Kyuuketsuki Duo: The Movie
Sanguis Draconis Part 8
Wufei was immediately suspicious when Dorothy stopped and announced her departure from the party. Truth be told, he was glad that she was leaving; she reminded him far too much of Lei Fang. But glad or not, he still didn't trust her.
She pointed them in the direction that they had been travelling with one slender, well-manicured finger. "Just keep going straight that way. You'll be there soon enough." She had already taken them through a couple of bizarre twists and turns in the landscape.
"I thought there was no 'straight' here," Quatre grumbled.
"Hmm, if we thought it was straight, would it be straight?" Meiran mused aloud to herself.
"Are you sure you must leave us so soon, Dorothy?" the guardian asked with an arrogant tone nearly matching the demon's.
"You are not my only concern, darling," she answered, then disappeared in a tiny snowstorm. It was those other concerns that worried him. Did they run counter to their purposes here? The snow demon had made no secret of the fact that she cooperated with them for her own reasons. Duo seemed to have some sort of grasp on her motivations, and while he accepted the help, never once did he imply that he trusted the demon's actions.
Duo seemed to be operating a bit on the shady side lately as well. Wufei had always been hesitant to put the same faith in the guardian that Meiran and Quatre did, but he had always been reluctantly drawn into the fold by the easy manner that Duo had evinced. He had his odd moments when the shadows obviously had a firmer hold on him than usual, but beneath that had always lurked an unnervingly kind soul.
But where was that now? Yes, Duo seemed to still be bobbing back and forth between the shadow's dark grip and something lighter, but Wufei just didn't get the impression any more that Duo was altogether there somewhere. It was as if he was only giving them a part of his attention, and had none to spare for the subtle niceties that would lend depth to his words and actions.
"Are you disappointed that she's gone?" Wufei asked the guardian, who was staring with some sort of fascination at the place where the ice demon had stood.
Duo blinked once, and the cool lavender eyes slid back to fix Wufei with a distressingly steady look. "Of course not. I never relish the time spent in her company."
"Why are you always so pleasant to her?" If pleasant was the right adjective. Their words were always almost excessively urbane and civil, to the point of being undercut with a sharp edge of irony. Every phrase seemed to be a conversational gambit on some unseen chess board.
Duo smiled a tiny smile, just an uplifting of one corner of his mouth. It was a humorless thing to behold. "We have an understanding, Dorothy and I. We pretend to make nice with each other, and we don't kill each other."
"What interest does she have in you?" He hadn't missed the fact that it had been Dorothy that he had seen Duo with, conversing quietly and in broad daylight by a fountain while he had been searching for evidence of Duo's nature. He'd never found out just what it was they had been discussing, or conspiring, as the case may have been, and Duo had certainly not mentioned just how he knew Dorothy when she had come to assist them. It troubled him that Duo consorted with such a vile creature on what seemed to be a fairly regular basis.
"Oh, we go back a ways," Duo answered breezily. "Now come along." He started walking again and trusted the others to follow.
Wufei bit back a grimace at the typical Duo evasion and refused to let the subject drop. He took a few long steps to place himself side by side with the youthful-looking being. "That's not an answer. How do you know her?"
"You're only asking me now? Tsk."
Good point. The questions did seem a bit belated since they had accepted her offer of assistance some time ago. He had let the suspicions simmer while she had been with them, where he could keep an eye on her, but now that she was gone, he could not deny them any longer, not when she could be off making trouble for them somewhere. She may have led them into a trap, or departed to inform their enemies of their activities. "I don't trust her, Guardian. Why was she helping us?"
Duo looked him appraisingly in the eye, then smiled again. Wufei got the impression that he had decided it would be amusing to let him in on the secret. "She likes power, Dorothy does. Power games. Those who wield power. Those beings who shape the world around them."
"That would explain her interest in you. What about the rest of us?" He did not mean to imply that the rest of them had no power, only that Dorothy clearly did not think so. She had not spoken a single word to any of them other than Duo, except to express her scorn and disdain for them.
"And she likes pitting power against power, to see who will prevail in the end. Power is nothing more than an unsubstantiated claim if it remains unchallenged and untested."
Wufei's eyes narrowed in something akin to disgust. "Do you mean to say that she agreed to help us merely because she likes to create a stir?"
"Yes," was the calm answer.
"And we're trusting her?"
Duo's eyes glinted oddly in the moderate light of the plane. "I never said we trusted her, Wufei. I would never put my life in her hands, but I do trust her to make a stir. She wants to see how we fare against Epyon, so she will help guide us on the way we have chosen. She will not get her battle if we never make it to him. Of course, whether or not we overcome the obstacles between here and there is up to us."
"So she may very well have led us into a trap?"
