Falling Part 3
I don't know how I get across the street without getting hit. I can't even think. He can't die, not now, not with everything like this... I pass the reception desk at a run, slam my hand down on the elevator call button. Why is the elevator so slow? When it shows up it takes forever to reach the right floor...
Finally, I reach the ICU- I have to wait to be buzzed in. Am I too late?
Wufei is outside Heero's door, talking to a man in a white lab coat- the doctor?
"Go in-" Wufei says and practically shoves me through the door.
Heero turns his head when I come in- smiles at me. Wufei must've opened the curtains, because the room is full of sunlight, bright and cheerful, making it hard to believe that I'm here to say goodbye to Heero-
"There you are. Are you all right? They wouldn't tell me if you were hurt-" He lifts his hand up towards me, reaching out.
"Me? You're the one who got hurt!" His fingers close weakly around mine and I hold onto him as tightly as I dare.
"I should've left when you said to go. I'm sorry-" Why is he apologizing to me? I'm the one-
"No! It's my fault. I should've been updating you on my position. I'm sorry!" His other hand brushes my cheek.
"Duo-"
"I'm sorry Heero, I'm so sorry-"
"I started it. You were right to be upset with me."
"No! We were on a mission. Nothing should've gotten in the way of that." His fingers are so cold against my skin. "I acted unprofessionally. This is my fault-"
"Shh," he stops me. "We were both at fault. Let's leave it at that. All right?"
I nod, not trusting my voice, realizing that I had been ready to argue with him even now... what is wrong with me?
"Don't look like that," he squeezes my hand. "Please don't. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"Not even a scratch," I admit and he smiles.
"I'm glad." His voice is fainter now, his eyelids drooping at the corners. Panicked, I turn, hoping the doctor is still in the doorway. Wufei is standing there alone, watching us -no, me- carefully.
"He's-" I start.
"He's going to be fine, Duo." Wufei says and joins me. Is he serious? Or is this just for Heero's benefit? He smiles down at Heero. "You are a lucky bastard- this will put you off field work for months."
"Yay," Heero smiles back. "Filing."
"You need some rest," Wufei continues. "I'll keep an eye on Duo. You get some sleep."
Heero's eyes close, but his fingers tighten around mine. I look up and frown at Wufei. "What did the doctor say?" I mouth the words, not wanting to disturb Heero- but needing the truth.
"That he'll be fine- it will take some time, but he should recover completely." Wufei murmurs back.
Relief wars with anger. "But you said-"
"I know what I said." Wufei's gaze hardens. He reaches out and tugs on my sleeve. "Come here."
I don't really want to let go of Heero, but I do. Wufei leads me over to the window.
"What do you see out there?" He asks.
"The city?" I reply, my mind still on Heero.
"No!" His fingers tighten on my arm. "Look out the window Duo! When Heero woke up I told him that I had sent you home to rest. I told him you were safe. Then I opened up the curtains so he could have some light and air- and what did we see on the top of that building?!" He's still whispering, but the fury in his voice is obvious.
I look out the window and realize what building is across from us. The art museum.
Damn it.
"I didn't want to call you- I thought the sound would send you right over. He pulled the phone out of my pocket- and then when you wouldn't get down- I had to say something to get you over here! What the hell were you doing?!"
"Just sitting- I couldn't be home- I needed to get away-"
Wufei closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I have a feeling that he's counting to ten.
"That's not what it looked like! Do you know how hard it was to keep Heero in that bed after he spotted you?"
The glass of the window is cool under my cheek. Damn, damn, damn. Another screw up. "I'm sorry, Wufei- I really am. I just- couldn't be home. I tried to do what you said- I did. But I couldn't. I went for a walk- I knew you wouldn't want me here. And- I just needed to clear my head."
Wufei snorts. "Interesting way you have of doing it. It sure looked like you were going to go over to me."
"I wasn't-" I protest even as my conscience reminds me about that one moment- right on the edge...
"Honestly?" Wufei's gaze narrows.
"Maybe," I say before I can help myself.
