Hey Jealousy Part 4
The image of Dr. J regards me thoughtfully when I finish speaking.
"You truly believe that it's getting worse?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Several reasons. Mostly because I never used to feel this... out of control when Duo... when I watched him talk to other people. Even a month ago I might've been angry and upset, but not to the point where I wanted to hurt someone."
"And now you do?"
"Tonight- after Duo told me Zechs wanted him to run off with him- I came very close to hurting him."
"What stopped you?"
"He did." I look down at my palms. The places where I dug my nails in are scabbed over now.
"How? Did he know what you were feeling?"
"No."
I blink. That wasn't me...
Whirling around in my seat, I discover Duo leaning against the doorframe behind me. He's half-dressed, his hair a tangled mess over his shoulders, his eyes dark and shadowed. How long has he been there?
"Duo?" How did he find me?
"I wondered when you were going to say something," the AI says and I wonder how long Duo has been there. How much has he heard? Is he as sickened as I am? Does he despise me now?
"I was just waiting for the right moment."
"Since you're here- can you tell me what signs you've seen of Heero's jealousy?"
Duo frowns. "None. If you asked me a few hours ago I would've told you that Heero was not a jealous person. I would've said that he trusted me..."
What? "I do trust you!"
"No," Duo sounds sad. "If you did you would've told me about this. You would've asked for my help. You would've asked me to change..."
"I did," I protest faintly. What does it matter? Duo's behavior is not going to change mine.
His eyes widen. "When?"
"After Wufei's birthday party-"
He looks as if I've slapped him. "Heero... I didn't... I thought you were joking... I didn't know you meant it! I never would've said..."
"But you were right."
He steps forward, his mouth opening a little, as if he's searching for something to say.
I hate myself for this.
Turning my back to Duo I look at the AI. "Do you have enough data yet?"
It frowns. "Not enough for recommending termination, but..."
Duo is suddenly beside me, one hand on my arm. "Termination? It's just jealousy! People get jealous all the time! It's normal!"
"It could be," the AI speaks before I can. "It could indeed simply be that Heero has a very strong possessive streak that he's been suppressing."
Hope rises up inside my chest for a moment, and then is quickly crushed as the AI continues speaking:
"However, due to his training and his personality type, it might be a sign of something much worse."
"And if it is much worse? Surely it can be fixed?" Duo demands.
The AI simply shakes its head. "Too many variables are involved. In a worse case scenario Heero could end up killing not only you but anyone you've been in contact with."
Duo's hand tightens on my arm.
"Heero has already displayed signs of imbalance in his personality- and Dr. J was unable to correct them. I do not think it would be possible to use any of the methods I have in my memory."
Duo remains silent and I wonder if his memory is supplying him with the same image mine is... that jet exploding in two... as I laughed.
"What should I do?" I ask the AI.
"If this is just jealousy then most doctors would recommend desensitizing or tell you that you need to simply follow the path laid out in several religions- learn to let go."
I close my eyes. I don't need to ask what to do if it's not...
~*~
This is so much worse than I imagined. When I stood in the darkness behind Heero's chair, listening to him talk to that AI of Dr. J, I thought it would be a simple thing to fix. So Heero was jealous. It happened to nearly everyone- Heero was as always simply too hard on himself...
Of course I should've remembered too that things with Heero were usually never simple.
I don't know what to do. Desensitizing doesn't sound like anything I'd want to do-
And Heero had better not be considering letting go of me. I won't let that happen...
"Is that all the advice you have to offer?" I ask the AI.
"I am afraid so."
Of course.
I pull Heero up and out of the chair. "We're going home," I tell him and his eyes widen.
"Duo-"
"Don't argue," I tug him towards the exit. "The AI has given us as much help as it can, now we are going to other sources."
"But Duo, you don't have to..."
Oh no. So not doing this one. I push Heero up against the wall, yanking the gun out of his waistband. "Yes I do. If you think I'm just going to stand by and let you use this-" I wave the gun under his nose, "then you don't know me at all. From now on there will be no more secrets, no more hiding your feelings and if you want to slug Zechs for standing too close to me, feel free."
"Duo-"
Points for determination, but I'm going to win this one. I kiss him before he can get another word out, placing one hand on his throat.
"Do I need to knock you out and drag you home?" I ask when I finish, letting my fingers caress the curve of his neck. "I will if I have to..."
For a moment I expect him to throw me off- but then he just smiles faintly. "No, but you have to promise me- if things do go bad- let me do what I need to do."
For a moment I want to argue- but I have a feeling I won't win.
"All right- on one condition. I am the one that decides when it's gotten bad- not you." His eyes flicker a little and I frown. "Heero- trust me with this. Please."
I know it's a low blow- but it works.
"Okay."
As we enter the elevator, in a voice so soft that I'm inclined to think it was just my imagination, the AI murmurs:
"Keep a close eye on him Duo..."
I intend to- starting right now. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and hit the button that will connect me with Quatre.
I am going to need some help for this one.
TBC...
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