Author: SkyLark

Warnings: Yaoi, Sap, angst, Duo's POV

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: 1x2

Disclaimer: I don't own GW.

Betaed by: Rebecca *hugs tight*

Beloved

'Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,' they say. I never wanted to hit someone more than the son of a bitch that came up with that line.

Especially so on the day that I got word Heero Yuy had disappeared after the Mariemeia incident.

While the actual news of his vanishing act didn't take me by complete surprise, it still stung. After everything that he had been through, it really felt like a 'fuck you' to myself and the other pilots.

Of course, it didn't help that I was in love with the guy. Not infatuation, unlike what Relena went through. I actually got close enough to the guy to learn enough of his quirks and less than pleasant qualities that would have made the once Queen of the World run off screaming, and I still loved him after the fact.

To say that I was jealous of Relena when Heero stayed with her for a time after he came to following our fight with Dekim would be an understatement. I envied the shit out of her. The girl just seemed to get everything that she wanted, including the guy that I was in love with.

And yet, I still couldn't let that envy overwhelm me enough to wish my partner anything but happiness. As bitter a pill as it was to swallow, if he was happy with her, then I would gladly go nurse my wounds alone.

When Heero disappeared, I was shocked that Relena didn't do everything in her power to find her 'Prince Charming'.

Not that it would have done any good even if she had. I knew better than to bother getting involved in a hunt, myself. It was pretty clear that Heero didn't want to be found. And so, he would see to it that he wasn't.

Besides, I was pretty goddamned pissed at him for taking off to begin with.

So, I went on to L2 to start up the salvage yard business with Hilde. We shared an apartment for a while. She was the only other person alive to know of my feelings for Heero. It was an admission I had to make when she expressed interest in being more than friends.

To this day, I'll still never forget the look on her face I told her, "I'm gay, Hil." I never meant to hurt her and luckily, she handled it well. Much to my relief, she would be happy having me as a brother than nothing at all.

Talking late into the evening, we shared a lot with each other. We talked about everything from our tastes in guys to politics to what we planned to do if our salvage yard ever became successful.

Then, I told her something that I never told anyone else.

I had plans to eventually become an adoptive father. Over anything else, it was what I wanted the most.

Ever since my days as a child of the streets, and then as an orphan at the Maxwell Church, I was resolved in adopting as soon as I felt ready. After being as lucky as I was to be alive after what I'd been through in those early years of my life, not doing so would have been like a slap in the faces of all of people I'd lost.

I'll forever hold Solo, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell and every last one of them above all others.

Well... above all but one other.

But, this was going to be my second chance. My opportunity to do something right by my life to make up for all of the horrible things I had to do during the war. Just as I was going to be able to give a child in need of a break, they would we helping me heal from my own troubled past.

Hilde didn't laugh. Instead, she smiled and offered any assistance I might need when I finally became a parent.

Within a couple of years, the business took off and we were opening other stations on a few other colonies. Before long, a couple more years passed while Hilde was dating one of our employees and they were talking about marriage. Money was no longer an issue for either of us, and so I got a three-bedroom house while Hilde and Matt moved into their own place together.

Suddenly, I turned around and found that nine years had passed since the last time I had ever sat in Deathscythe's cockpit.

I was twenty-five. I had more than enough money to look after myself and then some. I had a large home and was a part-owner to a constantly growing company.

Everything just fit. Everything was ready.

It was time.

*   *   *   *   *   *

I ran a hand through my bangs as I climbed the steps of Saint Peter's Orphanage for the first time. Set up a few blocks from where the Maxwell Church once stood, the new facility never lacked youngsters in need of a good home. And I was more than ready to give one of them just that.

I won't kid anyone, though, I was scared shitless.

The ball had already been rolling for a couple of weeks. Working with a nice nun over the phone by the name of Sister Christie, the beginning procedures of my background check began right away. Now that the initial stages were out of the way, it was time to get acquainted with the kids and see which I was interested in.

You know, there is something very strange about this part of the whole deal. I mean, this certainly wasn't like going to a pet store and picking out your favorite dog or cat. But this was choosing a little person to bring up into the world. Far different from an animal that you can pawn off on someone else if they start destroying your furniture.

I was ushered into the waiting room and greeted by the lovely woman that I had several discussions with prior to our official meeting. With her habit, I couldn't tell what hair color she had.

When our gazes met, her brown eyes widened as she froze for an instant. I was just about to question what was wrong when she smiled, a few of the creases on her cheeks moving up along with her mouth. "Duo, it's so good to finally meet you," she greeted in her pleasant tone.

Over the course of our talks, I had reassured her that formalities were not needed with me. Being called Mister Maxwell never sat well with me.

Taking her slight hand that she offered, I shook it firmly and replied, "Sister Christie. You're just as cute as you sound over the phone." She laughed brightly, a blush coloring her cheeks even though she should have been used to my constant flirting by now.

"Well," she grinned once she regained her composure, "please follow me to my office." Turning on her heels, the sweet lady led me through the long hallway of polished wood floors and walls. The raised ceiling captured every sound and our footsteps carried on ahead of us.

In the back of my mind, I tried not to think to myself of how much the place reminded me of the Maxwell Church. With this Saint Peter's being its replacement, the layout was structured much very similarly to the original that had burned down. It was causing my stomach to tighten. And I soon realized that I had been holding my breath.

Maybe I was subconsciously afraid that I would start to smell smoke.

Finally, we reached the tall wooden door to Sister Christie's office and she led me inside. Taking a seat across from her large desk, I waited as she got her paperwork situated.

A bright smile lit her round face again while she folded her hands together over her desk. "Well, I am pleased to inform you that in a couple of weeks, a judge will be signing legal guardianship of one of our children over to you," she announced.

I could feel my eyes widening as a cut off a sharp gasp. While I knew, eventually, that the adoption process would go through, I had no idea that it was going to be moving so quickly.

Not that I was complaining, of course. That scared shitless feeling just kicked up a few notches, that's all.

Unaware of it at the time, I must have tensed a bit because the good nun's smile grew and she told me, "That is, of course, if that's fine with you."

Blinking a few times, I grinned in a way that I hoped didn't look nervous, "No, that's great. From our talks, I just thought that it would be a longer process."

That only served to make the wrinkle of Sister Christie's brow raise as he replied, "Normally, it is. However, many of the steps are being overlooked. During our initial background check, we got in contact with some... influential people that we found to be linked to you. From that, we received two letters of recommendation in particular that proved you to be more than a fitting parent."

My mind was scrambling at who would have been good enough to do something like that for me. I was pretty sure that they wouldn't take the word of another ex-Gundam pilot. That would have been too biased.

Using her sisterly powers to pick up on what I was thinking -- the same ability that Sister Helen had -- she grinned, "I believe that you recall Lady Une and Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft?"

While the thought of Lady Une taking the time to write a letter on my behalf came at no surprise, I nearly fell out of my chair when she mentioned Relena's name. The same girl that I had envied for years had actually come to my aid in seeing that I got something I wanted for a change.

Whatever her reasons, she was going to get one hell of a Christmas card that year.

Sister Christie went on. "Considering how influential both young women are, their words in your defense were more than enough to rush things along. What they wrote is confidential, but we rarely receive such glowing remarks on potential candidates for adoption.

"And so, the judge will be forwarding the signed papers in a matter of days. However, I believe it best to allow a little more time than that to become more acquainted with whichever child you choose to adopt. It's proven to be a less uncomfortable transition for them if they get to know their new parents while staying in their familiar surroundings for a time."

Everything was still spinning in my head over the realization that this was actually happening. I was going to be a father. My excitement over the whole notion outweighed the nerves and I am sure that I was grinning like an idiot. Finally processing what was suggested to me, I nodded, "Of course. That works for me."

A lovely, pleased smile fell on the sister's face. "Wonderful," she grinned. Reaching across her desk, she told me softly, "And I also want to say thank you and God bless you and your friends for what you sacrificed for all of us."

The pit of my stomach churned a bit at the words 'God bless you.' I still have my issues with the whole 'God' thing with everything that I had seen before and during the war. Still, the sentiment behind the words was more than appreciated and it was my turn to blush a bit.

Taking her hand to shake it once more, I said quietly, "No need for thanks. We just did what we had to do." When all was said and done, that was what pretty summed up the whole damn thing. Doing what was needed was the only thing that got us all through.

Slowly pulling her hand back, Sister Christie went back to looking through the file before her. "And so, since you have expressed no preferences in age or gender, we can discuss the children here." Biting her lip, she frowned a bit and stated, "Normally, I am not so forward as to make a suggestion. However, based off of our talks and now seeing you, I hope you don't mind my bringing up one of our children."

Relieved that I might not have to meet-and-greet several kids and have to make a difficult choice between them, I was all too willing to accept whatever help was offered. "I don't mind at all," I reassured her. "No one knows the kids here better than you would."

With a relieved look of her own, the sister smiled again. Quickly rising from her desk, she headed to her cabinet and removed a second file that she opened and handed over to me. "Her name is Carissa," she informed. "I believe you'll see why I couldn't help but suggest considering her."

I was never a person to really believe in fate. However, I quickly changed my mind on that when I looked at the picture of the little girl staring back with violet eyes.

Now, let's just weigh the chances of my finding such a similar feature in another child. Pretty damn slim. And when you couple that with the fact that she had brown hair that was a few shades lighter than mine, she could have easily have been passed off as my own.

My eyes wide, I looked up at the nun that was smiling in satisfaction at me. "Shall I introduce you?" she asked.

Unable to trust my voice, I felt myself nodding.

*   *   *   *   *   *

I was led down a corridor of doors leading to the orphans' rooms as several children of different ages ran about. Looking over her shoulder so she could meet my eyes, Sister Christie informed me, "Carissa just turned four a couple of months ago. Her parents were killed two years ago when her father fell asleep at the wheel as they drove back home from a family gathering."

Swallowing hard, I took the story in as she continued, "While she was only two, Carissa does remember her parents and understands that they will not be coming back for her. She's terribly bright for her age and despite occasional nightmares, she has handled the loss with the understanding that they are in a better place and watching after her now."

Nightmares I could certainly handle. I still had my own from time to time.

"Unfortunately, most potential adoptive parents are looking for children as young as possible," the sister sighed deeply with a shake of her head. "Carissa and a few of the others are always overlooked, though I am sure we'll eventually find good homes for them all." She looked back ahead as we neared the end of the hallway.

Lightly knocking on the partly-opened door that she stopped at, Sister Christie called, "Carissa? You have a visitor who would wants to meet with you, dear."

A high voice from within called back, "Okay, Sister Christie."

With a wink to me, the nun said quietly, "I'll give you both some time alone to get acquainted." That said, she headed back down the hallway.

Placing my hand on the door, I took a deep breath and resolved myself to knowing that there was no turning back now. A peek in the room revealed a little bed, a couple stuffed animals and a tiny table that sat in the middle of it all.

At the table sat the little girl that I had seen only moments ago. Her round face looked up from the coloring book page that she was working on. Those large, violet eyes sparkled and she smiled widely, "Hi."

"Hi there," I grinned back. Since the chairs at the table were too small, I sat across from her on the floor. "You must be Carissa," I began nervously, hoping to strike up some kind of conversation.

Lowering the blue crayon in her hand, she nodded, "Yea. Sister Christie says it means beloved." Her little pug nose scrunched up a bit and she frowned, "Don' know what that means, though."

Laughing hysterically, I knew in that moment that I was taken.

For the next couple of weeks, I visited every other day to hang out and play with Carissa. Sister Christie was right in saying that the girl was a bright one. Not to mention very curious with the way that she loved to ask questions. Once the introductions were out of the way, we both became more than comfortable around each other. She would great me with a cheerful, "Mister Duo!" along with a huge hug whenever I stopped over to see her.

It was more than clear that we were going to get along just fine together and the nerves that I had before were gone.

The day Sister Christie brought me to her office and handed over the signed consent of the judge handing over legal guardianship to me, I actually had to wipe a few tears. I was just looking forward to giving Carissa a good home. With a huge hug and whispered, 'Congratulations,' the nun led me back to my daughter's room.

