Author: Ashkara
Rating: R
Pairings: mild 2+1
Warnings: shounen-ai, angst, mention of NCS, sap...
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own the G-boys. Gundam Wing is the property of Bandai, Sunrise et al. These stories are written for entertainment only- no money has been made, or is ever expected, though it would be nice... Ahem. Well... So don't sue me- I just got out of college and I don't have anything worth suing for, anyway!
An Orphanage Series Book 1: Opening Up
It was a chilly, blustery evening in mid-December, the snow whirling through grey skies. Heero glared up at the clouds darkly, shivering violently, as much as he tried to control it, with his injuries hurting even more in the cold. He was cold and miserable, but he had found extra problems on his Gundam and had stayed behind in the hangar to fix them, long after Duo had left for the safehouse.
The snow was letting up as he approached the small house, and he was somewhat cheered by the plume of smoke he saw rising from the chimney. It was a true comfort- he was only worried about what his partner was up to. As much as he enjoyed Duo's company- and he had come to admit that he did- the other boy was bound to be high on life and bouncing off the walls by the time he got in.
Duo. He smiled to himself. The American was a truly beautiful creature, with his glossy, long hair and bright, violet eyes. And his smile- Heero secretly loved the way the American always smiled, as much as he didn't understand it. How anyone who was such an effective, flawless assassin and terrorist could retain such an outlook on life... Duo even wore a Shinigami smile in battle. What on Earth could a person like him really think... or feel?
Heero hugged his arms close in against his body, trying to conserve his body heat. As interesting a puzzle as Duo Maxwell was, he had other things to worry about now. Like getting inside, to someplace warm. And maybe dealing with his own injuries, as well.
His numb fingers curled around the doorknob and he pulled weakly at it, almost ashamed of his state- he should never have stayed out alone, given his condition! He should have left with Duo when the boy had offered to take him to the safehouse and look after him. But it was too late to worry about that now, wasn't it?
He was thoroughly surprised when the door was flung open. "Aw, man! Heero, get your butt in here!" A worried-looking Duo dragged him into the warm house by the hand, kicking the door shut behind them.
Duo gently pushed him onto a chair in the small kitchen, looking him over critically as he peeled back the layers of clothing. "Okay- let's see how bad off you are..." Duo gently prodded and examined his partner, noting with concern not only the many cuts and bruises that were still bloody and nasty-looking and the slight sprain of his left wrist, but also Heero's seeming lack of energy. Normally, the stoic boy would never have allowed him to play doctor- it went against the Perfect Soldier code, or so Duo suspected. He grimaced as he felt Heero's forehead- feverish, but it's not too bad, at least. He set to work cleaning his partner up as gently as he could manage.
The braided boy eventually leaned back on his heels with a sigh of relief. "Well, you're not dead yet and, considering that you'll not be bleeding any more now that we've taken care of you, you probably won't die tonight, period. How are you feeling?" The flippant tone of his voice was belied by the intense worry in his eyes.
An exhausted Heero merely grunted. The mission had been very difficult, and ended with them stopping off somewhere in the middle of Siberia due to Heero's medical state and a need for repairs before they could safely make it to more habitable regions. Now, thanks to the snow, they would probably be stuck for at least a week. As far as Duo was concerned, after looking over the damage his partner had incurred, not to mention past damage that had been left untreated, the rest was more than necessary.
He tried to pull the other boy to his feet and was terrified when Heero collapsed brokenly. He caught the other boy and set him down carefully, then knelt down next to him, alarm glowing in his violet eyes. Heero, looking up at his partner, felt deep shame. "Duo... sorry about... this. I'm... a baka."
The braided boy snorted, annoyed. "No, you're just exhausted and finally stuck with it. Geez, man, we've all told you that even Perfect Soldiers need to take a break every now and then! No, be still," he cautioned, as Heero attempted to rise again.
Duo smiled gently, suddenly aware of how useless it was to scold the boy in front of him. And of how nice it was to know that the other truly needed him. He scooped his partner up into his arms as gently as he could, trying not to jostle any of the wounds he had just treated. "Please, Heero- you've taken care of me more times than I'd care to recall. Let me help you now. That's what friends are for!" Though only slightly taller than the American, Heero was heavier, and it took Duo a second to find his balance. He smiled down at his burden and left the kitchen, moving as carefully as possible.
He carried the Japanese pilot to the bedroom of the small cabin and put him down on the only bed they had, pulling the covers up over him for warmth. "Night, Heero," he whispered as he turned to leave.
A hand shot out and grabbed one of his, staying him. "Duo?"
He turned, surprised. "Yeah?"
There was a moment of silence. "Thanks. You're right."
Duo felt heat blooming over his face and was glad that Heero couldn't see him. "No problem, buddy. Try to sleep now, okay?"
The braided pilot was both smiling and frowning as he made his way out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Yes- Heero's condition had been shocking- the other boy was far too self-reliant and hadn't even let's Quatre's doctors take a look at him the last time they had been at one of the Arab's safehouses. He, Duo, had been accused many times (and rightly so, he admitted secretly) of being far too reckless with his own well-being. Heero had pulled him out of the cockpit many times, unconscious and bleeding, but it had been the price to pay for an accomplished mission, when the options open to them had been cut down to virtually nothing. Duo was no coward- he was perfectly ready to give his life for the cause, just not to do it foolishly, by not looking after himself when given the chance.
On the other hand, it had been very nice to know that Heero had trusted him enough to let him take care of the injured Japanese pilot. Hurt though he was, Duo was certain that Heero would have shoved virtually everyone else away from him, had they attempted to do what Duo had done for him, even some of their fellow pilots.
It made him feel very good, indeed. Almost as though Heero had come to truly like him- and Duo sincerely wished that the other boy would. It was getting to be terribly difficult to hide- his crush on Heero was getting worse. He chided himself for it constantly- most of his crushes disappeared after a few weeks, but this one had lasted for months now, even through the time when he had thought the other pilot was dead. Quatre had probably caught on- the kid was so attuned to everyone else that it was positively uncanny- and understood, he was fairly sure. Given Quatre's relationship with Trowa, the blond was in no position to think less of him for falling for one of their comrades.
Duo went back to the kitchen and poured himself another cup of coffee, drinking it down black. The worst part was that he was stuck in Siberia now with the object of his affections, literally holed up with him until it was safe to move out. It would be more difficult than ever to hide, especially since Heero seemed to like him somewhat, enough to let him help. A true Catch-22 for you.
At a loss for something to do, Duo picked up both his own and Heero's pistol and disassembled them for cleaning. Quickly finishing with his self-appointed task, he sat back and sighed loudly. This was going to be tough.
~*~
Light was peeking through the curtains as Heero woke the next day- he vaguely wondered just how long he had slept. He sighed as he realised the truth- Duo had been very good to get a sleeping drug past him so easily. He reached out, grimacing at the pain it caused in his body as he grabbed the watch his partner had put on the bed stand. 13:00. He hadn't slept this long since... for longer than he could remember.
He relaxed back into the pillows. From the feel of it, he was probably still feeling the drugs, and so getting up and trying to be useful would be an exercise in futility. Heero wasn't used to relaxation, though. Even drugged, he still felt a vague sense of wrong at not being busy. He could hear Duo, somewhere in the small house, singing to himself as he did... did what? What on Earth could the baka be up to now?
He found out very quickly.
He could hear footsteps approaching and then a light knock at the door, followed by a familiar voice calling softly, "Heero, you awake?"
"Hai- I am," he called back, trying to sit up straighter in his bed. The door opened-
Duo entered, carrying a bowl of something and a steaming mug on a tray. He smiled down at Heero as he set the tray down and sat down on the side of the bed, next to his friend. "Sorry about the drug, but you'll never recover if you don't take the time to sleep, and you're not in good condition, buddy. Forgive me?"
