Hey Jealousy Part 5
Heero is silent beside me as I drive us back to the apartment. I didn't let him drive his car back- I'm the one with the hang ups about being honest after all.
That's my excuse anyway. Underneath I'm afraid. What if Heero is going mad? What if this jealousy thing is some sign of something going wrong?
It's not that I'd leave him- even if he has to be locked up in one of those small padded rooms, then I'll lock myself up with him... but there's many kinds of madness... and even though he promised me that it would be my decision- I can't trust that promise. Not if his mind convinces him that it's a bad promise.
Heero's not leaving my sight if I can help it.
Quatre assured me that he'd meet us at the house. I know he's tapped into how Heero's been feeling- and I'm still pissed that he never shared that information with me- I'm hoping he can tell us if it's just Heero repressing... or the other.
I haven't said anything to Heero since I snapped at him that we were going home in my car. I haven't dared. It's not like I'm mad at him- well, I am...
But mostly I'm feeling guilty. I used to know how Heero operated. I knew that if something was bothering him he'd bring it up casually, that he didn't like to get confrontational... and I totally missed it. He fucking told me that he was feeling jealous, that he wanted me to stop flirting with people...
I blew it. I really had thought he was teasing... it had come up right after I had told him that Quatre told me he was amazed Heero didn't get jealous... and so I had thought Heero was just playing along...
Hell, I owed Quatre an apology too...I guess he was hinting around it right there. Damn.
Though really- whatever happened to being blunt?
"Duo?" Heero's voice is very quiet. "You drove by our house."
Cursing, I make a quick u-turn. Quatre's car is in the driveway, he and Trowa are waiting on the porch.
I don't know what to say to them. Once we're inside, Quatre gives me a look.
"Duo- can you give Heero and I a few minutes to talk?"
I know what he's doing. I don't want to be sent out of the room- but I also know that my emotional state is not the greatest. I want him to focus on Heero, so I just nod and head towards the kitchen.
Trowa follows me.
"Rough night?" He asks as he pokes at our coffee maker.
"You have no idea."
He lifts an eyebrow at me. "Quatre woke up screaming."
I hold up a hand. "I got it. I'm sorry..."
"It's okay Duo." He smiles. "I just wanted you to know that we're upset and worried too. Quatre's been worried about Heero for a long time..."
That sets off my anger again. "Why didn't he say something?"
"Heero asked him not to- though I guess he did try one time..."
"And I blew him off." I put my head in my hands. "I didn't realize... hell, maybe I didn't want to realize. Maybe I wanted Heero to be jealous..."
"Duo!"
"Well, you have to admit he never really acted like it mattered to him what I did..."
"Did that make you angry?"
"No!" I snap and then realize that I'm lying. "Yes!" Sort of lying. "I don't know. I mean- I know I wanted him to... I don't know..."
"You wanted him to be a little jealous."
I put my head in my hands and groan. "That sounds so fucked up."
Trowa, much to my surprise, chuckles. "No, that sounds normal."
"And in true fate hates me fashion, he's now really jealous..." I look up at Trowa. "At least I hope that's all it is. The AI said it could be a sign of something worse."
"What will you do if it is?"
"I don't know." I really don't. "Heero wants to make sure that he can't hurt anyone anymore, but... I don't think I could let him do that. I really don't..."
Trowa tugs on the end of my braid. "Don't borrow trouble, Duo."
Before I can tell him that I don't borrow trouble, it follows me around like a dog, there's a crashing sound in the other room.
Trowa and I are on our feet in an instant, nearly colliding in the doorway.
Quatre looks up at us as we dash into the room. He's on his feet, one hand on Heero's shoulder. Heero's hunched over, face in his hands.
Our table lamp is on the floor next to them, smashed to pieces.
"What happened?" I demand.
Quatre's hand squeezes Heero's shoulder. "We just had- a small accident. A... miscalculation on my part."
I glare at him. That sounds like a cover up.
Heero lifts his head and looks at me. "Quatre... asked me to remember the party. I... lost control."
I sit down next to him on the sofa and slide my arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, I never liked that lamp anyway."
"I am sorry, Heero." Quatre's retreated to Trowa's side. "I usually block as much as I can- I didn't really have an idea- I needed to..."
"I know," Heero nods, twists his hands together. "So... it's bad isn't it?"
Without thinking I tighten my grip on him.
Quatre lifts a shoulder. "Yes and no. Yes, it's a powerful sense of... rage. But... I don't feel anything else. So it might just be that."
I breathe a sigh of relief.
He looks at Trowa for a moment. "Can you call Une? Heero and Duo need a leave of absence for a bit. And then call Irea and ask if her vacation home is free?"
Trowa nods and pulls his cell phone out.
"It's late-" I protest and Quatre shakes his head.
"You know Une never sleeps, and my sister is practically nocturnal. It's okay." He sits down on the coffee table in front of us. "I think it's best if the two of you go away for a bit- have some breathing room, focus on each other, that kind of thing. It might help."
I see what he's getting at. "Sounds good to me. Heero?"
"Anything that might help," he says and I feel his shoulders relax.
Quatre smiles at him. "Coffee might help me at this moment. Can you make me some? Duo's is sludge."
"It's not that bad!" I protest as Heero gets to his feet.
"Of course."
Quatre watches as Heero leaves the room and then turns back to me. His expression makes my heart sink.
"What is it?"
"Duo... I can't tell if someone is unbalanced. I couldn't tell you if Heero was going mad until he actually was. All I can tell you is that it's gotten a lot worse." His gaze moves to the smashed lamp. "Much worse."
"So this trip...?"
"I'm hoping that he just needs to be reassured, feel confident in your love... but, if not... then at least you'll have this time with him. Just... try not to provoke him."
Damn it, damn it, damn it....
~*~
I lean against the wall, my legs shaking. Damn... I knew Quatre sent me out for a reason.... For just a moment I had been so hopeful...
Before Duo can answer I move away from the door and head towards the kitchen.
I hadn't meant to break the lamp, I truly hadn't... but when Quatre asked me to remember the party, asked me to consider the worst case scenario... I had to lash out, had to hurt something...
I guess I should be happy I hadn't gone after Quatre...
Again I have no clear answer. I want a clear answer. I need one...
TBC...
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