My daughter. Even to this day, it's still a pretty freaky thing for me to get my head around the notion.

Looking up from her coloring book, which was her favorite item 'in the whole wide world,' Carissa gasped and shouted excitedly, "Mister Duo!" She sprung to her feet and ran for me. Making a dramatic grunt as I lifted her, I laughed and held her tightly as she wrapped her little arm around my neck.

Behind me, Sister Christie ran a hand over the child's light hair and smiled, "Carissa, we have some wonderful news for you."

"Really?" the little one grinned. Leaning back a bit to meet my eyes, she asked, "Are you gonna to stay here with me?"

Unable to help my own smile, I answered, "Well, I was hoping that you might want to stay with me." Her violet eyes widened again with another gasp as she froze in my arms.

Coming to my aid, Sister Christie nodded, "That's right, dear one. Duo is now your father."

Large tears pooled in Carissa's eyes as she whispered, as if afraid to say it too loud only for it to not be true, "Y-you're my daddy now?"

Trying hard to fight my own tears, I grinned widely, "You got it, munchkin." She smiled at the nickname that I had given her not long after our first meeting. "You can come and stay with me from now on, if you like." With a sniffle, she couldn't answer with words, but she threw her arms back around my neck. Rubbing her shaking back, I told her, "I'll try to be a good daddy for you."

Her shaking stopped and she kissed my cheek. "Thank you, D-Daddy," she tried on for size and I only smiled all the more. I knew I'd get used to that title pretty quickly.

"And I have a secret to tell you, child," Sister Christie said softly while taking Carissa into her own arms. Leaning in, she whispered something into the little girl's ear that brought a huge smile on her round face.

My daughter looked up into the sister's warm eyes and giggled, "Really?" When her protector for the last two years nodded with a wide smile of her own, they hugged tightly.

I never have asked Carissa what was whispered to her. Not because I don't think she'd share what it was. I just seemed right to keep their secret between them.

Sister Christie, along with several other sisters that ran the orphanage said their good-byes and then I was heading home with my little girl. Looking out the passenger side window as much as she could while being strapped down securely, her violet eyes were wide as they took in the nicer area of L2 where I lived. Every so often, I'd peer at her from the corner of my eyes and smile at her interest.

When we reached our house, I opened Carissa's door and helped her remove her seatbelt. Carefully, I took her up in one arm and used my free hand to lug the small bag carrying her few things. Silently, I was grateful for my many visits to the mall that I had made with Hilde to get some new clothes, toys and the kid's bedroom set up.

Squeezing her against my side, I grinned, "Welcome home, Carissa." She giggled excitedly, unable to take her eyes off the two-story house that I'd lived in for nearly ten years by then. Again, small tears filled her eyes and she seemed to be unable to find her voice.

As soon as we were inside, the lights in the living room turned on and we were greeted with a huge chorus of 'Surprise!' I froze in shock at finding Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Hilde, Howard, Sally and even Lady Une there. Behind them, two huge banners hung with the words, 'Welcome Home, Carissa and Congratulations Duo!'

My ex-roommate gave me a smirk and a wink. I should have known Hilde would have planned something like this. She still had a spare key to the house, after all. Quickly turning to the shocked girl in my care, I told her, "These are some of your aunts and uncles, kiddo."

Beaming at that, Carissa gasped, "I have a daddy and aunts and uncles too!? Cool!" The others laughed as they quickly gathered around to get acquainted with the new addition to the family.

The party had cake, ice cream and lots of gifts to be opened. One of the big kickers was the swing, slide and monkey bar set that my ex-Gundam 'brothers' had assembled together in the back yard. Between that, the clothes, necessities and toys that were bestowed, it was some time before I needed to worry about anything.

The only thing that would have made the night perfect was if Heero was there. Not wanting to spoil the mood, I quickly got rid of that thought.

Hugs and kisses were exchanged when my friends all had to head out when the hour grew late. Everyone had their own lives to get back to. Quatre had his family enterprise, Trowa the circus that he and his sister still worked for while Wufei, Sally and Lady Une were needed back at Preventer Headquarters early the next morning.

Over the years, we all managed to keep in touch even though the distance along with our new routines had us growing apart. Regardless of the slight drift between us, I knew that I could count on any one of them to be there for me at the drop of a hat should I need them. And they knew they could expect the same of me.

When all is said and done, that's what matters the most to me.

And so, Carissa changed into one of her new silk nightgowns and I tucked her into bed. Kissing her cheek, I gave a quiet 'good night.' She kissed my cheek back and whispered, "Good night, Daddy." With a wide yawn, she turned onto her side to snuggled tight into her purple and pink comforter.

I watched her with a smile on my face for a moment before heading for the door and turning out the light. I left the door open a crack in case of nightmares.

"Dear God," I heard Carissa's little voice speaking softly when I was in the hallway. I peered through the cracked opening to see her kneeling at the side of the bed with her hands folded, "Please bless my guardian angel parents, Sister Christie and the other kids at Saint Peter's. Please bless my Uncle Quatre, Uncle Trowa, Uncle Wufei, Uncle Howard, Aunt Heidi, Aunt Sally and Aunt Une. And please really bless my new Daddy. Amen."

Quickly making a sign of the cross, she jumped back into bed to pull the covers back over her and closed her eyes when her head hit the pillow. Smiling, I straightened and headed to my own room.

Yea, I decided then and there, I really could get used to the parenting thing.

*   *   *   *   *   *

The next couple of months, a new routine was made... Get up and make breakfast. Drop Carissa off at daycare. Work. Pick Carissa back up and make dinner. Have Daddy-Daughter time. Read a bedtime story. Give Carissa a moment to say her prayers and tuck her in.

Everything was going just swimmingly. I even started to wonder what the hell I had once been so worried over when it came to being a father. Of course, parenthood is work and can be stressful at times, but the rewards that came with it made it all worth it.

Life was good. Life was simple.

But as we all know, life never stays simple forever.

*   *   *   *   *   *

The dishes were just cleaned from dinner and the leftovers put away when I went to check on Carissa in the living room. Sitting before the television, she had her favorite teddy bear in her lap as she swung back and forth while singing along with one of her favorite kid programs. Grateful that she seemed to be fine entertaining herself, I smiled and pat the top of her head as I walked by to lie on the couch behind her.

It had been a particularly long day at work, as it had been all that week. The busy season had just started, so requests were coming in left and right. While it made the time fly, the work that went into keeping on top of everything was pretty brutal. So far, the crew and I were able to stay a few steps ahead of the game with the long hours we had put in that day.

Good thing my neighbors were patient enough to look after Carissa for a little longer than usual. They seemed more than happy to do so, saying that she was one of the easiest kids they'd ever had to manage. That wasn't very hard for me to believe.

Watching my daughter from the couch, I stretched and stifled a yawn and got. I was ready to make it an early night when the doorbell rang. 'Fuck,' was the first word in my head. I have to admit that I have been excellent in censoring myself around a certain pair of little ears.

"Doorbell, Daddy," Carissa announced cheerfully, without looking back from the screen. I chuckled deeply to myself and shook my head in amusement. With a little effort on the part of my sore joints, I grunted and moved up from the couch to head to the door.

Not bothering with the peephole, I just opened my home and froze when my eyes met cobalt staring back at me.

He was just as I remembered from the last time I saw him... though taller, of course. Maybe had an inch or two on me. Long retired was the green tank. Instead, he wore a grey T-shirt that hugged his form perfectly along with the blue jeans on him.

When I took a better look at him, however, the mix of emotions running through me were beaten out by worry. The dark circle under those deep blue eyes that and the sagged shoulders betrayed the exhaustion that he was fighting.

A million things flew into my head to say at that moment. 'Where in the fuck have you been for the last nine years?' was the first. The rest were all pretty similar. After all of the time that had passed between us, my mouth finally opened to say the first words between us in almost a decade...

"Hello, Heero."

Fucking brilliant, I know. But it was all that I could get out that that particular moment. At least my voice was steady.

With a small but firm nod, he greeted simply, "Duo." Damn. Years later and that voice still sent a shockwave up and down my spine.

Before I could ask one of the many lovely questions that had been floating around, Carissa nearly made me jump when her little head popped out from behind my leg. Kid was getting as good at sneaking up on someone as I was. It was only a matter of time before her curiosity of who was at the door got the better of her enough to drag her away from one of her favorite cartoons.

At the sight of my daughter, Heero's eyes widened a bit. Smiling one of her thousand-watt smiles, she waved up to our guest, "Hello."

Heero actually sputtered a bit before replying with a quiet, "H-Hello." When he tore his gaze away from her and to look back at me, he regained the stoic mask that fell into place so easily on him. "I didn't mean to intrude," he finally spoke again. Quickly, he bent down to grip the strap of the large, red duffle bag that was sitting beside him and moved as if to turn away.

"You're not intruding at all," I all but shouted to stop him. I was surprised that I had composed myself enough to keep from physically holding him in place. When he paused at the top step, he turned to face with a deep frown that said he didn't believe me. Stepping aside, I grinned, "Come on in."

There was a brief hesitation on his part. He glanced back at Carissa then back to me and slowly entered the house. Closing the door after him, ever the polite host, I took his bag and sealed it away in the closet. I had half the mind to lock it in there in hopes that it would keep Heero put for a while.

Carissa finally tugged on my sweatpants to get my attention. Looking up at me, she pointed at our guest and asked the question that I knew was killing her, "Who's that, Daddy?"

At the word 'daddy,' I actually saw a flash of something in Heero's eyes. What it was I couldn't tell. But it was almost as if having confirmation that the little one was mine... disappointed him somehow.

But then, I never was the best judge when it came to what went through his mind. Despite the fact that Heero and I fought two wars together by each other's side more often than any of the others, he was still a mystery to me in many ways.

Taking my daughter up into my arms, I smiled, "This is my best friend, Heero. He and I go waaaaay back, just like your Uncles Quatre, Trowa and Wufei." I gestured to my 'old pal' and nodded, "Heero, this is Carissa."

"My name means beloved," she added with a bright grin as she wrapped her little arms around my neck.

Heero blinked a the child for a moment before frowning to me, "I wasn't aware that you and Hilde --"

Already knowing where his thought was going, I laughed, cutting him off before his comment could confuse the young one listening. Shaking my head when his frown only deepened, I told him, "I just adopted Carissa, here, about three months ago." I turned to the child in my arms. "Isn't that right, munchkin?"

She giggled and threw her arms back around my neck, cheering, "Yep!" Out of the corner of my eyes, I could have sworn that Heero relaxed a bit at the news. Throwing the thought aside as probably being a wishful thought, I lowered Carissa back down and winked to her, "Why don't you go finish your show, sweetie? I'm going to make some tea for Heero, here. It's a pretty chilly night out there."

"Okay, Daddy," she nodded before running back off to the living room. Just before disappearing, she called to my ex-fellow pilot, "Nice to meet you, Mister Heewo." I chuckled deeply to myself, knowing that the pronunciation of the 'r' in his name would be a challenge even for one as bright as her. But the manners she picked up in a Catholic orphanage never slipped.

The tiniest of smirks tugged Heero's mouth as he called back, "You too, Carissa."

It only proved something that Wufei would mention every time he and Sally would stop over and visit. 'That girl could charm the stars from the sky if she wanted to.' Seeing how she so easily managed to get a smile out of my old partner, an equally impossible feat, I had to agree all the more.

I gestured with my head for Heero to follow me into the kitchen. He slipped in step silently behind and took a seat at the small table in the room as I moved to the stove.

Much to my surprise, Heero was the first one to speak again. "So you have a daughter," he stated while folding his hands together on the table. "I would have thought that Sally and Wufei would be the first to start a family."

I laughed at that, "Yea. He was pretty surprised that I beat him to the family man role, too." Starting up a burner after filling up the kettle, I asked, "So how the heck have you been? Nine years. Most have a load of stories to share."

He just shrugged, "I've mostly been moving from place to place. I never really settled too long to come up with anything too exciting to share."

Somehow, I'd figured as much and left it at that.

The kettle whistle blew soon after and I pour two cups of herbal tea. Between the chill that fell on the Colony that night and Heero's obvious strenuous travel before arriving here, I thought it a better thing to serve than coffee.

