Author: Zazu
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Pairings: 1+2
Summary: Duo reflects on Heero's physique and just what Heero means to him now that they are together after the war.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor do I own the characters. I have borrowed them here for some fun and creativity, and this is not for profit. I do, however, own the plot mentioned here, and any instances that you may find similar to real life events are purely a coincidence. All of the characters depicted in this story are adults.
Equilibrium
There's something about the physical build of Heero that attracts me.
Okay, that's a bit obvious; I mean he's slim, lithe, got hidden muscles, abs of gundanium...
But there's just something more. It's not that I need Heero to come to my rescue like I'm a damsel in distress. I don't need him to take care of me in a fight between my Deathscythe and a fleet of mobile suits. At least not for the most part.
It's a different kind of security.
I didn't grow up with a lot. Solo, I think, offered me that first sense of security. Something to be anchored by. Someone I could sort of rely on. That didn't last long, not when he died in the plague. When I moved on to the Maxwell Church, the sense of security I had was the fact that I had a bit of food almost every day.
Thinking of the past always makes me shiver. Those days were long gone; hell the war had ended three years ago. I was long past those days of starvation and struggling to survive.
I glanced at Heero where he lay beside me, sleeping soundly. I didn't look for long; if I did he would wake up. I turned back to the ceiling with a silent sigh.
Heero had come out of the war...emotionally handicapped. It took a long time for me to discover exactly why, exactly what he'd grown up with; what he'd grown up like. But it doesn't mean that he doesn't understand emotions. He's extremely intellectual and it scares me to admit this, but he can look at me and know what I need. I wouldn't go so far as to say that words are not necessary between us, but he just...knows sometimes.
It's so difficult to put into words that warm feeling that Heero gives me. When he reaches for me, when he wraps his arms around me or lets me do the same to him, I feel like I'm anchored to the world. To him. That's the sort of security I mean; to know he's there, to know that he'll be there as long possible, as nothing tears us apart.
He turned his head, nuzzling the pillow, so I slid closer, sliding my arm across his waist. He always turns when I do that, and this time is no exception. His back turned to me; I could see the scars from the war, from his self destruction stunt, from the many battles we were in. His shoulders had broadened since the end of the war and I always think of his back as being my wall. I pressed close and breathed in deeply at his neck, smelling his scent and knowing that I was the only one who could ever get close enough to smell his unique musk.
Heero lets me lean, not just physically, and that's something I needed coming out of the war. The security I needed, coming out of a life and knowing that, Gods, I didn't have to do it alone, live alone, survive alone anymore.
We're not exactly attached at the hip, but these little moments were enough for me, just to lean a little and know he won't let me fall.
Fingers tangled with mine and he tugged my hand up to his chin, kissing my knuckles lightly. I leaned closer.
"I'm awake," I whispered.
"Mm," he kissed my knuckles again. "Warm," he added after a moment.
I nuzzled him. "Very warm," I agreed.
He shifted after a moment until he had my head pillowed on his chest where I could hear his heartbeat and he could fist my braid in his hand. I liked his chest too, liked hearing his heartbeat, liked feeling his hand in my hair. It lets me know that I'm not the only one who leans; that he needs me too. It always makes me think of two people leaning against each other with equal force so that they can remain upright. I believe that Heero and I are nothing but a perfect equilibrium. He rubbed his chin at the top of my head.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he sighed, tracing a finger at the back of my neck. I moved up a little more and left my arm wrapped across his chest. Cuddles don't have to happen after being intimate and these quiet moments in the morning were something that I had definitely learned to treasure.
He turned, his nose bumping into mine.
"Love you," he whispered.
I smiled.
OWARI
Back to Zazu's Fanfictions Page