Many hugs and thanks to the patient reviewers...
And, yes, the ending may be abrupt- but Duo has been doing some thinking... as Chpt. 5 will hopefully explain.
More to Life Part 4
I had halfway expected Duo to kill me.
Well, not kill in the literal sense, but certainly be a bit more furious than he was. All he had done was told me that I needed to get his profile off that site- and if I didn't, he post one for me there. And get "highly creative" in the profile section.
I acquiesced, easily enough, and after breakfast I took his profile down and sent an email to Quatre while I was at it. He had been in on my little scheme. We hadn't really thought that it would work, but you never knew with Duo- he was pretty unpredictable. Even as he was threatening me, he had a half smile on his face, as though something either touched or amused him. Whatever it was got me off the hook.
I sat at my computer as Duo washed dishes, and looked at my inbox. All my computing jobs were finished up. I had some offers of new ones waiting there for me and I wondered if I shouldn't refuse them. Closing my programming business down wouldn't take too much effort and I have more time to keep an eye on Duo. I didn't want to get so wrapped up in my work again that I wouldn't see what was going on with him. If I really wanted to help him, I'd need to pay better attention.
Quatre and I had a few more ideas to get Duo out and seeing people, and I wanted to make sure I had the time to do the pushing. If I wasn't working, Duo couldn't use me as an excuse to get out of going.
I sighed. This whole thing was harder than I thought. I had been relieved that he'd emptied the inbox without looking at the offers, yet irritated at the same time that he wasn't even trying.
Duo needed someone. He needed someone to love him exclusively and take care of him. I loved him, only him, but I couldn't take care of him. Not in all the ways that he needed. I knew I was going to be irrational about Duo's dates, I knew no one was going to seem good enough. That's why I had asked Quatre for help. Quatre could be rational where I couldn't be.
Duo finished with the dishes and came to lean over my chair, an old habit of his from the war. "You have a few offers," he noted. "Which are you going to take?"
"I was thinking about not taking any of them." I told him honestly.
"Why?"
"Working two jobs is a bit excessive. I don't need the extra money..."
"And you'd stop this rather than quit Preventers?" There was a tone I couldn't identify in Duo's voice.
"The Preventers need me more."
I heard Duo take a deep breath. When I tilted my head back to look at him, he looked guilty. Why? Before I could ask, the phone rang.
Duo answered it.
"Quatre!"
Oh good. I tuned out their conversation and began writing the emails to turn down the computer programming jobs.
Duo appeared behind my chair again a few minutes later.
"How are you feeling this morning? Still kinda bruised?"
"Achy." I admitted. "Not too bad though. Why?"
"Do you want to go out tonight with Q, Tro and I?"
"Out where?"
"Dancing."
Ah. I knew this Quatre plan.
"No thank you," I replied. The last thing I wanted to do was go out and watch Duo hit on/be hit on by other people. Quatre and Trowa were a much better choice. Once Duo was dating someone it'd be easier, I hoped, but this whole mating ritual thing would be too much.
"Are you sure? You're going to abandon me to the lovebirds?"
"Duo, I've seen you at a club- I doubt you'll be alone for long."
I had seen Duo at clubs- either when we'd gone out with everyone, or when we'd been on undercover work. Duo was always popular, always a magnet for admiring gazes.
"I know. You could come along with me and glare at anyone who got too close."
"Isn't that the whole point of going?" I asked, turning to face him.
"No. I go to have fun and dance." Duo narrowed his gaze. "I think I know what you're insinuating Yuy and I don't like it."
Damn. He was kind of on to me. "But if you're at a club, they'll be lots of single... people there." I suggested hopefully. Might as well play into it. Maybe it will put the idea in his head at least.
"Don't even think about it." Duo frowned. "I'm taking a page from your book. Maybe I'm not cut out for it."
What? "You know why I don't date. That doesn't apply to you..."
"You didn't hurt me. I bet you have better control than you thought." Duo leaned over, well into my personal space. "Did you want to hurt me?"
"No!"
"Were you thinking about it?"
In all honesty, I hadn't been thinking of much at all. Duo had been so responsive...
"Heero?"
"No, I wasn't." I admitted. Duo's lips quirked into a smile.
"Maybe it's not as bad as you're thinking..." he suggested.
I met his eyes, and for a moment was tempted to pull his mouth down to mine. To taste him, feel the warmth of his skin under my tongue.
My mouth went dry as another memory intruded. The coppery taste of blood, the feel of skin under my nails, the screams...
I closed my eyes and his image sprang in front of my eyes. Red hair damp with blood- screaming...
"Heero!" Hands were on my shoulders, shaking me. I opened my eyes and found Duo's face even closer. "Heero! You okay?"
I could still hear him screaming... Jian... even after he had nothing left to scream with...
"It was bad," I told him, feeling myself start to shake. "Really bad. I can't... If I did that to someone else..."
Duo straddled my lap, putting his arms around my shoulders, holding me close. I hung onto him.
"Talk to me?"
"I can't." I didn't want him to know this.
"Heero. Tell me." Duo is stubborn. "You're scaring me."
"He-" I had to take another breath. "J called it a final exam for that part of my training. There were two of us. Our instructions- only one could walk out."
I couldn't tell him more. I couldn't.
Duo didn't press me. He just held me until I stopped shaking. Then he leaned back and looked at me carefully. "You okay?"
"Yes." I lied.
"Hm." He was frowning. "Heero-I know you don't want to talk about it, but..."
"Duo-" I started and he shook his head.
"Look. When we first talked about it, you said that you had been trained in several different things- tor... uh... hurting was just one..."
"The main one."
"Of course. But not the only one. You said your training could be used to manipulate or seduce your target. That doesn't sound like it involved hurting someone physically."