With a quiet 'Arigato' when I slid him his cup, the ex-Wing pilot took a small sip. Sitting across from him, I grinned and tried to get my sincerity across when I said, "It's really good to see you, man. I've missed you."

Slowly lowering his cup as his gaze settled on me, Heero gave the smallest of smirks and replied, "Well, I figured, since I happened to be in the area I best at least say 'hello.'" He gestured to the door that led towards the living room, "I'm still trying getting over the girl."

I chucked at that and nodded. I could only imagine how the others were probably still 'getting over' my being a father as well.

His hand rose to cover his mouth as it opened to a wide yawn, his cobalt eyes drifted closed for a moment. I took the opportunity to voice my concern. "Not to be harsh or anything, 'Ro," I began, keeping my voice down so Carissa wouldn't hear the next part, "But you look like shit."

It was a night of shock for me as his smile grew a bit. Looking away from me, that wonderful expression faded. "I'm just so tired of looking for my place in this world only to find that there is none," he whispered so softly that I had to strain to hear.

My heart tightened in my chest in hearing that longing in his voice. It was something I'd never imagined hearing from him. His eyes widened a bit, as if realizing that he had just spoken that last part aloud.

Shaking his head, Heero began to rise from his chair and frowned, "I better get going to check into my hotel room."

I beat him to the doorway and quickly offered, "You can stay here. There's a spare room upstairs and the bed will be way better than any hotel's here on L2."

Those dark circled eyes met mine, bearing down and probing for something in my gaze. Finally, most likely because he was just too tired to argue, Heero sighed deeply and nodded, "All right. If you're sure that it's not much trouble."

"No trouble," I grinned. Turning on my heel, I all but ran from the room and headed upstairs.

Before Heero was finished with his cancellation of the hotel room, the spare bed was made and ready. Shaking his head in amusement, my old comrade entered the room with a quiet 'good night.' The door was closed behind him and I could feel the sides of my face hurting from smiling so much.

As I tucked Carissa in soon after, she asked me, "Will Mister Heewo be staying with us for a while, Daddy? I like him." She had a way of liking everybody I liked.

"I hope so, kiddo," was all I could answer. "I hope so."

*   *   *   *   *   *

For the next two days and two nights straight, Heero slept. Only getting up when absolutely needed, and practically sleep walking when he did, he just slept the time away.

I'd only seen him like that once before -- when he'd pushed his body to the brink for the sake of an mission that lasted for days. Having experienced that incident, I knew he just needed space and time to refuel his energy.

So, Heero took advantage of a soft bed and familiar company that would watch his back while he gave his body the rest it needed. I was more than pleased by the fact that he felt comfortable enough in my own place, on my watch, to let his guard down for the first time in what was apparently a long time.

During those two days, I stayed home not just to put him more at ease, but to make sure that he wouldn't slip out without saying goodbye while I was away.

Carissa asked me once if 'Heewo' was ever going to stay awake. I just laughed and explained that he'd been through a lot so he needed his rest. It was enough for her and she never mentioned it again.

Meanwhile, I was taking the time to work out a deal with Hilde. The yard could always use a few more workers considering how many new clients we were picking up on a regular basis. Our 'busy seasons' were pretty much blurring together to become busy years.

Bless my 'sister's' heart, she was more than happy with the idea of making a job offer. And so, on the third day, Hilde came over to sit in waiting.

Finished with his shower and dressed into T-shirt and jeans, Heero stepped out of the bathroom looking like himself for the first time since arriving at my house. Finding me and Hilde at the dining room table, he assumed correctly that we were waiting on him and took a seat.

Hilde went right to business, going over all of the tasks and responsibilities of a crewman at the yard. She left nothing out and made sure to remind him throughout her speech that we were shorthanded and needed the assistance as not to make him think that we were only offering this to coax him to stay. When she was finished, there was a long silence.

I had fully prepared myself to be ready for Heero's decline. But when he eventually spoke, he nodded, "All right. But I'll be gone in two months."

Two months. It certainly was better than nothing. I could live with two months of being close to him again.

"Wonderful," Hilde smiled brightly as she clapped her hands together. "I'll head back to the office to get the paperwork ready, then." She gave Carissa a huge hug and kiss before heading back to work for the day.

Once she was gone, Heero moved to the closet to retrieve his duffle bag. When he looked back at me, he stated, "I better unpack, then." I smiled in relief as he headed for the stairs. He certainly did know me enough not to argue the living arrangements.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Heero's first day on the job, the paperwork was handled and I handed over a pair of industrial work gloves. I gave the tour and introduced our trainer, Gavin, who took over the reins from there. I went back to my office to see where I would be needed most that day while Hilde overlooked our new requests.

The day went quickly and when I was reunited with Heero, I was happy to see that he wasn't scowling. That certainly was a good sign that he didn't mind the work.

We got in my car and I picked up Carissa from the neighbors. When we were reunited, she hugged my neck as I lifted her and kissed my cheek. Turning in my arms, she reached out to Heero. A resistant look crossed his face. Instead of hugging her, he reached up to pat her head. The little one just giggled and threw her arms back around my neck again.

And so, we had developed a new routine.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Nearly a week into his stay with us, Heero was in the living room keeping an eye on Carissa while I was busy cooking up some pasta. At her little, pink table, she played 'tea party' complete with make believe tea and some of her stuffed animals. I could hear the clicking of laptop keys over my daughter's conversation with her party guests.

"Heewo," Carissa began out of the blue. "Why don't you like hugs? You never hug anyone."

The key tapping stopped and I could imagine the half-hearted glare on his face that he would give her whenever she asked something he thought should have been obvious. "I don't hug," he said simply before his fingers went back to paging through the latest news reports.

Her smile in her voice, my little girl replied, "Well, I love hugs. Daddy gives the best hugs. I bet you'll smile more if you let him hug you." I cursed quietly to myself when my hand slipped at her words, burning it on the side of the boiling pot. In all her innocence, Carissa sure could be a little troublemaker without realizing it.

Again, the insistent clicking stopped. "I don't hug or kiss," Heero stated firmly. "And your tea is getting cold." Ah, my old friend certainly never lost his ability to change the subject when he wanted to. Giggling, Carissa addressed her stuffed animals once more and resumed her little game.

I couldn't help but laugh quietly to myself as I brought my attention back to dinner.

*   *   *   *   *   *

"And Beauty and her Prince lived happily ever after," I read. "The end." Closing the book and tucking Carissa under her covers, I grinned as she fought to keep her eyes open. "Love ya, munchkin," I told her and kissed her forehead.

Yawning, she answered, "Love you, too, Daddy." I rose from my chair beside the bed, I moved towards the door just as she called, "Daddy, is Heewo going to stay sad? He don't smile much."

My mouth tugged up as I turned to her and shrugged, "I don't think that he's sad, necessarily, kiddo. I think it's just hard for him to know when he's happy. He never had many reasons to smile before." It was as simple and honest an explanation I could give to help her understand.

Her violet eyes looked up to the ceiling and she had a thoughtful look on her face. A light bulb seemed to go off and she smiled brightly, "Okay. Good night, Daddy." That said, she turned onto her side and closed her eyes.

Shaking my head, I closed the door partway behind me. On my way into the hallway, I heard a few hurried steps just before the door to Heero's room down the hall closed quietly.

It was the same every other night. He would claim that he wanted to turn in early and head to his room before I would tuck Carissa in, but his door would close as a sign that he'd been listening just outside the door.

What I had said about him was as much for my daughter's sake to understand as it had been for Heero to hear. He needed to remember that people did care about him and wanted him to be happy.

Still, I was a bit worried that I would wake in the morning and find that he was gone. Considering his history of up and leaving on a dime before things became unpleasant over the last nine years, I wouldn't have been surprised.

*   *   *   *   *   *

You could have knocked me over with a damned feather when I found him in the kitchen early the next morning making breakfast. It was the first meal that Heero ever cooked for us during his stay. Watching him for a moment, I noted the meal that he had going and was shocked to realize that he took the time to make up Carissa and my favorites.

As I neared, Heero looked up from the tray of pancakes that he was flipping and greeted, "'Morning." I know I must have looked like an idiot, mouth hung open and eyes wide while he turned back to his cooking.

My stupor was interrupted when Carissa walked past me in a little, yellow sundress with pink and blue flowers around the trim. Looking up at my friend, she smiled brightly, "Good morning, Heewo."

"Good morning, Carissa," he replied, casting her a small nod before focusing on his work. "I have your milk ready on the table." Sure as shit, when I looked over at the little table that I hadn't even glanced at up 'til then, the three place settings were ready with a tall glass of our choices of breakfast beverage.

Climbing into her chair by the setting with her milk, Carissa took few gulps. Finally snapping my mouth closed and breaking myself from my shock, I grinned, "This is a pleasant surprise. Thanks, Heero."

Her mouth rimmed with a white line from her milk, my daughter cheered, "Yes, thank you, Heewo." I took up her napkin to clean her face as I heard the old 'hn' of acknowledgement from the stove behind me.

We ate while Carissa chewed and swallowed between talking excitedly about her new friends from the daycare at a rapid pace. How kids find such energy first thing in the morning always astounded me. This time, however, I noticed a few moments where Heero was actually giving her some attention and really listened instead of plainly ignoring her as he always did before.

I smiled to myself. Seemed that something he overheard last night finally struck a cord with him.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Later that sunny Saturday afternoon, the three of us headed to the nearby park where Carissa loved riding her tricycle. As she pedaled ahead, but kept close enough that I could keep her in sight, I quietly told my old friend as he walked beside me, "Thanks for sticking around after last night." He paused and turned to me with wide cobalt eyes.

Quickly regaining his composure, Heero looked ahead again and asked, "How long have you known I've been listening in to your tucking-in ritual?"

"A few days now," I admitted. He just gave a small but firm nod and we continued to walk in silence for a time. Keeping a watch over my little girl, I smiled, "She really likes you, you know? Probably more than Quatre and the others and yet she has to work the hardest to get your acceptance."

Much to my wonder, Heero actually seemed to mull over that a bit with a deep frown burrowing in.

Instead of commenting on that subject further, he looked over at me and questioned suddenly, "What made you want to adopt, anyway? I never would have pictured you the type to want to do something like this on your own." He must have sensed the flash of pain that I tried to hide because he quickly added, "Not that you're not a fit parent. You're a good father, actually."

Words could not express what it felt like to hear something like that come from Heero Yuy. And it wasn't just the words, but the fact that there was a real sincerity in his voice when he said them. I blinked in surprise before grinning, "Thanks, man."

Gazing ahead to watch Carissa again, I shrugged, "Adopting is something I'd always had planned to do from as far back as the war. With Hilde moving out and business taking off, the timing was just right to do it. I never intended to go it alone, really. It's just how it turned out."

I almost patted myself on the back for that one. Once again, telling the truth without giving the whole of it.

The predictable 'Hn,' that Heero gave told me that he was somehow sure there was more to what I was saying. But he never asked me what that was.

Yes, I happen to know from being around the guy long enough how to interpret his 'hn's' and grunts. He has one for every kind of response. It's just something else that none of our friends could ever understand when it comes to the ex-Perfect Soldier.

"I'm sure that you had plenty of suitors over the years that would have been happy to help you," Heero finally commented. Once again, I could have sworn that there was an edge of jealousy in his words.

Sighing deeply, I replied, "There have been people that expressed interest. I just didn't see any of them as long-term partners in that way. And I'm not a one-night-stand kind of person. Besides, I've had to keep up a clean image over the years to have a better shot at being able to adopt.

"While sexual preference is not held against adults looking to take in a child, having a reputation of sleeping around isn't exactly something that's looked over in the background checks. But I don't have any regrets over not being with anyone yet."

The 'sexual preference' reference certainly woke Heero up. His back straightened rigidly and his cobalt eyes widened when his head snapped in my direction. The look was all too precious not to laugh at. So I did.

If he were at all disgusted with what he'd obviously learned about me, he never showed it. Recovering from his shock, he just nodded and looked onward again. "So what about you?" I finally managed to ask when my composure returned. "Find any companionship in all of your travels?"

