Whispered Touches Part 8
"So you guys are an item now?" Meiran asked.
"Don't be nosy," Wufei said quietly.
"I'm not. I'm pointing out a fact." Meiran ignored Wufei and turned back to Quatre and Trowa. "It's the cute guys that are gay. Always."
"Should I be taking offense?" Wufei asked no one in particular as Quatre flushed and Trowa looked amused.
"Who said I liked cute guys?" Meiran asked in reply.
"Should I really be taking offense now?"
Meiran only smiled in return and kissed his cheek. Wufei flushed a little at the sudden show of affection and squeezed Meiran's hand lightly.
"You guys...are comfortable? With us?" Quatre asked carefully.
"Love is love," Meiran said casually. "We've learned to recognize the signs between two guys."
"Oh?" Trowa asked. "What do you mean?"
Meiran rolled her eyes. "Heero. And I'm not spilling any beans. Heero gave me permission to say it."
"Ah." Quatre nudged Trowa. "I told you Heero was gay. Did you see how he looks at Duo?"
"Duo is...no longer living," Wufei cut in. "And that is my concern."
"It is all of our concern," Meiran corrected. "But like I said, love is love. What can we possibly do?"
"Nothing. Yuy has a very stubborn mind," Wufei huffed. "All we can do is hope that Duo has a clearer mind."
"Somehow...I don't think that's the best way to describe Duo," Trowa said. "So I think all we can hope for is that Duo does not particularly care for love in his...ghost form."
The others nodded in agreement.
~*~
Heero tapped lightly on the attic door before he entered. Climbing the stairs quietly, he glanced around to see Duo sitting by the window. The ghost looked up after a moment.
"Hey," Duo murmured.
"Hey," Heero replied, sitting against the same wall as Duo just a few paces away to indicate that he would still offer Duo the privacy he wanted since two diaries were open on the floor. "Are you all right? You've been up here a while."
Duo shrugged. "What time is it?" he asked.
"You've been up here a few hours. It's almost 2am."
"Wow." Duo closed the diaries. "Why aren't you sleeping then?"
"We...all of us were a bit worried about you. Not that we expected you to come back downstairs right away and tell us if there was any information you'd found, but..." Heero trailed off.
"I'm not done reading. I read Mom's diary and like me, she seems to only have written on important dates, or for special events. I read up to Naoko's birth. Then I sidetracked and read my own diary, but I had stopped writing at the time of Dani's kidnap. I didn't have the inclination to write after the kidnap. I was going to read Dad's, but then I was distracted by the family album. Mom got the diaries for the three of us, you know? That's why they all look similar. They were pretty much started on the same dates. At least Mom's and mine were. I guess Dad's should be too."
"I see." Heero exhaled slowly.
"I know you guys are curious. Can I tell you about it later?"
"Don't rush it, Duo. You should take all the time you need," Heero said quickly.
Duo shook his head. "I...I think I want to solve things as quickly as possible. Lay my own ghosts to rest, I guess."
"You going to be up reading all night?"
"Probably." Duo lifted his father's diary. "Dad's diary seems a bit thick, and I only got halfway through Mom's. When I think back on some of the events Mom and I both wrote about, I get lost in thought. That's why it's taking a while."
Heero nodded. "I understand. Then...I'll leave you to it. I'll go back downstairs. See you tomorrow?"
Duo nodded. "Goodnight, Heero." He watched as Heero got up and left the attic, waiting until the door had clicked shut before he turned back to the diaries. Picking up his mother's he decided to finish reading the remaining entries. It took only a few minutes and it was understandable that his mom hadn't had much time to write in her diary since Dani's birth, other than to take down milestones.
Duo felt tears cloud his eyes as he read an entry from his mother, recalling that he had read from his diary his own version of the event's detail.
'I truly believe that having Danielle was not a mistake. When I first found out, I had many fears. Fears of being pregnant at this age, fear of the family's financial ability to bring up another child, especially with Duo about to enter college in a few years. Fear of how this would change the family, as a whole, or for each individual member.
I especially feared how Duo would take the news. He had been excited to learn that I was pregnant, but sometimes he would be moody too, because he knew that both Alan and I know he is capable of taking care of himself and would devote much more time to the baby. He knew he would have to help baby-sit, help take care of the baby and he would have to become even more independent. He'd have to share the parents he's had for himself all of these years.