"She would not lead us into a trap, no. But she would not alter her path if we were to run into one."
"Do you really think there's a trap out there for us?" Quatre asked, having listened to them speak.
Wufei was fairly certain that Duo would not offer an opinion, so he put forth his own. "A trap? Perhaps not. But there must be trouble. This entire journey has been far too easy."
"Don't jinx us," Meiran muttered uncomfortably. She shared his impression of the journey, but refused to say it aloud.
*****
It was bizarre that this place had no day and night cycles. If one had to choose, far more likely that the places where demons dwell be forever shrouded in darkness and shadows rather than this ubiquitous blanket of uniform illumination that came from no particular source. There were some places in the realm that sported the clichéd eternal night, but that was by the request of the demon master of the lands. This light seemed to be here mostly because of the belief that creatures could see here.
Also strange was the fact that the land was so open. At least in Duo's twilight in-between world, the landscape was filled with a scattering of bleak, skeletal trees, whose origin Duo did not know. So it was that when they stopped to take a rest, it was in the middle of nowhere, at no particular time. The location had been selected merely because they were there, the time because they needed the rest.
Wufei took watch with Meiran, although the idea seemed almost absurd when there was nothing in the way to block the approach of enemies that might sneak up on them. Due to the twisted nature of the place, however, there was no guarantee of that.
Wufei was just fine with that. He was a little too edgy to make proper use of the rest anyway. Something had to attack them. There was no way he would believe that they would make it safely to the dragon lands with only a minor confrontation with a slow, easily dispatched demon and a stampede of bunny rabbits.
Meiran waited patiently for Trowa and Quatre to settle down for some rest, and then Duo and Hilde to wander off a little bit from the others to start a quiet conversation of their own, before she drifted confidently to sit at Wufei's side. He was looking altogether much too tense.
She didn't say anything at first, content just to sit by him. She wasn't quite sure what to say, anyway. Any implication of weakness would be rebuffed. Finally, she found something fairly neutral to say. "What are you going to do after this is all over, Wufei?"
He didn't move for a long moment, then glanced briefly at her out of the corner of his eye. "I'll think about that after this is all over."
"You're not doing anything else right now," she chided him.
"I'm on watch."
She smiled, but only a little. Wouldn't do to ruffle his feathers. "I refuse to believe that carrying on a little conversation could possibly distract you enough for it to be a danger to us. Keeping watch here doesn't require every last scrap of your attention."
He shot another sidelong look at her before turning away. Meiran waited a bit, and was about to sigh in disappointment when he finally answered her in a very quiet tone. "I might not have to worry about it at all."
"Wufei!" She laid her hand on top of his as she leaned slightly towards him to better look him in the eye. His hand stiffened beneath hers, but he allowed the contact. "You're going to win."
A short silence stretched between them before he shook his head and turned back towards her. "My ancestors were never able to defeat Epyon. With Shenlong at full strength and Epyon weakened, they were still only able to imprison him."
"Then why are you even trying?"
"Because I must."
"Then try to win, dammit. Epyon may not be weakened right now, but we don't know what sort of power Shenlong will have when he is revived. And we have a Shinma guardian and a powerful spiritualist on our side. And by that time, Heero will probably rejoin us as well. And who knows who else might help us when the time comes? Perhaps the whole rest of the dragon clan will fight alongside us. We don't know yet. It's far too early to be giving up already."
"I'm not giving up," Wufei snapped back immediately, though quietly. The others could not overhear. "I'm just-- I'm being realistic, Meiran. I'm recognizing the possibility that... that I will fail." The words left a sour taste in his mouth. He had already failed to uphold his family's obligations once; he would succeed this time, or die trying.
"Of course it's possible. Of course, it's also possible that you'll never make it to Epyon at all, and just get trampled to death by a horde of marauding bunny rabbits from hell." He raised an eyebrow at her. She shrugged. "Hey, it could happen. The point is, Wufei," she said, pausing to squeeze his hand lightly, "that you're out to kick Epyon's ass, and that's all very well and good, but trying to tough it out all by yourself might not be the best way to do that. We're all behind you. And we're not all useless. We can help, and we will."
He stared out over the featureless landscape and didn't respond, but she didn't expect him to. It was already a good sign that he hadn't disagreed with her. In time, he let out the tiniest of tired sighs, although she noted that he didn't hold himself any less rigidly. "I feel useless," he breathed out so quietly she barely caught the words. She squeezed his hand again to let her know that she had heard them, and silently urged him to continue. After another long silence, he did. "I'm not doing my job very well. I'm consorting with demons and darker powers. I'm relying on someone else to locate Epyon. I'm not even leading this party. And there are probably things about my heritage that I don't even know because my family died before they could tell me. I didn't even realize that Shenlong had to be a demon if Epyon was. How much more am I missing?"
