Author: SkyLark
Warnings: Heero POV, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 1+2+1
Archive: Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries
Betaed by: ShenLong Deb *hugs*
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or its characters. I just love playing with them.
Accompanying fic for a scene from 'Beloved'. This time, in Heero's POV. Inspired by contest pic by Toniq: http://sharona1x2.com/rapture/contest/art/SkyLark_Toniq2007lg.jpg
A Place In the World
"Yet another miracle," Duo smirked as he turned off the engine to the car we had just restored. "Considering the shape that this old beater was in when it got here, I almost thought that it was beyond even our help." He slipped out of the driver's seat and closed the rusty door behind him while\st brushing his hands against his blue work pants.
After years of traveling the earth and colonies, I had been living and working with the former Deathscythe pilot for a few months by then. It had taken a long time for me to realize that I had come to feel more than friendship for Duo. I suppose that I always knew that I loved him, but was never really sure until that past year.
Once I did come to the complete realization of my affections, I decided to travel to L2 to see my old partner again. And hopefully find the courage to tell him how I felt in the process. Weeks of planning went into my trip. Never one to do anything without thinking it out fully, I had a clear idea to what would happen, along with all of the possible reactions and things that may have come up.
Nothing in this lifetime could have prepared me for the surprise I received when I did finally arrive on Duo's doorstep... Carissa. The moment that little head peeked from behind my friend's legs, I felt the bottom of my stomach give out. Nowhere in my sorting and readying did I consider a child to be in the picture.
Of course, because of the close resemblance between the child and my old partner, I had assumed that he was married. My mind reeled over thoughts of how wrongly I had read the signs that I thought he had been throwing me during the wars. And if I had been right, I was too late to do anything about it now that a family was involved.
Seven years. Why in the hell did it take me so damn long to finally admit what I had known?
I was so lost in my shock over the girl that I almost didn't register the words my braided comrade was telling me. Eventually, when it sunk in that Duo had adopted the child, I was able to breathe again... but it did not change the fact that there was a little one that was forever tied to him.
And I could never compete for his affections when he had a little one that had become his whole world.
Reluctantly, under a bit of pressure from Duo and Hilde, I ended up staying to work in their salvage yard. What was supposed to only last a couple of months has gone on for nearly half a year by that afternoon.
During that time, I must admit that Carissa had grown on me. She's a very bright girl for her young age, a sign of a child that had to grow up quickly after losing both of her parents. Much like her father, even with a difficult past, she remains cheerful and friendly to everyone she meets. She and Duo compliment each other very well in having that in common.
For some strange reason, I even think that Carissa likes having me around. Listening in on Duo's bedtime ritual of a story and tuck in, I have gathered as much by some of the things that she has said. It's one of the reasons I'm still here, actually. Where I did not think that there was room for me in their family, maybe there is an opening after all.
Until I got the feeling that I am too much of a bother to have around in their lives, I was more than certain I would stick around. At least it kept me close to Duo in some way.
Time went on and I came to learn my friend's reason for adopting in the first place. Just as I had been searching for my own place in the world, so had he. Only for him, that place he needed in life was to be a father. And seeing how he is with Carissa, I am certain that there could be no better person for the role of a parent.
That particular day, I could tell that Duo was anxious to wrap things up. Carissa was sitting in the main office with Hilde after being dropped off there by her babysitter to avoid a bout of the 'flu that was going around in her house.
Grinning from ear-to-ear, my braided partner nudged me in the side and commented, "Nice work on the engine there, 'Ro. You got this car purring better than I could have if it was new."
I smirked as our eyes met, nodding my head in appreciation before looking back on the car. One of the most fulfilling things about working the yard is being able to use my hands to restore and create as opposed to what they were used for during the wars. Every day I return to work, I'm reminded that I really can do anything that I set my own mind to as opposed to what I am ordered.
It's very... fulfilling.
The sound of someone running towards us had me turning along with Duo. Instantly, my nerves were on edge when I saw Hilde hurrying near with tears running down her face. In all the time that I have known the girl, I have never seen her cry but on one occasion up to then. Seeing her in such a state then sent a particular chill down my spine, knowing that there was something terribly wrong.
Beside me, I felt my friend tense up as well. Before either of us can ask what was wrong, Hilde moved towards him and shouted frantically, "Duo, Carissa's gone! I turned my back for a second and now I can't find her! I've looked everywhere!"
My mind quickly took those words in to process them as a wave of emotions came into play. Of course concern and fear for Carissa were the first things that came to mind. Duo's face paled a couple of shades as his jaw fell in the midst of his own turmoil over the situation. Then, in a mere heartbeat, his face reddened as his eyes narrowed. "What!? What do you mean she's gone!?" he yelled at his business partner.
Hilde nearly come undone at his anger and I could not help but feel for her as she whimpered and sputtered a few non-coherent words before managing, "I-It's just like I said! I turned my back and she wasn't in the office anymore! She must be in the yard somewhere!"
