Love The One You're With Part 3
Relena apparently takes my surprise in stride. She seems amused by it. After I close my mouth and stop blinking, I manage to keep the conversation going with her simply by asking about a detail of her honeymoon. She chatters on for a bit while I start trying to process this new welcomed information.
Duo's been in love with me all this time. I'm the one he wanted. How did I not notice? I berate myself for my stupidity even as I try to figure out what to do.
I still don't have a plan when the song ends. Duo joins us on the floor, bowing to Relena and saying something that I miss, but makes her giggle.
I really want to simply drag him off someplace and talk to him, but I realize that wouldn't look good. I'm still not sure how to even start the conversation...
So instead I stand back and let them whirl off together. Wufei and Trowa are talking in soft voices behind me, some sports discussion, but I ignore them for the moment.
How am I going to approach him over this? Do I let on that I know at all? Should I just tell him how I feel? I'm trying to figure out the best plan, my eyes watching Relena and Duo dance, when suddenly Duo steps back, away from Relena, and practically bolts away across the dance floor, leaving her staring after him.
"What the hell?" I hear Trowa say by my ear.
"Is he ill?" Wufei asks me, but I'm already moving after Duo. I caught a glimpse of his face and it wasn't pale with sickness.
He looked frightened...
The room is packed, but I keep my eyes on Duo's braid as he dodges through the crowd. I can't let him slip away from me- I know somehow that Relena told him about our conversation, and that his reaction is based on his fears...
He slips out a doorway and I follow. The doorway leads to a balcony and I hear him curse under his breath. He turns around and stops dead when he sees me standing in the doorway.
"Heero? What... I...uh... came out for some air..."
I move to his side, lifting my hand to touch his cheek. "You left so fast- I was worried. Are you feeling okay?"
He nods rapidly. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine..."
"You left Relena on the dance floor."
"Yeah, I...uh..."
"You sure you're okay? There's nothing you want to tell me, maybe?" I try.
He takes a deep breath and moves his face away from my hand. Visibly steeling himself, looking down at his feet, in a voice so soft I can barely hear him, he says: "She said she told you... about my feelings for you... I'm so sorry Heero... I know I should've told you... I know you'll hate me for this..."
"Hate you?" I echo in surprise. "Why?"
"Our relationship was started under false pretenses... you thought we were both trying to get over someone else... I wanted to tell you- I felt like I was lying..."
"You didn't lie," I reassure him. "You just didn't tell me all of the truth."
He looks up, frowning. "Heero- what are you doing? You should be mad- not defending me! I took advantage of the situation..."
"I think it was my idea, if you remember correctly."
"I still should've told you..."
"And if you had, then for the first few months of our relationship- if we'd even started one- I would've been worried that I was using you. I wouldn't have been able to relax and enjoy our relationship like I have been- like you should've been."
"I did," Duo's head dropped again. "I did enjoy it- I worried a lot, but you seemed happy..."
"I am happy. And even happier now that I know some faceless rival isn't going to come and steal you away from me."
Duo's head snapped up, eyes wide with surprise. "What?"
"I've been worried that you'd leave me. That the person you were in love with would come to their senses, realize how stupid they were for not wanting you, and would take you away from me."
"You...were worried?"
"Yes."
I watch the emotions flit over his face for a moment, hoping that he's happy to hear this, but Duo frowns instead.
"I'm sorry. All the more reason I should've said something, I guess... but I just couldn't... I..."
He stops and I wonder what he wants to say, but his lips close firmly. He looks unhappy... why is he unhappy?
"Duo, it's okay. I understand. I should've said something. I should've told you that I was happy with you- should've made you feel more secure. But it's all out now. I love you and you love me..."
Duo's eyes widen. "Don't Heero..."
"Don't what?"
He steps away from me even as I reach out to him. "Don't lie, not to me... we promised to be honest remember?" He laughs then, but it's not a happy sound. "Course, I broke that one..."
"Duo- I don't understand..."
"You don't have to say that. You don't have to lie. I know how things are..."
I'm confused for a moment, before I realize what he's talking about. Of course- that wasn't the best way for me to present that information...
"Duo- I'm not lying! I do love you. How could I tell you when I thought you loved someone else? Why do you think I understand what you were going through? Because I did too. I didn't want to say it because I thought you loved someone else."
Duo covers his eyes. "I want to believe you..."
"I'm not lying."
He uncovers his eyes and smiles faintly at me. "Maybe you think that you're not, but how do you know? It could just be a rebound emotion..."
"Duo!"
"It could." He insists, shaking his head. "You don't know..."
"I do know." I reach out and grab him, pulling him into my arms. "Don't you think I thought of that? Don't you know me better than that? I wouldn't say it if I didn't know it. I love you." I kiss him. Words aren't helping me at the moment, maybe actions will...
Duo resists for a moment, but then he relaxes and leans into me. I kiss him gently, deeply, hoping that maybe this will get through to him...
And then he slips out of my embrace, moves halfway across the balcony.
"I... I need to think about this Heero, okay?" He says and vanishes back into the ballroom.
Damn it. Now what do I do?
TBC...
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