Innocence Reclaimed Part 15
Duo stood in the driveway, waiting as Quatre locked up the manor house and gave the keys to the woman standing beside him.
"My lawyer will be in town in a few days to handle the sale." He said as she slipped the key in her purse.
"It's too bad you had to cut your visit short though," she said. "It seemed nice to have people staying in this old place again.
"Well, after it's purchased, there will be plenty of people here. We plan to make this our international offices." He replied, shouldering his bag.
"It won't be the same."
"Nevertheless, those were the plans for this place." Quatre held out his hand. "Thank-you for all your help."
"You're very welcome, Mr. Winner. If you need anything else, please, let us know."
"I'm sure we will."
With a final glance up at the building the blonde turned and walked down the drive to the car and his friend.
"Ready?" He asked Duo as he opened the door.
The chestnut haired man looked around him and sighed. "Yea, I guess." He finally replied following Quatre into the car. Right up until this last minute he'd held onto a tiny shred of hope that Heero would change his mind.
Quatre leaned forward and gave the driver their destination and then sat back, resting his head against the back of the seat. "Duo?"
"You ever get the feeling that you've done something terribly wrong?"
Yeah, ever since I got here. "Sometimes. What have you done that you think is so bad?" Duo replied.
Quatre turned his head and looked out the window at the lush landscape rolling by the car. "I don't think I did... I'm pretty sure I did."
"Huh?" Duo looked over at him. "What did you do that was so terrible?"
The blonde stared out the window in silence for a considerable while. "Maybe... maybe it's best I just let it alone."
"Quatre, you are making no sense whatsoever."
"I guess I'm not," He replied with a laugh. "I'm sorry Duo."
"Don't apologize. Talk. If it's bothering you that badly, you need to talk about it." Duo took his hand. "I've known you most of my life, Quatre, and I know when something's eating at you this much you need to get it out."
Quatre looked down at their hands, thinking over what his friend had just said and knowing that he was right. "Trowa Barton." He finally said with a sigh.
"Did you know that he was interested in me?" Quatre asked, his blue eyes sad.
"Uh... yeah... I guess I did." I know he's in love with you... if only I could tell you about him, and you.
"A couple nights ago... I went to the keep. I wanted to see it one last time before I left. When I came down from the upper floor, he was there. He didn't know I was around. He literally camps there sometimes... did you know that?"
Duo shook his head, tightening his grip on the blonde's fingers.
"He does... he told me once that when he needs to be alone, he goes there." Quatre stopped talking and stared out the window, obviously thinking. He then turned to face his friend. "I don't know what came over me... b-but... I literally threw myself at him."
Duo's eyes widened.
Quatre let out a bitter laugh. "I practically begged him to have sex with me."
"What was his reaction?" Duo asked softly.
"He complied, of course."
"Shit!" Duo started. "He didn't hur..."
"No... nothing like that... matter of a fact, he went out of his way to try not to hurt me. He knew I'd never done anything like that before." The blonde cut him off. "When it was over... he tried to tell me that he cared for me. I wouldn't let him."
"I'm not sure... I guess because I didn't want to feel obligated to return feelings I didn't have. I don't even think I can love, Duo. Have you ever noticed? All the girls I've dated, not once did I ever feel anything for them." He took a deep breath. "I can't figure it out... I mean I had a good childhood. There's nothing there that can explain it... but, I feel so completely devoid of emotion sometimes." He looked over at Duo. "So, in the end, all I did was make things worse for him."
"He knew the risk he was taking, Quatre."
"Maybe... and maybe he thought it would bring me around. You see... I just don't know." The blonde said miserably. "And... I wish... I wish someone could tell me what's wrong with me!"
Duo put an arm around Quatre's shoulders and held him. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you... I think when it's time for you to love... you will."
"I hope you're right. I don't look forward to the idea of spending my life alone." Quatre rested his head on Duo's shoulder.
The chestnut haired man chuckled. "Isn't that why we are friends?"
"Yeah. I guess it is."
Heero stalked across his living room, swearing at the insistent pounding on his door. His cobalt eyes flashing, he jerked the door open and glared down at the small red-haired girl standing in front of him.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"What am I here for? To talk to you." She replied pushing past him into the apartment. "What do I want? To kick your teeth in for being an ignorant asshole!" She crossed her arms in front of her and glared at him icily.
"I'm not in the mood for this, Meia." He warned frostily.
"I don't really give a damn what you are in the mood for!" She shot back.
"Do you have any idea what you have done?!?!" She yelled, cutting him off. "Well? Do you?" She started to pace angrily around the room. "I don't really give a damn what this means to my situation... cause obviously no matter what you two do, I'm still stuck! But Jesus, Heero! What difference does it make if you two were lovers in a past life and that you remember it? What should matter is what you feel now! And I know for a fact that he loves you!"
"He loves who I was." Heero replied angrily. "NOT what I am now!"
"Were you born stupid this time around?" She stopped in front of him and glared up, her blue eyes snapping. "Despite the fact that you turned out to be an asshole... I thought you'd at least have the intelligence to realize when someone cares about you for who you are!"
He refused to respond, just standing in front of the door with his arms crossed and a murderous look on his face.
"You know... there are times when I ashamed to think that you were ever my father! In any life!" She growled. "Here!" She held a cloth-covered bundle out to him. "Take this and reflect on things... then do whatever you want with it! Throw it in the pond... keep it... slit your wrists with it for all I care anymore! I'm done with you!"
With that she shoved the bundle into his hands and slammed from the apartment, swearing under her breath all the way.
Heero unwrapped the bundle and sat down in the floor with a thud, his hands shaking. Nestled within the soft cloth was a slender dagger, it's hilt crusted with amethysts; the dagger he'd given to Duo when he'd become the Baron... all those lifetimes ago.
He leaned over, clutching the weapon to his chest, closing his eyes he let the memories wash over him.
Catharine walked out onto the porch, her gaze landing on the slumped figure sitting on the steps. "Oh... Trowa." She whispered, her heart aching for her brother. She kneeled behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his back.
"I couldn't hold him... nothing I did helped." He said after a while.
"You can only do so much, Trowa." She replied.
His body shivered. "You don't understand Cathy. This time... it was much more than just being around him... or talking to him..."
She moved around to sit beside him, taking his hands in hers. "What are you talking about?"
"The other night... when I said I spent the night trying to talk to him..." He took a shuddering breath. "There wasn't any talking. Cathy... I... we..."
She pulled him to her, holding him and rocking, trying to soothe tears that he refused to cry. She couldn't tell him it would be all right, none of them knew that. It never seemed to work for the pair... and now he'd gone even further than he'd ever left himself before. Every other time... he'd use everything that he could think of to win the blonde back, except that one. He'd never allowed himself to touch Quatre. He swore he wouldn't until things were resolved.
"Trowa..." She murmured.
"I feel like part of my very soul has been ripped out... I hurt so much I can't breathe." He whispered. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep losing him."
The girl held her brother silently, her mind going in circles. There had to be something... something that she could do. Maybe Meia would know. She frowned, but Meia was having problems of her own this time.
"We'll figure something out, Trowa."
"There's nothing left to do." He replied flatly. "I am going to have to accept the fact that there will never be anything I can do, but repeat the same cycles over and over. And I'm tired, Cathy."
"Giving up isn't like you."
"One can only take so much."
She sighed and looked out over the yard. She couldn't let him give up... that was her lot in this.
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