Heero shook his head and looked away from me. "Never stayed anywhere long enough to even be bothered," he shrugged. "I also had a few express interest, but I never acted on it since I knew I wouldn't be around for long. Too many feelings on their end would have been involved and despite what most people think, I'm not one who likes hurting people that way."

Ah.

"So that's why you left Relena," I realized aloud. Without looking back, he nodded. Obviously, even after all of this time, the Vice Foreign Minister was someone that he cared about. It just wasn't in the way she'd hoped.

The sound of plastic wheels racing towards us brought my attention to Carissa as she approached with a wide smile and something in her right hand. Quickly jumping off of her bike, she ran up to my best friend, cheering, "Heewo! Look! I got there for you!" She thrust her hand in the air to show three colorful flowers that she must have picked as she rode along the blossom bushes.

What happened next took me aback.

Beside me, Heero just froze -- his cobalt eyes wide and the color almost drained completely from his face. The reaction confused me as much as it did my daughter. Tilting her head to the side, her pink helmet glistened in the sun as she explained, "Daddy said you might just need something to make you smile. Flowers always make me smile."

Very slowly, Heero reached down with a hand that was trembling. Taking the offered flowers in a tightening fist, he smiled at her in a way that I knew he was forcing past whatever it was that struck him. "Thank you, Carissa," he managed quietly.

Seeing him smile only made Carissa's own grin grow as far as it could. Quickly hugging his right leg tightly, she giggled, "You're welcome." She ran back to her tricycle and pedaled on ahead again. All the while, Heero just stared down at the flowers in his hand with something in those cobalt eyes that I couldn't read.

"You wanna talk about it, man?" I offered gently.

His answer was instant, but spoken in little more than a whisper. "No."

I had pretty much expected that that would be his response. So, I just left well enough alone and gently urged Heero along before Carissa got out of our sights.

For the remainder of our visit in the park, we spoke very little. Occasionally, Carissa would take a break from pedaling to get between Heero and me, taking either of our hands in her own so that we could swing her up from her feet as she giggled. Once again, I was plagued with thoughts of longing that Heero would be a permanent fixture in the 'family' we made.

Later that afternoon, I spotted the flowers in a small glass filled with water sitting on the windowsill in Heero's room. When he saw my eyes travel to it, he actually blushed a little and shrugged, "They were a gift. I couldn't just throw them away."

I just smiled and promised him I wouldn't tell anyone else about it. Obviously, something about Carissa's gesture made an impact on Heero.

And things like that are meant to stay private.

*   *   *   *   *   *

The weeks went by in a blink and before long, it was nearing the end of the second month since Heero's arrival on my doorstep. I'd tried to act calm and cool over it, but my stomach was doing its best impersonation of a twisted pretzel all the while. I never got the guts to ask my friend when he was actually planning on heading out, or where he might be headed in fear that it would only look as though I wanted him to go.

That couldn't have been the furthest thing from the truth.

Ever since Carissa had given Heero those flowers, he slowly but surely warmed up even more to her. There were even a couple of occasions when he accepted and returned her hugs when we picked her up from the neighbor's after work. There were movie outings, more visits to the park and other things that we all did together during those weeks of bliss.

Through it all, though, I kept reminding myself that it was only a matter of time before it would end. Just as my first 'family' had come to an end.

On the last day of the second month of our time together, I was working alongside Heero in the yard when Hilde's voice paged me over the PA system.

After picking up the closest phone to ring the office, my 'sister' informed me that my neighbor's son picked up a nasty bit of the flu and she didn't want Carissa to get sick. So, Hilde said that she would be watching her in the office for the last couple of hours left in the day. With that, I returned to help Heero with the car that we were in the middle of restoring.

It wasn't even an hour later when Hilde came running up to me with tears running down her face, shouting, "Duo, Carissa's gone! I turned my back for a second and now I can't find her! I've looked everywhere!"

The bottom of my stomach fell out as a wave of emotions went coursing along. I know that the anger that was part of what I was going through came out when I yelled at her, "What!? What do you mean she's gone!?"

Gasping sharply, her eyes widened in fear and she sputtered, "I-It's just like I said! I turned my back and she wasn't in the office anymore! She must be in the yard somewhere!" Through all of the panic and worry intermixing, I was having a hard time refraining from shaking Hilde for her mistake.

'In the yard somewhere,' echoed in my head. The yard, by then, covered nearly a mile around were the office was located. Trying to find a child amongst the debris and piles of junk was going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack. Not to mention the fact that there were bulldozers, cranes and all kinds of machinery moving around.

As if reading my thoughts, Heero took up his hand-held transmitter and shouted into it, "All crew, stop whatever you're doing now! Carissa's missing in the yard somewhere!" Almost instantly, the deafening roar of engines came to a halt for as far as I could hear while members of the staff shouted the announcement to anyone who missed Heero's transmission.

When a loud quiet fell on the yard, Heero took up his radio once again and ordered, "Everyone spread out and start looking." There were affirmatives both shouted and radioed over as my best friend gripped my shoulder and forced our eyes to meet. "We'll find her," he told me with all the certainty in the world before he ran off.

Silently grateful that one of us was thinking clearly, I looked back to Hilde as she wiped at the tears that kept coming. I bit my lip, guilty as hell at having snapped at her the way I had. There was still anger at her allowing this to happen, but it was an honest mistake that anyone could have made. Sighing deeply, I opened my arms and told her, "Come here."

Hilde all but collapsed against me, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck as she whispered brokenly, "I'm so sorry, Duo."

"Me too," I replied, rubbing her back soothingly. "Let's just focus on finding her, okay?" my voice cracked as the fear that had been building overpowered every other emotion I had. Quickly calming herself, Hilde straightened and nodded. Together, we began to scan the area.

There was no need to describe Carissa to any of the crew. Between the photos I kept on my desk and the visits to the yard that she would make with me, everyone had come to know her. Those that actually met her fell in love with her as instantly as I had. Those men and women on the staff I ran into that continued to search looked as worried as I felt. All around shouts of my little girl's name were heard.

Looking through pile after pile of junk, the minutes felt like hours as they passed --each one more difficult to handle. It wouldn't be but a few hours before it turned dark. Despite the number of people we had looking, it would take at least that long to do a thorough search of the lot. The thought my little daughter possibly trapped or hurt somewhere made me absolutely sick to my stomach. But I couldn't do anything more than look and call for Carissa in hopes that she'd answer.

I even did something that I swore I would never do. I prayed for the first time in years -- since my days in the Maxwell Church. I prayed to God, to Father Maxwell, to Sister Helen, Solo and all the others to look after my daughter and keep her safe until we found her.

The last of my sanity was about to slip away when Heero's voice announced calmly over my transmitter, "I found her, Duo. We're by the stacks of piping fixtures just north of the office." Beside me, Hilde muttered a word of thanks as she sighed deeply in relief. Obviously, I was not the only one who had been praying.

My eyes were already stinging from tears while I instantly headed in the direction given and reached for the radio at my hip. "Is she --" my voice broke and stopped any effort in my finishing the question.

Coming to the rescue as usual, Heero replied in a reassuring voice, "She's fine. We're heading back to the office now."

As unbelievably relieved as I was, I still wasn't going to be completely happy until I actually saw Carissa for myself. While running back to the office, I opened the line to all the crew and thanked them for their help and politely told them to get back to work. Or something like that, since I wasn't all that aware of anything but my wanting to get to my daughter.

Finally reaching the main building, Hilde and I just arrived as Heero stepped around the corner. In his arms, Carissa clung to his neck tightly and her head was buried in his shoulder. Fighting a small whimper at the sight of her, I whispered her name. Her head snapped up and turned so that our violet, and equally wet, eyes met. "Daddy!" she cried. Letting go of my partner's neck, she reached out to me as I ran towards them.

When I neared them, I noted how dirty the pair was. Most likely from the piping that had once belonged to sewers and industries for a number of different things. Ignoring the smell and the grime, I hugged Carissa tightly to me as she held onto my own neck for dear life. Sobbing against my shoulder, she trembled as I rubbed her back and repeatedly kissed her head. I finally let my own tears fall and pulled Heero into a one-armed hug. "Thank you," was all that I could manage in my shaky voice.

Nodding, he actually patted my back before pulling away. Hilde stepped into the scene and cupped Carissa's face in her hands. Wiping away the tears and smudges, she said gently, "Gods, Carissa, you had us scared to death. Why did you run off like that?"

"I wanted to find Daddy," Carissa answered with a sniffle. "I'm sowy, Aunt Hilde. The big noises scared me, so I hid."

Heero shrugged, "I figured that might happen when she was out in the yard. That's why I checked the piping fixtures first, since they're so close to the building and large enough for a child her size to slip in." Raising an eyebrow, he smirked at the girl in my arms, "However, finding the right pipe was a bit of a challenge, since most of them could have easily fit her."

Leave it to Heero. Whenever it came to finding someone, more often than not a mark during the war, he was brilliant in thinking the way that they would. It only made sense that he would use the same tactic in finding Carissa in the maze of a yard that she had to get lost in.

Pulling my daughter away so that our eyes met again, I smiled but asked firmly, "Well, you've learned your lesson about running away, right, kiddo?"

She bit her little lip and nodded enthusiastically. Satisfied with that, I decided against a punishment on top of the terrifying ordeal she just had. It always killed me whenever she cried.

Hugging her tightly, I suggested, "Let's get you home so you can take a bath and I can make dinner. Then, maybe we'll get some ice cream."

Carissa brightened a little at that and she sniffled again, "Okay, Daddy." With another hug and kiss for her niece, Hilde shooed Heero and I off home for the rest of the day.

That night, after I tucked my daughter into bed, I sat beside her bed and just watched her sleep for a while. After the scare of losing her that afternoon, I just wanted to reassure myself that she was all right. Finally, after what must have been at least an hour, I looked up just as Heero leaned up against the doorframe. Folding his arms, he suggested quietly, "You should get some sleep, yourself."

Any smartass comment I could have thrown back would have been pretty silly, considering I was already having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Still, my fatherly instincts wanted to keep me where I was and keep watch over the child sleeping soundly in her bed. "She's fine," Heero told me gently, but with that constant air of certainty.

After a long pause, he shook me to the core when he added, "You didn't fail her today." The thoughts and emotions that I had been holding back ever since reuniting with Carissa came rushing back at those words.

Slowly pushing myself up, I stepped into the hallway and closed Carissa's door. Meeting my ex-partner-in-crime's eyes, I frowned deeply, "I froze when I found out she was missing Heero. I couldn't even think. If you hadn't been there to ground me, not to mention remembering to have the team stop their machinery, who knows what could have happened to her. God forbid she was hurt while I was trying to get my head around what to do. I might have lost her if --"

"You're her father, Duo," he interrupted. "Of course you were in shock over the situation. But she's home and she's safe now."

I smiled watery, "Thanks to you." Heero just shrugged as if uncomfortable with the acknowledgement and lowered his own gaze a bit. I rubbed the back of my neck with one hand and wiped a few tears that had fallen as I chuckled bitterly, "You must think little of me -- first for freezing and now for getting upset over a hypothetical."

His cobalt eyes looked back up to meet mine. "No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "I would think less of you if you didn't." My eyes widened on him, at the sincerity in his tone and in that gaze of his.

Even after all of those years of separation, it was so important to me that I have Heero's respect. To know I had that respect -- that he didn't think that I was weak -- was the biggest compliment he could ever pay me.

I about fell over when he reached out to squeeze my shoulder with an ordered, "Get some sleep."

As he turned away from me and headed towards his bedroom, I was slammed in the chest in remembering that our time together was up. The last two months with Heero had been some of the happiest times in my life-only to be bested by the day I adopted Carissa. For the last two months, I had seen a slow but steady change in the normally stoic ex-Wing pilot. It was like watching a layer or two of ice melt away from him.

And he was going to be gone.

Swallowing past the lump that formed in my throat as I watched him reach his bedroom door, I called, "Heero..." He paused with his hand on the knob to look at me with an expectant look.

