Falling Part 2
"Anything?" Wufei asks when he comes in the next morning.
"Nothing yet." Maybe nothing ever. How can I do this?
"Go home and get some sleep. Take a shower, eat something. Then you can come back, all right? I'll call if anything changes." Wufei's tone is friendly, but I can tell from the way he's watching me that Trowa or Quatre talked to him last night.
"All right." Maybe if I'm not here Heero will wake up. "You'll call me if anything changes?"
"Of course."
I can't stop myself from reaching out to touch Heero's hand as I get up from the chair. Just one small touch to keep myself going? He won't know that I did it. He can't be angry if he doesn't know. His fingers are cold and still beneath mine, but I can feel the beat of his pulse just under his thumb.
"You're dead on your feet," Wufei tugs the end of my braid. "Go home and rest. I promise to call the moment something changes."
"Okay." It's pointless to argue that I'm worried Heero will stop breathing if I'm not watching. I leave the room and make my way home.
But it's not really home. Not without him there.
I shower, well aware of the empty space beside me. I'm used to Heero being there. He'd inisited on finding a place with a large enough shower so we could 'conserve water'. That thought usually makes me smile, but it hurts today.
When I finish, I go into the kitchen and to make a sandwich. We only have the wheat bread Heero likes- and once I finish making the damn thing- I can't eat it. I wrap it up carefully and put it in the fridge instead.
Shower, eat, sleep- those were Wufei's instructions. So I toss myself down on the bed, but there's that empty space beside me again. Even when I fill it with pillows, like I do when Heero's on a mission without me, it doesn't work. I can't sleep.
The couch is worse. Without Heero beside me to lean on I can't get comfortable.
This apartment is ours, we chose it, decorated it, did everything here together- and I can't be here knowing that he might not come back. It's not home without him.
Even if he does wake up- he'll still be angry with me. He won't want me here with him... and where will I go then? Heero is my home-
Getting up from the sofa, I grab my jacket. I can't be here. Not now. Maybe not ever again.
The streets are busy, too busy, too crowded, too confining. I know I can't go back to the hospital so soon- but there's a museum across the street from it. It's easy enough to slip inside. Easy enough to disable the alarms on the door at the top of the stairs and climb up onto the roof.
Up here I can finally breathe. I sit on the ledge, far back enough that the people on the ground below can't see me. Don't want to panic anyone. Across from me I can see the hospital. Heero's in one of those rooms- maybe his window is one of those across from me. I can't tell, I was so turned around inside there today, I can't remember what side he is on.
It doesn't matter. He's there right now. That's enough.
I tilt my head back and just breathe. In and out, over and over again. Fatigue washes over me like a wave and I wonder if I can sleep up here on some small corner of the roof. Maybe just right here on the ledge...
Looking down, the people below me look tiny, the action happening so far away. Almost like it used to be when I sat in Scythe sometimes in those moments before a battle. I miss him. It's funny to look back on that time now. The whole time I was in the war I couldn't wait for it to be over- and now I'm wishing that I was back in it. Before I fell in love with him...
I lean over the edge a little more, feeling the wind tugging at my hair, almost as if it's inviting me to join it-
How easy it would be to just- let go- just fall into space and not have to think anymore.
The phone in my pocket rings shrilly. Leaning back, I pull it out and glance at the number. It's Wufei.
For a moment I don't want to answer it. But I need to know-
"Hello?"
"Duo?" My eyes close at the sound of his voice. Thank god.
"Heero?" Relief is washing over me. He's awake! "How are you feeling? What did the doctors say?"
"Will you come see me? I want to see you." His voice is faint, the effort to talk costs him, I can tell. It hurts to hear him, and for a moment I can't find my voice. "Please Duo? I want to apologize- and I need to do it in person."
What? "Heero- you don't have to apologize to me- I'm the one-"
"Duo, please? Come see me?"
There's a faint shushing sound on the other end- and then it's Wufei's voice in my ear.
"Come here. Right now-" his voice drops. "The doctors don't think we have much time."
What? No. Oh no.
I scramble down off the ledge and head for the stairwell. "What do they say? What's going on?"
"They're here now, I'm trying to get some answers- but he doesn't look good, Duo. You have to get here as fast as you can. Are you on your way?"
"Yes- I'm right across the street, I'll be right there-"
"Good." And Wufei hangs up on me.
TBC...
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