Heero had to grudgingly agree with Duo's diagnosis- he was never one to worry about his body- it did what it had to do and recovered when there was time for it. The last three missions, all coming back-to-back, had been too much, though, even for him. Now, as he looked up into the somewhat apprehensive, yet concerned violet eyes of his partner, he couldn't help feeling a certain amount of warm happiness, that someone else cared enough to brave his anger and force him to recuperate. In fact, he could think of no one else who ever had. He gave a small, tight smile. "I forgive you, just promise that you won't slip me any more of those, okay?"
Duo beamed a smile- Heero was going to play along by his rules then? He hadn't expected it so easily, and it pleased him. "Deal. Now eat up!"
Heero eyed the bowl the other was holding up for him dubiously- since when did Duo cook, anyway? "What is this stuff?"
Another bright-eyed smile. "The folks in the old neighbourhood used to call it Jewish Penicillin. It's chicken soup! Don't worry- I didn't put anything in it, so just eat, alright?"
Heero nodded and took the spoon, forcing his traitorous hands to hold it steady while he took a bite. His eyebrows shot up- not only was it edible, it tasted pretty good! The look was quickly replaced by a frown, though. He looked up at the beaming American. "Where'd you get the stuff to make this?"
Duo shrugged, not ready to let Heero intimidate him. "Town's not all that far- I bundled up and went out for a bit. We needed supplies, if we're gonna be stuck here. Good thing, too- the locals were saying that these roads become impassable this time of year. They said I must be lucky."
Heero felt a jolt of fear- "You didn't tell them where we were, did you?!"
Duo shot the other boy a look of hurt betrayal. "Hey! Just in case you're thinking it, and I know you are, I'm not as stupid as most people seem to think I am, okay? Of course I didn't!"
Heero shut up and ate his soup quietly- he felt slightly uneasy at the look his partner was wearing now- the braided boy looked seriously affronted that he, Heero, had questioned his brainpower so crudely. He should have known- in fact, he knew quite well that the stupid act was just that with Duo- an act. He put the spoon down carefully, willing his body to obey, despite the fatigue washing over him. "I'm sorry."
Duo looked up from his brooding, shock widening his eyes. "Nani?"
Heero simply looked deep into the violet eyes and replied, "I know that you're not stupid- I didn't mean to imply that. I'm sorry."
The braided pilot stared for a minute longer before giving up and breaking into the familiar goofy smile. "Oh, well, I guess it's alright. But try and remember, okay?" He took the soup away, sensing that Heero was done with it and handed him the mug.
Heero inhaled appreciatively- this was a definite treat. He wasn't sure when they had figured it out, but Duo had somehow gotten him to try the heated chocolate drink, and he had taken a definite liking to it. It was warm and sweet, sort of like Duo going through all this trouble just for him...
Wait a minute! Where did that come from?!
He abruptly sat the mug down, frowning at his lapse. Where on Earth had such thoughts come from? And why for the overly-loquacious, happy-go-lucky American?
Speaking of whom, Duo was frowning in unhappiness now, watching him carefully. Heero quickly manufactured a small smile. "Where'd you get the hot chocolate from?" he asked, as a way of introducing a safe topic.
Duo's face relaxed back into a grin. "Geez- popular this time of year, Heero, even with the Russians, it seems. I saw it and I couldn't resist."
The Japanese boy looked puzzled. "This time of year?"
Duo nodded. "Yup- the holidays, you know."
That's right- Christmas is in late December. Waste of time, if you ask me, really. He cleared his throat. "Do you celebrate Christmas, Duo?"
The braided boy paused before giving a subdued nod of his head. "Sorta."
Heero raised an eyebrow at the one-word answer. Duo wasn't known for being succinct- he was by far the most talkative person Heero had ever met, in fact, even worse than Relena. And as for the quiet tone- there was a story there. He could feel it. And for the first time in his life, he was truly curious. "How do you mean?"
Duo flashed a quick grin, his mask coming evenly back into place. "You know me- not really religious. Anyway- you should get some more sleep now, okay?" He put a slim-fingered hand over Heero's forehead and stopped for a moment. "Good- your fever has gone down. That's a load off!"
Heero cursed his weakness as he reached out to grab Duo's hand to stop his flurry of movement and missed. The braided boy continued to babble as he cheerfully backed out of the room, whistling to himself as he closed the door and took off, as far from the conversation as possible.
The Japanese pilot attempted to get up, only to be defeated by a wave if dizziness. He fell back onto the bed with a dissatisfied grunt. Why didn't Duo want to talk about it? He talked about everything else in creation...
That was when it hit Heero- as much as Duo loved to talk and did so whenever given the chance, he almost never said anything substantial about his own life or what was really going on in his head. It shouldn't have been so much of a revelation- Heero had known for quite some time that the other boy was as driven, in his own way, as either himself or Wufei. Yet the question that he was now forced to face was, by what?
The thought was still dancing through his mind as his eyes slipped closed again and he fell back into a deep slumber. It would just have to wait.
~*~
Duo, meanwhile, jammed a hat over his head as he prepared to head out again into the cold that was Siberia. As lovely as it might have been to stay indoors and sit in front of a fire all day, he was too restless for it.
Technically, he hadn't lied. He had promised not to use that drug again, and he hadn't. Heero probably wouldn't see it like that and would be angry, but that wouldn't be for a few hours now.
And as always, there was plenty of work to be done.
His teeth chattered mercilessly as he trudged through the heavy snow towards the huge barn structure to the east of the small house. The Gundams. Though his own suit had only sustained minimal damages, Heero's was in bad shape, and just in case they would have to leave in a hurry...
It'll be my Christmas present to him since I can't get to a mall out here. I'll fix up his suit... and maybe upgrade it a little. Duo's skill as a mobile suit technician and engineer was one of his best-kept secrets. He know the programming necessary like the back of his hand- he had even modified his own Gundam with special programming and a few new systems, including the cloaking device that made his such a terror in a world that relied on machines more than on observation more often than not.
If there was one thing he could do without screwing it up- it would be to fix Wing Zero up and then some.
And the work would make it easier for him to dodge the questions that his stupid reaction earlier was bound to have generated.
Why is Heero suddenly interested in my life, anyway? Better question- why am I afraid to talk to him about it? How many times have I wished that he'd want to get to know me better, and now I'm running from it... maybe everyone is right and I am an idiot, after all. Wouldn't Wufei be happy.
Duo frowned as he surveyed the damage to the other pilot's suit- most of the damage incurred had been due to a loose plate of armour in the last battle- it had also been the reason why the Japanese boy had been tossed around the cockpit so much and had gotten so many of his injuries. Grabbing some tools from a cargo hold on Shinigami, Duo pried up the faulty plate to peer underneath and whistled sharply- several circuit boards had gotten cooked. It was a miracle that Heero had been able to control the suit, at all!
Cursing under his breath, the Shinigami pilot went back to his own suit to retrieve the rest of the tools he kept hidden there. From the looks of this one, he had quite a mess on his hands.
I'd be bored, otherwise. He smiled as he set to work on the other suit. This was just the sort of project he needed.
~*~
It was an entirely new, and thus incredibly funny and interesting thing for Duo Maxwell. There was plenty of water- hell, all you had to do was grab a large pail and go outside if you really needed it- but in order to take a bath, he had to actually warm the water over a fire!
He hadn't left the barn until his back ached and the lack of light was almost enough to defeat his above average night vision. Granted, it got dark rather early in Siberia in the winter, yet all the same, Duo ached. Bad.
He frowned as he tested the water again- Wing had been worse off than he imagined, and Heero was damned lucky to have someone like him working on it. In fact, the American doubted that even Heero would have been able to fix what he had seen today.
His first stop had been the bedroom- the Japanese boy had rolled onto his side in his sleep and kicked the blanket off. Duo stole into the room and pulled it back over his partner's shoulders carefully, trying not to wake the other, if possible. He had used a much milder drug in the cocoa, and he had regretted the mild deception, but the other pilot had never asked if he had put anything in the mug, and he hadn't volunteered the information, either...
