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Halloween Drabble 46
Chainsaw vs Shotgun

"Chainsaw or shotgun?"

Duo hid his amusement as he watched his partner process the question. A slow blink, a slight tilt of the head and then Heero turned away from his laptop to frown at Duo.

"For what?"

"The zombie invasion."

Heero sighed and Duo bit back a smile. "What zombie invasion?"

"The one that might happen anytime now."

"Duo, there are no such things as zombies."

"How do you know? Just because you've never seen one doesn't mean they don't exist."

Heero sighed again. "So what are you asking me exactly?"

"When the invasion starts, I figure we'll have to be the ones to take out the zombies. Which would you rather use? A chainsaw or a shotgun?"

"I'd rather use a beam cannon. Complete incineration would be the best way."

"You can't tote around a beam cannon."

Heero lifted an eyebrow. "You're talking about stocking up for a zombie invasion and you want me to be logical?"

"Look, it's traditionally a chainsaw or a shotgun. If you want a beam cannon, then you'd need Wing back and at that point you could just stomp on the zombies really. A beam cannon would be overkill."

"Since we're killing things that should be dead, overkill would be the way to go."

Duo couldn't help the smile that curved the corner of his lips. "Wing's gone, dude. He's not an option. Chainsaw or shotgun?"

"How about a flame thrower?"

"You might accidentally torch a few houses or something."

"If I'm fighting an army of zombies I don't think burning down a few things is going to matter much."

"Okay, so you have a point there, but c'mon. Imagine you're trapped someplace, surrounded by hordes of zombies and you only have a chainsaw or a shotgun to choose from. What is it going to be?"

"I wouldn't let myself get in that situation in the first place."

"It's an imaginary scenario."

"If it's imaginary, then I should get to use the beam cannon."

"Heero-"

"All right, all right. Which one would you take?"

"Why?"

"Because if I am somehow trapped by a horde of zombies with only a chainsaw and a shotgun, odds are you'll be there too."

"So?"

"We can't both use the same weapon if there are only those two things to choose from. So I'd end up using whichever one you didn't want to use." Duo opened his mouth to protest and then closed it again. Heero waited for a moment, looking smug. "Besides," he added, "wouldn't you rather use a grenade launcher? Multiple targets at a time?"

Duo's expression turned thoughtful and Heero's lips twitched, trying to hide his smile.

"You know me too well."

"I do," Heero started to turn back to his computer and then paused. A thought had occurred to him- an odd one- but this was Duo after all.... "There really isn't any possibility of a zombie attack, is there?"

His partner grinned.

OWARI

 

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