Second Chances Part 5
"Quatre? Quatre! Don't go! I'm so afraid! Please!"
Quiet sobbing could be heard over the blips of the monitors of the stark hospital room.
"Sir?" A nurse lay her hand on a slender shoulder. "There's nothing more you can do right now. You should try to get some rest."
The young man turned bloodshot eyes to the nurse. "Rest?" He rasped, his throat raw. "No. I won't leave him."
She sighed. It was obvious that he desperately loved the young man lying in the bed and he wasn't going to leave his side. She wouldn't force him to leave, she couldn't be that cruel.
Out in the hallway, Heero sat on the floor, his back to the wall by the door, holding a distraught Duo. The chestnut haired boy had cried himself out a while ago and now just sat with his face buried in Heero's chest, light shudders running through his body every few seconds. Heero was as worried about him as he was the two in the other room. Duo had been through hell in his short life and still he was so sensitive, he loved his friends deeply. He shouldn't have to go through these things anymore. It isn't right. None of us should. Hasn't everyone paid enough? He raged silently. Doesn't he deserve to live the rest of his life without tragedy? Don't those two in the other room deserve the same thing? And finally, he asked silently. Don't I?
He sighed as he gently stroked Duo's soft chestnut locks. He could see the stray strands starting to escape from the long braid. Tucking a few pieces behind Duo's ear, he spoke quietly. "Duo, you need to clean yourself up some. And so do I."
"I don't want to leave." The American whispered.
"I know, love. But we're probably going to be here awhile. We should look like visitors, not a couple of patients."
Duo sighed and sat up. Looking down at himself and his bloodstained clothes, he replied. "Yeah. I suppose you're right, but I don't want to go all the way home, Heero. We need to be here."
"There's a couple stores and a hotel right next door." Heero answered. "We can just buy some things and get a room." He smiled softly. "Is that all right?"
The two got up from the floor and Heero rapped lightly on the door. "Hey." He said quietly.
The young man inside lifted his head from the bed, where he'd been resting it. "Yes."
"We're going to leave for a short time. We need to get cleaned up." And I need to get Duo out of here for a bit. "Do you want us to bring you anything?"
Heero gestured at his clothes. "How about some fresh clothes? You need to look better than that when he wakes up."
"If he wakes up." He said bleakly.
"He will." Heero replied simply. He has too. We all need him here.
The young man shrugged. "Maybe, if you can pick me up a couple things."
"Glad to." Heero replied. "We'll be back shortly."
"All right." And he turned back to the still figure lying in the bed.
Heero watched the two for a minute, his face worried, before turning away. Please. If there's a higher power up there, Please, don't let him die. He's needed here too much. Slipping an arm around Duo's shoulders he guided the young man out of the building.
Heero stepped under the scalding hot stream of water and leaned his head against the smooth tiled wall. Finally, he was alone. He could let go for just a short time. Silent tears coursed down his cheek and mingled with the water flowing down his body. Why? Why? Why! Why do these things keep happening to us? He slammed the side of his fist against the shower wall over and over, trying to control his raging emotions. I'm not so good at it anymore. Duo broke down all those walls. He hissed as he drove his hand into the wall, feeling the skin break and the hot water flow into the wound. They all did. Made me human. They made me care. We've become a family. They're the only family I've ever known. He drew his fist back again and strong fingers gripped his wrist.
"No." Duo said softly, stepping him behind him. Wrapping his arms around Heero's slim shoulders, he lay his head against his back. "No." He repeated. "Don't do this alone. You don't have to."
Heero turned and wrapping his arms around the violet-eyed youth holding him as tightly as he could, he cried. His body shaking violently with the force of his tears. Tears that he'd held in from the moment they'd gotten to Quatre's estate and found the blonde sitting by the side of the road clutching Trowa's broken form.
The two lovers clung to each other under the steaming spray as the memories washed over them and they shared their pain with each other. Duo running out of the house screaming for Heero. The wave of cold fear that had gripped the cobalt-eyed pilot as Duo related the hysterical phone call from Quatre. Something had happened to Trowa.
Finding the two on the side of the road in front of the estate, Quatre almost out of his mind with grief. The crumpled car in the ditch, another young man kneeling on the ground beside them. And the blood. Both, Trowa and the car's driver had been bleeding badly. By the time and ambulance had gotten to them, Heero and Duo had gotten the bleeding stopped on both men. And they themselves were covered with blood and dirt.