"It didn't."
"Maybe if you aren't using it to hurt, but for one of the other areas, the bad part of your training won't kick in. Have you thought of that?"
I hadn't actually. But then I had never used any of my training in that at all. Not after the 'exam'.
Duo hugged me again then got off of my lap. "Just think about it okay?"
~*~
The rest of the day passed uneventfully enough. Duo spent most of it curled up with a book on the sofa. Without any projects to do, I spent most of my time puttering around the apartment, doing the laundry, ordering groceries, playing with the cats, all the time thinking about what Duo had said.
Was it so easy? Somehow I didn't think so. But I wanted it to be. If I could touch someone like that- without hurting them- then maybe I could be what Duo needed.
It was too risky. Too much was at stake. What if my control wasn't good enough? What if I automatically slid into the other mode?
Jian screamed in my head again.
I shivered. I didn't want to hear Duo scream like that. Better to stay his friend. In a few months he'd find someone else, maybe move out of the apartment... how that thought hurt. What was I going to do?
Duo and I had a fairly quiet dinner, talking only about the case we had just finished and the ones waiting for us.
He helped me carry the dishes to the sink, and before I could turn the water on, he turned me around to face him and sank to his knees in front of me, hands clasped pleadingly before his chest.
"Oh please, kind beloved friend, will you not reconsider your plans this evening? Will you not go with me and lend me your strong right arm to beat the perverts off with?"
I had to laugh. "Duo, your arm is strong enough all on its own. Besides- my arm is not detachable."
"Then I will take all of you," he continued on, not missing a beat. "I need you to go with me and protect me not only from the perverts, but also from our dear misguided friends who will try and throw people at me all night!" Duo slapped the back of his hand to his forehead and placed the other one over his heart. "You would not leave me to their misguided matchmaking attempts..." He gave me a brief glare. "As you do KNOW how much I hate them!"
"And I hate clubs. You know that. I always feel out of place."
"You never look it. And you owe me Yuy! C'mon... please? It will be fun..." Duo widened his eyes, looking pitiful. "You know that Trowa and Quatre will be off dancing and I'll be all by myself..."
"Not for long." I countered. Duo sighed and got to his feet.
"Heero- please? I really want you to go." No teasing, no pleading- just wistful now... and I couldn't turn him down.
"All right."
"Thanks!" He hugged me tightly for a minute. "We'll have fun!"
I doubted that, but it was worth it to see him smile. I followed him back to the bedroom to get ready, mentally preparing myself for the trial ahead.
~*~
Quatre had picked a nice place to go clubbing- nice meaning that the music wasn't too loud- though we still had to raise our voices over the beat. There were tons of tables and the dance floor was actually pretty small. More people were talking than dancing.
Duo raised an eyebrow as he scanned the club. "How- sedate of you Quatre."
"This club is more of a hang-out than a dance place," Quatre smiled. "Thought you'd like it better. Easier to talk to people."
Duo shook his head slightly, easily catching the implied hint behind Quatre's statement, but he didn't reply.
We found a table in a corner far enough away from the dance floor and the speakers that all we had to do was lean close and we could talk in our normal ranges. Trowa fetched the first round of drinks. I sipped mine as I listened to the others talk. Quatre was deftly drawing attention to various people in the club. Duo kept switching back to other topics.
When the cute redhead approached our table though, Duo lost the battle.
"Hi!" She chirped. "Any of you guys wanna dance?"
"He does," Quatre, Trowa and I replied in unison, pointing at Duo.
Duo looked surprised, blinking at the three of us. Then he grinned. Laughing, he got to his feet and followed the girl to the dance floor.
"How's Duo doing?" Quatre leaned over the table. "Hilde's wedding news shook him, didn't it?"
"It did. Like I said in my email- I guess he knows the guy. He said that this guy was all the things that Duo wasn't..." I sighed.
Quatre frowned.
"We can't fix this for Duo," Trowa said, placing a hand on Quatre's arm. "We can only stand by him and give him little pushes." He glanced towards the dance floor where Duo was dancing with the redhead.
"I know." Quatre sighed.
"Come dance with me." I saw Quatre glance my way and I made a shooing gesture with my hand. They headed for the dance floor moments later.
I watched as they danced- Duo with several different partners, and thought things that I made sure never reached my face.
Several songs later Duo made his way back to the table.
"Don't let anyone take me back there," he told me dramatically.
"Why not? Several of them looked like nice girls."
"I'm sure they were," he grinned at me. "But I noticed you didn't dance with any of the ones that stopped to ask you..."
"I'm guarding the table."
"Is that what you told them?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Yes."
"Lame, Yuy."
"It worked." I pointed out.
"Good. That's my excuse then too."
"It doesn't take two people to watch a table."
"I'm your partner. You might need backup."
And Duo didn't budge again. He sat next to me at the table, despite all of our pushes to go back out and dance or at the very least talk to some of the interested parties.
He said that he'd rather spend his time with his friends than waste it with people he didn't know. We tried several tactics, but none of them worked.
Quatre looked more amused than upset by the end of the evening, though, and I wondered why. He and Trowa dropped us off and bid us good night. Duo was yawning pretty heavily by the time we got to our floor, and I was feeling tired as well.
"Well, that was fun, right?" I asked as we entered the apartment.
"It was okay." Duo shrugged. "I can think of better ways to spend the evening though."
"Like how?" I asked as I followed him down the hallway towards the bedroom. Lia and Liam blinked sleepily at us from their places on the bed as we flipped on the lights.
I saw Duo take a deep breath, visibly steeling himself.
Then he turned, quickly, pinning me against the wall.
"Like this," he said and kissed me.
TBC...
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