The Chibi Problem Part 20
The wedding was at 1300 on Saturday. I insisted on sitting at the back, but the twink of an usher kept trying to force me to the front of the church. He finally got the point when BabyDoll hissed at him and spread his wings warningly. Once seated, BabyDoll and the little guys spread out across the pew.
I explained that this was a serious occasion, so there would be no whistles, chirps, clicks, growls or drawn weapons. Everyone nodded seriously and flashed their most innocent expressions. I wasn't fooled for a minute, but BabyDoll was in charge. One false move from the juveniles, and they would be on the receiving end of the duo-from-hell.
As wedding ceremonies go, it was pretty standard. The bride wore white (yeah, right) and the groom wore his dress uniform. A captain, by the insignia, although he looked young to be so high in the ranks. He also sported a bowl of fruit salad on his chest, so he'd probably seen action somewhere. Action under fire always yields badges and ribbons. He was kind of cute too. I sort of hoped he wasn't a nice guy. If he was, my family would tear him up and spit him out.
The happy couple passed under an arch of swords leaving the church, and retired to the Officers' Club for the reception. The food was good -- it's always good when it's free -- and I was among the first to attack the buffet. Why do you think I always sit at the back?
BabyDoll cruised the line with me, pointing out what he and the juveniles would like. I fixed two plates for them and took them back to the table, then returned to get my own food. There was no reception line, so I didn't have to wait for that.
A couple of people looked as if they wanted to sit at the table I had commandeered, but they changed their minds when they saw the chibis. I could've counted it down until the appearance of Aunt Becky, looking harassed, hysterical and a beat away from a heart attack. Nothing to worry about, she's looked like that for as long as I can remember.
Hello, dear, she said breathlessly. So nice that you could come. We never get to see you anymore. Don't you think you should put your pets in the car? You know, with all the food?
Back atcha, Aunt Becky, I said with a grin. The boys here go with me everywhere. They have better table manners than most of the family.
She wavered uncertainly; she has never known how to take me. I think she ran a quick equation that included the cost of the reception, the crowd of people, half of whom were strangers and my long-standing tendency to be a pain in the butt, and decided to let it ride.
The chibis, meanwhile, were staring at her with unsmiling faces. BabyDoll stood up and walked toward her. He stopped in front of her and looked her up and down carefully.
"Shiiiniiigaaamiiiii!" he cried.
She gasped and took a couple of steps back. Oh my god! Does it bite?!
Nah. This is my Chibi, BabyDoll. That's just a greeting.
BabyDoll gave me a wide-eyed look over his shoulder. It's a greeting, all right, but not a friendly one. In that tone, it's more of a "Who the fuck are you?!" He had decided that she didn't smell right.
I put out my hand and he swarmed up my arm to sit on my shoulder. He nuzzled my cheek affectionately.
He's really a very sweet little guy. These other guys are juveniles that we're training. I pointed them out, one at a time. Happy, Zee, Demon, Justy and Ghost.
They looked at her. She looked at them.
They're, ah, very cute. She gave me a big false smile. Well! I'd better mingle!
We watched her go. BabyDoll snorted and looked up at me.
Yep, I agreed. I lifted my hand and he smacked my palm. Good job, guys, I laughed.
I decided that I should probably congratulate the happy couple and get it over with.
BabyDoll refused to get off my shoulder; he was obviously not about to let me mingle with these weirdos unprotected. Okay, okay, I conceded. But let's balance the picture.
I looked at the juveniles. Happy and Zee were already sociable. Ghost just blended. Obviously, Demon and Justy could use the socialization. I picked Demon, mostly because I didn't think he would go for a weapon the way Justy might. I set Demon on my other shoulder. He spread his white wings, shaking them out, and then folded them again. He crouched down and grabbed hold of my hair for stability.
Ready? I asked. He nodded and murmured "Omae."
I surveyed the remaining chibis. Okay. We'll be back after we do this. Guard the table, but no weapons or fighting. I thought for a few seconds. Ghost is in charge for this assignment. Happy and Zee hugged Ghost, and Justy grumbled a bit, but also hugged him. Ah, peace on the mesa.
The newlyweds were easy to find. I snuck up and gave the bride a fake hug and an air kiss before she realised who I was. She started to hug me back, but BabyDoll rumbled and leaned forward to hiss softly.
Oh, my lord! she shrieked. What the hell is that?!
Both chibis tensed.
He's not a 'that', he's a he. He's my chibi, BabyDoll. And this is Demon. Manners, guys, I reminded them.
He hissed at me! she declared.
He doesn't like people grabbing at me. BabyDoll is very protective. I petted him lightly and he purred.
Hey! Chibis!
I looked around to see the groom approaching with a couple of glasses.
These are great looking guys! he exclaimed. He handed the bride a glass. Look, honey! Chibis! My uncle had a chibi when I was a kid. Man, I had more fun with that little guy!
He stuck out his hand and introduced himself. I shook his hand and identified myself.
He hooked his free arm around my cousin, who looked slightly nonplused.
I always wanted a chibi of my own, but you know military life.
