
I put my arms around his waist and pull him close. He sighs and moves closer on his own. His hair tickles my nose and I brush it out of the way. It's a tangled mess this morning, but I'll help him with it. It's the least I can do after he let me take it down last night.
Duo's warm, his hair's a silken weight on my body, I feel comfortable and warm in his embrace. I have no regrets this morning...
I hope Duo doesn't either.
Again I wonder whom it was- or is if I'm honest with myself- that Duo fell in love with... this mystery person that he never held any hope of being with...
Whoever it is, even though they don't know what they lost, I feel sorry for them now. I have no plans to give Duo up. As far as I'm concerned, he's mine and all last night did was cement that.
Unless Duo chooses to leave me...
He might. We said at the beginning we'd be honest, but he admitted that he hadn't been able to forget this love of his and it had wrecked his other relationships. I want to say what we have is special, but the truth is Duo could change his mind about me at any time- and I'd have to let him go. What do I have to offer that could stand against that other's love?
He makes a soft noise, and I realize that I have tightened my grip on him.
"Heero?" He asks, blinking. "You awake already?"
"Sun was in my eyes," I tell him, and then, because I can't help it, I kiss him. His mouth welcomes mine eagerly and I feel my worry fade. Duo doesn't seem to have any regrets. "I was trying to go back to sleep." I add after a moment or two.
He smiles and his body slides against mine in a way that makes me gasp. "You can't think of anything else to do?"
"You just woke up." I protest and his smile widens.
"I had good dreams."
"Did you?" I ask and let him pull me over on top of him.
"Oh yes..." He accepts my kiss and then gives me that smile of his. "You weren't worried were you?"
How does he know me so well?
"It was my first time," I prevaricate and that smile brightens even more. "I should be worried, right?"
"No," he replies. "You were wonderful and you know it. So now," he shifts under me and that smile becomes provocative, "show me what you learned."
It's a long time before we finally get out of bed. I'm glad we don't have to work today- we'd be very late.
Duo is the one who finally insists on getting up.
"I'm hungry," he says. "I want breakfast."
"Lunch," I tell him, sliding out of the bed and capturing him for one last kiss.
"Shower first though," he says and tugs me to the bathroom. The shower is enough of a distraction that by the time we finish, I know Duo must be starving. I volunteer to cook.
He volunteers to help me, but I know we will never get anything made that way, so instead I make him sit at the kitchen table and read the newspaper to me as I cook.
It's very domestic and I discover that I like this feeling. I'm comfortable in Duo's kitchen having spent so much time here, and the sound of his voice filling the silence makes me even more so... I don't really want to go back to my apartment today. I wish I could just stay here, but I don't want Duo to get tired of me...
"What?"
"Hm?" I turn around and blink at Duo.
"You're staring into space smiling- what are you thinking about? I doubt it's about the new library being built downtown," he says tapping the paper with a fingertip.
"I'm just happy," I tell him and turn to get the plates out of his cupboard.
"We'll have to have sex often then," he says teasingly. "I like seeing you smile."
"That's not the only reason I'm smiling," I roll my eyes as I dish the food out onto the plates.
"Really?" The word is drawn out, and I get a mischievous look as I put his plate in front of him.
"Yes really." He waits for a moment, but I don't explain. How can I explain it? And in the mood he's in, he might not take me seriously.
"You aren't going to elaborate for me?"
"Not now."
"Why not?"
"You'll laugh."
His expression turns serious. "No I won't. Not if it's important to you- and you know that. So tell me."
"I was just... well, I like being here with you, that's all."
Duo looks down at his plate for a moment, biting his lip, and I wonder if I've said the wrong thing.
"I've been thinking," he says in a hesitant tone. "Would... would you like to move in here with me?"
"Yes," I say immediately. I don't have to think about it at all. I want to be with Duo all the time...
He continues: "Or we could move to your apartment- or even find a new place..." He stops and blinks, looking up at me. "Did you say yes?"
I nod. "Yes. But like you said- we can move to mine, or find new- whatever you'd like to do..."
That smile. I'd do anything to keep that on his face...
"Are you sure? You can have time to think about it..."
I shake my head. "I'm sure- I don't need more time."