Nervously biting my lip, I grinned, "Uh... I just wanted to thank you... Not just for today, but for sticking around these last few weeks." Another lump formed that I had to clear away before I could manage, "I-it's been really nice... having you here."

One of those small, but beautiful smiles tugged Heero's lips. "Well, don't get too used to it," he warned. "I'll probably be leaving in a couple of months."

'Probably,' my mind repeated as I felt my heart skip for a breath. That wasn't a definite 'I will be leaving.' And even if it did happen, I was spared more time. More time to enjoy the little 'family' that we had become.

Quietly, Heero gave another 'Good night' before stepping into his room. Whispering the same to the closing door, I know that I must have been smiling like an idiot.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Four months later, Heero was still living in my house. At the half-way point, he had reminded me of the chance that he'd be gone in a couple of months, but he never actually left. I think it was his way of feeling like he had a way out guilt-free if things ever became uncomfortable for him.

Needless to say that in the rare occasion that Carissa was dropped off at the yard before we finished up, she stated put in Hilde's office until we were finished. Her ordeal certainly was not one that she ever intended to live through again. Very good news for my blood pressure.

Then, summer was coming to an end and so marked the time for me to get Carissa enrolled into kindergarten. After checking into the three schools closest to where we lived, I finally settled on the one that would be the best for my little girl. She was so excited to actually be going to school for the first time, while I was the one fretting nervously in hoping that everything would work out well.

On her first day of school, Carissa woke up before I had to bother stirring her. By the time I reached her room that morning, she was already dressed and had her little 'Beauty and the Beast' backpack strapped on with the supplies that she would need to get through her first four months.

As she grinned widely up at me, ready to take on the world, I felt my heart strings pulling in anxiety of letting her go.

I kept my shades on as I walked my daughter up to her school that day. Heero waited by the car, leaning his back against it with his arms folded as he watched. Other children Carissa's age laughed and ran into the large, red-bricked building with their teachers standing just outside the doorway with wide smiles as they greeted their class.

Looking around, there were a couple mothers who seemed to be having as hard a time as I was in letting their own little ones go as they stayed close to them as long as they could.

One of the teachers grinned in recognition of Carissa and me as we neared. "Come along, Carissa," she called. "We have cookies and milk waiting inside for you."

Unafraid of what lie ahead of her, Carissa stopped in her tracks to turn and smile up at me, "Bye, Daddy!" She opened her arms and laughed when I lifted her from the ground to kiss her cheek and hug her tightly.

"You just listen to Mrs. Jamison and be a good girl, sweetie," I whispered in her ear as she hung onto my neck in a tight grip. "I'll be back to pick you up after school."

Quickly kissing my cheek, she grinned, "Okay, Daddy."

Sighing deeply to myself, I reluctantly lowered her back to the ground. She turned to where the car was sitting and waved, "Bye, Heewo!" From the corner of my eye, I watched him grin and wave back.

With her farewells out of the way, Carissa turned and ran up the remainder of the walkway to her teacher. The tall, red-haired young woman smiled widely and took the little one by her hand. The pair waved at me one last time before stepping inside and disappearing from my sight.

As I slowly headed back to the car, I stuffed my hands into my jean pockets. Part of me felt silly for worrying the way that I was, for being as emotional as I was over the whole first day of school bit. But some things can't be helped.

Heero watched me as I neared with a look that I could have sworn was concern. My theory proved right when he gently lowered the sunglasses down the bridge of my nose to get a good look at my eyes before I could stop him. I had a hard time seeing him through the tears blurring my vision and my breath hitched in my throat when he reached up to gently wipe a stray tear that was rolling down my right cheek.

"Don't worry," he told me quietly. As if reading my thoughts, he calmed my fears by saying, "You'll always be her Daddy, no matter how big she gets." I know that my mouth opened and closed as I tried to say something to thank him, but I couldn't find my voice.

With his arms crossing against his chest, Heero looked back to the school as the last of the children ran inside. "So this is what a normal first day of school is like?" he asked.

Grateful for the change of subject, I dried my eyes and grinned, "Yep. Looks like." He just nodded, staring off with his cobalt eyes losing focus. I just let him take in whatever it was he was taking in. Finally, with a small nod, he rounded the car to slip into the passenger seat.

We were on our way to work when I warned in a growl, "One word to the guys bout how I cried today and you're dead." He chuckled at that. Not a cynical chuckle, but one of amusement that told me he'd never betray my trust like that.

He never did. The incident was never brought up again.

Of course, I was sick to my stomach all day while Carissa was having the time of her life. I had taken half of the day off from work to be able to pick her up for her first day instead of my neighbor. Hopped up on sugar and excitement from her first 'big kid' class, as she called it, my little one bounded for me when I arrived. Instantly, she was running at the mouth to tell me every exciting detail of the day.

Letting her go every morning after that got a little easier.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Fall arrived and with it came Halloween. To be honest, I couldn't tell you who was more excited, Carissa or me. Heero was looking forward to avoiding the whole holiday all together.

Unfortunately for him, I had other plans.

Not far from the yard was a playground with a full basketball court. As a means of stress relief, Heero and I regularly played some hoops there during our lunch. It never failed to remind me of the good 'ol times of playing for whatever school we had been stationed at for the time being at the early stages of the war.

It was a week before Halloween during one of our sessions of one-on-one that I realized I was running out of time to get Heero involved in Carissa's first Trick-or-Treating experience. I needed to start making my intentions known.

As I dribbled the ball with my back pressing up against him while he tried to steal, I smirked, "You know, I spotted this great pirate outfit that you'd be perfect for you."

With that innocent comment, Heero instantly put on the breaks and straightened. His cobalt eyes narrowing on me, he growled deeply, "No. I told you that I'm not getting in a costume of any kind."

Putting on my best pout, I huffed, "Aw. Here I went through all of the trouble of finding something that would be perfect for that scowl of yours." Another deep growl left my friend and he took the ball from my hands to make a clean shot from behind the half-court line.

Bastard always did have great aim.

Then it hit me.

Grinning widely, I offered, "All right. How about a bet, then? I'll shoot from half court and if I don't make it on the first and only attempt, I'll drop the whole idea. If I do make it, you have to dress up and go along with us."

Silently eyeing the straight line that went across the middle of the court, Heero smirked. Folding his arms and turning back to at me, he nodded firmly, "Fine. The half-court shot was always a problem for you. You get one attempt. Miss it and the discussion is over."

"And you'll uphold your end of the bargain if I make it?" I asked. He just gave me another nod. "Great!" I cheered and placed myself over the line. Spotting the net and my alignment to it, I raised my hands over my head and pushed off hard.

You know, I almost felt bad about not telling him that I'd spent months perfecting my half-court shot after the war... Almost. But then, I still have an adorable picture of a glaring pirate standing along with a little fairy princess and a grinning Grim Reaper.

We were eating candy from our outing through the middle of November.

*   *   *   *   *   *

It was the week following Thanksgiving when Heero and I showed up at the yard at ten minutes to eight as always. The day started out like any other. I would be getting my hands dirty as opposed to handling anything in the office. Filing and such never did appeal to me, but it was a necessary evil from time-to-time for a part owner of a business.

But this day, I was going to be working with Heero and a handful of my crew in the sorting through one of the many piles we had yet to get to. I always enjoyed sifting through a new lot to see what treasures it might have.

Bulldozers and lifts were brought in to clear away the heavier items from the mountain of a mound that we were working on. Heero and I directed the machinery through the clean up while getting elbow-deep into the pile, ourselves, to see what we could find.

It was almost lunch time when one of the bulldozers got stuck at the bottom of my side of the pile. Jimmy, one of the men that I personally hired from the Sweepers, was at the wheel cursing as he tried to back up and move forward to no avail.

The more the vehicle moved, the more whatever trapped it just held on. Seeing the trouble from where I was at the top of the hill, I called over to Heero that I would be lending a hand. He gave me a nod that he heard me and returned to his own work.

By the time I was half-way down the mound, something seemed off. The engine of the bulldozer was still running, but I couldn't see Jimmy in the cab. He would never leave such a big vehicle running like that. Carefully avoiding the sharp edges of metal that were jutting out here and there, I made myself move downward as quickly as I could.

When I was only a few feet away from the bulldozer, that was when I saw Jimmy sprawled out along the seat in the cab unconscious. Just then, the smell reached my nose and I went cold. What had trapped the bulldozer was a thick pipe that was corroding just beneath the pile.

At first glance, it seemed to be a part of the pile, but a better look showed that it was actually coming out of the ground -- and the shovel of the vehicle had cut it clean through. My eyes wide, I shouted to the others further up the hill, "Gas! Everyone get the hell out of here!"

As the others frantically screamed the word on to the rest of the team, I ran the remainder of the way to the bulldozer. By not taking it easy, I felt sharp objects cutting through my jeans, but I never registered the pain of it all.

Quickly covering my nose and mouth with my black T-shirt, I moved to the cab to get Jimmy out of there. Even through the material, I could smell the fumes of the gas that was leaking from the ruptured pipe. Despite the danger that I knew I was putting myself in, I just had to get Jimmy out of there.

It was nearly impossible to control my breathing after my hasty descent. Panting heavily, I was only taking in more gas by the time I finally reached the cab. I threw the door open and reached Jimmy just as my vision was blurring and my head began pounding. With a sharp cry of effort in controlling my slowing body, I somehow managed to grab and pull him off of the seat and over my shoulder.

Roughly landing back on the ground, I stumbled and tried to get my bearings. But the world was spinning and I couldn't find my footing. That was when I noticed that at some point in my rescue efforts, my shirt had slipped from my mouth and nose without my realizing.

As hard of a time as I was having just walking while carrying my crewman, I didn't even have the strength I needed to fix that problem. Every fiber of me was just moving in slow motion and ached with the slightest movement. My vision was going dark and from somewhere distant, I could have sworn that I heard Heero crying my name.

Through the haze of my sinking thoughts, a thought suddenly came over me. I forgot to turn the bulldozer's engine off. Famous starting and stopping on its own, it began to do so a few yards behind me. And the exhaust was known for combusting.

I collapsed to my knees and Jimmy rolled away from me as everything started going dark. One of the last images that I had was of a few oxygen-masked crewmen running into the scene.

'Too... late,' I tried to tell them, but I could barely think the words to myself. 'Too dangerous... turn back.'

That was when I heard it -- the idle engine revving on its own for sitting for too long. That would ignite the slightest spark in the exhaust. And with it, the whole world went red and black as I felt myself being hurled forward into the oblivion.

When I came to, the beeping of machines around me was the first sound that greeted me as my eyes slowly blinked open. No sooner had the blurry world around me started to focus did I remember what happened just before I blacked out. Panic-stricken, I tried to sit up, only for my weakened body and a hand that came to rest on my chest to force me to lie back down.

"Easy," a deep, familiar voice urged me gently. Turning to the source just to my right, I looked up into worried cobalt. Heero looked like an absolute wreck-like he hadn't slept in days as he slouched forward in his chair. Swallowing hard, he cleared his throat and told me quietly, "You had a close call back there. You need to relax."

God, everything hurt. It all came to me in a sudden rush. No longer having the adrenaline to numb the ache, every discomfort made itself known. The world almost went blurry again just from how intense the searing pain was.

I licked my dry lips and asked in a grated tone, "Jimmy?" Quickly reaching for the pitcher and cup sitting behind him, Heero poured me a drink and assisted me in holding it with my gauze-wrapped hand.

Only after I had enough did he answer, "He's going to be fine. He just came out of the purified oxygen chamber a half-hour ago. You got the worst of the blast."

Oh shit.

"The yard?" I barely managed, fearing the worst.

At that, Heero smirked, "Well, the pile's cleared." I chuckled deeply at the joke, but fell into a fit of coughing that made my lungs burn and chest ache something fierce. Broken ribs were definitely on the list of injuries, I learned the hard way. A newly filled cup of water appeared before my and I drank it quickly to stop the coughs. That concern was back in those eyes watching me.

Shaking his head, Heero finally said, "The yard's fine. The explosion was pretty contained. Only a couple of dozen feet were completely wiped away at the sight of the blast, amazingly."