'In the yard' was all that I needed to hear to act. Under normal circumstances, Duo would have been able to remember the heavy machinery and vehicles roaming the yard and stop them. However, he stood frozen in fear as I quickly took hold of the hand transmitter hooked to my belt.
Placing it close to my mouth, I shouted, "All crew, stop whatever you're doing now! Carissa's missing in the yard somewhere!" Efficient as always, the crews throughout the area stopped all of their tasks, the sound of loud engines dying down all around while those without transmitters of their own were hollered the announcement.
Once a complete silence fell on the yard, I turned to see Duo still too disoriented by the news that had wracked him to move. Placing the transmitter back to my mouth, I ordered, "Everyone spread out and start looking." Affirmatives were either shouted or radioed back in response.
Resetting the transmitter on my belt, I gripped my braided friend's shoulder to force him to focus on me. His violet eyes already beginning to shimmer, I promised him, "We'll find her." With one last squeeze to his shoulder, I turned to run back towards the main office for a chance to think of where in the whole mess of the scrap yard Carissa could have run to.
Seeing that worry and loss in Duo's eyes had shaken me. I never saw him so distraught that he couldn't think, though I understood considering he was the girl's father. What's more, after growing a bit of a kinship with Carissa, I was bound and determined to find her, to see that she was safe.
Just as the office comes into sight, my instincts in tracking from back during the wars kicked in. 'Think like your target,' Odin and J had taught me. It was a lesson that had paid off time and time again in the past.
While dozens of other yard workers ran about in their blue work uniforms, calling for Carissa, I came to a stop to really think over my surroundings. Knowing just how loud the still vehicles would have been when she left the building, no doubt she would have been frightened and hidden. There was no other explanation to why she was gone. She certainly would never have run away on purpose.
Clear on what must have been the reason for her disappearance, it did not take long for me to remember the large pile of old sewage pipes a few yards away from the office. It was the closest place where a child her size could take cover. Fast as my feet could carry me, I rounded the main building and headed for the piping.
It did not take long after I arrived at the foot of the tall stack to hear the faint, echoed sniffling. Pinpointing the source of the sound, I made my way to a pipe large enough that I could hunch myself into near the bottom of the pile.
Slowly peering into the entrance, I found Carissa sitting a couple of feet inside with her legs hugged to her chest. Her purple top and jeans were smudged from the light layering of grime she'd crawled through to reach her little haven. Looking up, her violet eyes shone and widened on me with a startled gasp. "Heewo," she whispered brokenly.
Few people have the ability to affect me when I see them cry. Duo is one. Carissa is another. Despite the grime and smell, I crouched down enough to enter the pipe and sat down facing her when I neared. "Are you all right?" I asked softly, not wanting to frighten her any more than she already was.
Sniffling again, Carissa wiped at her tears with the back of her hand, smudging her face in the process. With a small nod, she sniffled, "The big noises scared me and I hid here." A fresh round of tears filled her eyes as she looked up at me and frowned, "A big noise took my mommy and first daddy away."
My stomach knotted a bit at that realization. Duo had told me how the girl's parents were killed in a car wreck not far from their home where Carissa was with their babysitter. Now knowing the connection between that night and some of the metallic crunches she no doubt heard in the yard, I could only imagine how horrific that would have been for her.
"Ah. I see," I replied softly. Shifting myself so that I could wrap an arm around her little shoulders, I was taken aback at how quickly and easily she latched onto me for support. Lightly rubbing an arm, I told her, "I would be scared, too, if I was you in that case."
Shaking her head, Carissa looked back up to me and frowned, "But, you don't get scared, Heewo. You're the most bravest guy I know. You and Daddy."
I snicker, but those words really do touch me in knowing how a child like her could see me in such a light. Smiling, I shared, "Well, I have been, and still get scared sometimes. Like just now, when your Aunt Hilde announced you were lost."
Carissa winced a bit at that, but there was still a look of wonder in her widening eyes as she breathed, "That scared you?" Biting her lip, she questioned, "And Daddy... he's scared, then?"
"Very," I nodded. Her look of wonder changed into a fearful one and I quickly read her mind to reassure, "He won't be mad at you for running off. I don't think your Daddy can ever be mad at you." She smiled through the tears beginning to form.
Thinking back to Duo, I reached for the transmitter with my free hand to announce that I had found his daughter when she asked, "Are you scared of other stuff?"
Our eyes met again and I knew that there was nothing that I could keep from her. Taking a deep breath, I sighed in admission, "I used to be lost like you were just now. I'm afraid of being lost like that again... alone." It was the most honest answer that I could give... one that I needed to tell someone about.
Blinking back, Carissa smiled and wrapped her arms tight around my arm. "But you won't be lost again, Heewo. You have me 'n Daddy!" she giggled. "We won't go nowhere."
My own eyes widened at that sweet, simple comment. Hearing such a sentiment meant more to me than anything. That was the moment that I knew I had finally found my place in the world. Somehow, I there was still room for me with Duo and Carissa.