But today, I know these fears are unwarranted. Duo's got sports scholarships waiting for him to enter university with. Our financial situation is not a problem since Alan got a raise last year. Today, my last fear of what sort of relationship Duo would have with baby Danielle has been proven false.
Dani, as he likes to call her, said her first word today. Duo's first word had been 'Ma', and his second word had been 'Pa', followed by 'okie' in reference to his favorite treat of cookies. Dani's first word today was 'Doh'. Alan was out at work, but both Duo and I knew that baby Dani was calling for Duo. She can't pronounce the 'u' in his name yet, but it certainly was meant to be Duo. And my dear son's eyes shone with pride to hear Dani call him.
He's like a little father to our baby Dani, and I know they will grow up very close to each other. It may even be because of Dani that Duo does so well in school; he constantly seeks to be a role model for her. Seeing her call him, seeing his surprise, is one of the greatest gifts I have received. Knowing my two children get along so well is a great blessing. I pray that God will continue to watch over my two.'
Duo sighed, remembering the day. His own diary entry had been written in an excited manner, and was short, concise, and to the point. His mother's entry let him know that it was that day that she really believed Duo loved Dani and had never been jealous of her presence. In Duo's own eyes, his family had been a happy one, and Danielle had served to tie the family even closer together.
His mother's last diary entry, oddly, was almost word for word the same as his own last entry.
'Someone has taken Dani from our family. Dear God I pray to you like I have never prayed before. Please, keep her safe. I will do anything to have her back, safe and sound at home.'
Duo set the diary down on top of his own and looked at the album again, studying the family picture that had been taken during Danielle's second Christmas. He was suddenly curious as to what his father thought was important enough to detail in a diary. Picking up the last diary, Duo made himself comfortable and opened it.
'Helen. You shall be named Helen for it is only here that I will be able to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth.'
Duo blinked. His father had named the diary after his mother? Truths? Curious, Duo read on.
'My real identity is George Alton. I know one day I will be able to tell you, but for now, the truth will lie only in this diary and in my heart. George Alton was a man who worked hard to become a member of the FBI. Three months before I met you Helen, I had forsaken the identity of George Alton and assumed the name Alan Maxwell, for I signed a contract to go undercover and try to delve into the local gangsters in order to seek information on drug dealings as well as the dealing of arms.'
His dad was an undercover FBI agent? Duo suddenly laughed. It was hard to believe, but still, he read on. Alan Maxwell would have no reason to lie in his diary, would he?
'As a day job, I became a manager of Incorporon Ltd. and that was where we met, three months later when you became my temporary secretary while the usual one, Sheryl, went on maternity leave. How could I not have fallen in love with you, with your beautiful eyes, smile, and most importantly, your beautiful heart and soul? I swear to you, Helen, that this is the only lie I have told to you, the lie of my real identity. After you promised me your hand in marriage I vowed that this would be the one and only lie between us.'
Duo closed his eyes. He knew the story of how his mom and dad got together and that must mean that his father was really, an undercover FBI agent. He continued to read.
'The undercover job was to last until I could gather enough information to pass on to the FBI about the gangsters. When that time came, Duo was already five years old and I no longer knew how to tell you both the truth. It took half a year of secretly going to court and offering statements before the gang was thoroughly uprooted; and two weeks after that for me to offer my resignation to the FBI and apply for a permanent change of identity.
Helen, Duo, I couldn't tell you that I was once George Alton, an FBI agent. And I swear to you both that the Alan Maxwell you have known is truly who I am, and not the fabricated identity I was to begin with. Duo once said to me that he wanted to be a cop and asked why Daddy never wanted to be a cop. How close to the truth he had come. I struggled for some time when I first dated you, Helen, as to whether I had fallen too deeply into the Alan Maxwell identity. But the more time passed, the more I knew that we were meant to be. If you or Duo, or any of our future children were to read this, then I assure you, Alan Maxwell is the new George Alton, and his love for you, all of you, has never been a lie.
I swear that this is the one and only lie I will ever keep from you.'