We discuss the pros and cons of our respective apartments, which sofa to keep, a hundred other little details. We pause in our discussions when as we are walking around Duo's apartment, I get the urge to kiss him as he stands in front of one of the windows, the sunlight illuminating the faint array of freckles on his throat.
The kiss leads to other things, and so our moving discussion spills into the week.
We decide a new place would be best. I don't like my neighbors and Duo lives a bit too far from HQ. We talk about looking, but Wufei overhears our conversation and recommends a place in the building he and Trowa live in. He knows it's ready, and he can recommend us to the owners, who already enjoy knowing that two Preventers live in their building.
Duo and I go to inspect the apartment with Trowa in tow. It's got two bedrooms and a loft space that opens onto a tiny balcony.
"What do you think?" Trowa asks me when I come back down from the loft. Duo is still upstairs, examining the wiring.
"I like it. As long as Duo does too, we'll go sign the lease today."
Trowa smiles. He casts a glance at the stairs and then looks back at me. "How are things going?"
"Very well," I reply. "With you?"
He nods. "Better than I hoped for," he says before Duo bounces down the stairs.
"It'll work," he tells me. "What do you think?"
"Let's go sign."
Wufei and Trowa help us move in. Fortunately neither one of us has a great deal of stuff, and both our sofas fit in the apartment so at least that argument is avoided. One of the bedrooms becomes ours, the other we turn into an office. The loft Duo turns into a game room.
It takes two weeks of after-work moving and cleaning to get us moved in, but it's worth it.
My fears of Duo changing his mind have eased- he wouldn't want to move in with me if he didn't think we could make this work.
The moving in is a big step, but having him around all the time is wonderful. Knowing that I don't have to leave early to go get a change of clothes before work, that we can sleep in as late as possible together...
The only thing I worry about now is if that person changes their mind about Duo... would he leave me if that other was in reach?
Sometimes I'll catch a look on Duo's face that I don't understand. It's a wistful look, and for some reason I associate it with that other... it's one that I don't like to see.
I don't think of Relena much anymore, only if she or Quatre calls, or if her name comes up in conversation. The ache is faint now, nearly gone... but I don't think it's that way for Duo.
I want to ask him if it's better for him now, but I don't dare. I know he's happy with me. It should be enough...
But it's not.
~*~
"Heero!" Duo calls from the bedroom as I lean over the bathroom sink and finish brushing my teeth. "We're going to be late!"
I walk out of the bathroom and roll my eyes at him. "Duo, we're supposed to be late for these things. It's fashionable."
"It's fashionable to be rude?" Duo grins. "Guess I'm way out of fashion then."
I pull on my shirt and button it. Duo is already mostly dressed; he's fighting with his cufflinks.
Once my shirt is buttoned, I move to help him. He allows me to fasten his cuffs for him, lets me tie his tie.
"Why did they have to have a formal party for this welcome back from the honeymoon thing? Wasn't the wedding formal enough?" He grouses as I finish with his tie.
"Because that's how they are," I laugh and pick up my own cufflinks. "If you want a barbeque, we'll have to go to one of Howard's parties."
"I like Howard's parties," Duo reaches for my tie, and I tilt my head so that he can work.
"I do too, but I'm sure I'll also like Relena and Quatre's parties."
"You just like getting dressed up," he teases.
"Hardly," I pick up my jacket after he finishes with my tie and slide it on. "I much prefer spandex."
"So do I," Duo leers at me and I kiss him.
"Pervert." I say when I let him go.
"Yep," he agrees and pulls on his own jacket. "Well, let's get going. We don't want to be more than fashionably late for this welcome back soirée of theirs."
The party is indeed a black-tie affair. Waiters with trays of champagne, men and women in formal dress, and at the center of it all, Relena and Quatre welcoming every guest personally.
I watch our host and hostess work the room and feel only relief. I would hate being in this world all the time- but the two of them love it.
Duo, by my side, is studying the golden liquid in his glass. "Horrible stuff," he mutters and I laugh at him.
"It's probably very expensive," I tell him.
"I'd rather have beer."
"So would I." I nudge him with my elbow. "Next soirée, let's sneak some in."
That makes him laugh. "I do believe I have finally corrupted you, Heero Yuy."
