Note: The song is by "Don't Wanna Lose You Now" by The Backstreet Boys (I know... kill me now...)
You Think You're a Man Part 3
Confrontation: Don't Wanna Lose You Now
The first thing Heero noticed when he entered the dance club was the music. To him, this music symbolized everything about L2. A thick, heavy, pounding beat, savage and wild, like the panicked heartbeat of a wounded but still very dangerous animal. The strobe lights, smoke... Heero had been in jungles before, but this was a whole new sort of jungle altogether. The urban jungle.
He was getting some very interested looks from both women and guys in the club, but he grimly ignored them. They weren't who he had come for.
Suddenly, he saw Duo. The braided pilot was breathtaking under the most mundane of circumstances, but under the multicolored strobes, the glitter sparkling on his arms and face, and the sequins flashing on his shirt, the American was jaw-dropping gorgeous. And not only that, but he had let his hair down. He had taken the center of the dance floor, dancing alone, hips swaying in a rhythmic undulation, his eyes closed as he was absorbed totally in the music. His chestnut locks rippled down his back in a yard-long cascade. To Heero, it seemed like a horribly intimate gesture, for Duo to let his hair down in a public place like this.
~ ...I thought he never let his hair down for anyone but me... ~
A young man their age came up to Duo and began getting a little too hands-on for either Heero or, apparently, Duo's taste. Duo tried to push him off, but the other boy was bigger than he was. Heero instantly saw red in a wave of jealous rage.
~ I will not kill him I will not kill him... ~
"Duo?" Heero moved through the ever-changing lights and shadows of the smoky club; he was moving carefully and obviously holding himself back--but he was moving fast. He was very fast.
"Heero!" Duo watched as Heero grabbed the boy groping him and pulled him easily away. There was a purring sound as a seam in the other boy's shirt ripped. Duo's heart was thundering.
Heero turned his dark cobalt gaze on Duo. "Onegai. Come with me now, Duo. Please."
"Wait a minute..." the other boy cried in protest.
Heero turned back on him, almost snarling. "And as for you, if I ever see you touch anyone without their permission again, I will kill you."
The boy gasped, stepping back into the crowds. Duo was so shocked he couldn't make a sound. Heero's tone had sliced through the air, attracting the curious glances of a few other club-hoppers. Heero had meant those words, they were no empty threat this time.
Heero turned back to Duo, and by this time, the braided pilot's shock had faded into anger.
"Come with me, Duo."
"Why the fuck should I?" Duo shot back, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest.
"Because I need to talk to you, and I won't do it here. If I have to carry you out of here, it will be quite embarrassing for the both of us." Heero raised one eyebrow, but Duo knew that this wasn't a joke, either. At least, he didn't think so.
Duo's eyes narrowed into an almost perfect imitation of Heero's glare. "Fine."
~*~
/ I never thought that I could lose my mind
that I could control this /
A part of Duo sought blame with himself and wanted to apologize to Heero. Another part of him wanted to hit Heero again. Still another part wanted to kiss him, wanted to feel Heero's strong, capable hands on him. He had been a great friend, and a good lover, too... wasn't he good enough for the Perfect Soldier?
/ Never thought that I'd be left behind
that I was stronger than you /
Duo lead the way out of the dance club in an uncomfortable silence, not listening to Heero's half-hearted, stiff attempts at an apology, an undying declaration of love... whatever the hell he was trying to say. "Duo, I--" "I'm--" Duo's walk was in no way seductive now. It was the walk of a drunk, staggering, but he wouldn't let Heero help him.
/ Boy if only you knew what you felt
you know, so why won't you tell me? /
By the time they had walked back to the entrance of Duo's apartment, Heero had finally got up the nerve to say what he wanted to say.
/ I would bring down the moon and the sun, to show
how much I care... /
"Duo, please listen to me."
/ Don't wanna lose you now
baby, I know we can win this /
"Why were you in that club, Heero? You don't strike me as the life of the party." His voice was slurred, and Duo stumbled a little as he reached the door, fumbling with his key. Heero could see that Duo had obviously had too much to drink, and just as he almost fell against the door, Heero caught him; the braided boy fell into his arms.
/ Don't wanna lose you now
oh no, or ever again... /
"Get your hands off me," Duo mumbled against his chest.
// Please... never let go... //
Heero opened the door, then slipped his arm under Duo's knees, picking the smaller boy up. Sensing that struggle was useless, Duo surrendered, laying his head against Heero's shoulder, the black leather cool against his cheek.
/ I got this feeling, you're not gonna stay
it's burning within me /
Heero laid the drunken pilot on the large bed that they had shared for many weeks until recently, looking down at him cautiously.
