Song Bird Part 7
"I'm sorry Heero, I've decided to stay. Here... with Zechs."
Those words brought everything to a screeching halt in Heero's mind and for a moment the world around him seemed to freeze. A cold feeling washed over him and his legs felt like they would give out, he almost stumbled forward.
No, had he heard that right?
He couldn't have.
Heero blinked in confusion and opened his mouth, trying to get the words out. None came. Swallowing he tried again and managed a hoarse "What?"
The longhaired boy before him frowned. "I'm sorry. But I'm staying here. I can't go back with you, Heero."
Heero shook his head. He couldn't process the words, his mind told him he'd heard them wrong, he must have! This wasn't right! Duo couldn't be saying this. Why would Duo want to stay? It didn't make sense.
Heero reached a hand forward toward Duo. "Did he do something? Did he make you think you had to stay? Duo, I-"
Duo shook his head, no. "No." Reaching forward slowly he pushed Heero's hand away and watched it drop back to Heero's side, as if it had just died. "No, Zechs didn't do anything. You said yourself Heero that you don't have a place for me to stay... It's been solved. Everything's fine. I'll stay here with Zechs... and you can still come and see me. But this way I have a place to live and I don't need to hide."
"But he hurt you..." Heero whispered softly. Still the plea sounded weak even in his ears.
Duo shook his head again, this time a little faster. "That's been fixed. It was a misunderstanding... I'm ok now. Don't worry."
Heero didn't know what to say. He couldn't think straight, Duo's words just kept repeating in his head, over and over again. Duo was staying with Zechs... Duo wasn't coming back...
He took a deep breath.
He knew he was going to crumble if he stayed much longer. He knew his legs were going to give out. He knew that if he stayed in that room any longer he was going to fall to the ground in a trembling heap. He didn't know why it affected him so much, but he didn't want Duo to stay with Zechs. He was so afraid Zechs would hurt him again...
And what hurt him even more was that Duo seemed so determined to stay...
He took another deep breath and forced himself to nod. Forced his face to turn neutral and not show how much he was being torn up by this. He took a step closer to Duo and wrapped his hand around Duo's, tightly.
Duo stared at his hand in surprise but Heero cut off his words.
"All right, if that's your choice, I'll respect it." Leaning forward he lowered his voice even more, so even Duo could barely hear. "But if you need me, please say so."
Those violet eyes widened and Heero watched them closely. But Duo shook his head, his face growing a look of determination.
"I'll be all right," he said in a surprisingly steady voice. "Thank you. Good bye, Heero."
And that was that.
Heero let go of Duo's hand and turned away, heading straight for the door. He knew his movements looked cold and that he felt even colder but he had to leave. He had to leave before he snapped and dragged Duo with him. He had to leave before he broke down.
Slamming the door behind him he stepped out into the alley and broke into a run, racing as fast as he could all the way back to his dorm room. He refused to stop running, ignoring even the traffic as he crossed the streets, luckily there was no one to hit him.
Upon reaching his dorm room he swung open the door and dropped on to his bed, burying his face in his pillow.
"Heero?" His roommate looked up in surprise.
"Get out," came the quiet, angry mutter.
"Huh?"
"GET OUT!"
His roommate stared at him in complete shock, but still heeded his words. In a matter of seconds the room was empty save for Heero and he could hear footsteps hurriedly retreating down the hall.
Heero lay in his bed, hugging himself with his eyes closed.
And he just lay there.
It was all he could do.
~*~
Duo watched the door shut as Heero disappeared and felt his body give a shudder. A soft sob escaped his throat and his mask faded, tears finally allowed to slip down his cheeks.
That had been so hard!
So hard to tell Heero to leave! So hard when all he wanted Heero to do was take him away forever, away from Zechs and everything about this club, which he now hated to much!
So hard to put the final lock on his own cage, knowing that after this he would never be able to leave Zechs again.
His body began to shake but he just stood there, staring at the door. All he could do was stare. He couldn't believe that Heero was gone. That Heero was actually gone.
Warm arms encircled him from behind and Duo sighed, frowning at himself. Somehow it wasn't surprising at all that Zechs had watched the entire thing. Yet, he gave no protest as the warm arms wrapped around him and held him in a loose but somehow comforting embrace. Instead Duo turned around and leaned against Zechs' chest, letting the tears slip down his face and the soft sobs escape his throat.
He didn't care that it was Zechs who was holding him while he cried. Instead he shut his eyes and imagined it was Heero's arms wrapped around him. He imagined the other boy holding him tightly and running his hands over his hair, trying to help calm him down. He imagined it was Heero, because the thoughts of who it actually was only made him want to sink deeper and deeper into his sadness and never come out again. He couldn't believe he'd just done that!
He'd just told Heero to leave his life and never come back again. True he'd said Heero could come back to the club to watch him sing but that wasn't the same. He'd spent such a short time with the boy and already he knew that was where he preferred to be. In reality he just wanted to be with Heero, not here in the club with Zechs.
"Shhh, it's ok Duo. I know how hard that was for you." Zechs' words were soft and reassuring as the man held him close, trying to calm him down.
Duo ignored the words and instead just concentrated on calming himself down. It took a while but soon he was able to stop sobbing. Drying his tears with the back of his hand he swallowed the rest of his sadness and forced it away. As much as he hated to admit it there wasn't any way this sadness would help him. In the end it would only make things worse.
Pulling away from Zechs he walked toward his cage and stepped inside. Silently he removed the colored string from his hair and stepped out of the dress. He pulled on a long nightshirt to sleep in and moved to lie down in the pile of pillows, which served as his bed.
"Duo."
Duo swallowed and turned back to glance at Zechs, who had moved now to his bed. The blond man sighed softly. "You look absolutely miserable after that whole ordeal. Why don't you sleep with me tonight in my bed, it'll help you relax."
Immediately that set off the signs in Duo's head and his mind started screaming at him not to. No! He couldn't spend the entire night sleeping next to Zechs. The entire night wrapped in Zechs' arms? No! He couldn't... He wouldn't!
But his eyes shifted slowly to the drawer of the night-side table where he knew that box was, and he knew he didn't have any choice. Before the thought of Zechs hurting him had scared him into running, but Duo now knew that whatever was in that box could hurt him so much more then Zechs ever could. It had hurt so much when he opened it...
He relented and nodded. Without a word he stepped out of the cage and followed Zechs' beckoning to the large bed. He pulled himself under the thick covers and rolled on his side. He did his best not to squirm when the tall man crawled in behind him and snuggled up entirely too close to his body. The very thought of Zechs being so close to him again almost made him shiver in fear.
But he knew he couldn't say no, not with that box there.
So instead Duo did his best to relax in the man's embrace as Zechs pulled himself up against Duo's back and molded their bodies together. He spent the entire night with Zechs' arms wrapped around him and the man's soft breath slipping over his neck.
And the whole time he kept his eyes fixed on Heero's forgotten jacket, which lay so far away on the floor of his cage.
And when he finally slept he dreamt of Heero, nightmares playing over and over again the haunting image of Heero leaving the room never to return again.
~*~ >Heero woke the next morning in an unusually determined state. Despite the events of the night before he woke completely alert with a plan in his head.
He refused to accept what Duo had said. He refused to believe it.
And he knew that no matter what it took, he would get Duo back.
But first, he needed to make a stop at the library.
TBC...
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