Shinigami - The God of Death Part 10
Well, given how much energy I've exhausted in the last twelve hours it was all wasted. By some crazy fluke the guys ended up staying home for Friday and I thought this was a great chance to get them to notice me. Unfortunately my plan failed, miserably.
Mostly because I have not had a plan to start with and it's far too late to think of one now. I am so fucked it's not even funny.
Now it's Friday night and the guys are going about their own business. Quatre and Trowa went out for the night, to spend some time alone and thus I'm left in the house with just Heero, Wufei and Solo.
As usual Wufei can be found in the small library/office we have, reading one of the many books there. Yep, our resident scholar chipping away and making up for all the knowledge he missed studying during the war. Nice scholar, he can't even use his 'superior intellect' to see me or figure out what's going on.
Solo is 'veging out in front of the TV, munching on a bag of chips and laughing at some brainless show I might have enjoyed. I can't see how I could watch that stuff now, it just seems so pointless. But then again everything seems pointless when you're struggling toward one goal, and your life depends on it.
And Heero... the jerk is up in his room trying to repair his laptop. Trowa was nice enough to bring it back for him and that's exactly what he is working on right now. I spent all day trying to make him notice me and I am worn out. I even made parts of the computer spark at him but I think that was a big mistake. See, now it seems like he's just counting the entire thing as a coincidence and doesn't seem to care.
I still haven't found out what he pulled out of the car wreck.
Walking back up the stairs and into Heero's room I find him sitting on the floor, tinkering with the left over pieces.
"It's fried you know, you aren't gonna be able to fix it," I mutter hatefully.
He continues to fiddle with the pieces, meanwhile I drop to sitting on the floor next to him.
"Do you even notice I'm gone?" I ask quietly. "You have to realize the person downstairs isn't me. If he was he'd be up here in the room right now driving you up the wall and being annoying. Haven't you realized that all he does is sit in front of the TV and pretend to be me? Haven't you noticed? Or..." My voice cracks in spite of myself and I glance away, even though I know he can't see my face.
"Or did you never notice me in the first place?"
I glance back at Heero as he stands up and brushes his hands off. I guess he's decided the laptop is now worthless because he picks it up and walks over to the trash, dumping it in and brushing his hands off in a gesture of defeat. Sighing silently he walks over to his dresser and grabs his jacket, leaving the room to go downstairs.
I follow fast, yelling at him. "You can't leave! I need you to be here! You need to confront Solo, you know he's not me!"
Heero turns and walks into the TV room and I stop frozen in the doorway with wide eyes as he walks over to Solo, tapping him on the shoulder. Solo looks up and hits the mute button on the TV.
"What's up, Heero?"
His eyes flash to me for a moment and all I can do is stare as Heero silently glares at him for a moment. No way! Is he seriously going to say something to him? Has he honestly noticed just like I thought he had?
I watch in amazement as Heero digs in his pocket and pulls out a single item dangling from a small chain. The gold and violet stone sparkles in the dim flashing light from the TV and I couldn't help but gasp and reach for my own neck. Heero is holding my crucifix, the one from the Maxwell church. The one Sister Helen had given to me as a gift before it burned down.
He pulled my crucifix out of the wreaked car.
"I found this at the office yesterday," Heero's voice is flat and devoid of emotion.
Solo reaches up and takes the crucifix from him. "Thanks, it must have fallen off."
Heero regards Solo quietly for a moment and my jaw drops. He just caught Solo in a flat out lie and he knows it! So why the hell isn't anything happening? I chance stepping forward and reaching toward him.
"Heero?"
Heero merely nods toward Solo and turns around, walking right through me and out of the room. My knees suddenly become weak and I can't stand. The entire world around me is spinning and I collapse to the floor, tears threatening silently from my eyes. I just kneel there silently as I hear him leave the house, the door slamming shut behind him, followed by the sound of one of the cars starting in the garage.
"Duo..."
I look up to see Solo staring at me in horror, the crucifix dangling forgotten from one hand. He looks just as surprised as me.
"You lied." I choke out.
"No," he says quickly shaking his head.
"You said if he figured it out I'd get my body back."