/ The feel of losing, of slipping away
it just keeps getting closer /
"Do you want me to leave now, Duo? I think that what I have to say will probably sink in better if I tell you in the morning."
/ Whatever reason to leave that I've had
my place is always beside you /
Duo rolled his eyes, yawning. "No..."
/ And I wish that I didn't need you so bad
your face just won't go away /
Heero started to walk towards the bed, but Duo drove him back with a forbidding look. "I said you could stay. I didn't say you could sleep on the bed. There's a couch in the living room. You know where it is. And the blankets are folded in the closet."
/ Don't wanna lose you now
baby, I know we can win this /
Heero nodded once. "Hai." He walked back out of the room.
/ Don't wanna lose you now
oh no, or ever again /
When Heero had left the room, Duo let out a sigh, vengefully wiping tears from his eyes as he sat up and took two aspirin from the drawer next to the bed. Let Heero go sleep on the lumpy couch with the scratchy blankets. Duo lay on the bed trying to get rid of his headache, imagining he was back in the church, still and cool. He could almost smell the candles and hear the soft clicking of rosaries...
/ Don't wanna lose you now... /
He didn't want this new weight on his heart. God knew he already had enough. But he was proud and he was a good person, American baka or not, and he didn't deserve to be treated in such a humiliating way, like an L2 fuck-on-the-side. It wasn't fair.
/ I never thought that I could lose my mind
that I could control this, yeah... /
Heero's hurt was so great that he couldn't sleep; he got up and went to the front door, hoping the slight cool breeze and the relative quiet of the night would calm his heart. In each tormented beat of it, he felt his love for Duo. He wanted to be rid of it, to turn it off, but he couldn't. He went back in and laid down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.
/ Never thought that I'd be left behind
that I was stronger than you, no... /
Suddenly, Duo heard a sound from the living room like a dove sighing. At first he brushed it off, trying to slip into sleep, but then he heard that dove sound again, and knew that it was coming from Heero. Was Heero... crying? Surely not.
/ Don't wanna lose to loneliness
boy I know we can win /
Duo stood up, ignoring the dull ache at his temples and his blurry vision. "Are you okay, Heero?"
/ Don't wanna lose to emptiness
never again... /
Heero looked up at him, his eyes openly suffering, and flashing too brightly in the streetlight filtering in through the window. His reply was soft and mumbled.
/ Don't wanna lose to loneliness
boy I know we can win /
"I can't hear you."
/ Don't wanna lose you now... /
When Heero's words came again, they were stiff and forced; it was obviously painful for the Perfect Soldier to show his feelings. "I'm... gomen nasai... I'm sorry, Duo. I was very... insensitive back then. And even after it was over, I never learned any better. I'm sorry."
/ Don't wanna lose you now, all alone we can win this /
Duo kneeled next to the couch, touching Heero's face gently, laying his hand along Heero's jaw. "I know."
"Iie... Duo, you don't know how sorry I am..."
"I know that you just apologized, and it's a step in the right direction."
Heero closed his eyes. "I wanted to say... Duo..."
Duo was listening intently. "Wanted to say what?"
Heero opened his eyes, looking up into Duo's rich violet ones. He was shaken, amazed by how much he loved the American. "Aishiteru..." he whispered.
Duo's eyes widened. "Does that mean what I think it means?"
"Hai. And you were right to be angry."
Duo closed his eyes now, turning away.
"I felt... I felt like I used to when I fucked for money all those years ago." Duo's voice was shuddering with emotion. "It hurt me so much... for all those years. And I had to pretend nothing was wrong. We'd share so much... and then the next day, you'd barely even look at me."
/ Never want to lose you now, oh no, or ever again /
Heero sat up, pulling Duo to him, putting his cheek to Duo's. "Please... forgive me. Onegai. Please."
Duo gave him a shaky, if sincere, smile. "I already have." He stood up and held out his hand to Heero. "C'mon. The couch is most definitely not comfortable. Come sleep with me." Heero allowed himself to be helped to his feet.
They both went into the bedroom, dressing out of their club clothes and into boxers; most of Heero's things were still in the apartment, anyway. Heero cautiously lay next to Duo, then, moving closer, he stroked the American's hair, gazing into Duo's violet eyes with an intense searching look. Duo sighed, moving his head over to lay across Heero's chest, listening to the slow thunder of his heartbeat.
They fell asleep like that. If Heero could find it in his heart to apologize and say what he felt, then Duo was sure there was still hope. The wound to their relationship had been bandaged by that one soft word; it wasn't healed, but it was on its way. That one word had seen to it.
/ Don't wanna lose you now... /
"Aishiteru."
OWARI
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