"So that's your explanation?" Wufei says, startling me. He and Trowa have managed to sneak up behind us in this crowd. "And here I thought you had just driven the poor man mad."
Duo raises an eyebrow at Wufei. "Only with lust."
"I'm not even going to dignify that comment with an answer, Maxwell."
"Because you can't think of a fast comeback, Chang."
Trowa hides his smile behind the rim of his champagne glass. "Don't they look well together?" He asks and nods towards the dance floor.
Quatre and Relena are dancing together, the only couple on the floor. They are smiling at each other, warm tender smiles full of love.
I'm happy for them. I look to the side and see Wufei giving Trowa an anxious look. Trowa responds with his own warm smile, and I see that there is nothing to worry about there.
I look back at Duo. He too is looking at Trowa and Wufei, and I see the faint smile on his face. He catches my eye. "True love," he stage whispers, and Wufei glares at him for a moment.
They start another verbal sparring match, but I'm not listening. That word has caught my attention...
And it made me realize something.
I'm in love with Duo.
It doesn't surprise me....
I don't think it's a rebound feeling, or a crush, or one of the other numerous things that a skeptic might mistake for the feeling. When I looked at Relena and Quatre, and then Wufei and Trowa, I saw love there, and wasn't jealous of it- because I realized I had my own person to love.
And.... I think I've been in love with him for a while.
But- I don't think he loves me. I saw that wistful expression on his face again, you see, just for a moment, as he was looking at Trowa and Wufei. The one he gets when he's thinking about that other.
For just a moment, I'm angry- why do I fall in love with people who can't love me back?
But... I have Duo. Mostly. I have his company and partnership and friendship. I have his kisses and caresses and his body. He talks to me. I know his fears and his delights.
It's selfish of me to want more.
And who knows- maybe someday I'll earn it. Maybe Duo, like I have, will give up his unattainable for what he has....
I'll just have to be patient. I won't be able to tell him how I feel until then... I won't burden him with that...
Duo's elbow touches my side. "You okay?" He asks, and I pull myself together.
"Just fine," I tell him. He gives me a worried look.
Relena and Quatre are now inviting others to join them on the dance floor. I contemplate dragging Duo off to a corner somewhere where I can steal a kiss and remind myself that he's mine.
"May I have this dance?" Relena is standing in front of us, smiling. Quatre is now dancing with one of his sisters and I realize that the two of them are now trying to socialize. "And after Heero, I want to dance with you Duo, okay?"
He smiles. "Happily, I'll even let you lead." She laughs and takes a hold of my wrist.
I follow her out to the floor, well and truly caught. Damn.
We start to dance. Once I would've done anything to spend some time with Relena like this, now I only want to get back to Duo.
"So, having fun?" I ask Relena as we whirl around the floor.
"Of course," she smiles. "It's good to be home again. Though it looks as if some things changed while we were gone that you didn't tell us about at that dinner..."
"What do you mean?"
"Trowa and Wufei?"
I smile. "Noticed that, did you?"
"Hard not to- I'm glad. They both seemed to be so lonely for so long." She gives me an odd look. "Why didn't they say anything?"
"Well, you know them," I fumble for an answer. "Not very forthcoming with details."
Relena shakes her head. "No kidding. Well, I'm glad I claimed Duo for the next dance- at least he's always forthcoming with details! And I want to know how he finally managed to catch you!"
I nearly trip over my own feet. "Wh-at?"
"Well, you two are together now right?" Relena laughs.
"Yes..." I answer, wondering if I heard her correctly.
"I'm so glad! Back during the war I felt so sorry for him. He was so obviously in love with you! Silly- since I had a crush on you, I guess I should've been jealous, but I just knew how he felt..."
Duo loved me? Back during the war?
"I fell in love with someone years ago. I knew they would never love me back. I knew I didn't have a chance. All I could be was a friend. So that's what I am."
He'd meant me.
But why hadn't he said anything? I could understand before- he thought I was in love with Relena. But now?
I look over Relena's shoulder and see Duo standing with Trowa and Wufei. I see the wistful glance that he casts my way.
And I finally understand it.
He thinks I'm still in love with her.
I have to fix this...
TBC...
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