Swallowing past the lump that had formed in my throat, my arm around the child pulled her closer to me as I whispered, "Thank you, Carissa. That's one less thing for me to be afraid of, then." Brightening all the more through the smudges on her face and clothes, she kept her grip on me.
With one rough clearing of my throat, I raised the transmitter in my other hand to my mouth to announce, ""I found her, Duo. We're by the stacks of piping fixtures just north of the office."
There was a pause before my partner's voice rasped, "Is she-..." Broken as he sounded, he couldn't finish the question. Hearing her father's voice was enough to make Carissa tremble with tears again, no doubt wanting to be reunited with him badly after her scare.
Lightly squeezing her arm, I radioed back, ""She's fine. We're heading back to the office now." Ending the transmitter ion, I turned to focus back on my little charge and smirked, "Ready to go?" Wiping at her wet face, Carissa nodded.
Slowly leading the way back into the open, I waited patiently for the girl to make her way out right behind me. As soon as she straightened, she held her arms up to me in a silent plea. Only hesitating from surprise for a breath, I grinned and bent down to take her up in my arms.
And so, just like that, I carried her back to the main building where a tearful, elated Duo had just arrived to embrace the both of us.
Later that evening, after an outing for ice cream following our dinner, I stood by in the doorway of Carissa's room as Duo sat by watching in a silent vigil. No doubt, after what happened that afternoon, he wanted to reassure himself that his daughter was really safe and sound.
As I leaned against the frame, my braided partner looked back at me with heavy-lidded eyes and a look of pure exhaustion after his emotional ordeal. Folding my arms, I suggested, "You should get some sleep, yourself."
There was a pause as I could see Duo's wheels turning. No doubt, he wanted to come up with some smart ass remark or an outright refusal, but neither came. "She's fine," I told him, trying to bring reason into the picture to fend off the demons.
Again, no immediate response. Finally, I took a deep breath and went right to what was no doubt the heart of the matter. "You didn't fail her today." The moment those words sunk in, I could see those violet eyes on me swirling with emotions once again.
So that had been his biggest concern all along.
Reluctantly at first, my partner gained momentum as he rose from his chair beside the bed to step out into the hallway and close the bedroom door.
Turning to face me, he frowned deeply, "I froze when I found out she was missing, Heero. I couldn't even think. If you hadn't been there to ground me, not to mention remembering to have the team stop their machinery, who knows what could have happened to her. God forbid she was hurt while I was trying to get my head around what to do. I might have lost her if --"
Before he went on any further down that path, I broke in, "You're her father, Duo," I interrupted. "Of course you were in shock over the situation. But she's home and she's safe now."
He offered me a tired smile and retorted as a couple fresh tears rolled down his face, "Thanks to you." Not quite comfortable with that acknowledgment, I shrugged and lowered my gaze a bit.
Rubbing the back of his neck and brushing away the tears with his other hand, Duo chuckled bitterly, "You must think little of me -- first for freezing and now for getting upset over a hypothetical."
He caught me off guard with that. Never before had I known how worried he was over what I thought of him, or his actions. Bottom line, there never really was a time that I questioned him or anything that he did.
As soon as those words left him, my head snapped back so we could lock gazes once again while I replied firmly, "No." The doubt was written all over Duo, but I shook my head and told him honestly, "I would think less of you if you didn't."
Just the way his violet eyes widened and jaw slackened... I could tell that what I had said meant a lot to him. More than ever, I finally came to understand the regard that he had for me that night. How I had never seen it before... maybe I really wasn't too late with my own feelings for him as well.
We just stood in silence, watching each other, before I reached out to squeeze his shoulder in a tentative move for some kind of contact that we both needed. "Get some sleep," I ordered, relieved to see the uncertainty and worries fade away from my friend's face for the first time all day.
Having said my piece, I turned and headed for my room down the hall. My hand was on the doorknob when Duo called, "Heero..." I paused to look back at him expectantly.
The former God of Death actually bit his lip nervously before he grinned. Uh... I just wanted to thank you... Not just for today, but for sticking around these last few weeks." Clearing his throat, he said in little more than a breath, "I-it's been really nice... having you here."
Ah. It hit me then that we were at the end of another couple of months. Yet another deadline that I had given to how long I would be staying with him.
Recalling my conversation with Carissa earlier that day, I smiled. I really was wanted after all. My leaving would only be up to me. And I was not about to go anywhere... even if I was not going to make that known right away.
"Well don't get used to it," I warned with a tone of amusement. "I'll probably be leaving in a couple of moths." The start of a small, surprised smile tugged my braided friend's lips and I opened my door offering a quiet, "Good night." The sentiment was offered in kind as I entered my room.
Leaning up against the door as I closed it behind me, I chuckled quietly to myself. Unable to help the grin on my face, I whispered, "I'm home."
And I never looked back.
OWARI
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