"Hn... Duo... arigato... Duo..." Heero murmured, a small smile playing over his face. Duo felt a blush rising, but couldn't contain an answering smile.
And now it was bath time!
It was strangely relaxing and fun to strip, right there in the living room of the small place and climb into the wooden tub he'd found in a storeroom. And man! Did the water feel good! He washed and conditioned his hair first, determined to get it done while the water was still hot, and then, after wrapping it in a couple towels, it was too tempting... The braided boy leaned back with his eyes closed, a smile playing over his lips as he felt all his aches melting into the hot water...
"Duo?" His eyes snapped open as he heard a groggy voice calling for him. But how could Heero be awake yet? He'd administered enough to certainly knock a horse out for longer than this...
"Duo... what..." The braided boy clearly heard a note of alarm in Heero's voice, and he shot out of the water, squeaking a bit as his body came into contact with the cooler air of the room. He pulled on his jeans and ran for the small bedroom-
His partner was sitting up in the bed, rubbing at his eyes with his right hand as he groggily tried to figure out where he was and how long he'd been there. Had he been captured, maybe? Or maybe... was he maybe just really out of it...
Duo rushed over to Heero's side and sat down carefully. "It's okay, Heero. I'm right here- it's me, Duo." He held out his hand as he wrapped a protective arm around the other boy.
The Japanese pilot took the hand in front of him- the voice was familiar and friendly- it was someone he trusted implicitly... It's me, Duo... The words worked past the fog in his brain, and he abruptly realised that he must have been calling for Duo- Duo was there, holding him, and smelled good...
Cobalt eyes wheeled to meet the concerned violet stare of the American boy. "Duo... you smell good. And you're wet."
Duo laughed out loud as the words came out- yep, that was Heero for you- observant and unable to shut it off, even when he was this drugged up! "You caught me in the bath, Heero, yeah."
"Hair smells like apples... I like apples..." Heero's right hand reached up to touch the drying mass of hair that hung down Duo's back and stroked it gently.
Duo bit his lip- Heero had no idea what he was doing, probably wouldn't even remember this in the morning, when the drug wore off... But did he really like that smell so much?!
He held his partner until he felt the heavy weight of him leaning up against his shoulder and heard the steady breathing that meant that Heero had fallen asleep again. Duo quickly settled him in and tucked a blanket around him again. Standing, he stared down into Heero's sleeping face- the Japanese boy looked so peaceful and innocently young-
He's like me- never was a kid. They took it away from him, too. But no one can take away your dreams- even if you don't remember them, they are still yours and they are there for you alone.
He smiled as he closed the door behind him and headed back out to pour out his bath. He knew precisely what he would dream of, himself, that night!
~*~
Heero's eyes blinked open the next morning just as the sun peeked over his windowsill and in through the gap between the heavy curtains. He yawned absently, wondering just how he could have slept for so long...
Wait a minute- dryness of mouth, eyes not focusing immediately... Dammit, the cocoa was drugged! He clenched his undamaged fist in fury as he thought of the open, warm smile Duo had given him the day before, and the promise...
No, he promised not to use that particular drug again, and he never said that there was nothing in the cocoa, just in the soup! Baka! He must have been rather pleased with himself... Heero found himself smiling against his will. It had been a well-played ruse. He would just have to watch the clever Shinigami pilot closer next time!
The Japanese pilot sat up, no longer plagued by his apparent weakness. As much as he hated to admit it, he had needed the rest badly, and Duo had probably done the right thing, no matter how much it displeased him. No matter how much the slim American knew it would displease him.
Still, the amount of time he was out frightened him. What could have happened while he slept? What had his outrageous partner been up to all that time?
My suit! It's probably been sitting out there and hell knows what happened to it... He was out of bed in a flash, dressing as quickly and quietly as he could with his wrist swathed in bandages. And then he was out the door-
He stopped cold, staring into the small living room. Duo was fast asleep on a threadbare couch, braid dangling over the edge. But what had caught his attention was the way the other boy was dressed, under the blanket- a flight suit?! A mission!
It was possible- and Shinigami had been in rather good condition after their last run. He had been the only one to get himself shot up... But to fly through that snowstorm... it must have been very important to risk it!
He inched closer, frowning as he inspected the other boy. Though fast asleep, Duo was still shivering under the thin blanket he was using, a few shivers so violent that they would have woken him up under normal circumstances... Oh, Duo, what happened to you?
Heero went back to the small bedroom and tore the heavy quilt from the bed. Returning to the living room, he draped it over the other boy gently, wondering at it as he felt a wave of... he didn't know what it was! It felt sweet, though, and warmer than he had ever felt before.
He pulled on his jacket and scarf before heading for the door. He opened it-
Even the weak sunlight glinting off the snow outside was nearly blinding to his eyes, having been asleep or exposed to low lights for the past two days. He stumbled a bit, shivering almost instantly in the bitter cold of the wind- The baka walked all the way to town in this?! And then he just shrugs and says that it was a little chilly! He smiled again, much to his surprise. The other boy must have been pretty worried about him to go through all that- it felt remarkable good to think so!
He pulled the barn door open and slipped in, thankful for the rest from the driving winds outside- Heero Yuy's jaw dropped open in shock as he stared ahead of him at his mech-
Wing stood proud and gleaming in the half light.
His eyes swung around to Shinigami- the suit was a little worse for the wear, but it seemed to be just fine, if one overlooked a little scorching and scoring. It would be easy to fix that, too...
He stepped up close to his Gundam- it was in top condition! And yet- something had been malfunctioning terribly when he last flew it. He had been lucky to land... He activated the pulley and rode up to the cockpit hatch, eyes still wide as he tried to figure out exactly what was going on-
And since when was there a heater in his cockpit?
As the cockpit hatch swung closed and he settled into his chair, Heero felt comfortable and in his element, surrounded by the machinery- "Select an ambient temperature, please," a disembodied voice spoke to him.
He stared- it talked to him?! Or was he still high on those drugs of Duo's... he found himself responding, "Twenty three degrees Celsius."
The thing beeped and set to work silently. Heero was amazed- it was definitely a nice improvement, he admitted, as he felt the air warm up and, nicely enough, his chair, as well. Curious, he pulled up the repairs screen. Hopefully this would she some light on the changes-
There was a new file, made the day before. He clicked on it.
Duo's voice filled the cockpit. "I'll type this up tomorrow and make a proper entry, but I don't wanna forget any of the details now. Date, 22 December, A.C. 195, Siberia, Earth. The lateral left second armour plate came loose in battle, and needed some tweaking, but the main damage was underneath. Circuitry for left arm, left leg, cooling, fuel injection, shield detachment and mode transformation all were shot and mangled. It was a miracle that he landed this thing to begin with!
"I repaired the busted circuitry for the arm and leg, but I completely removed and replaced cooling and fuel systems. A few wires needed to be replaced in the shield system and a whole circuit panel for bird mode regulator. Memo to self- drop in on Howard for some more spares! Diagnostic on power core showed a minor problem- updated system should yield 11% more power on normal mode. Back-up generators should also have an extra boost, though I'm not sure how much yet. Enough to save his life, if it comes to that, I hope.
"Cockpit- installed a heating system to make it liveable. While I'm not a Perfect Soldier, he should function better if the cold isn't freezing his joints- it sure helps me. Heating coil in the chair, too- a cold ass is damned uncomfortable. Left viewscreen was malfunctioning- it works, now. Frayed harness needs work, but I don't have the stuff for it here. Maybe I'll be able to convince Heero to get it fixed. I'm exhausted- nap time." The file ended.
Heero relaxed back into his seat with a puzzled look. Duo had... evidently spent an entire day fixing his machine, improving on it, even. But why? It was his, Heero's, responsibility to do that. And he used up his spare parts...
On a hunch, the Japanese pilot jumped from his own cockpit and climbed up to Shinigami's, using his name as a pass code, since he knew that it worked.
