Author: CleverYoungThief
Rating: PG
Warnings: Humor, Terribly OOC Heero, exaggerated characterizations of everyone else throughout. Generally good-natured G-boy bashing. It's a madhouse.
Pairing: None (really)
Archive: Gundam Wing Addiction
Disclaimer: No Gundam pilot was harmed in the making of this fic, except for Rashid, who may be scarred for life.
Battle of the Breakfast Casserole
It was a bright, sunny day on Quatre's estate (which is always conveniently close to wherever the G-boys happen to be staying at the time). There had been a lull in the fighting, so instead of staying in a run-down safehouse in the middle of nowhere, the Gundam pilots decided to stay at Quatre's. They were calmly eating a large breakfast prepared by Quatre's houseservants when...
Suddenly, Heero reached grabbed a handful of scrambled eggs out of the bowl in middle of the table and threw them at Wufei.
Wufei sputtered and his eyes widened so far Heero noted with carefully concealed amusement that they looked like they were about to fall out of his head.
"Yuh... yuh... Yuy?!?!?"
Heero watched in satisfaction as Duo's face showed more expressions in five seconds than Heero had seen on him in the entire eight months they had known each other. Right before Duo busted out laughing, Heero grabbed another handful and threw it at the American. Gaping, Duo fell back in his chair, howling with laughter. Bits of egg were stuck in his braid.
"KISAMA! INJUSTICE!"
Wufei pulled his katana and leapt at Heero. Quatre, not wanting to see the Japanese pilot skewered, threw a hunk of coffeecake at Wufei to distract him. Wufei was deflected by Quatre's coffeecake and missed Heero by mere inches. He slid across the table, knocking dishes off of it in a clatter of shattering ceramic.
"My china!" Quatre shrieked, his face going pale.
Duo, who by this time had somewhat recovered, grabbed some of the hashbrowns that had fallen on the floor and peeked his head mischieviously over the edge of the table. He tried to throw the hashbrowns at Heero, but was overcome by a giggling fit and it ruined his aim. The handful of hashbrowns he had intended for Heero hit Trowa instead, who had deftly lifted his plate up when Wufei slid across the table and set it back down when the Chinese pilot toppled to the floor on the other side. He had kept eating without comment until Duo's hashbrowns hit him in the face. His head came up with a snap, little bits of potato caught in his bang, hanging down in his face. Before he could check himself, he had reached down, scooped a handful of grits and flung them back in Duo's face.
"WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING AT ALL!" Quatre shouted, blinking back tears as his lip trembled in that kawaii kicked-puppy look. (Aww, poor widdle Kat... ) He got four silent looks, four simultaneous blinks, and four handfuls of food in the face for his trouble. After that point, no one could tell who was throwing what food at who.
The air was suddenly full of edible projectiles, and the Gundam pilots had very good aim. Toast, coffeecake (which seemed to make the best weapon), grits, scrambled eggs, breakfast casserole, and biscuits flew across the room at speeds that seemed impossible for common, everyday chow. Not a few waffles, complete with syrup, ended up as missiles.
Wufei strategically used the table as a shelter and stuck his head out from under it every few seconds, throwing food. His katana, which had gone flying when he dropped unceremoniously from the table to the floor, was embedded in the wall, forgotten.
Quatre and Duo immediately thought that Trowa and Heero would be on their respective sides, but a few handfuls of food instantaneously assured them that this was a fight with no sides and no allies. It was every pilot for himself.
Trowa quickly ran out of food in easy reaching distance. "I always run out of ammunition before I run out of enemies," he muttered to himself in self-pity before being hit in the face with a plateful of bacon.
In just under two minutes after it had started, it was over. There was no more food on the table. It had been nicely, evenly distributed throughout the kitchen. There was scrambled eggs on the countertops, toast on the floor, breakfast casserole on the walls, and a piece of coffeecake that had somehow ended up on top of the fridge. Not to mention a little bit of everything on each of the boys.
Suddenly, the door flew open. Rashid flew in, ducking to avoid the top of the door. "Master Quatre, what's wrong! I heard a--"
He paused, looking around the room for one eternal minute. Wufei lay panting on the floor among the remains of the good serving plates. Duo was on the floor on the opposite side of the table, rolling around on the floor with tears streaming down his face, howling with laughter and covered with more food than anyone else. Quatre had thrown himself at Trowa, sobbing against his chest over the destroyed dishes and giggling helplessly over the fight. Trowa just smiled at Duo and Wufei on the floor with hashbrowns in his hair and breakfast casserole on his face.
Heero just sat in his seat, eating what remained of his breakfast, trying to pretend that being covered with maple syrup was normal, and daring anyone to say otherwise.
"--scream."
Rashid turned a dark brick color. "Who. Did. This?"
Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and Wufei all pointed accusingly at Heero, who smiled dangerously.
"Master... Heero?!?" Rashid closed his eyes, shuddered visibly, and looked at Quatre. "I... I need to go lie down, Master Quatre. I will order Abdah and the others to... attend to this. If one's friends would be so kind as to clean themselves up. Lunch... lunch will be ready in about three hours. I believe we will have it on the veranda, if it is alright with you, Master Quatre."
"Of course, Rashid," Quatre managed to get out before bursting into giggles again.
Rashid walked out, muttering to himself.
"It's always the quiet ones."
OWARI
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