"No, no!" Solo jumps up from the couch and rushes to my side. He tries to hug me for comfort or something but I pull away from his arms and he stops. "I swear Duo, I didn't know this would happen. I was told that if you noticed me I would get my own body back. I... It should have worked."
I clutch my stomach as a feeling of nausea washes over my body. "But he noticed! He should have seen me!"
"Oh god... Duo I didn't know. I didn't know this would happen!"
I look up and meet his eyes, swallowing hard. He's telling the truth. He's completely sincere. He honestly didn't know this would happen. I watch as the tears begin to roll down his face, leaking from his absolutely terrified eyes.
I can't say anything. I just kneel there, my body shaking and trembling all over.
"I'm sorry," he whispers softly.
My voice shakes. "You mean I'm trapped like this? I can't... I can't ever get back?"
He shakes his head madly, clasping his hands over his ears. "NO, no, no, no! I swear I didn't know! I swear! Oh god, Duo I never meant... I was angry with you but I never meant to leave you like this! Not even from the beginning! I was going to tell him tonight, even if he didn't figure it out! I swear!"
Beyond us the front door opens and I can hear Quatre's cheerful voice. He and Trowa enter the living room and Quatre suddenly gasps. I turn to see him grasping hard onto Trowa's shoulders, trying to stand as his body shakes. Trowa immediately responds and grabs onto him, keeping him up-right.
"Quatre? What's wrong?"
Quatre looks up from Trowa to where Solo is kneeling on the floor, right next to me. He was still kneeling there shaking his head and covering his ears, his eyes shut tightly.
"Duo?" Quatre whispers quietly. "Something is wrong with Duo..."
Trowa gently sets Quatre on the floor and rushes to Solo's side trying to calm him down. Trying to help him.
Trying to help him.
They can't see me.
They'll never be able to see me again.
"I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry..." Solo's voice echoes softly, repeating the sorrowful mantra endlessly. I swallow hard and stand up. With one glance toward Quatre I move to leave the room.
"No! Wait!"
I look back to see Solo looking straight at me, his cheeks stained with tears and his lips trembling. "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't mean it."
I nod slowly, flashing him a sad smile.
"I know," I say back sadly. "It's not your fault. Take care of my friends, Solo."
"Oh god, I am so sorry!" Solo collapses backwards, curling into a tight ball as he cries softly. Hugging myself I leave the room, leaving my childhood friend in the capable hands of my two former co-pilots. They'd take care of him.
Silently I climb the stairs to Heero's room and walk through the door into the empty room. My body is shaking and the tears are threatening again. As I crawl up into his bed they finally begin to flow and I just collapse, lying there, a crumbled up crying mess.
"Heero..."
The silence of the room surrounds me and all I can do is lie here, crying as I've never cried before.
What a horrible fate. I can't even smell his scent on his own bed.
Closing my eyes I try to relax my body, my tears fading to soft hiccups and small sobs. I simply lay there; imagining that Heero is holding me on my last night.
Tomorrow is Saturday.
Given how Quatre had reacted to me and Solo in the living room I know I can't keep doing this to them. I am trapped like this and I'm not going to get my real body back. I realize that now. They'll take care of Solo, even if he tells them the truth I know they'll all understand and take care of him. It was so stupid of me to not realize throughout this entire week that he was suffering too.
Solo was and is one of the best friends I've ever had. It was so stupid of me to think he'd betray me like this on purpose. I know him, I should have known he was planning on helping me back into my real body on the last day. After all, he'd never been one for long term revenge. It wasn't his style. I shouldn't have know that.
None of this is his fault. I know that. I never should have blamed him for what happened.
Closing my eyes tightly I take a deep breath and curl up even tighter on the bed. I know I can't keep doing what I'm doing to Quatre. And I know that if I just stayed around the house I'd only become mad with Heero, beginning to hate him as I thought Solo hated me. So now I have to make a decision, one I'll stick to for the rest of my existence.
Tomorrow is Saturday.
Tomorrow I'm leaving.
Tonight will be the first and the last night I ever fall asleep in Heero's bed.
TBC...
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