Author: CleverYoungThief
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, silliness, OOC, severe animal abuse (^_~), Taco Bell libel, general fluffballs everywhere...
Pairing: None
Archive: Gundam Wing Addiction
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Don't sue. College kids are like L2 kids; we got nothin'.
Note: This is a requested sequel to "Battle Of The Breakfast Casserole"
Battle of the Burritos
It was a dark and stormy day ( isn't it always in fics like this? ) ... so the guys decided to go down to Taco Bell for lunch. Yes, even centuries in the future, there are still Taco Bells.
Don't argue with me. I was there. I know.
Heero swung into the parking lot and screeched to the halt.
He turned around and looked at Duo in the backseat, who was shaking uncontrollably. There was a maniacal grin plastered across his face.
"Duo, how many sodas did you have for breakfast?"
"Tuh-tuh-tuh-ten..."
Heero shot the all-encompassing Deathglare™ at all four of them. "Listen to me. The wars are over. Therefore, your skills are useless and your lives are redundant. I will be removing all carbonated drinks from all of our safehouses. Quatre, you will order Rashid to remove all soda from any of your estates. If ANY of you give him soda EVER AGAIN, I will kill you, and there will be NOTHING to stop me."
Four wide-eyed blinks.
"Let's go."
The five went into the Taco Bell, unknowingly walking under the ominous banner: PUBLICITY SHOWING: THE TACO BELL DOG!!!!!
~*~
The five walked into the restaurant. In the corner, a group of reporters were standing around a smug-looking woman with a little dog on a leash.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! PAPARAZZI!!!!" Quatre hid behind Trowa.
"Ahhhcoollookitthelittledoggie!!!" Duo said in one breath. "IwannapetitIwannapetitIwannapetit--" The Taco Bell Dog™ looked up at Heero and gulped. "I think I need a bigger box," it yipped.(1)
"Uh!" A surprised grunt from Heero as he saw the dog. He pulled his gun from Spandex-space™.
*BANG*
The chihuahua promptly exploded.
The crowd all turned to Heero and his smoking gun, unbelievingly. Wufei was the first one to break the wide-eyed silence.
"HEERO YOU KILLED THE PUPPY!" Wufei burst into tears. Quatre, Trowa, and Duo sweatdropped.
"I hate talking dogs." Heero shrugged.
"MHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Duo collapsed with laughter. "YousplatteredtheTacoBellDog™allovertherestaurantHeeroyou'reindeepshitnow!"
"Duo, shut up!" Trowa hissed.
"My DOG!" the public relations official screeched. "Do you know how much that dog is WORTH?!?"
"Just charge it to Relena Peacecraft's account," Heero replied. Wufei whimpered, prodding the motionless heap of scorched fur. His face was tear-streaked. "Poor widdle puppy..."
Trowa kicked him unceremoniously. "Get up and pull yourself together. Show some dignity."
Wufei started sobbing, and Trowa rolled his eyes. Only Quatre, who usually seemed on the verge of tears at least four hours out of every twenty-four, seemed to have most of his shit together.
Heero spoke up, ignoring the stunned reporters who had begun to take his picture. "Let's eat." Suddenly, he spun around at them. "STOP TAKING MY PICTURE!"
They dove for the door.
"But what about my DOG!!!!?????"
Heero turned back to the public relations official, gun in hand, dark blue eyes icy. "What ABOUT your dog?" he said, twirling the gun casually.
"Nuh-nothing!" The PR woman quickly mopped up what was left of the Taco Bell Dog™ and joined the general exodus out of the fastfood restaurant.
After Trowa picked up Wufei and threw him in a booth, the rest of them went up to the counter to order.
Heero was the first one up. The cashier hid behind the counter until Trowa poked Heero. "Uh, Heero... put away the gun. You're scaring the guy."
"Oh... right." Heero put his pistol away and turned his icy colbalt gaze back to the cashier.
"I want two MexiMelts and a small drink."
Quatre was next. He smiled winningly at the cashier, who relaxed noticeably. "I want a taco salad and a medium drink. My sobbing friend over there--" He pointed at Wufei, "will take two chicken tacos, a large drink, and a dose of Prozac."
Trowa poked Quatre. "Quatre, they don't serve Prozac here," he explained seriously.
"... Oh." The blond Arabian grinned back at the cashier, showing bright white teeth. "Nevermind that last part then!"
Trowa came up. "A doubledecker taco and a small drink."
Duo sauntered up to the counter. He took a deep breath. "I'lltakefoursteaktacosthreechalupasfiveburritostwotacosaladsandaLARGEdrinkyougotallthat?"
"Uh, yeah. I g-g-got it."
Heero grabbed Duo's braid and tugged... hard. "NO soda."
"ButHeeroIwannaPepsi--"
"NO SODA." The pistol came back out... under Duo's nose. He eeped.
"Right... no Pepsi... got it." The pistol disappeared back into Heero's Spandex-space.
The cashier raised his hand timidly. Heero Deathglared him. "What do you want?"
"Who's going to pay for all of this food, if you don't mind me asking, sir?"
Heero, Duo, and Trowa pointed at Quatre, who sweatdropped.
The Gundam pilots sat down for an uneventful, quiet lunch, especially quiet because they were the only ones left in the restaurant. All that was left of the Taco Bell Dog™ was a few splashes of blood and a few tufts of fur in the corner and floating through the air.
OWARI
(1) I couldn't resist.... *evil little snicker*
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