It was about time he let that all out, she thought, scooting a little closer to him to press gently against his side. It wasn't a demanding gesture; he could shift inconspicuously and be rid of her presence, but he didn't. "You're not doing this alone. We're behind you, Wufei. I'm behind you."
He finally relented and turned to look at her with eyes tight with shuttered emotion. "You're here because of me, and all I'm doing is playing follow the leader."
"I want you to stop that right now, Wufei. If you want to bring this up again after this is over, fine, but don't agonize right now over things that haven't even happened yet. If it weren't for you, none of us would be here, not even Duo. And when we get to the dragon lands, it'll probably be you that will have to talk to them and win them to our side. And when we go up against Epyon, it will be your hand wielding that sword. And even if you somehow don't end up striking the final blow against him, it will still be your responsibility that has been discharged. You're not in this for the glory. You're in this because it is the Chang duty to see that Epyon not be free to terrorize as he sees fit, whatever that takes."
"I know that." Oh, did he know that. He felt that duty, that burden weighing heavily upon his shoulders. Of course he wasn't in this for the glory. Nevertheless, this was his responsibility to carry out, his task to oversee, and he could not in good conscience ever feel that he had been successful in his duty if his goals were accomplished by mere serendipity or the actions of others. Events here were barely being guided by his own hand, but as Meiran was saying, would that be enough?
He didn't think so. If Epyon was somehow defeated by some other demon in his pursuit of power, Wufei thought that he would most likely live out the rest of his days with a profound sense of unfulfilment. It would be a failure of his family and of himself, and he would never have an opportunity to redeem himself.
And yet Meiran was right in that this thing he so feared had not yet come to pass. He was doing all in his power to see that Epyon be brought down. It wasn't much right now, but they weren't even close to Epyon yet. Their struggle had just begun. In the time between the present and the final confrontation, he would be strong and active and personally see to it that Epyon was taken down. At the same time, he was no fool. He would not arrogantly insist upon standing at the head of the party, merely for the sake of leading, when he did not know the way.
Meiran was not even a Chang herself, but she somehow understood the duty nearly as well as he did. A bright fire blazed in her eyes as she spoke, reminding him also of the strength of her powerful spirit. She was bold, and courageous, and beautiful, and he found himself glad that she was there. It was inevitable that at least some of that finally leak out. "I... appreciate your support, Meiran," he murmured in a low tone before looking away again at the land around them.
She smiled, and noted that he still hadn't pulled away from her.
*****
Hilde didn't have to be so gentle when it came to Duo. He knew very well that she was keeping a close eye on his stability, and he even welcomed it, to some small extent. Unfortunately, that didn't necessarily mean that it was any easier for her to pry useful answers out of him.
"How are you holding up?" she asked him quietly, kneeling down beside where he sat himself on the ground. Performing a visual check first to make sure Duo probably wouldn't mind, she laid her hand on his knee and reassured him that he was loved.
The guardian shuddered almost imperceptibly. "I'm fine, Hilde."
"'Fine' can mean all sorts of things, Duo."
"Good. That means it wasn't a lie, then."
"Duo," she sighed. Her hand reached out to brush a few strands of stray hair from his face, noting, as she did so, that he seemed a little paler than usual, a little more tired. "I don't understand why you're trying so hard."
"Trying what?"
"To... to be so human for these people. All it means is that you're friendly towards them. I think they can live without that, while you're just tiring yourself out with the effort. There's nothing wrong with being the guardian, Duo."
"I thought you were with me on this, Hil." He said it without accusation or reproach.
"I understand that this is the way you want it to be, and I support that, but that doesn't mean that I understand why you want it this way, or that I even agree with the way you want things."
She thought he had decided to shut her out until he finally asked her a question. "Do you like the guardian?"
"What do you mean? You're the guardian, and I like you."
"Not the same, Hil." She would have defended her answer if he had explained himself, but he didn't before moving on. "It's not for them. It's for me. I don't like being that person."
"It wouldn't be permanent, you know," Hilde countered reasonably, trying to understand. She would prefer it if Duo were to stop this effort, for it was clearly straining him, but whatever the outcome of their discussion, she would still support him. "Once this is all over, everything will go back to the way it's supposed to be. You'll be together again, tasting the way you're supposed to, and we'll all be off this plane, and you won't have to worry about the humans anymore. If this is an image thing, Duo, you don't have to worry about what the humans think of you."