Duo suddenly didn't want to read any more. His father had a different identity? If he had never been this fabricated Alan Maxwell, he would never have met Helen! Then this lie wouldn't have been there to begin with. Dropping the diary, Duo felt himself shift easily into his immaterial form before he floated down into the basement. Wufei and Meiran were sleeping close to each other, as were Trowa and Quatre, who seemed to be snuggling for warmth. Heero slept on his own futon and that was where Duo sat close to.
Heero blinked his eyes open at the now familiar tingling feeling that was at the back of his neck. He rubbed at his eyes before he focused on Duo.
"Duo?" he whispered.
"I don't want to be alone right now," Duo murmured.
"Okay..." Heero sat up. "Let's go to my room. We won't wake the others there."
Once they reached Heero's room, Duo sat down on the window seat.
"Did...you read about something?" Heero asked hesitantly, sitting on his bed. On second thought, he stretched out and lay on his side, hugging his pillow.
"Yea," Duo answered shortly.
"You...want to talk about it?" Heero sat up again.
"Sit still, will you?" Duo said softly.
"Sorry," Heero muttered. "I don't really know what to do."
"Why?" Duo asked suspiciously. "Are you really curious?"
"It's not only that, Duo." Heero drew a hand through his hair. "Somehow...I've learned to tell when you're upset or not. And you are upset right now. And somehow I realized that...I feel upset that something has upset you."
Duo was quiet before he padded silently over to Heero and sat on the bed. "The first entry my father had in his diary...detailed a lie."
"A...lie?"
Duo nodded, hugging one knee. "Dad swore in that entry that it was the only lie he ever told to us. He...was an undercover FBI agent. He wrote that he quit when I was five after he'd solved the case he'd set out to complete. In that time though, when he was undercover I mean, he met my mother, married her, and they had me." Duo glanced at Heero. "Alan Maxwell was a fabricated identity that George Alton took on."
Heero swallowed before he spoke. "I'm sorry to hear that, Duo,"
"Why?"
Heero blinked. "Well, that's obviously what upsets you. I mean, I guess...you must be thinking that this fabricated Alan Maxwell identity was the person your mother married, was the person who you called father. You must be thinking that he was a fake and wondering if anything and everything of your life and your mother's life involving this Alan Maxwell was nothing but a lie."
The next moment, Heero's collar was clutched tightly in Duo's fists, blazing amethyst eyes burning into his own cobalt eyes. "My father swore that it was the only lie! He swore that Alan Maxwell was a real person, the new George Alton, and that he loved us! His love for us had never been a lie!"
Heero rested his own hands upon Duo's cold ones. "Then why are you so angry, Duo?" he asked quietly.
Duo's fists relaxed. "I don't know," he whispered.
Heero wrapped his arms around the cold body and Duo stiffened under the unexpected gesture. "You're angry because you love your father and mother, Duo," Heero said softly. "This was a surprise to you, no doubt about it. But you know your father better than anyone else, definitely better than me. Think about what kind of person he really was. Even if he did lie about his initial identity, you said that he quit when you were five. I bet you that he had always been Alan Maxwell when he met your mother, when they married, when they had you. I certainly don't doubt that Alan Maxwell was a false person."
"But the initial Alan Maxwell was a fabricated identity," Duo said stubbornly.
Heero pulled back to look Duo in the eyes. "Look at it this way, Duo," he said. "If a person has a past and changes over time, is he a different person from the past?"
"Yes," Duo answered after a moment.
"But does that make them a fabricated identity? A lie?"
Duo shook his head. "No. No, it doesn't, Heero."
"Initially, your father assumed the identity of Alan Maxwell for a case. But I truly believe that he really became this Alan Maxwell and deep inside he is no different. Sure, he assumed a different job, and did different things, things he probably wouldn't have done as an FBI agent. But deep inside, he must have been the same person."
"How can you be so sure, Heero? You never met him."
"In the very least I know that his love for you and your family was never false. Because...you would not have grown to be the Duo you are now if it had been a lie."
Duo smiled a little. "Thanks, Heero," he murmured. "You know, it's kind of funny how you just voluntarily touched me. When did that start? I think you and I used to be afraid of each other."
"I don't know. Maybe...it's because Naoko trusts you."
"Naoko is a baby."
thought in them, that pure instinct. I trust Naoko's instinct. Plus, knowing how close you and Dani were, I don't think you ever could be a bad person."