The other Gundam- Heero had always thought that G had beefed it up with all of its special features and programmes. He opened the upgrades log now and began reading- he had to know!
He sat back in amazement twenty minutes later. He hadn't even begun to read over the log, and yet it was plainly evident to him- three quarters of the changes, including most of the stealth features, had been Duo's additions.
Not only was the American an excellent pilot- he was a programmer to be respected and even studied.
He knew that he shouldn't be prying, but Heero was suddenly struck by curiosity- when had the American pilot found the time to fix his mech if he'd been on a mission? He opened the mission logs-
23 December, A.C. 195: Murmansk Military Spaceport.
He clicked on the file.
Date and time flashed on the screen- Duo had received the call at 01:00 hours and left immediately for the place with the orders to destroy completely and immediately, before a morning launch. It must have been terribly important, and a hairy ride for Duo, that's for certain! Frowning, he clicked on the cockpit recording-
Shinigami's vidscreens came to life before his eyes, as Duo's voice sang out from the audio system- "This is what they disturbed my beauty sleep for? This little... Holy Shit!" Heero watched in amazement as a sortie of suits approached Shinigami as it uncloaked- they were moving in a steady unit, going straight for the hulking form in front of them as it emerged from swirling snow...
"Aw, man! Come on- I don't wanna kill you like this! Don't throw your lives away, dammit!" Duo yelled, the scythe nevertheless cleaving through three of the suits as he whizzed passed them as supersonic speeds.
The remaining suits turned and fired on him as he jetted past, but Shinigami paid them no attention as he focused on the base in front of him... Three of the suits swung up to block him, and Duo snarled over the speakers as he rushed them- "Fine! You wanna piece of me? THEM COME TAKE IT, KISAMA!" He attacked at full tilt.
Heero could sense Duo's uneasiness by the way the screens showed the suit moving- the other suits were giving him a hard time, and it was something that Duo Maxwell was not used to at all!
"Well, if we're playing it that way..." Heero felt vaguely surprised at how easily his partner changed tactics- it was a move he had seen before, while working with the wily American, but he had never seen it used from that position. He felt a smile creep up as Duo quickly defeated the suits and began tracking in on his main target again-
"Shit! You all just don't give up! Are you ready to meet death today? Well, are ya?!" Heero frowned as he watched the attacks- the suits were still fighting against Duo's original tactic, while the Shinigami pilot had taken a completely new track this time. There was something strange about this...
Duo's voice was cursing over the speakers at them. "Aren't you idiots paying attention?! Jesus, you'd think that these guys were on remote control..." There was a moment of spine-tingling silence before Duo added, "That's it! These suits are being controlled by a computer, and it's not adapting fast enough! Oh my God!" Heero could detect a faint tremor in Duos recorded voice and was disturbed by it- he had never heard Duo sound so... unsure, and yet extremely angry.
The voice came back, but the anger in it now was overpowering and frightening. "That's the idea, is it? No pilots, no fear?! What about compassion and terror, then? You fucking bastards!" Heero watched in fascination as Shinigami clove through the remaining suits and got tone on his target- "I've got tone! Firing!"
Heero hadn't even been aware that Deathscythe had missile capabilities, but he watched now as the base exploded, the brightness of the explosion becoming too much for the screens as the computer kicked in and reduced brightness by rote. The way the picture shook- Shinigami had been blown back a bit by the explosion.
He watched as Duo turned his suit and landed it not far from one of the broken, defeated suits from his battle- the picture changed, and Duo's voice came back in narration- "Switching to helmet-cam. Investigating the enemy suit- I think it was being run by remote, but I have to verify..."
The other boy sprinted as best he could through the heavy snow and up to a ruined hulk of suit. Heero felt his own hands shaking as Duo pried open the suit's cockpit and it was found to be empty! Duo's voice was filled with disgust- "No one escaped from this suit- there never was a pilot here! OZ was piloting these things from the base, then! I think... I think we have a new kind of enemy to think about, here. I mean, this must be a prototype of sorts, and a pretty crappy one, too, but still... It would be a tragedy if the human element was removed from this war! If no one risks their life, no one learns anything!" The voice seemed to shake as Duo Maxwell hopped from the cockpit and made a slow trip around the fallen suit, recording everything about it for later analysis. The pilot trudged back to his own mech in silence, and the tape ended.
Heero's eyes were wide as he relaxed back into the seat- No wonder Duo was so tired this morning- first, repairs all day, and then that... Not that it had been a particularly hard battle for the other pilot- he doubted that Duo had ever truly been worried. But first flying through those blizzards, and then the very idea! Duo had been right about the human element. And it was frightening to think about what it could mean to the war they all fought.
He shut down the silent mech and climbed down, absorbed in thought. He winced a little as he jumped down and the landing jarred his healing injuries- he would have to be more careful!
"Heero? Heero, what are you doing out here?!" Duo's voice called out to him with an almost panicked tone.
The Japanese boy turned back to his partner. "You fixed Wing."
Duo's hands were in front of him as though he anticipated anger on his partner's part. "Yeah- I needed something to do, and it was seriously beat up. I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched your suit and all..."
"Shut up, baka," Heero said with a small smile.
Duo stared- Heero was smiling at him?! Was this the twilight zone, or what? "Huh? You mean you're not angry?"
Heero shook his head. "You did a good job. But... why'd you do it?"
Duo reeled- now the Japanese boy had given him a compliment, too! It was too unreal for him. " I... it had to get done and I'm kinda good at this stuff. So... I wanted to surprise you. You know, as a kind of Christmas present."
Heero's look registered confusion. "Why give me a present?"
Duo shrugged. "Well, it's almost Christmas, and there's no mall out here to go shopping for something more normal..."
Heero grunted, turning back to check out his suit. "Hn. You should save your money- you are too frivolous."
Duo snorted, coming up to stand next to the other boy with his hands in his jeans pockets and trying to look calm and collected. "Sure. I didn't spend anything, remember? Besides, it makes me feel good."
Heero turned his piercing gaze on the other boy. "You did- your parts reserves are almost gone."
Duo shrugged. "That's what Howard is for, buddy."
"I can't understand how impoverishing yourself makes you feel good, either."
Duo felt misery tugging at him- how do you explain to the Perfect Soldier that the gift was made to express affection? Sure- there was always the straightforward way, but that would probably get him punched. "When you care about someone, it feels good to do something that will help that person, or make them happy."
Heero turned away to consider this- Duo fixed his suit because he knew it had to get done and it could help him. Fair enough. But to make him happy- that would be the heater. Yes- that would make him happy. Duo cared about him?
He stared at the other boy blankly, as though trying to look past the guarded facial expression. Heero abruptly cut his thoughts short. "You shouldn't care about me- I'm a soldier and you'll get hurt when I get killed." He picked up his jacket and, putting it on, headed out the door.
Duo smiled to himself. "You shouldn't care that I'll get hurt, either, Heero. Thanks for answering my question." He followed after the other boy.
~*~
"So tell me about your mission. A new suit?" Heero's question caught Duo by surprise.
The braided boy looked up from his cup of coffee with his eyebrows raised. "Um, yeah. Kinda freaky, actually- we need to tell the other guys as soon as we can.
"Modified Tauruses and Aries suits, but they were being controlled by remote, from the base, or maybe programmed." Duo looked troubled. "Bad programming- they couldn't re-evaluate for when I changed tactics, but that's just a little bug- it'll get fixed soon." He shot his partner a glance. "How did you know that I was on a mission? You were out like a light when I left..."
Heero smirked. "Checked your log- you fell asleep in your flight suit."
"Oh. Okay." He stared into his mug. "I don't like it- these things could be a real problem. I mean, if there's no real pilot, the machines can't be distracted or slowed down by their emotions. They'll be far more effective. Faster, too, though these suits left much to be desired, man. It was easy to take them out!"