Sure do, I agreed easily. I'm a military brat.
His face lit up, but I deflected the approaching reminiscences.
So, you're familiar with chibis, I said instead. This is BabyDoll, my number-one. And this is Demon, one of the juveniles.
The guy then proceeded to win my heart and my sympathy. He extended his hand, palm up, and said very sincerely, A pleasure to meet you, BabyDoll. You're the best-looking duo I've ever seen.
Then he made a respectful nod to Demon. A pleasure to meet you, Demon. You are a very handsome heero. I'm sure you'll be even more impressive when you're grown.
Both chibis preened and made pleasured noises in his direction. BabyDoll chattered a bit, and the groom listened intently.
Then he looked at me. Did you bring others with you?
Whoa! The guy understood chibi! Holy shit! And he was married to the Harpy from Hell...
She looked rather disgruntled, and I figured he was gonna hear about this tonight.
Yeah, I brought five juveniles along for socialization. I'm looking to try some of them as companions for disabled people.
No shit! That'd be great! But what about the chibis' social lives? They don't like being alone.
I was thinking mated pairs only, and a network of visitors and play times to offer cross-pollination. I'm still in the thinking about it stage. I absolutely do not want my chibis to be unhappy anywhere, so there are a lot of details to consider.
I'm glad you're considering them, he said with a look of relief.
BabyDoll and the gundam are my friends. I make suggestions; they make the decisions.
He nodded, but my cousin rolled her eyes. You people and your animals, she sighed.
Demon glared at her, and the groom (his name is Scott, by the way) laughed.
Look at that, honey! A perfect heero glare! What a terrific typey little guy!
"Honey" gave me a look that suggested that I should curl up and die immediately. I dismissed the suggestion, but decided to take myself out of range anyway.
Well, you guys have a lot of people to talk to. Congratulations, good luck. Maybe we'll get a chance to talk chibis again sometime. Yeah, I thought, when hell freezes over, if she has anything to say about it.
But he went for his wallet, and pulled out a business card. Here, my email and phone number. I'd like to hear more about your project.
He looked at the chibis again. Damn! They're just gorgeous!
I got out of there before Cousin did a total meltdown and immolated the groom. Too bad. He seemed like a nice guy.
~*~
We drifted around the room for a bit. I greeted some of the relatives, answered questions about the chibis and generally amused myself with the startled looks we were getting. I was heading back to the table when a vaguely familiar voice caught my attention.
Just go away, it said imperiously. I'll sit where I damn well please. Go and suck up to someone else, Damon.
I looked around and spotted a very elderly woman shaking her cane in a young man's face.
I couldn't help grinning. Wouldn't you just know it? Aunt Millicent.
She was still giving Damon a ration when I strolled up.
Aunt Millicent; how are you?
She shot me a sharp glare. I'd be a damn sight better if this weasel would stop following me around!
The weasel in question was about 25 and weedy-looking, with a narrow face, pale brown eyes that never seemed to settle, a bad tendency to rake his upper teeth over his lower lip nervously, and wearing the worst-looking, expensive suit I've ever seen. Yep, my cousin (third or better, thank God!) Damon.
I looked at Damon, my weasel cousin, and smiled. I can smile almost as scary as Angel when I want to. Damon twitched violently.
You heard the lady, Damon. Didn't your parents teach you any manners? Get lost.
His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, until Demon snarled at him, wings rising. Damon squawked and took off.
Aunt Millicent huffed, reminding me of Killer. Thanks for that, she growled. The little pest has been on my tail all friggin' day. On Lucinda's orders, of course. I'm gonna kick that girl around the block when I catch up with her.
Lucinda is Damon's mother. Aunt Millicent is in her eighties, and as crusty and as defiant as ever. She needs a trailing weasel-boy like Killer and Angel need another weapon. I like Aunt Millicent and she has always liked me.
I've got a table over here, I offered. Just me and the guys.
She examined the chibis on my shoulders, and they returned the favor.
I heard you brought some animals, she said. Nobody here knows the difference between animals and chibis. Idiots. Where's that table?
I won't go into the next two hours, except to say that Aunt Millicent approved of the chibis and the chibis approved of her. At one point, Damon attempted to approach, but beat a hasty retreat when four of the chibis rose up and growled/snarled/hissed at him.
We ended up driving Aunt Millicent back to her motel, with the top down and the wind blowing in our hair. She got a kick out of BabyDoll, Happy and Demon doing their fake flying routine. Just before we took off from the motel, she slipped me her email and her website addresses. I promised to send mine to her. She spotted Damon scurrying toward us, and shooed me off, waving as we peeled out of the lot.
What do you think, guys? I asked as we cruised across town. You think she'd make a good chibi mommie? A flurry of nods answered. Justy began vocalizing a list of Aunt Millicent's virtues. I had to laugh, because the grumpy little guy had spent a lot of time on her shoulder, grumping and grumbling into her ear. I actually wondered if I might have to check her purse before we parted. She was pretty taken with him, as well. Two of a kind, you know.
TBC...
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