Nearly over now....
More to Life Part 6
Screaming. Pleading. The taste of him in my mouth, the slickness under my hands. He was mine. Pure pleasure raced through me again, sweeter this time because I had been in control. I had made him mine...
I blinked, reason finally returning after that rush of exhilaration, and felt my stomach churn.
Duo was sprawled limply on the bed beneath me, covered in bite marks and bruises... He had been pleading with me, screaming... and I hadn't stopped. His eyes were closed, and I remembered seeing them roll up in his head...
I reached up and felt the pulse point in his neck, feeling it throb reassuringly beneath my fingers. There were bite marks on his throat.
I had bit Jian's throat too.
I scrambled off the bed, away from Duo. He moaned slightly, but didn't move.
There were bruises on his hips, his ankles... more bite marks on his chest, his arms, his thighs - his lips looked swollen and bruised as well. There was a faint tang of blood in my mouth and I felt my stomach turn again...
Oh no...no...no... I closed my eyes and I could hear his voice pleading with me... screaming my name...
I had hurt him. Badly. I had lost control and hurt him. Just like I knew I would. I never should've- but he had kissed me, he had wanted me and I had given in, I had wanted him too much and I hurt him...
I found myself backed up against my dresser.
I loved Duo. I wanted Duo... and who knew what the hell I might do to him... I hadn't meant to do this... When he had kissed me and touched me, I had tried to remember what he said before, had let myself enjoy his touch, waited for him to call a halt to things.
But he hadn't. He'd wanted me and I willingly gave myself to him.
But afterwards... something in me had not liked submitting. Had wanted to possess Duo in turn, and I had succumbed to it- too easily.
The gun was a reassuring weight in my hand. How had I gotten it? Did it matter?
Duo would wake up soon. What would he do? Would he hate me for this? That thought hurt. Would he move out? Refuse to see me?
Worse still- what if he forgave me for this? What if he persisted in trying again?
I couldn't risk him. He had survived this time- I don't know how- I wasn't in control of myself... but next time?
I went into the bathroom and grabbed for a towel to muffle the gunshot. The towel rack clattered at my feet. I had yanked it off the wall. I stared at it for a moment, hearing Dr. J in my head...
"I've made you very powerful my boy. You'll have to be very careful... Don't forget what you are..."
And then Duo was there. His voice cracking and hoarse.
"Heero?" I flinched at the sound. He didn 't sound mad. I wanted him to be mad at me. I wanted him to hate me.
"I'm so sorry, Duo. So very sorry- I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't!" I wanted him to know that much at least. "I'm sorry- I told you that I would hurt someone! Why did you let me hurt you?" Like he could've stopped me! Why was I blaming him? This was all my fault! The gun was cold against my temple.
Duo looked puzzled, then shocked, and before I knew it he was holding me tightly against himself, his head next to mine.
I couldn't fire now; it would go through both of us.
"Heero, I don't know what the hell you are talking about. Tell me what's going on? Why do you think you hurt me?"
Why do I think I hurt him? I had hurt him!
I reached out a hand to touch the bruises and then stopped myself. I couldn't touch him.
"Can't you feel what I did? Haven't you seen it?"
"Seen what?" Duo didn't move.
"Look at yourself! Listen to yourself!"
"I'm not moving until you put the gun down."
Stubborn bastard. Why was he always like this? I tried another way.
"Duo, you were screaming and I didn't stop..."
"Damn right. I would've killed you if you had."
Huh? My brain stopped whirling for a moment out of sheer confusion.
"Idiot," Duo muttered in my ear. "I was screaming because it felt good- hell no, better than good. Fantastic. I didn't want you to stop. In fact, I want you to take me back to bed and do it again."
What!
I jerked away in surprise, and Duo managed to grab my wrist. The gun was in his hand a moment later. I backed away from him, feeling the cool surface of the bathtub against the back of my legs. Duo put the gun in one of the drawers, his eyes on me the whole time.
"Ready to listen now?"
"Duo-" I gestured to him. The marks seemed even more livid now. "Look at yourself..."
He glanced at the mirror and then back at me.
"Heero, love, I know you're sensitive on this subject, but I also know that J drummed in all kinds of medical crap into that head of yours. You look at me. Really look. As a medic. Am I injured that badly?"
I looked at him carefully, and sat down on the edge of the tub.
Bruised. That's all. And the bruises were mild ones... a day or two and they'd be gone... but...
"I still hurt you. I still lost control."
Duo blew his bangs out of his face and sat down on the floor in front of me.
"You lost control?"
"Yes." Maybe he was getting it.
"And all you did was get a little rough. And I liked it." Duo stretched, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "So, what's the problem?"
I blinked at him.
"What if next time I really hurt you?"
The smile became a grin. He eased himself up on his knees and leaned into me. His cheek rubbed against mine, his fingers slid into my hair, and I couldn't move. My body relaxed into his caresses without any permission from me.
"So, you want a next time?" He murmured against my cheek.
Wait- wasn't this off the topic? How did he manage to do this to me?
"Because I want one." He continued, mouth moving to my ear. "And one after that. And one after that..."
"Duo! I'm serious!"
"So am I." He kissed my cheek. "Trust yourself Heero. You didn't hurt me..." I opened my mouth to protest that I had and he kissed me. Lingeringly, slowly, gently... his arms went around my waist and I gave in. I couldn't resist him.
"What if..." I started when he let me.
"You won't. Besides," he leaned his forehead against mine. "I love you. I want to be with you. You wouldn't leave me, would you?"
My chest hurt. Duo loved me? I blinked at him.
He smiled.
"Cause if you broke my heart, I'd have to go move in with Quatre and Trowa and they don't have a big bed for me to hide in, and my best friend wouldn't be there for me to look after and to watch out for me, and no one would listen to me, really listen like you do, and I'd drive my partner crazy because I'd look sad all the time, and I wouldn't have anything to do other than work, so I'd be working myself into the ground again and no one could stop me, and I'd have to..."
Duo's expression was light, but there was a dark undertone as he rambled.
He was serious. He loved me. He needed me.
Then I needed to be here for him.
"I love you too." I told him.
The smile became relieved.
"Then let's move on, okay? We've wasted too much time in the past. I love you." He pulled me to my feet. "You love me. We'll work all the rest of it out. But you have to help me."
I held him close against me for a moment. "Okay."
I would make this work- for Duo.
TBC...
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