Heero nodded. "You were right, by the way. No pilots, no fear. If they're not directly involved, they will become detached from it, and then were screwed."
Duo took a swallow and suddenly looked back up, a smile plastered on his lips. "Hey, enough of this! I sent a copy of my report to the other guys, so let's not worry about it until they get a chance to see it, okay? There's got to be something to do around here..."
Heero tuned him out as his mind continued to dig through the information. We should send copies to our trainers, too. Maybe Doctor J could see something else in this that I'm missing, or that Duo's missed...
"Heero, you comin'?" He looked up to see Duo poised at the door, his jacket half on and a half-crazed gleam to his smiling eyes.
The Japanese boy felt a strange leap in his heart. Duo was always so... exuberant, so lively. And he looked so... So beautiful.
Heero felt himself blushing. It came back to him- he had used the same word to describe his partner the day they had arrived. Since when did he find Duo beautiful? The loud-mouthed, hair-brained, half-witted... no that wasn't right. He was loud, that much was completely true, but he was smart and savvy, talented, both as a pilot and an engineer, and... incredibly beautiful, so filled with life. His brows drew together into a scowl almost by reflex as he struggled to figure out what was wrong with him. "It's cold out there."
"So? It'll be fun! Haven't you ever had a snowball fight?" came the reply.
Heero's scowl went darker. "Not interested." He got up and walked out of the room.
Duo immediately deflated and, taking off his jacket, he slumped back into a chair with a dejected sigh. He should have expected it, really- Heero was about as interested in spending time with him as he was in gardening! And yet it had seemed that the other boy wanted to get to know something about him before, as though he maybe was curious or wanted to be friends. Though friendship was a far cry from what Duo truly dreamed of, it would have been a start.
It hurt to think that he had been wrong.
~*~
Heero watched from the darkness of the hallway and felt guilty. To see Duo wearing such an expression- it was wrong. Especially when compared to the smile that had been there only seconds before.
He turned and walked away, not wanting to watch any longer. You're being a baka, he chided himself. He might need to learn to discount his feelings, but it appears you need to as well, Soldier!
It felt false, though.
Follow your feelings. Odin Lowe had given him that advice years ago, and he gave it to Trowa. Was it wrong? Or, for that matter, how could you know which feelings to trust?
Without realising it, he had turned back around and was back at his previous spot, just watching the figure in the kitchen. Duo was still slumped in that chair, but there was something different to him this time. It was a completely different look, one he would never have expected to see on that face- no matter how bad the situation, Heero had never seen desolation register on Duo's face. He had never seen this level of misery and loathing.
He abruptly realised that he was seeing beneath the mask. Yes- this was a face, then, that Duo never permitted someone else to see. Almost as if... It almost looked as though the happy, smiling, effervescent pilot hated himself.
Heero turned and walked away as quietly as he could. As friendly as Duo was, this was something the other had probably never shown anyone, something he would not forgive Heero for intruding upon. Not that that would normally have stopped the Perfect Soldier, but this felt different. As much as it ate at him, he would give Duo his dignity and solitude.
He owed him at least that much.
~*~
The five pilots watched each others' images carefully as they debated the information Duo had recorded during his last mission. Quatre's eyes once again met Duo's. "You said that it locked onto your first tactical approach and was unable to re-evaluate?"
Duo nodded. "Yup. But that's not hard to fix- it wouldn't be, I mean. I guess, at least. A couple lines of code changed and they would be adaptable and completely expendable, without having to answer questions about the number of pilots wasted during such and such an attack."
The blond looked worried. "It must have a weak point..."
"It does," Heero interjected. "Take out the mother base, and the suits won't work anymore."
Quatre's eyes turned to Heero critically, taking in the bandage that still showed on his forehead. "Are you sure you're alright out there? I wish there was a safe way of getting you two back out here to us..."
Heero shook his head. "Negative. If I had been awake, I might have even forbade Duo from his mission, with the snowstorms we've been under. Not until it lifts."
Quatre sighed, but Wufei gave a sardonic smile. "Are you sure you can take being closeted with Maxwell that long?"
"HEY! Not nice, Wu-chan!" Duo pouted, with an affronted whine.
"Maxwell, what did I say about..."
"Alright, can it, you two!" Trowa abruptly said, breaking his silence. "Duo, anything else you can think of to tell us?"
The braided boy seemed to think about it for a moment, though Heero was certain that his photographic memory had left nothing out. "No- not right now. But I'll contact you the second I remember anything."
Trowa's lips gave the slightest twitch at the reply, making Heero wonder just how much the silent pilot had found out about his partner and his hidden brainpower. "Alright. You two take care and we'll be in touch, okay?"
"Be careful and we'll contact you," Heero added.
Everyone nodded, and Duo smiled. "Merry Christmas to you all, by the way!"
Quatre's face broke into a real smile at that. "You, too, Duo! Try and celebrate a little. Out."
"Joyeux Noel to you, too, Duo. Trowa out."
"Take care, you two. Chang out." Heero and Duo were left staring at each other's images on their viewscreens.
The braided boy gave his partner an analytical look. "Left viewscreen working alright? There had been a slight distortion of the image, but I don't know if I managed to isolate it..."
Heero cut off the babble with a glance. "How difficult would it have been to reconfigure those mobile suit dolls?" he asked.
Duo shrugged, not bothering to hide that he had been thinking it over quite a lot. "Not sure- but it couldn't take much. I'd have to map it out to know."
The screen flickered and went blank as Duo cut the comm link. Heero shut his mech down with a sigh and climbed down from the comfort of his cockpit, where he'd been for the conference call. He patiently waited at Shinigami's foot for Duo to do the same.
Duo hit the ground and started back up again, as though he had never stopped, though he had obviously been thinking about it as he rode the pulley down. "I don't think it would be too tricky. They'd either have to have a very good man on the ground, running the show, or a computer that had been programmed with flight sim scenarios, or something like that. They stand to lose a lot of hardware like this, though. Without a pilot, the suit won't stop to think that he could be repaired if he cut his losses and went back to base before he got blown up!"
Heero glanced curiously at the other boy as they trudged back towards the house, but didn't ask his question until they were safely indoors. He pinned Duo to the spot with a searching glance. "Why don't you admit what you know to the others? No one would think less of you..."
Duo shrugged. "Call it reflex. If you were smart, on the streets, you ran into trouble very quickly. I couldn't afford that."
"The streets?" Heero ventured, hoping to draw the other out.
But Duo's defences were firmly in place. "Right. I'm tired, Heero- gonna take a nap. Later!" He left the room as quickly as he could and did not look back.
Heero frowned at the other boy's retreating back. Duo was hiding it from him again, and he didn't like it. For the first time in his life, he really did want to know, just for the sake of knowing, and for the first time, Duo didn't want to talk.
Well, if Duo wouldn't talk, he'd have to look.
He retrieved his laptop from its place in the bedroom and quietly carried it back to the kitchen- Duo had taken up permanent residence on the sofa, leaving him the bed to himself. Sitting down, he flipped it on and glared at it until it finished the lengthy booting process- it was a wonder to Heero that, with all the technology they had at their disposal, it still took so long for a computer to boot!
He frowned as he began the lengthy process of hacking into Duo's personal files. In a way, it felt very strange, as though he was almost violating the other boy. He brushed the feelings away- guilt had no place in the Perfect Soldier's mind!
Several hours later, as he heard Duo stirring in the other room, he gave up with a sigh. He should have known better- the security systems were based, it seemed, on his custom-designed infiltration system, and were damned difficult to break. He was sure that he was missing something absurdly simple, and he was thoroughly disgusted with it.
His frown deepened as he wondered- if I ask again, will he continue to push me away? And why should I care so much anyway? Mmmm, I love apples...
He stopped and blinked. What did apples have to do with anything? He scowled. Just another question to worry about, it seemed.
