Author: Zazu
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, Duo POV
Pairings: 1+2+1
Archive: Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor do I own the characters. I have borrowed them here for some fun and creativity, and this is not for profit. I do, however, own the plot mentioned here, and any instances that you may find similar to real life events are purely a coincidence.
Notes: MUCH thanks to ShenLong Deb for beta-ing. I'm so grateful!
The song "That Someone" is sung by an artist named Deep White. The song is sung in Mandarin, and the English interpretation/translation is entirely my own. This is the first of five fics in my Following Hearts Arc. This Arc is meant to depict Duo's point of view regarding his relationship with Heero, and the relationship progresses through the five fics. Each one will feature a different song by Deep White, all from the only CD 'That Someone'. This first fic follows the title track. There may perhaps be some spoilers within this first fic as it takes place during the series and war, but the following four are my creation.
/blah/ denotes song lyrics.
Following Hearts Arc Part 1
That Someone
Ever come across something that you try to ignore, try to hate even, because you know you can't have it?
Or perhaps, you've come across someone in the same aspect.
That's what Heero Yuy is to me. Mr. Perfect Soldier, who in retaliation to my shooting you, not once, but twice the first time I saw you, set off the torpedoes to wreck both of our Gundams as I tried to salvage them from the water. Some thanks that was.
Later on, you went ahead and fixed your Gundam with my parts. You're a piece of work, and because of that, all the more intriguing.
But just before that had happened, I had gone to the hospital to save you. Mr. Perfect Soldier with a death wish, not opening your parachute until it would no longer be useful to you. No amount of screaming on my behalf could get you to pull the damn string.
But she called you, and you heard. Relena Peacecraft called, and you answered.
Since then I thought you were one of those that I couldn't have.
That didn't mean I couldn't want.
There were many things that I shared with you that no one else did. Missions, safe houses, my name at one point, even though it wasn't under my knowledge or consent. I remember asking you about it and I had gotten a good laugh over it. And you had laughed, because I laughed. Heero Yuy has a beautiful laugh.
/When together, we are laughing loudly...
The rest of the world ceases to exist.../
But the moment is over too soon, always. It never takes long for you to realize that you've slipped from your Perfect Soldier Mask and then your cobalt eyes are set and cold once more.
/But when you quietly avert your angry eyes from me...
You'd become so very distant./
Yet in those little moments when I truly could glimpse what was underneath the soldier, I wanted you even more. It wasn't fair, isn't fair. Isn't fair why we are condemned to be the enemy no matter what we do, and that to retain the peace of the rest of the world, we are constantly separated.
Finally, when I met you again, I told you that I loved you. You'd asked me why, and how. For a moment, I didn't know how to answer. I just loved you; didn't I? I couldn't explain it and I didn't want to explain it. I told you, if I could explain it, then I'd be loving you for whatever my explanation was. But it wasn't that, it would never be that, because I loved you. You told me that you had been taught to act on your emotions and you kissed me. Our first, sweet kiss.
If I had thought things would be great from then on, I was truly wrong. In a way, we feared each other. Feared that the other had to kill, could be killed. Feared we would have to kill each other, even though we'd both been given that chance and it was long gone. No one ever told us loving someone was easy, yet no one said it would be hard either.
Not this hard.
/We loved each other, truly.
But were sure and scared that something would happen.
When all the uncertainty destroys our very trust.../
And when you turn your angry eyes on me and I see my own angry eyes reflected in your cobalt blue orbs, I dimly realized that we were really a liability that neither of us could afford. That under the anger we feared for each other, and worried for each other. And then we'd say hurtful words to each other. This isn't how love works out, not with those hurtful words.
/My world just crumbles down...
And I can't stop the cold within me./
And when we stomp away, I just want to hang on. To make it work. I don't want to give it up because I know that I want to make it work. Don't you want to make it work?
/Tell me you are that person,
the one who makes my life complete
with no more regrets./
Then we'd come together again and whisper our apologies, explain to each other with meaningless words that we couldn't help that whatever had happened, needed to happen. You admitted your mistakes to me and I admitted mine to you. Perhaps that made us love each other all the more, because we saw each other's faults, and learned to live with them; and even love them.
The one fault I couldn't love, couldn't accept, is the idea that you thought you were expendable. When you pulled suicide stunts I cursed you to every level of hell and back and wished that you wouldn't die so I could kill you with my own hands. When I saw you again I'd scream at you and you had sat there, just watching me.
/Even though arguments are hurtful,
after the storms I'm no longer alone.
When I cry, someone will hurt for me./
I'd said hurtful words to you and then the tears came, just a few of them escaping my closed eyes. Then you had wrapped your arms around me, told me you'd try to avoid the stunts again, would try not to do stupid things and get killed. You'd whispered to me and told me not to cry as you kissed my tears away. You said that those salty droplets hurt you more than anything else ever could.
/Tell me you are that person,
that this time it's right,
our love has no suspicion./
I had told you more than once that all I wanted was to love you and I would continue to love you no matter what. You told me that it was what you wanted too and both of us made the promise to fight as hard as we could, not only for the future of the innocents, but for our own future. It was then that we made the promise to really, really try to live.
/Say you are this person, that the journey to your heart is my very last one
Tell me you're that special someone./
I don't want to love anyone else, Heero. Only you. Only you.
But over and over, not only has the war and the enemy come between us, but Relena Peacecraft came between us. Her innocence, her ideals, her calls for you. And even though you once said you'd kill her, you protected her. Deep down I knew that one day, if anything tore us apart, it would be her.
/Too many scars caused by naïve thoughts have caused our souls to weaken
Can't immaturely believe we'll walk together forever/
She always made it seem like you were fighting only for her, that you were her knight in shining armor. You fought for the people, I know that, but each time she made it seem like she couldn't live without you. And without her, the peace would not live. Would you follow her for the peace, Heero?
/The colors are all gone, but I want just one true possibility./
I just want to be with you, to love you and have you love me. I just want the firm answer that it can, that it will work out. That we will strive to make it work out.
/Tell me you are that person,
the one who makes my life complete,
with no more regrets./
"Do you regret that you followed your emotions and kissed me that time when I told you that I loved you?" I remember I asked you that as I curled up in your arms one night, a night that was blissfully free of missions.
"Never."
/Even though arguments are hurtful,
after the storms I'm no longer alone.
When I cry, someone will hurt for me./
"I just want to tell you, Heero, I take back everything bad I ever said about you, except about the self-destruction."
"Aa." You stroked my hair and clasped my braid in your hand. "I won't do it again because what hurts the most is not the physical trauma." I hear the silent message, that what hurt the most was the pain you felt when my tears fell for you.
/Tell me you are that person,
that this time it's right,
our love has no suspicion./
"No more worries, right?" I tangled our fingers together. "No more being reckless by ourselves."
"Aa." You squeezed my hand. "Less recklessness, more trust."
When I saw you take the plunge to put the end to the war, I trusted you, trusted that no one else but you could do it. I trusted that you would succeed.
/Say you are this person, that the journey to your heart is my very last one./
"I never want to...and never will...love anyone else, Heero."
/Tell me you're that special someone./
"I know, Duo." You hugged me tight against your chest. "Because I'm your special someone."
I smiled.
OWARI
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