After knowing that Jimmy was safe and my yard had survived, I finally gave myself a good look over. My neck couldn't lift too high without pain shooting through it, but I did get a glance at the mummy that I made. My entire chest, right arm and hand and left leg were wrapped in gauze while the other limbs had huge bandages spotting them. With my left hand, I reached back to feel my hair when I heard Heero gasp sharply.

Fuck. That was not a good sign.

"It's not that bad," he insisted quickly. Not a good sign at all.

When I got a hold of my braid, I lifted it before my eyes to see that it had been singed down more than half its length, enough was left to reach my shoulder blades at best. Then the world did begin to spin. As I lied back down, tears filled my eyes and I fought a sharp whimper that left me. All of the things that were tied to that damned hair. Losing so much of it hurt worse than any of the physical pains I was suffering.

I closed my eyes tightly and I could feel myself shaking, my whole body screaming in the pain that the movement caused. "Shhh," Heero whispered as one of his callused hands ran through my bangs.

"It's all right," he spoke softly. The reassurances continued until I finally stopped crying. The fact that not one of those phrases included something like 'It's just hair' or 'It'll grow back' told me that he understood how important my braid was to me... that it meant something.

The hand that had been running through my bangs moved to wipe away the tears that were rolling down my face when I looked up at Heero. "How long have I been out?" I inquired, wanting nothing more than to change the subject.

Shrugging, he replied, "About four hours." The color seemed to drain from his face and he shook his head again, as if willing some dark thoughts away. With a deep breath, Heero finally stated, "You weren't breathing when I got to you. It took six reps of the CPR I administered to take." He reached up to dry wash his face with his hands as he muttered, "Gods, I thought... I was so afraid that..."

"Daddy!?" Carissa's voice shrieked from the hallway, interrupting any further discussion. Both Heero and I snapped our heads towards the door. Quickly reminding myself not to move my head so quickly less I get another killer headache, I watched as Hilde carried my daughter into the room with her.

When those wet violet eyes met mine, Carissa whimpered, "D-Daddy." Hilde froze, her skin paling at the sight of me.

Part of me was not thrilled about having my daughter see me in the shape that I was in, but the other part was just so damned happy to see her. After losing her parents in an accident, I could only imagine how beside herself she was in thinking that she might be losing another father.

As Hilde stepped closer, Heero cleared his throat and leaned close to my ear to explain, "I told Hilde to bring her in so that she could see for herself that you were all right." He winced, and smirked sheepishly, "Well, as all right as you can be after what happened."

I nodded my appreciation to him as he opened his arms to the sniffling little girl and sat her in his lap so she could be close. "Hey, munchkin," I smiled, reaching up to dry her face with my good hand as not to scare her with the bandaged one. Carissa looked like she wanted to pull herself free to hug me, but forced herself to be satisfied with the little contact I could offer.

Biting her lip, she asked worriedly, "A-are you gonna get better, Daddy?"

Lightly wrapping his arms around her, Heero leaned his head close to reassure her with a small smile, "Your Daddy just needs some time, but he'll be all better."

His confidence did the trick on Carissa as she eased in his arms and her breathing calmed. Standing beside them, Hilde winked down to her niece, "He's right, sweetie, but we can't stay too long tonight. Your Daddy needs his rest."

My eyes were already getting pretty heavy when she said that. Despite the fact that I wanted nothing more than to hug Carissa and stay up all night to see that she was holding up okay, I knew better than to ignore my body's need to sleep.

Obviously seeing that I was already starting to drift off, Heero gently patted my little girl's head and told her gently, "I'll be here to keep an eye on your Dad while you stay with Aunt Hilde just for tonight. She'll be bringing you back first thing tomorrow morning, okay?"

Carissa looked up at him with tired eyes of her own as she nodded, "'k." That said, Heero carefully lifted her up so that she could kiss my cheek. "Good night, Daddy," she whispered.

"'Night, munchkin," I replied before kissing her back. "You be a good girl for Aunt Hilde." Carissa nodded and hugged Heero's neck. With a tiny smile, he patted her back before handing her over to Hilde.

Lightly squeezing my hand and giving me a wink, my business partner muttered her own 'good nights' before stepping from the room. A nurse entered soon after to add a sedative to my lovely cocktail of drugs. When she left, turning the light out on her way out, I was already feeling the effects kicking in and fought to keep my eyes open.

I had so many questions I had to ask Heero. As did my best to stay awake just a bit longer. But my eyes only grew heavier and heaver. "Get some rest, Duo," my best friend's voice soothed with a warm smile. The lights from the city that peered though the opened blinds almost made him glow in the darkness of the room. "I'm on watch tonight."

With the drugs messing with my thought process, those words brought on a familiar comfort from the days of the wars and I let my guard down. My eyes closed and I was pulled into a deep sleep once more.

*   *   *   *   *   *

The next day, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei had taken leave from their lives to stay at the house so they could take turns keeping watch over me in the hospital. It hardly seemed necessary since Heero hardly left my side other than to shower, eat and relieve himself.

After a few days of that, our friends headed back to their own homes with the promise to check up every couple days. To be honest, those calls were a lot easier to handle than having so many people physically hovering over me.

Carissa and Hilde made regular visits to break up the monotony that was my recovery time in bed.

Little by little, I was weaned off my pain medicine until all I needed was a low dosage to get me through the night. The bandages were removed to reveal the healing flesh that had been nearly burnt off. Physical therapy began half-way through my stay and I was able to sit up and bend my right arm on my own with little difficulty.

Granted, I could never heal as quickly as Heero ever could, but I was still able to surprise the doctors at how well I was recovering considering the accident I was involved in. I pushed myself to come out of it as quickly as I could. My daughter needed me at home and I was getting sick of being stuck in that damned room.

Finally, I was granted my reprieve. Given the word, Hilde and her soon-to-be-husband Matt came to pick Heero and me up from the hospital. It was going to be a while before I could get back to my normal functions. There was still pain in my chest and right arm that had suffered the worst. My head wounds healed, but I still got dizzy if I was on my feet for too long thanks to the remnants of the concussion I suffered.

In short, it was an order of 'minimal activity' for at least two weeks that I received from the doctors. Heero reassured them that he would see to it that I followed those standards. Bastard. How the hell was I supposed to keep that up with a four-year-old little girl? I needed to be there for Carissa.

Early the morning of my blessed release, Carissa came running into my room with an elated, "Daddy!" Still not quite up to bending and lifting, I was grateful when Heero did the job for me. When her little arms wrapped around my neck, I held her as tightly as I could and kissed her head.

Heero and Hilde managed to talk me into using a wheelchair to assist me out of the building until we reached the car waiting for us. Stretching out to lay in the back seat, I chuckled deeply when my little girl curled up against my chest.

My comrade in arms entered the other side and had me prop myself up by lying my back against him. One of his strong arms wrapped around my waist to keep me from shifting too much during the ride home. When my head rested back on his shoulder, I managed to drift off.

I would hear it from Hilde later how adorable the three of us looked curled up and asleep in her back seat. And with her always carrying a camera, she had the picture to prove it. I forgave her for the little invasion of privacy when she gave me a copy to frame for myself.

Once we returned to our home, I was lifted in Heero's arms and carefully lowered onto the plush couch in our living room. Hilde and her fiancˇMatt stuck around for a fine dinner that they cooked. By the time they were finished with cleaning the dishes, I was exhausted and already falling asleep on the sofa. The simple tasks of getting up and walking about occasionally had drained me.

Kissing my head, Hilde smiled and wished me a good night. On her and Matt's way to the front door, I heard her ordering Heero to stay home to keep an eye on me and Carissa until I was fully healed. Our paychecks would continue to come as usual even in our absences, she promised. The last bit of their conversation was lost as I went in and out of consciousness.

Finally coming to, I found myself back in my room and in my bed. The door was cracked open and light from Carissa's room poured onto the carpeted floor. The sound of Heero's voice speaking lowly reached my ears and I pushed the blanket off of me. Slowly and carefully rising from the bed, I stepped out into the hall and paused just outside of my daughter's room to listen in.

"And Cinderella and her Prince Charming lived happily ever after," Heero said quietly and I heard him close the book that he had been reading.

Heero Yuy reading a bedtime story. Wonders never ceased.

Unable to help myself, I peeked in just in time to catch my friend tucking Carissa in. Her eyelids heavy, my little girl looked up to him and frowned, "Heewo, is my Daddy really gonna be ok?" I could tell in her voice that she was fighting off tears and I was about to run into the room when Heero lowered himself to kneel beside the bed.

A small smile actually tugged Heero's lips as he folded his arms on the mattress and reassured her softly, "He's going to be fine, Carissa. He's just a little hurt, but he'll heal. Just like that scrape on your knee that you got a couple days ago healed. He just needs a little more time." Her violet eyes a bit more alert, they filled with relief and understanding.

Leaning closer to her, he all but whispered, "Your Daddy... is the strongest person that I've ever met. Including myself. So, you don't have anything to worry about. Okay?"

Carissa smiled at that and nodded, "'k." Sitting up, she reached to wrap her arms around his neck tightly. "Night, Heero," she told him.

His cobalt eyes widening then softening, he held her close and kissed her cheek. Tucking my daughter back in when she laid back down, Heero ran a hand through her brown bangs and smiled, "Good night, Carissa." That said, he turned and headed for the door with my turning away from the door just in time.

That only spared me a moment reprieve, thanks to my sluggish retreat. Just before I could reach my door, I heard a very concerned, "Duo?" Wincing, I turned around to find Heero standing before Carissa's closed door. The look on his face was a mix of worry and mortified realization.

"Sorry," I heard myself saying in a rush. "I just... I didn't mean to..." The words just were not coming and so I just gave up with a deep sigh, my shoulders sagging in defeat.

Heero cleared his throat and shrugged, "I know she's used to hearing a bedtime story before she goes to sleep. I hope that you don't mind my sitting in."

Shaking my head, I replied sincerely, "Of course not. Thank you for doing that for me." He seemed to ease a bit at that and just gave a firm nod. I looked back to my room and hesitated before going in.

After having someone by my side for over a week, the thought of going back to that empty space was not something that I was looking forward to. What was worse, I knew the nightmares that would come thanks to the pain medication I still needed to get a decent enough night's sleep.

I would wake in the middle of the night at the hospital in a cold sweat thanks to the same medicine. With Heero there to soothe me back to sleep, it was easy to deal with.

But now, I would be on my own with my demons.

Then again, I could always just skip the medication and put up with the agony that tossing and turning would cause.

As if sensing my dilemma, Heero offered, "I could... sleep in your room if you want. Until you don't need your medication anymore. Knowing you, you'll skip out on the pills rather than deal with the dreams." I did my best not show my shock at his perfect read of me.

Swallowing hard, I tried to think of any sort of excuse I could to turn the offer down. He was only making such a suggestion to be nice and keep me from hurting myself more. It wasn't anything more than that. He didn't mean to stay with me because he cared about me the way I wished he would.

If he spent the next few nights with me, it would have been torture knowing that it wouldn't last.

With all of that, I still heard myself answer, "All right." 'Fuck!' was my immediate thought after. Not taking a second for me to change my mind, as I'm somehow sure he was expecting to happen, Heero was right behind me as I reentered my room.

Silently, he stripped down to his white tank top and grey sweatpants before slipping under the covers. Reaching over, he handed me the pills and a cup of water that he had set on the table beside the bed. I swallowed bitterly before handing the empty cup back.

We stayed on our sides of the bed, lying on our backs to stare at the ceiling. Heero stayed close enough that I knew that he was there, yet far enough to give me some personal space. Before long, the drugs were making my eyes heavy. "Hey, Ro," I managed to mumble. "Did you mean wha you said 'bout me ta Crisa?"

I could hear the hitch of his breath. Apparently, he was wondering if I caught that little comment when I was listening in. As my eyes drifted shut, I felt a hand lightly run through my bangs with a whispered, "I meant every word. Go to sleep, now, Duo."

The meds didn't give me a choice and I went under.