The Arabian had refused to leave Trowa's side, babbling something about it being his fault. He drove him away. They'd almost had to drag the young man from him, so that the doctors could treat him. Duo breaking down almost as soon as he was out of Quatre's sight. Heero had worried over his lover's state of mind for a while, they were the closest thing to family that Duo had also and Heero was afraid that the American wouldn't be able to take losing anyone else.
Through it all, Heero had managed to hold himself together. To keep down the fear, until he'd gotten alone. Not wanting to put his lover through any more worry. He should've known that Duo would have sensed what he was going through.
Duo pulled away from him and cocked his head. "The phone!" He cried jumping out of the shower. They had gone back to the hospital, dropped off some fresh clothes for Quatre and left the hotel's number in case anything happened.
Heero leaned his back against the wall, his eyes closed and let the water pour over him as he waited for Duo to return. Please, let it be good news. We can't take any more.
Duo burst back into the shower. "He's awake! He's going to be all right!" He cried, flying into Heero's arms. He was laughing and crying all at the same time. "He's going to be all right, Heero!"
Heero felt weak as he clasped the wriggling form. Thank-you. He whispered silently. Thank-you. He closed his eyes as Duo slipped his arms around his neck and leaned against him, tucking his head under Heero's chin.
"I love you, Heero." He whispered.
Heero pulled away and looked down at him. "What was that for?"
"Because I felt that I needed to say it. That you needed to hear it." Duo replied, his violet eyes bright.
Heero smiled at the vibrant American. "He's really all right?"
"Yes. He's awake and talking. Well as much as Trowa talks and he remembers everything. The blow to his head didn't cause any permanent damage."
"Right after we left the second time. They wanted make sure everything was all right before they called us." Duo leaned forward and kissed him firmly. "He's all right, Heero."
Heero pulled the American into his arms. "I hope this place has plenty of hot water." He growled.
Duo blinked. "Why is that?"
Heero leaned in until his lips were almost touching Duo's. "Because." He breathed. "I want you and I'm going to make love to you. Here. Now."
"Yeah." Duo whispered as Heero's lips claimed his, his slender hands sliding up Heero's chest to grip his shoulders, his body shivering under the onslaught of Heero's lips and the hot water pouring over him.
Blue. They're so blue, was Trowa's first thought as his eyes fluttered open and looked into Quatre's worried sapphire eyes.
He awoke a few hours ago and was able to tell Quatre what had happened. He'd sat under that tree for a while, then decided to go back to the house and try to talk to the blonde again. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see the car until it blared it's horn at him. By then it had been too late. He remembered the impact and then waking up here.
The doctors had come in and asked a lot of questions, shone lights in his eyes, poked and prodded him until he was ready to scream for them to leave him alone. Finally, they pronounced him, lucky.
The driver of the car had managed to swerve enough that he'd only been struck a glancing blow. He'd had a severe blow to the head and a lot of cuts from landing but nothing was broken and there hadn't been any internal damage. They said he'd be able to go home in a couple days, they just wanted to make sure there were no ill effects from the head injury or the loss of blood.
He'd almost laughed at them. Home? He didn't even know where that was anymore. Then he had drifted off to sleep again.
Now he found himself staring into those bottomless pools of blue.
"Hi." Quatre whispered softly.
"Hi." Trowa replied quietly. He's here! His heart cried joyously. That's just because you were hurt, he won't stay now that he knows you'll be all right, his mind answered.
"How do you feel?" How could I have done this to you? How can I ever look you in the eyes after causing this to happen?
Quatre almost laughed. "Yes. I can imagine. The doctors say you'll be back on your feet in no time though."
Trowa turned his face to the wall. Back on my feet? For what? What use is there?
Quatre interpreted Trowa's turning away as rejection, his way of saying that he couldn't forgive the harsh words of earlier. The fact was that if he'd listened to the taller boy, then this wouldn't have happened to begin with. I deserve this. He thought, his heart cracking. I hurt him so much. He sighed and stood up. "I guess I should go then."
No! Please! Don't leave me here! "Fine." Trowa answered flatly. If you walk out that door, I'm afraid you'll never come back.
Quatre pushed down the overwhelming surge of agony that threatened to rip him apart. Walking to the door he stopped and looked back. Trowa still lay silently with his face to the wall. "Trowa." He whispered.
Trowa turned and looked at him, his face expressionless.
"I am so sorry." Turning back away, the blonde added softly. "Good-bye."
Trowa turned back to the wall, silent tears streaming down his face. I wish, he thought miserably. I wish I'd have died. What is there for me here?