Duo shook his head just a little, and it somehow came out emphatic. "I said it's for me, not them. And it's not like I'm afraid that if I go down that road, that I won't be able to come back from it. It's just...." He heaved a sigh. "Call it stupid and human of me, but... I don't want to get used to it, maybe. It's like you said. There's nothing wrong with being the guardian. But it's too easy. It's too easy to do as I please without consideration for others, too easy for the ends to justify the means, too easy to trample ruthlessly over the bodies of others to carry out my task."
"And like I said, that wouldn't last after--"
"Do you really think Heero would stop me if that was what I truly wanted? If I fell that far? I don't want to just let it all slide. It'll just be that much harder to claw my way back up in the end."
"You can hold on to it for bits and pieces at a time, Duo, but you know you'll never get a firm grasp on it without him."
"That may be," he answered levelly. "But I will not sit idly by and let it come."
She bit her lip in thought. Maybe this was just too much for one without human blood to understand, but she didn't really see as much of a problem that Duo did. "I thought you were at peace with who you are. I thought you accepted all of your parts."
"I am, and I do. But I'm at peace with myself when I'm balanced, because I have found balance. I am not balanced right now. And I thought -that- was painfully obvious. Why else would I be bouncing back and forth from one end to the other with every blink of an eye?"
Hilde sighed in defeat. She didn't know how to help him if she didn't really comprehend the fullness of his problem, but then again, she probably couldn't help unless she were Heero. She supposed that all she could do, then, was remind him of Heero when he needed it. "You should get some sleep, Duo. Store up some energy." She might have suggested a good feeding, if she didn't think that drinking another's blood wouldn't do very much for reinforcing one's humanity. She was astute enough to at least figure that out about Duo.
He chuckled darkly, glad that the conversation on the previous topic was over. He couldn't quite explain himself. It was just some little human thing that something inside of him insisted on doing. "I can't sleep. It'd probably make things worse, anyway. I can't even remember the last time I slept without him to watch over me."
She hesitated, then ventured, "That's sort of sad, when sleeping is a two-person activity."
"You think I don't know that?" He raked his fingers absently through his bangs, displacing the hairs again. "You think that I think this is the best way for a person to get by? I don't, but it's the way it is."
"I wonder if you would change that if you could."
He snorted lightly. "You're asking me if I would choose to change a fundamental law of my universe. Maybe if I had all the time in the world to adjust, but this? This is quitting cold turkey. I can't just do this." He closed his eyes then, intent upon a little meditation to recenter himself.
Hilde broke the short silence with a few soft words. "You'll have to tell them."
"Tell who what?" he asked without opening his eyes.
"The others. They know something's wrong, Duo. There's no point in pretending otherwise. Maybe things would be easier if they knew. Then you wouldn't have to work to hide it all the time."
"I'm not trying to hide anything, Hilde."
"Fine, but you are trying to be steady and reliable for them, and you can do that without being polite and friendly for them, and if they understood that, then maybe you would stop being conflicted with yourself over it if you slip just a little and it wouldn't hurt so bad."
He was just about to protest that it didn't hurt when he realized that it did. It hurt him, somewhere deep down inside, to know that he was acting that way, a way that stemmed from a part of himself, and that he was failing to handle it by himself.
A chunk of his thoughts separated from the mass to whisper 'I miss Heero,' and another piece of himself, a darker, chillier piece, broke off with eager attentiveness to squeal enthusiastically, 'Oh, oh, let me! Let me squash that thought!' With a mental scowl, he kicked that piece where the sun didn't shine and watched with satisfaction as it slithered away sulkingly to hide once more in the shadows of his mind.
'I will most definitely not not miss Heero!' He stuck his tongue out at his thoughts, threw a 'hn' at Hilde, and tried to get a bit of rest.
TBC...
hmmm, when i decided to write a movie, i thought i would be able to do something a little more plot-driven, but no, it seems i've fallen back onto my old patterns... *shrug*
omake! (sorta -- i thought about leaving this in there, but it didn't quite seem to match the tone of the rest of the thing...)
Bored. Yup, Heero was bored. He didn't bother going out to scrounge up information among the rabble anymore. There was no information to be found, and he didn't want the Shinma possibly divining more than he wanted them to from his little searches.
And just what was taking them so long anyway? Objectively, Heero knew that it really hadn't been that long, but time slows to a sluggish standstill when you're not doing anything. He didn't want to park himself in a convenient corner, either, and make himself too easy for the Shinma to find. And he wasn't allowed to go off and find them. And he had to stay in the area so they could find him.
But he was running out of things he could pretend he was doing.
Yup. Bored. Bored, bored, bored.
Maybe he should just kill something. Some random little thing. Keep the Shinma guessing about what his true intentions were...
Groan. He knew he was pretty far gone when that idea started to sound really darn good.
Bored. Really damned bored.
// end omake
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