~*~
Heero wasn't sure what woke him- it would have been impossible to say, other than that it was not a threat. He rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, thankful for the heavy blanket to hold off the chill that seemed to creep through every minute crevice in the small house. At least Duo lit a fire out there- that room must be freezing without it, and with that little blanket, too...
He sat up- that was what was bothering him. It was Duo.
After the conversation with the other pilots and their subsequent talk, Duo had fallen back into old habits, babbling about anything that came to mind in an almost desperate fashion. Heero had watched and listened carefully and come to a conclusion. Duo was afraid, but not of dying, or even getting caught by the enemy. The thing that scared the boy the most in the world was being alone, encased in silence and solitude.
Yes- Duo knew that the others tended to tune him out after a while. He probably expected that little rejection and maybe even counted on it. As long as there was something to keep him from feeling alone. So why did he keep pushing the other boy away? Heero hadn't a clue. He had spent the remainder of that day and all of the 24th thinking about it as the two worked on their mechs in the large barn. Thinking and listening.
And then night time had fallen, and Duo had gone silent. After a full day of Duo's babble, Heero missed the cheerful sound of his voice, missed the silly random facts and details that would slip out, missed the complicated computations that Duo probably didn't realise he was doing out loud as he worked. It had been downright creepy not to hear the braided boy singing to himself as he cooked their dinner, or talking about some strange TV show as they ate.
Even stranger to close his door, his last sight of his partner being bathed in a red glow as the other sat in front of the fire with a wistful look on his face. Heero pulled some clothes back on as he stood and headed for the door. He had a hunch...
He had been right. Duo had not moved from his spot, except to tend the blaze in front of him, and was still staring into the flames, but looking sad now, as though he was remembering...
Remembering what? Please, I have to know...
Heero approached the other boy openly, knowing better than to sneak up on Shinigami, even in this calm mood of his. Maybe even especially in this mood- he had never seen the other looking so sombre. He sat down next to him quietly and just stared for a while into the fire, enjoying the heat and the dance of flames.
His voice was soft when he finally spoke, "Duo, what are you thinking about?"
Heero saw the corners of Duo's mouth twitch, as though he was going to attempt to put on his mask, but it was not to be. Duo's visage slipped back into its thoughtful demeanour as he stared for a moment longer before coming to life again. "I was thinking about home. It's kinda funny- never had anything really to call home, but I miss it. I miss them."
Heero felt a strange tingle travelling down his spine. "Um, I'll understand if you don't want to talk, but... please, tell me about it?"
Duo finally broke off his stare and turned to look at Heero, and the Japanese boy gasped. He had seen Duo in many moods and situations, and his eyes had always had that sparkle of vitality that spoke of a will stronger than gundanium that was holding the small pilot together on their daily jaunts into hell. The violet eyes were different now, though- they looked old and worn, as though they had seen more of life and death than any creature that lived to be one hundred years old.
Duo searched Heero's face for a moment, wondering at the subtle changes he read there. The Japanese boy's eyes were clear and open, without the forbidding glare that usually kept people as far away as possible. In fact, he looked... concerned and curious, as though he truly did want to know, and not just because it would give him information to enhance a mission. Human concern and warmth, then? A friend, a real friend who really cares... I've wished for one of those for so long, I've been so alone, so cold inside...
His voice was soft as he began to talk. "I grew up on the streets, you know. I can't remember my folks, but Solo said that they just... they just left me one day. I can't even remember what name I was born with- they all called me kid and picked on me because I was little and they were bigger... I think I was maybe four at the time.
"Solo looked after me, though. We were a lot alike, both abandoned, both intent on living it out, just to screw everyone who was annoyed by it," Duo smiled reflexively as he became lost in the memory, and Heero watched, mesmerised. "He took me under his wing and protected me from the bigger boys and girls, called me 'kid.' That was me- 'The Kid.'
"I guess we were happy, as much as we could be- it was cold and we had no money and no where to go, no food, nothing but what we took for ourselves." He shot Heero a small smile. "I know that it sorta freaks Quatre out, how good I am at getting in where I want to be, carrying off what I need and making it look easy- it's the truth. It is easy- I've been a thief since I was five." He smiled again.
"You shoulda seen me back then, Heero. Small, dirty, scrawny, with this crazy hair that I refused to let anyone cut or touch." He reached behind him and pulled the glossy braid over his shoulder, stroking it. "That was before the plague arrived.
"It hit hard- I was seven at the time. We were natural targets for it- underfed and probably suffering from untreated illness. At the time, I thought it was just a flu and they would all get better, and Solo and I would just keep moving on... And then he caught it. I don't think I really understood until he was just lying there, to weak to move..." Duo shuddered violently.
He turned back to stare into the flames. "By the time I stole the vaccine, it was too late." He smiled wistfully. "Solo died in my arms, told me that I had to live for both of us, and I promised I would."
Heero inched closer to the solemn God of Death. "That's where you got your name?"
Duo smiled again. "Yep. It felt right, you know? My parents obviously hadn't cared, but he did, and if anyone deserved to have a legacy in me, it was him, the guy who looked after me when I had no one and nothing."
Duo turned back to Heero, the solemn look still there in his somewhat more lively eyes. "You really don't need to hear all this, Heero. I'm sorry..."
Heero cut him off with a gentle hand over his. "No! I mean, please, tell me more. I... I want to know. Please?"
Duo allowed himself to squeeze Heero's hand slightly. "Thanks, man. I mean it."
Heero squeezed back. "It's alright."
Duo's gaze wandered back to the fire. "There were lots of dead people, and the cops needed to get rid of them all- they rounded up all the bodies and all the others who were still alive. They were amazed- I dunno why, but I never came down with it. They released me into the care of a priest, Father Maxwell."
Another fond smile. "Father Maxwell and Sister Helen- they took in street kids and found them homes. I remember thinking that it was a dream- I was being given warm clothes and a place to sleep, food, attention... But I was the bad one, sure enough." His eyes glinted. "I fought a lot- the other kids made fun of my hair and threatened to cut it, and I would get upset, because Solo had had long hair, too, and I just wanted to be like him... Sister Helen fixed all that. She was the first one, really, to wash it and comb it out, and then she braided it like this so that it would be out of the way, and the others would shut up. I remember thinking that... I wished that she was my Mom."
There were tears in the violet eyes as he continued. "The others got adopted quickly, but never me. I thought that no one wanted me. But Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, they never complained. I think... I'd like to think that they actually loved me, somehow. As bad as I was, they always forgave and hugged me and smiled. It was like having a family, and I loved them. We even celebrated Christmas, with this tree and decorations and presents- they were small, but I could have cared less- they were like gold to me. Besides, no one had ever given me a present before, at least that I remembered."
Heero was almost afraid to so it, but he asked, "What happened to them, Duo?"
The tears spilled silently down Duo's pale cheeks. "The Alliance happened. These... rebels forced their way in and... They insisted that we help them, even held a gun on Sister Helen for a while. And I..." He shuddered as the tears began to run more freely, and rubbed his sleeve hard over his eyes to try and stop it. "I asked them if they would leave if I stole them a mobile suit. They said they would.
"So I did it. I snuck onto a base and somehow managed to get into a Leo and load it up. I took off with it and got away- I was so proud and happy- they would have to go and we would be safe..." His eyes hardened and Heero felt Duo's muscles contracting under his hand, hardening into iron. "I went b-back and... th-the church and orphanage w-were gone."
Duo met Heero's eyes. "The Alliance had bombed it, killing everyone inside. They claimed that it was a big tragedy and spun it beautifully, blaming the rebels and the Colonists who had been foolish enough to harbour them, but I knew. I found them. S-Sister H-Helen was s-still alive when I f-found her, and she blessed me and g-gave me my c-cross to wear. She said that she l-loved me, and I h-held her..."
Heero wrapped an arm around his partner as the boy began to heave dry sobs, cradling him close against his side as Duo worked up the courage to continue. "I took my second name that night, to remember them by. And then I ran. I left as fast as I could. I remember," he gave a small laugh that was completely devoid of humour. "The smell of it- I had never smelled burning bodies before, but I smelled it then, and I thought that if I ran far enough, the air would wash the smell away.