Duo peeked around the door to Trowa's room. Where the hell is Quatre? He wondered. Walking over to the bed he checked on the young man, he was sleeping. Don't tell me that idiot has gone and done something stupid. He wouldn't leave. Would he? He seemed to have changed his mind earlier. Looking around he saw no evidence of the blonde's presence. Sighing he sat down and waited for Trowa to wake up. Maybe he can tell me what's going on.
"Where's Quatre?" Heero whispered walking quietly up behind the chestnut haired boy.
"I don't know." Duo whispered back.
Heero glanced around the room, Quatre's jacket and few other items he had with him were also gone. Son of a bitch! What is it going to take to get through to him? He lay a hand on Duo's shoulder. "Duo."
Duo lifted his violet gaze to Heero's cobalt one. "Yes."
"I'll be back."
Duo frowned. "Where are you going?"
"To knock some sense into that stupid Arab." Heero replied stalking out of the room.
Duo turned back to the sleeping form. If anyone can do it, I'm sure Heero can. He thought with mild amusement. Have faith my friend, we'll get this straightened out. He took a cool slender hand in his. If it's the last thing we do.
Heero didn't bother knocking on the door to Quatre's estate. Walking in he strode to the library flinging open the door.
Quatre jumped up from the desk, where he'd been sitting with his head in his hands. "H-Heero! What is it?"
"Feeling sorry for yourself?" Heero growled taking in the blonde's posture. He stalked over and grabbed Quatre's shirt, dragging him out of the chair. Quatre's sapphire eyes widened as Heero leaned in until they were almost nose to nose. "Don't!" He spat. "You haven't the right! If you want to feel sorry for someone, maybe you should consider that person you left behind at the hospital!"
"Heero! Let go!" Quatre yelled. "Now!" He had seen that look on the Japanese man's face in a long time. Black anger, he looked ready to kill someone.
Heero opened his hand and literally dropped the Arab on the floor, his expression changing to one of disgust. "What is it going to take for you to realize? That man loves you! He fought down his own fears to come here to tell you that." He paced across the library. "Do you have any idea how much effort it took for him to come here?" He yelled.
"No! I'm not finished!" Heero spun around and glared at him. "I can't believe you'd even consider turning your back on him now! Do you think that little of him?" He opened his mouth to continue but Quatre cut him off.
"Enough!" He cried. "You really want to know, Heero? Fine! I'll tell you what I think. I think..." He slammed his palms down on the desk. "I think that I love Trowa more than my own life!" He yelled at the Japanese pilot. "I think that I'm worthless because I can't help him! I've screwed my own life up completely... I'm not about to do the same to his."
"You already have."
"What?" Quatre advanced on the man he once called 'friend'. His eyes narrowed dangerously. "What did you say?"
"I said you already have."
"How do you figure that?" Quatre hissed angrily.
"By not giving him a chance."
"Not giving him a chance!" Quatre's voice went up again. "I gave him all the chances in the world during the war! He didn't want them! He was the one who went away, not me! I waited as long as I could for him to realize."
"But, you never bothered to tell him did you? You just waited for him to figure it out." Heero grabbed his shirt again. "Do you know what he thought? Do you even care?"
"Not anymore. I quit caring a long time ago. There's no heart left to care about anything."
Heero's fist slammed into his cheek, knocking him off his feet. "Bastard!" He spat. "This is all so you can continue to feel sorry for yourself. What chances did you really give him, Quatre? Did you tell him that you loved him? No! You just waited around hoping he'd come to you, so you wouldn't have to take that chance."
Quatre got back on his feet, wiping the blood off his face. "Shut up!" He yelled. "Get out!"
"No. Not this time. Not until I've finished what I've got to say to you." He said, slamming the blonde's back against the wall. "Do you have any idea what he's gone through? He's been made to feel worthless his entire life. He's had nothing. By the Gods, Quatre he even had to steal the name he uses now." He actually shook the stunned Arabian. "How do you think he felt when faced with someone of your status? Did you ever think about that?" Heero yelled, shaking him harder. "Did you?! He felt that you would laugh at him, someone of his background daring to love someone of yours!"
He let go of Quatre and turned his back to him as the blonde slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He closed his cobalt eyes, trying to still his shaking body as his anger started to seep out of him. "He was afraid, Quatre." He spoke, more softly now. "Haven't you ever been frightened? I know I have. It's so very hard to face fears like that. Demo, he did finally come to you. Even if it took him a long time, he came." He turned and fixed his gaze on the other boy. "He tried to come before it was too late."
Quatre got up and brushed himself off. Walking over to his desk he sat down and fixed his sapphire gaze on the Japanese boy. "Are you finished?" He asked tonelessly.