For the next few nights, Heero went into my bed without protest and without hesitation. I remember a good bit of the discussions that we had in the middle of the night when I woke from a lovely nightmare that startled my up in a cold sweat. Groggy from the effects of the pills and from just plain exhaustion, I opened up for the first time about my past to anyone.

To my amazement, Heero shared some of his own past with me. I wasn't sure his reason for relaying some of the more difficult times in his childhood. Maybe it was because I had opened the door by sharing my story. Whatever the case may have been, I'm still grateful to be the only one to know him on such a level.

It the was the telling of a mission gone wrong during his training that I suddenly understood Heero's reaction to Carissa's offering him flowers a few months before.

I was finally weaned completely off of the pain pills a week later. A curse and a blessing all at the same time. While I was thrilled to be able to sleep without the induced nightmares, the spot of the bed where Heero had stayed was cold and empty once again.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Christmas was a couple of weeks away and I was back to my old self. In the end, the hardest part was getting over my much shorter hair. The end of my braid barely reached past my shoulders and it was more difficult to get every strand to cooperate. Still, I was happy that it was long enough that I could still braid it at all.

Much to my shock, Heero announced to me that he wanted to get Carissa a puppy. Giving him the option a of couple times to back out if he wanted to, he only insisted on the idea as a way of putting his own demons to rest.

At the animal shelter, we found a new batch of Golden Retriever pups that were going quickly. I still remember how Heero's hand shook when he reached down into the box to pat the last puppy left. I placed my hand over his to help calm the trembling enough that he could reach the excited little guy.

Once he felt the light fur and gave it a few pats, Heero pulled back to let the pup lick his hand. And the most child-like, innocent smile lit his face. Laughing, he looked up at me with grateful shine in his eyes that melted me in an instant.

Needless to say, Heero took the cake on the best Christmas present that year. I was more than happy to let him have that.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Before any of us knew it, winter soon passed and Carissa's fifth birthday was rolling around quickly. Heero assisted me in preparing a party that I hoped she wouldn't soon forget.

Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Sally, Lady Une, Howard, Hilde, Matt, Catherine and even Dorothy had called to confirm their plans on being at the event. Along with Carissa's friends from her pre-school and daycare arriving, I was looking at over twenty guests for the day.

I minded every detail, right down to the colorful confetti that would be spread on the paper-clothed picnic table. Hilde and her newlywed husband came over early the day of the party to help Heero and me with the decorating and last-minute chores.

By the time my daughter woke, her violet eyes widened with a sharp gasp at the balloons, streamers and banners that were strewn about the back yard. Her eyes watered as she ran to me for a tight hug.

For one so young, she had enough life experiences to appreciate any sort of happiness in her life.

The guests arrived soon after, each with several colorfully wrapped presents and bright smiles. Heero took a moment to catch up with our brothers in arms as I set a place for the gifts in the living room to be opened after cake and ice cream.

Everything was running smoothly once everyone arrived. The radio in the backyard kept some lively music going as the guests all sat around to talk and laugh amongst one another. Max, our puppy, was excitedly going from person-to-person for affection. Carissa and her friends were playing one of several party games that Hilde and Matt were facilitating.

Heero and I were just about to break out the lunch food from the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Casting my friend a questioning look, he frowned and shrugged that he wasn't expecting anyone else either. Together, we headed to the front of the house.

Opening the door, I froze instantly with a sharp gasp at the sight of who was on the other side. Just behind me, I could sense Heero stiffening just as I had.

Slowly, a nervous smile tugged the lips of our newest arrival. Nodding firmly to us, Relena said quietly, "Duo. Heero. It's good to see you both again."

The former Queen of the Earth was every bit as lovely and perfect as I remembered from the last time I had seen her almost ten years before; the passing of time maturing her features to give her a much more distinguished look. Her grey and lilac business suit only added to that. Every hair was in place, pulled back in a low ponytail without so much as a loose wisp to be found.

I could only imagine how I looked at that time after a day of running around. I already knew that some of the hairs around my face were coming out of their hold. A few paint-covered hands had been placed on my black T-shirt during some of the kids' games to give some colorful splatters.

And here was this beautiful, prim and proper woman that was glancing over me with something in her eyes I couldn't read.

After an uncomfortable silence, Relena lifted a large box wrapped in deep purple paper with a light green bow on top. "I am sorry for coming unannounced," she said softly and in a voice I could only translate as sincere. "Is there room for one more?" Very unlike her, she seemed very unsure and almost nervous.

Smiling, I found myself nodding, "Of course, Lena." I stepped aside along with Heero so that she could enter. When I closed the door and looked to my partner in crime, I found him still very tense as he and the Vice-Foreign Minister gazed on each other.

Finally, Heero bowed his head a bit and stated, "I'm happy to see that you seem well, Relena." Politely, he accepted the gift to free her hands.

Her own anxiety seemed to ebb a bit at that and she smiled, "Same to you, Heero."

Carissa decided at that moment to come running into the scene, beaming with her hands still a bit colored from the paints that she had gotten into. "Daddy! Uncle Quatre is setting up a pin-- pin..." she stopped when she couldn't get the word out in her elation.

Chuckling deeply, I scooped her up and kissed her cheek. "Pin the tail on the donkey?" I winked to her. Her smile growing impossibly large, she nodded excitedly. Heero smirked and patted her back affectionately. When I looked back to Relena, her wide eyes were blinking. Gesturing to my child, I introduced, "Lena, this is Carissa. Carissa, this is your Aunt Relena."

"I have another aunt!" the little one exclaimed as she looked to the dapper young woman. Relena's eyes only grew all the more as she met my gaze as if asking that she heard me correctly. I nodded. Waving happily, Carissa grinned, "Hi. My name means beloved."

Quickly coming back to her senses, Relena looked back to the girl in my arms and smiled warmly, "Hello, Carissa. I'm so sorry that I haven't been around to meet you sooner, sweetheart. I'm afraid that I haven't been a very good aunt to you."

Stretching her arms out to her, Carissa said simply, "You're not bad, Aunt Relena. You're here now."

Hesitant for only a moment, the politician reached out to accept and return the tight hug that my daughter offered. Closing her eyes, Relena sighed deeply and the remainder of her discomfort completely faded before the embrace ended.

Quietly clearing her throat, the new 'aunt' ran a hand over Carissa's braided head and whispered "Thank you, little one. I really needed that. And I hope that you're having a wonderful birthday." She bit her lip before casting her eyes on me. "Actually, I just needed to speak to your daddy alone for a moment before I join the party, if that's all right with him."

Something about those words made Heero seemed to tense even more than when we found her on our doorstep. From the corner of my eye, I watched him swallow roughly. It was a simple request, and I certainly couldn't see any reason not to comply. "Sure," I answered. "We can meet in the living room, since everyone is out back."

I took the present from Heero's hands, finding them gripping the box tightly. My eyes met his and I almost gasped at the panic I found there. Covering the fear in a near instant, he forced a smile to the child I was holding in my other arm, "Come on, Carissa. Let's see how the game is coming along."

"'K," the little one replied as she went into his arms easily. As Heero head from the room with her, Carissa smiled in content and rested her head on his shoulder. Both Relena and I watched their departure until they were no longer in sight.

In little more than a breath, I heard her say, "Amazing. He... he seems like such a natural parent." Only able to nod at that since I didn't trust my voice, I led my guest into the living room.

Carefully setting the present amongst the pile in the far corner of the room as my new guest took a seat on one of the couches, I started with idle small talk. "Thank you for the gift, Lena. You really didn't have to."

I moved to sit in the couch beside of her while she chuckled deeply, "And what kind of an aunt would I be if I came to my niece's birthday party without a present?" An uncomfortable, forced snicker left me and I folded his hands in my lap.

Her smile growing wistful after a long pause, Relena shifted gears and said softly, "She's a beautiful little girl, Duo." Then the smile faded a bit with a small sigh.

Another silence fell and I was trying not to let on how anxious I was in anticipating whatever it was the Vice-Foreign Minister needed to discuss with me. Fortunately, she was kind enough to let me off the hook before too long. Straightening herself and folding her own hands in her lap, she took a very deep breath and met my eyes.

"In addition to wanting to wish Carissa the best on her big day, I also came here so that I could thank you in person," Relena told me.

Since that was the absolute last thing I expected to hear, my eyes widened. "T-thank me?" I stammered. "What for?" Certainly this young woman, who never wanted for anything, didn't travel through space to thank me for something.

Then, that kind smile returned to brighten her features. "For helping me grow up," she answered. Even more stumped, I felt my mouth opening and closing without any words actually coming out.

Relena came to my aid once more as she smirked, "I'll explain. I thought that I was in love with Heero." My fists clenched at that until I quickly realized that the word 'thought' was a part of that sentence.

"I was wrong," she continued with a deep frown. "I was selfish. And I was proud. I really believed that there was no one else that could make him happy... that there was no one else that he would want to be with more than me." Biting her lip and lowering her gaze, I could tell how difficult of an admission she was making.

Slowly raising her head again, I blinked in surprise in finding tears in Relena's eyes. "And then he left," she whispered. "The morning of my first speech following my abduction, I just had this feeling that I wasn't going to see him again. When I realized that my hunch was right, it felt like such a slap in the face."

The whole time she was speaking, I kept my eyes on her, but was fishing around the pockets of my jeans. Finally coming up with a couple of tissues I always carried around in case Carissa spilled something, I handed them over. Laughing quietly, Relena took them with a small, but grateful, "Thank you."

Dabbing her eyes, the former Queen went on, "And to make matters worse, he left a note saying goodbye... and asking me a favor." Our gazes met again and she swallowed hard before finding her voice enough to inform me, "In the note, he asked me that if I ever had the opportunity to do something for you to please do so as his only request."

My heart stopped in my chest and my lungs burned with the deep breath I took in. "Your letter to Saint Peter's Orphanage," I breathed. "That was why you spoke on my behalf."

Relief filled Relena's blue eyes and she nodded, "When I learned that you wished to adopt, I knew it was my chance to finally see to Heero's request. I wrote the best letter regarding a person's character that I had in me. Even though I envied you."

Nearly knocked back from that, I gaped at her. Relena Peacecraft. The one person that I envied more than any other was actually jealous of me!? It was impossible for me to fathom.

Smiling once more, Relena admitted, "I was envious of you because you were the one that Heero wanted to look out for. You were the one that he cared about more than me." My heart started hammering away as I took everything in, the pieces of a very large puzzle coming together.

The last of her tears gone, the Vice-Foreign Minister grinned, "It wasn't long after writing that letter, bitterly at the time, that I realized that I didn't love Heero. But you did."

Leaning close to me, Relena smiled, "I remembered from during the war how you're your eyes soften whenever he was close to you. I remembered how you would try to get an arm around his shoulder, or rub his head, anything to have some sort of contact with him. And that was when I knew that you were the one that truly loved him. Not only because of those things, but because you were willing to do the one thing that I was not."

A lump formed in my throat, knowing all too well where she was going with the conversation. And then she said it aloud, "You let him go, at the expense of your own happiness. You loved him, but you freed him to find his own place. Even if it wasn't meant to be with you."

It felt as through a fist was tightening around my chest, constricting everything as I sat there -- reminded of how lost I felt in learning of Heero's disappearance.

She reached over to take my hands into hers and squeezed them, "He knew that about you," Relena reassured me in a breath.

Gently, a hand wiped a stray tear from my face that I didn't even know had fallen. She leaned closer still and whispered, "I knew that he would come back to you eventually."

Unwilling to believe what she was implying, I looked to her and asked brokenly, "Even if it's true, what is there that I can I offer him that you can't?"

Relena gave me that stunning grin of hers and answered simply, "A place to call home. And genuine, unconditional love. What more can anyone ask for?"

She kissed my temple before rising to her feet. "I best see to the festivities and get more acquainted with your little one." Stopping at the doorway, the former Queen looked back to me and said, "She really is a lovely child, that Carissa."

I gave her a watery smile and replied, "Thank you, Lena." Turning, she stepped out of the room and left me alone to my swirling thoughts. All the while one overwhelming truth was what stuck out the most in my mind.

Heero was in love with me.