"So it was back to the streets, but I was the leader of the gang now. I was smarter than the others, and I knew enough to distrust the police and all their type. I looked after the kids like Solo had looked after me, and it felt almost as if I was doing the right thing, as though they would have been proud of me, even if I did steal and fight and all that." He shot Heero a glance. "You'd understand how easy it is to learn to fight when your life depends on it. Their lives depended on it, too."
They sat in heavy silence for a few more minutes before Heero spoke again. "How did you meet G?"
Duo seemed to fall back in on himself. "You don't want to hear about it, Heero. No one does, so don't worry."
The Japanese pilot did not miss the slight, cold growl of warning in Duo's tone, and it chilled him a bit to hear it from the normally cheerful, warm boy. He refused to back down, though. He had Duo talking for once, really talking about himself. And he guessed quite correctly that the worst was yet to come. His own voice held a slight tone of steel as he held Duo closer against his side. "You're wrong, Duo. I do want to hear about it. You can talk to me- I won't go away, I promise. I will not abandon you."
That brought Duo's head around, and wide, soulful violet eyes locked with Heero's, searching him and hoping to see that he was as sincere as he sounded. Heero felt something in him aching terribly as those eyes searched him, as though looking for a thread to hang on to and not fall down into hell. For the first time in his life, he actually wanted to be that thread, too. He let his arm relax a little, though he still held Duo against him. "I promise, Duo."
Duo's heart was wringing in his chest- he had wanted to see that look in Heero's eyes since that day- it seemed like ages ago- when he broke him out of the OZ hospital. And maybe he did mean it, maybe he did care, though why was a question that Duo would never fully understand. He nodded, unconsciously moving in closer to the protective warmth of Heero's embrace.
He poked the fire a bit before resuming his story. "It was different, being the leader. I remembered seeing Solo with big bruises, but every time I asked where they came from, he laughed and distracted me somehow. I quickly learned how he got them- I was in fights every day, and not just with kids, either. Adults, too- You know how some men like little boys, not to mention the girls, and it was part of my responsibility to keep them safe...
"I was small- still am, unfortunately- but I learned to use my size well, becoming faster and more precise than the bigger boys who were using all muscle and no brain. I quickly got a reputation as a badass, and folks stopped bothering us so much. All, except one guy, this gang leader, sorta like a neighbourhood boss in the old movies- local drug king, all that- a guy called Warlock."
Duo gulped for air, and Heero felt his heart racing as the other boy trembled ever so slightly. He had never seen Duo Maxwell tremble, not even with a gun to his head. Duo continued, "I caught the guy one night, trying to grab one of my kids- he had the kid pinned down and was tearing at his clothes- I jumped on his back and distracted him enough that the other boy got away, and then I tried to run, and he shot at me... I had never been so frightened in my life- this Warlock guy holding a gun on me and sneering, with scratches all over his face and neck from where I had hit him..."
Duo shuddered hard and Heero felt a pit of cold growing in his stomach. He had a feeling he knew where the story was going. "H-he hit me and knocked m-me out... When I woke up, I was in such pain, and he was f-fucking me so hard- I felt like I w-was going to d-die, and I wanted to... God, I wanted to!"
Heero rocked the other boy gently as Duo's slender frame was racked with chills and tears that he refused to let fall. "When he was done, he hit me again and told me to stay out of his alley- that anyone there was his. That I was his. I blacked out."
Duo stared straight into the fire as Heero saw a change go through him- the braided boy was still trembling ever so slightly, but his eyes glinted with sparks far more fiery than the fire in front of them, and the corners of his lips were definitely turned up in a feral, dangerous grin, albeit a small one. His voice had changed as well, hard and with an edge of madness to it that Heero recognised only too well- Duo was Shinigami. "When I woke up, I felt broken, but then I got angry. He had no right to do that- he did it because he was bigger and had the power to do it. No one was gonna do a thing to someone as powerful as him for beating on some street kid, but I knew who he was- he caught kids and fucked them, and then used them as his drug mules all over town. The kids were scared of me that day- I was beaten up and bloody, but still so angry... I made up my mind- I went back there the next night.
"He was there, and he laughed in my face. He totally misread my smile, thinking I had liked it and was back for more." Heero shivered at the look in his friend's eyes. "He wasn't laughing when I finished with him- I killed for the first time that night, and it felt good to do it. I got sick- I had his blood all over me, and it made me feel like a demon- I was gonna go to hell, like Father Maxwell had said happens to murderers, but what I had done- it had been justice." He laughed hollowly. "Geez, now I sound like Wufei."
It seemed to break his mood. Duo was himself again as his shivers subsided. "I did it often from then on- every time I saw a drug pusher or pimp grabbing kids, I felt that rage, and the man would die."
"How old were you?" Heero asked quietly.
"I was eleven," Duo answered. He turned to look Heero in the face. "I was a lawless freak, trying to escape the police and military when I met the Doc, you see? And then he offered me the chance... to put it all to good use and escape it all... to become Death."
They were silent, staring into the flames.
"I envy you." The three words brought Duo's head around in shock. Heero was staring at him with the most incredibly vulnerable look in his eyes, something Duo hadn't ever expected to see there. "You've been through so much tragedy, but you had it for even a little while and you keep looking for it again... I wish...I... to be loved, even a little." Heero gave up trying to articulate it.
Duo looked dumbfounded. "You don't... you don't hate me? I was a killer, Heero..."
"No, you weren't," Heero cut him off sharply. "You were a victim."
Duo rocked back at the words. Doctor G had said the same thing to the small boy he had found hiding in his cargo bay- the kid had been scared out of his wits, but was still so brave, ready to face them all and talk them to death, if nothing else... Was it possible that Heero, too, could accept him, knowing everything that he was? "It still hurts."
Heero looked deep into those violet eyes. "So that's why you fight like you do, I understand." He hugged Duo close.
The braided boy's arm wrapped tentatively around Heero's waist, and he leaned his head against his shoulder. Heero inhaled deeply, appreciating the apple smell of Duo's shampoo. Wait a minute- apples? 'I like apples...' A smell related to Duo? He held the slender form tighter against him, one hand absently stroking Duo's back in soothing little circles. He wasn't surprised as he felt the lithe form relax against him and heard Duo's breathing settle, deep and silent. He was asleep.
Heero winced a little as he lifted his partner- his wrist was not yet completely mended- and carried him to the bedroom. Putting Duo down, he pulled the boy's boots off and tucked him in under the blanket, smiling a little at the child-like pout of Duo's lips as he immediately rolled onto his side and curled up into a small ball.
He sat down and contemplated the sleeping boy. Duo's story... it was more than just sad. It was the sort of thing that reminded him of why he fought- it was horrific. It surprised him that Duo was able to hold it all inside, only allowing the rage and pain out in those moments of glory in his cockpit, as Shinigami... it spoke of a will and courage far greater than he had previously been aware of in the small pilot of Deathscythe. And the need for human contact- that had been the worst. Heero had learned to tune everything out and embrace his silence. Now that he thought about it, though, he realised that he was every bit as isolated and alone as his partner, but that the other had far too many visions and nightmares to allow silence to exist. So the talking wasn't just a way of annoying him- it was a defence mechanism.
He would never tell him to shut up again!
And one more thing was for certain- he was going to force himself to start interacting with other people. If Duo was strong enough to seek people out and let them in close, even after losing so many and the fear that relationships must have brought to him, then Heero could be brave enough to open up, too.
He stretched out on the bed next to his comrade and carefully extended an arm to pull the sleeping form against him for warmth as he slipped off to sleep.
~*~
"Wake up, baka!" Heero was amused as he gently shook the other boy's shoulders again and Duo rolled over yet again.