"I guess I am."
"Then I'd like you to leave." The blonde's eyes had taken on a dangerous glint. "You can either leave on your own, or I will remove you. I don't care how we do it, as long as you go."
Heero shook his head. I can't believe he's actually doing this. That he's actually going to turn his back on him. "I'll go. I guess it really is too late for you two. For all of us at this point."
"Yeah. I guess it is."
Heero stopped at the door and turned to the blonde. "I never thought that you, or all people, out of all of us anyway, would turn into this." He said quietly. "You were never one to treat another human being this way."
"Well, people change." Quatre replied coldly. "You did."
"Yeah. I did. For the better. I can't say the same for you." Heero turned and walked out of the library.
Quatre waited until he heard the car pull out of the driveway before putting his head down on the desk, his slender body shaking. For hours he never moved, never noticing the chill in the room as the L4 night grew deeper and cooler. Not noticing the lightening of the sky as the dawn approached and the artificial sun threatened to break over the horizon. For a long time the colony could have burned around him and his numbed mind wouldn't have even known it was happening.
Finally he raised his head, his blonde hair tousled, his face pale and drawn. I can't do this anymore. This has to end now. He thought miserably. There has to be a solution.
He picked up the phone and dialed quickly, waiting as it rung on the other end.
Duo tapped on the door to the spare room. "Trowa?"
"Yeah." Came the quiet reply.
The chestnut-haired youth pushed open the door and slipped inside.
Trowa quickly shrugged on a shirt, but not before Duo got a glimpse of the scar that ran along his chest. His permanent reminder of the accident. He had ended up staying in the hospital for almost a month, his wounds healing too slowly. The doctors couldn't figure it out, Duo and Heero knew the reason. He'd lost his will.
They fought with him desperately. Finally he had responded. He'd accepted their support and friendship. And he'd decided to live, no matter what.
Upon his release from the hospital, the two had convinced him to come stay with them for a while. At least until he was stronger. He'd stayed with them for almost another month. The couple had gotten used to having their silent friend around and were in no hurry to see him go.
Through all of it there had never been a single word from Quatre.
"Ah, Heero says you're leaving."
Trowa walked over to the bed and zipped the bag that sat on it, packed. "Yeah. I figure it's time I go try to put my own life back together."
"You don't have to leave. There's plenty you could do right here on L2." Duo replied.
"I know." He threw his bag over his shoulder. "And I think I will stay on this colony. I just think I've been under your roof long enough."
Duo smiled and hugged his friend. "You've never been a problem, you know that. We like having you here." He motioned with his hand around the room. "And there's plenty of room. I don't know what Heero and I were thinking when we bought this place. It's huge."
Trowa chuckled. "That it is. I'd like to be back on my own though. I'm not used to being around others this much."
And although you won't admit it, it makes you uncomfortable to be around Heero and I. To see what we share. Duo thought sadly, silently cursing the Arabian for never coming to his senses. "I understand." He replied. "If you need anything, you will let us know, okay?"
"I will." Trowa answered as the two walked down the stairs to the front door.
Heero walked out of the kitchen when he heard the two talking.
"Trowa," Duo spoke, his violet eyes concerned. "Where are you going to go?"
"Ah, I may not have a whole lot but I'm not destitute." Trowa responded, his voice filled with amusement. "Heero helped me find a place to rent and I've got a couple places to check into for work. Until I find something, I've got enough to get by on."
Heero stepped forward and hugged the green-eyed pilot. "Good luck." He said quietly.
Trowa turned to the American.
"Yeah, I know. If I need anything, I'll give you a yell." He wrapped his arms around the violet-eyed boy, in a gentle embrace. Putting his lips close to Duo's ear, he whispered, with a faint laugh in his voice. "As far as this huge house... maybe you should talk to Heero about adopting. I have a feeling he'd be open to the idea."
He stepped back and Duo flashed a startled look at his lover. "Uh, sure." He replied. "Maybe I'll do that."
"Well, bye!" Trowa said as he turned and walked out the door.
Standing out in the sunlight, he took a deep breath. I still don't know how I'm going to do this, but somehow I will. And deep down I'll keep hoping. He thought as he started down the walkway.
Inside Heero and Duo stood with arms around each other and watched their friend until he was out of sight. Closing the door, Heero turned to Duo. "Maybe you'll do, what?" He asked with a suspicious look in his cobalt eyes.
Duo's violet eyes widened innocently. "Ah, well." He laughed. "Tell me Heero. How do you feel about children?"
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