To be completely honest, the remainder of the party went in a blur. I was far too wrapped up in everything that I had come to find out. I recall the singing of 'Happy Birthday' and the gift opening, but for the most part, the rest of the afternoon and early evening is still pretty fuzzy.

However, I do remember Heero seeming uncomfortable in my presence. Now I knew exactly why he was so nervous when Relena asked to speak to me alone. He must have known what she needed to talk about.

Once the guests left and Carissa was read her bedtime story and kissed goodnight with Max sleeping at the foot of her bed, I headed back downstairs. Thanks to the help of our friends before they left, the party decorations and favors had been cleaned away as if the party was all a dream.

Heero was sitting on the glider chair in the back yard just as he was when I went to tuck my daughter in after her exciting day.

Slowly approaching the glider, I watched in silence as my best friend rock gently back and forth while he stared off ahead at nothing. With the brightness of the moon shining down on him and casting shadows, it only made him even more achingly beautiful. But he also seemed... lost. Much like he did during the wars when he let his guard down.

When I was standing just beside him, I somehow managed to say in little more than a breath, "You came here for me." Instantly, the glider stopped and his back stiffened.

Lowering his head, he sighed deeply, "So Relena did tell you about the note I left her."

Carefully settling down beside him, I begged, "Heero, please look at me." Almost reluctantly, he slowly raised his head to meet my gaze. "Why didn't you just tell me?" my nearly non-existent voice cracked.

The tiniest of smiles tugged Heero's lips at that as he answered softly, "I realized that I wanted more than a friendship with you not long before I disappeared. I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was just because we had worked so closely for so long or if they were genuine. So, I traveled and gave myself time to really consider my emotions and sort them out.

"Once I knew, beyond any doubt, that I actually was falling for you I came here to find you. I had this idea of how things were going to happen, but as soon as you opened the door to me, I needed to reassess everything." He took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably before admitting, "When I first came here and I saw Carissa, I... I was actually jealous."

Blinking my wide eyes, I sputtered, "J-jealous? Why? I told you that I adopted her."

Still looking a bit ill at ease, he swallowed roughly but kept our gazes locked. Finally, he replied, "I didn't think that there was room for me in your life. Whether you were with someone or not, you're a father. Nothing should come before your daughter. I needed time to see if I would fit into the picture."

As he sat up on the swing, Heero stared even deeper into my eyes when I had moved to say something in protest. "You know as well as I do that you needed time, as well," he stated firmly. "It would have been unfair for Carissa and yourself if you felt rushed into a relationship."

It was my turn to swallow roughly. I had to nod at that, knowing the truth of it. I wasn't ready when he appeared on my front step all those months ago. Christ, I was just getting used to being a new father at the time.

Heero took one of my hands in his and stared down at them. Lightly rubbing the back of it with his thumb, he told me gently, "Time went by and I started realizing that maybe I could make a place for myself. But by then, I was scared that I might ruin things."

Wonders never ceased. Heero Yuy scared of following his emotion as he always preached. All things considered, I couldn't blame him.

A sudden thought came to my mind and I heard myself asking, "If you disappeared to sort your feelings out, what was it that made you know that you wanted to be with me? That you might really be in love with me?"

His smile grew and warmed at that. Squeezing my hand, Heero looked back up into my eyes and answered quietly, "When I woke up and realized that no matter where I went, no matter the wonders I was able to see in my travels, I was never happier than I was when I was with you. That was how I knew. "

The air in my lungs rushed out in that heart-felt confession. The prickling of tears returned at realizing that I was able to have such a profound effect on him. I had fantasized hearing him saying all kinds of sentiments and sweet nothings to me. Not one of them could hold a candle to his answer just then.

"So," Heero began while reaching up to caress my cheek, "If there is room for me, I really would like to see where we could take this. I understand if I'm too late and you want to leave things as they are."

Leaning into his touch, my eyes drifted closed and I was willing to give him everything at that moment. But, just before I said as much, the responsibility that I had overwhelmed me and my response changed instantly.

I pulled back from his hand and looked into his gaze as I told him, "I have to think about more than myself in this, Heero. I have Carissa's feelings to take into consideration. If we didn't work out, it would not only kill me, but it would devastate her. She's already attached to you and it can't imagine if you were --"

My rush of words was cut off when a pair of lips pressed firmly against mine. Eyes widening then closing, I melted instantly into the kiss and met it with everything that I was worth.

When we pulled back for air, Heero gave me the most beautiful smile and cupped my face in my hands. "I love you," he breathed. "And I adore Carissa. I would sooner die than allow anything to hurt either of you, including me."

Instantly, at the intensity in those cobalt eyes, my worries were eased. We could make it work. I could trust him with everything.

Returning his smile, I knew better than to give my voice a try and nodded firmly. The vow was sealed with another gut-wrenching kiss that led on to a little more under the stars as we finally put down the boundaries that we had put up.

And so began our official journey down the same path together.

*   *   *   *   *   *

I can't help but recall of those wonderful memories, and so many more, as I now watch my lover and life partner dance the first of the 'Father-Daughter Dances' with our little girl.

At twenty-five, Carissa blossomed into a beautiful, intelligent young woman ready to take on the world. And she is breathtaking in her spaghetti-strapped wedding dress.

Heero looks as handsome as ever in his black suit, his hair just starting to grey a bit at the roots. He was actually worried when they started coming in, but they only serve to make him that much more distinguished. He and Carissa share a private conversation as well as some laughs as they spin along to the song playing.

From what little I can read from their lips, I can tell that they're speaking in Japanese. Heero was thrilled to teach Carissa his native tongue. Now fluent in Japanese and English, as well as three other languages, she was quite used to flipping from one to the other without trouble.

Standing along the edge of the dance floor, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Sally and Lady Une watch and snap pictures. The wedding photographer gets in for a few good shots.

We had been through a lot together over the years, Heero and I. There were our first, failed, attempts at being intimate before we got a handle on things. Our first official date. And before long, Heero's signing on as Carissa's legal parent. Our life partner ceremony followed a couple of years later with our daughter as flower girl.

And Carissa gave us a good run with all of her growing pains. Aside from the joys of her moving up in the world of school, there was our drawing straws to see who gave the 'birds and the bees' talk. Then came her 'goth phase', which thankfully only lasted a few months. A few tearful break-ups. Having to say goodbye to Max when he grew too old.

But, even as challenging as sad as those moments had been, we faced them as a family. There wasn't a problem that we couldn't handle in the end. And the great moments were exceptional. We laughed a lot, cried a lot, yelled a lot and I wouldn't trade a single experience for anything.

Now, I was about to love and lose again. This time, I was saying goodbye to my daughter. This day, this wedding, was something that I had both looked forward to and dreaded for a long time.

Looking over to the wedding table, I smile and nod to my new son-in-law. Derek smiles and nods back, raising a glass of champagne to me in a toast. I have to admit that I like the kid. He's a good guy and he treats Carissa the way she should be.

I remember finding Heero hacking into every database out there to see that Carissa wasn't with an offender of any sort. I just laughed it off and let him be his protective self.

Besides, I wanted to make sure everything was on the up-and-up, myself.

After several years in getting to know him -- and not able to find any reason to distrust him -- Heero and I gave our blessing to Derek when he asked for our little girl's hand.

My thoughts are interrupted when someone sits beside me. Looking over, I find Relena in her elegant, emerald green evening dress smiling at me. Like Heero and me, her own hair is starting to show some signs of aging. "It was a beautiful wedding, Duo," she says softly. "You and Heero did a wonderful job planning this."

I grin back, "Thanks, Lena. And thank you for giving Carissa that internship to work with you. It's a political science major's dream to be able to tour with a politician like yourself and Brandon."

Relena is so cute when she gets that wistful look at the mention of her husband's name, even after all of these years. I know I'm not much better whenever someone talks about Heero.

Sobering a bit, she states, "It's my pleasure. Carissa has a very bright future ahead in the world of politics. I don't know what Brandon and I would do without her sometimes."

A sudden realization hit me and I take her hand in mine. "You know, I never did officially thank you for telling me what you did at that birthday party," I frown deeply. "I know that it wasn't easy for you, and I can't thank you enough for helping Heero and I get together."

Lena just grinned, "Well, someone had to light a fire under the ass of that husband of yours." She leaned in and kissed my cheek with a whispered, "No thanks needed, my friend. I've never known either of you to be happier."

Applause filled the air at the end of the Father-Daughter Dance. I turn just in time to see Heero and Carissa kiss each other's cheeks and embrace tightly. The DJ announced the next dance just as my husband makes his way to our table. Kissing my cheek, he smiles, "That's your cue."

My stomach turned into knots and Relena joins the others at the edge of the dance floor with her camera. Slowly rising from my seat, I head for the center of the room where my daughter is waiting. As I near, Carissa giggles and curtsies. "May I have this dance, Dad?" she requests.

"I'd be honored," I answer almost hoarsely. Standing at almost my height, Carissa easily puts a hand on my shoulder and took the opposite hand in her own. The song began and we're twirling around the floor with camera flashes sparkling around us.

Recalling times of how she was once small enough to stand on my feet as we danced around the living room, the emotions that I had been holding back all day began seeping out.

My vision was shimmering a bit in realizing that this was almost the end of the road. In another hour, Carissa would be running off with her husband for their honeymoon. They would be heading back to their own home a whole town away to start their lives together. She wouldn't need me anymore.

Pulling back to fix her violet eyes on mine, Carissa whispers, "You're not losing me, Daddy. You're just gaining a son."

That helped me blink away some of the tears before they fell as I laugh, "I forgot that you inherited your Otou-san's ability to read my thoughts." The Japanese word of 'father' had become Heero's title as a means of telling us apart.

She chuckles deeply, "Well, Otou-san did also mention that he was worried that this would be hard on you." We keep dancing without missing a beat as Carissa tells me, "You know, Sister Christie whispered something to me just before you brought me home after the adoption process that I never forgot."

I remembered that scene as soon as I was mentioned. Considering that the conversation was a private one, I never did ask her about it. Her smile growing, Carissa's own eyes shimmer as she breathes, "She said that it was only fitting that my name means beloved. Because no other child would be loved more than I was. And she was right."

Unable to help a few tears from slipping, I try to remember how to breathe. Amazingly, we keep spinning around the floor without pause. Leaning in, my daughter kisses my cheek and whispers, "I love you, Daddy. And I'll always be your little girl."

The song ends and the air fills with applause again. Kissing Carissa's cheek, I don't dare try to say anything and just smile to her.

Before long, the last hour fades and the reception is over. Everything kind of blurs together as Carissa and Derek run off to the limo waiting to take them to the airport after saying goodbye to Heero and myself.

Numbly, I head back into the house that we had been living in together for a little over twenty years. Heero quietly turns the lights on to the rooms that we enter on the way to the living room while shedding our suit coats and loosening our ties.

Falling onto the couch, I sigh deeply and rest my head back on the soft cushions. Quietly sliding up beside me, Heero pulls me tightly in his arms and kisses my head. "Are you all right, Dad?" he asks quietly, the concern clear in his voice.

I really take a moment to think on that before answering right away. And really, I had been silly to be so upset over the wedding. I wasn't actually losing Carissa. I'd always be her Daddy and Heero would always be her Otou-san. Granted, we wouldn't be around each other as often as before, but it was time to let her go and live her own life... start her own family.

Looking up into the concerned cobalt eyes watching me, I smile and answer, "Yea. I'm all right."

Heero gives me that beautiful smile that he only gives me and kissing my lips gently. "You know," he starts with an amused tone when he pulls back. "This is the first time that we ever had the house to ourselves."

At that realization, the thought of moving on suddenly doesn't seem so bad. "That's right," I reply in a husky voice as he starts working away the buttons of my shirt. "So, what do you have in mind with this newfound freedom?"

Licking at the base of my exposed neck, Heero purrs, "First, I intend to make love to you all night." He pulls back to look me in the eye and comments, "Then maybe tomorrow we can get a puppy? One that's just ours?"

That child-like innocence is back in his gaze and I grin widely in knowing that his demons are finally behind him.

Nodding, I answer, "I think that's a great idea."

We'll find our way through this crazy thing called life just as we always have. Together.

OWARI

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