"It's too early, Sister! I need my beauty sleep..." Duo mumbled, his eyes firmly shut.
Heero actually smiled as he leaned over and shook the boy harder. "Duo, get up! It's Christmas day."
The violet eyes blinked sleepily before they opened, staring up into cobalt blue and blinking like a small child's. "Heero? Wha..." He sat up slowly, disoriented to be in the bed. He shook his head to clear it a little, and the eyes that met Heero's this time were clear and alert. "You put me here."
"Hai, I did, and now it's time to get up," Heero said, trying not to smile.
It didn't fool Shinigami. Duo's eyes lit with the fire of mischief- Heero was up to something, and he could tell. "Heero, what are you up to? What is this?" he asked as he climbed out of the bed and reached for his boots, lacing them up as quickly as he could.
The other boy remained silent- he wanted to see Duo's reaction to his surprise. He leaned back against the wall as Duo quickly went through his morning routine- un-braiding and brushing out his hair, re-braiding it, washing his face and brushing his teeth. He finally stood back and opened his arms wide in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, bud! I'm ready- what's up?"
Heero surprised himself by suppressing his grin. "Follow me." He turned and walked out, smirking as he felt, rather than heard Duo falling in behind him.
Duo gasped in shock as he entered the small living room- there was a tree there, not too tall, but definitely a tree, next to a roaring fire. And it was decorated... his face broke into a huge smile, and he felt tears pooling in his eyes- it was decorated as best as Heero had been able to manage, with little bits of painted metal strung together and glinting in a strange but highly appropriate garland. "Heero, oh Heero, it's beautiful!" He threw his arms around his partner and pulled him close for a tight hug that nearly cut off his breath.
Heero was surprised to find himself laughing and hugging back, and then smiling contentedly as Duo began to caper around with the exuberance of a five-year-old. "Wow! I haven't had a Christmas tree since that one Christmas with Father and Sister, back on L2..." He turned back to Heero with a bright smile. "Thanks, Heero. Thanks for being my friend and listening." He hugged him again.
Breakfast was a cheerful meal, though Duo was still trying to reconcile the Heero he had woken up to with the partner he had worked with for so long. He wasn't complaining- this thoughtful boy, whose soul managed to show itself despite his reserve, was a wonderful development- but he wondered at how he had managed to miss this person for so long. He also wondered how he was going to bring this boy out more often. Heero frowning was beautiful, but Heero smiling was absolutely breathtaking.
And there was no doubt of it now- the Japanese pilot was willing to be his friend. It made him so happy that he felt like singing.
After the washing up, Duo darted outside, barely stopping to slip into his heavy jacket and gloves. Heero could hear whoops and laughter and wondered at it- it was freezing cold, and the guy was running around, probably soaking his clothes and howling like an idiot...
His rare smile broke over his face as he thought about it. Why not? It wasn't as if it did any harm, as long as they warmed up afterwards... He almost felt as though an alarm would go off and chase him back inside as he stepped out into the white world, his stomach tied into tense knots at the idea of trying something so completely out-of-character for him-
He stopped in amazement, and then burst out laughing. Duo was lying on his back in the snow, waving his arms and legs in the stuff and giggling as though it was the greatest joke he had ever heard.
He wandered over carefully and called out, "Duo, what are you doing?"
A braided head shifted its position to look up at him. "Huh? Oh, hi, Heero! I'm making a snow angel. At least, this is how Solo described it to me- he had once managed to get on a shuttle down to Earth and he used to tell us about snow. This is awesome!"
Heero felt a pang of regret- no one had ever told him stories. Jealousy, too- Duo had so many happy memories associated with this Solo...
He made up his mind quickly and surprised himself by allowing his body to fall backwards into the snow next to Duo and copying the movements. He laughed- Duo had been right. It was awesome. And it felt so refreshing to do something for himself, not because it was orders...
He closed his eyes and just smiled for a moment, and then opened them-
Duo was standing over him with a crazed grin and a ball of snow in his right hand. Now why was he...
POUF! Heero sputtered as the snowball smacked into him and Duo darted away, laughing like a maniac. "Why you little..." he was on his feet in a second, scooping more snow from the ground and darting after his partner, aiming and throwing-
THWACK! The snowball collided with the back of Duo's head and splattered gorgeously, a flurry of small white particles. But Duo was still moving, and Heero noticed it too late as the tricky boy's right arm swung around again with perfect aim- and the snow smacked into him in the chest, right in the x-ring. Laughing again and feeling very guilty for how good it felt, Heero clutched at his chest. He met Duo's eyes. "I should have remembered how well you shoot!" He collapsed in the snow.
Duo picked up more snow as he crept up on his partner, moving on cat's feet despite the crunch of the snow...
Heero sprung to his feet as Duo stood only a foot away from him and pelted him with two snowballs at point blank range, howling as he heard Duo let out a startled yelp and watched the other boy attempting to evade and failing miserably.
Covered in snow and snarling with mock anger, Duo pelted into Heero, throwing his full body weight at the other boy's mid-section and toppling both on them into a snow drift. Grabbing up handfuls of the cold, wet stuff, he ground it into Heero's hair as he held the Japanese boy pinned beneath him-
Heero shrieked with laughter as he felt cold water seeping from his hair down his neck and into his clothes. And then Duo began to tickle him.
Ticklish. The Perfect Soldier had never been tickled- he only knew the word because Duo and Quatre tended to pick tickle fights and someone had to pry the wily American off of the helpless Arab...
He was the helpless one now, and found himself laughing so hard that it hurt to breathe...
Heero growled and flipped Duo handily, straddling his waist as he began to tickle back, his agile fingers digging mercilessly into the other boy's sides. Duo screeched and howled as he gave up, finally managing to get enough air to yell, "Okay, I give up! You win, He-he-heero!"
He let the other up slowly, smirking at Duo's flushed face and dishevelled hair, not realising that he wore much the same look. Duo sat up in the snow, pouting up at Heero theatrically. "If... if I ever master b-breathing again... you're d-dead..."
Heero just smirked. "You started it!"
Duo considered a full-blown argument and quickly abandoned the idea- he hadn't intended on a snow battle with Heero. He truly hadn't, but it had been fun anyway. And to hear and see Heero laughing- it made him feel alive again.
He accepted a hand up and followed Heero back indoors to warm up as the wind kicked up and the sky darkened again- the snow was swirling around madly as the wind positively howled.
The two looked at each other and grinned- at least they had managed to get out while the sun was partially visible for a while. They rightly guessed that it would remain hidden for a long time now.
Duo kicked back in front of the fire with a cup of undrugged cocoa and stared up at the tree with a dreamy smile. He turned to look at Heero, huddled in a towel, with a quizzical glance. "When did you find the time for this, Heero? It must have taken a while."
Heero looked smugly proud of his own efficiency. "I work quickly without distractions. As much as I missed the distractions, it went faster."
Duo blushed a little. Was Heero admitting to enjoying his company? He could grow to like this...
As for Heero, he stared down at his partner with a small smile. Braid gleaming, eyes sparkling, his nose almost as red from the cold as the well-worn scarf around his neck- Heero had never seen anything or anyone before who made him feel as special and important personally as this American boy. He had never even considered that someone could be so strangely beautiful, either.
He sat down next to Duo. "Well, I suppose we're not going out to work on our suits today."
Duo smiled. "A break for Christmas, then?"
"I suppose so," Heero answered, "but I feel a little guilty about it..."
Duo burst out laughing. "Hey, for once you have an honest-to-God reason, so enjoy it, okay? How about we play some alcoholic poker now and drink until we pass out?"
"Duo!?"
Another sparkling laugh. "Geez- I was just kidding! We'll leave the alcohol out, alright?"
Heero fought off the urge to check his computer for missions, knowing that there wouldn't be any. Taking one last look at Duo's hopeful smile, he firmly locked the mission away for the day- this one would be his day, and he was going to learn how to enjoy it. "Sounds good to me."
OWARI
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