"You selfish bastard!" The venom in his tone makes me cringe. "Bad enough that you couldn't act professionally on the mission- and I'm sure the Commander will have a few things to say about that- but then to even think of doing something like that to Heero after he-"
"Wufei!" Heero's voice is like a knife. We both turn to the bed like guilty children. Heero has pushed himself up on his elbows and is glaring at us both.
"Yuy! What the hell are you doing?" Wufei demands. "Lie down right now!"
Heero doesn't move. "Wufei," he repeats in a softer tone. "If Duo and I could have a minute?"
Wufei's gaze drops to the floor. "Of course," he says, and stalks out.
"Come here," Heero says to me, his voice fading on the edges. Damn it. This is so not what he needs right now.
"Please lie down," I tell him when I reach the bed, and he does, his eyes fixed on my face.
"Promise me you won't," his hand finds mine, holding tight.
"I won't. I wasn't really then- I just-" I search for the words I need to explain and can't find them. "I won't," I repeat again instead.
"It's a promise?"
"Yes."
"Oh Duo," his fingers squeeze mine. "You're dead on your feet, love. Why not pull the chair over and get some sleep?"
I do as he asks, tugging the chair over beside the bed and resting my head against the back. With his hand in mine, it's easy to fall asleep.
~*~
Voices wake me. Force of habit keeps me still in my chair- the voices sound angry and my subconscious tells me not to call attention to myself.
"He has to do one or the other, Yuy. The tapes make that clear."
The Commander's voice.
"The tapes don't take what happened before into consideration." Heero still sounds so tired. Didn't he rest? He needs to rest.
"What happened before shouldn't be taken into consideration. Once the mission started he should've dropped it- and he didn't. I'm sorry, but he's going to have to face disciplinary action- or he's going to have to resign."
"Duo won't resign." Wufei's voice.
"I still don't think-" Heero starts, but the Commander cuts him off.
"Look, Yuy, I'm not sure why you keep arguing. Your partner put you into a dangerous situation and you got injured. If it was anyone else you'd be telling me the same thing. I realize that you two have a relationship- but he damn near got you killed! Be a little angry!"
"I didn't say I wasn't."
It takes all my willpower not to move at that blow.
"Then why are you standing up for him?"
"Because he is my partner. Yes, I'm mad at him- but I can't take it out on him now- not when he's like this-"
"You have a right to express your feelings, Yuy," Wufei points out.
Wufei's right. Heero should be mad at me- he is mad at me. But he didn't think he could say anything because he's worried about what I'll do... My chest tightens painfully. He was lying earlier- when he said it was okay, when he said it was both of our faults... he was lying. He does blame me... He should blame me.
I don't want him to have to suppress his feelings because he's worried about what I'll do if he doesn't. He has every right to be furious with me. I got him hurt. He shouldn't be trying to make things easier for me...
The Commander sighs. "I should let you rest, Yuy. We'll talk about this later, all right?" Her footsteps cross the room, go out the door.
"I have to go too," Wufei says. "Though Quatre is due here very soon. Can I do anything for you before I go?"
"No," Heero's voice is much weaker now. "No, I just need to rest."
"Yes you do. I'll see you later then." Wufei leaves and it's not long after that Heero's breathing evens out.
It's safe to open my eyes now, to pull my hand free of his. His eyes are dark-rimmed, his face lined with pain and weariness.
My fault. Even when I don't mean to, when I don't want to- I hurt him. No wonder he's angry. I deserve that anger... He shouldn't have to pretend for me. I don't want him to pretend that it's all okay, that everything will be fine... He needs to rest, needs to heal. He shouldn't have to deal with me too...
There's a pad of paper on the stand beside the bed. Quickly, I scrawl a note on it for Heero- I don't dare linger too long on it- I'll break down completely if I really think about what I'm doing...
Carefully I tuck the note into his hand, and then- I can't help it- I lean over and kiss his cheek- I hope it doesn't make him upset... but he doesn't stir...
Fortunately I don't run into anyone on my way out of the hospital. I stop on the sidewalk, wondering what to do next.
The art museum is right across from me. I know what would be the easiest thing to do.
But I promised Heero that I wouldn't...
TBC...
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