"Technically, I'm not a person."
"A bad being." Heero cast a glance at Duo. "Just because you're a ghost, you don't have to flaunt it."
Duo chuckled. "Thanks. I kind of needed to hear something like that. It's...not too bad, being a ghost, I guess."
Heero nodded, then yawned, flushing a little at the sudden action. "Sorry," he muttered.
"No, I am. You must be tired."
Heero nodded again, sheepishly. "I am a bit tired, but I can still stay up."
"I could use a doze too," Duo said. "Would you mind if I stayed here though?"
Heero shook his head. "Of course not." Heero shifted and lay down, tucking his arm under his head. He was surprised when Duo lay down though on top of the covers.
"Goodnight, Heero," Duo said quietly. "Thanks."
"Oyasumi nasai. Goodnight, Duo."
A few minutes later Duo's quiet voice pulled Heero briefly from Morpheus' world, though he was too far gone to do more than listen.
"You know, Heero? Somehow, you make me feel warm. I didn't think I could be warm, but deep inside, that's what you make me feel."
It was almost sunrise when Duo found that he was unable to sleep and made his way to Naoko's room. The toddler was sleeping soundly and Duo knelt beside the crib, reaching in to brush gently at Naoko's hair before taking her small hand into his own.
"You're lucky to have your brother, Naoko," he said softly. "So lucky."
As if she heard him, Naoko awoke. After a few minutes she was smiling and holding Duo's hand in return. Duo played with her, distracting the baby with her favorite stuffed bear before he realized that right by Naoko's head was Paw, Danielle's favorite stuffed toy.
"You like Paw, Naoko?" Duo asked softly, touching the familiar toy. Naoko grinned at him and pulled at his hand. "You should go back to sleep."
Naoko pulled at his hand again, and Duo gave in, letting his own body melt through the bars of the crib so that he was lying beside Naoko. She snuggled close and he tucked the blankets around her, knowing that his own body was cold.
"You make me warm too, baby Naoko," Duo whispered. "You know, you and Dani, if you were both the same age, would probably have been great friends."
Naoko began to baby talk and Duo smiled at the nonsensical sounds. "That's right, baby," he cooed. "Come on, go back to sleep." He brushed her cheek lightly, and she mimicked him, patting his cheek. Duo smiled again, and she smiled in return. Quietly, Duo began to hum, brushing the back of Naoko's small hand as she grabbed his braid.
"Your brother was right. Dad loved us, no matter if he was George, or Alan. I should know that better than anyone. He loved Mom, loved me, and loved Dani. The lie he told was a part of his job and I'm old enough to understand that. I think...I was upset because I wish he had found the courage in him to tell us that instead of just writing it in his diary. Heero is right. Dad was truly Alan Maxwell, and if it weren't for the lie, he'd never have met mom and I wouldn't have been born. Dani wouldn't have been born."
Naoko snuggled close again. "Doh," she murmured.
Duo pulled back a bit. "What did you say?"
"Doh," she repeated. "Doh, smile." Naoko smiled sleepily at him.
Duo leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "Okay Naoko. I'll smile."
"Doh," she said again.
"Naoko," he smiled and brushed her cheek again. Then, he realized his hand wasn't touching the toddler anymore. He glanced up and noticed the sunlight streaming through.
"Doh," Naoko tried to touch him, but her own hand passed through his body. After a couple more tries, Duo felt his heart squeeze painfully to see Naoko's eyes fill with tears. "Doh?" Naoko kept trying to touch him.
"I'm sorry, baby. Tonight I'll be back. Doh will be back tonight, I promise,"
But Naoko's tears were already streaming down her cheeks as she began to cry louder. "Doh!" she sobbed.
Duo stood quickly when he heard footsteps, turning in time to see Heero rush into the room. He backed away as Heero spared him a quick glance and lifted Naoko from the crib.
"What's wrong, Naoko?" Heero cooed, rubbing her back and trying to sooth her before he reached for her teddy bear in attempt to distract her. "Shh, don't cry."
"Doh!" Heero blinked, recognizing the single syllable. To both his and Duo's surprise, Naoko tried to reach for Duo and only continued to cry.
TBC...
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