Hogwarts Part 10
Voices of the Past
A week went by without too much incident. His distance from the students in Gryffindor was countered by the fact that he saw either Heero or one of the other former pilots in his classes, and studying with the guys only helped his situation. The only problem Duo had was that he was a natural when it came to using magic. Even when not trying at all, he seemed to swim through his classes like a fish in water. Just that day, Professor Geck had given a surprise test. Duo had aced it.
To tell the truth, it was making him feel ill... or maybe the fact that he just couldn't get any sleep was the cause. Whatever the reason, he was sitting up, well past midnight, reading a textbook and murmuring to himself. He would have been talking to Shi-chan, but she had left long ago to go hunting. The words that were being spoken, however, had nothing to do with the Charm textbook beside him on his bed.
"Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen." He opened his mouth to start the next prayer of the rosary when he felt a chill against his cheek and jumped. There, beside him, was a non-descript shape. He could only assume that it was a ghost. For some reason, though, the ghost's presence didn't bother him. Actually, he found it quite soothing. After a moment, the translucent figure started to solidify and gain definition. Duo could only watch in awe as the shape was suddenly human. When the ghost was finished, Duo could only let his jaw drop in shock.
It took a moment, but Duo finally got his voice past the lump in his throat... and it was a small squeak when he could finally form a word. "Sister..." A part of him thought he might be imagining things due to lack of sleep. After all... what would Sister Helen's ghost be doing in a place that taught magic? He raised a shaky hand and pinched his cheek hard, wincing at the pain. Sister Helen was still there.
"What's wrong, Duo? Can't you sleep?" Sister Helen's ghost smiled kindly at Duo and reached out to him. "I thought you only believed in the Shinigami! Why are you saying the rosary like there's no tomorrow?" She concentrated all her energy into one single caress. "What's troubling you?"
That was it. Duo launched himself at the ghost and cried out as he passed through her. He felt like a child again... longing for Helen's touch and he didn't even fight the tears that came. He gathered up a moment to collect himself enough so he could speak without sobbing. "I'm sorry! I'm so... so sorry!"
Helen blinked. "Sorry? Heaven's, child, what are you sorry for?" She saw the anguish in Duo's eyes and let her own sorrow show. "It is I who should apologize to you, my little one. You were there... asking me if it was your fault, and I tried to tell you it wasn't, but I didn't have the strength left. My only regret was that I didn't give you the reassurance that you needed. My poor little angel. You have no idea how relieved I was when I saw you. I was terrified that they had killed you, too." She shook her head. "I never wanted you to blame yourself. I never blamed you. To tell the truth, you made me proud. You were so willing to risk everything just so the rebels would leave the church alone."
Duo pulled up his reason for self blame. "But the alliance must've seen me and they KNEW where I lived!"
Helen smiled sadly. "Duo... it WASN'T your fault. I would never lie to you. When the gunfire started, we were so afraid you had already been killed. Father Maxwell's last words were a prayer for your safety."
Duo felt a small weight from his soul being lifted. "Just as your last words were a blessing. I think they worked. I'm still here."
Sister Helen's smile brightened briefly, then her expression became one of concern. "Duo... that is not the reason you're awake, is it? Look at you! You have shadows under your eyes and you look so pale! What is troubling you?"
Duo sighed explosively and waved an arm. "THIS place! I KNOW I always said that I only believed in Shinigami, but your opinion always mattered to me! Is... does my being a wizard make me evil? Am I serving the ultimate bad guy?" He shrugged a little. "Not that this little bit should make a difference. I've already killed, and that was a big no-no for you."
Sister Helen blinked. "The ultimate bad guy? THAT'S a new way of putting it." Then she smiled at him. "Oh Duo... I've learned something in death. Magic, as it is, is neither good nor evil. It is how one USES magic that determines its alignment. As for the killing ..." She frowned thoughtfully and then slowly smiled. "Duo... would it make you feel better if you confessed your sins to Father Maxwell?"
Duo's jaw dropped. Of all the priests he'd met, Father Maxwell had been the only one he could ever talk to. Even though he had never made a confession, he could always talk to Father Maxwell about his problems and when something was bothering him. He nodded dumbly although he felt a warmth in his heart to know he'd finally be able to share everything with someone and hopefully be able to atone. The fact that it would be Father Maxwell only made him feel better about the whole thing.
Sister Helen smiled, pleased at his answer. "All right. I'll have to leave, but don't hesitate to call me if you ever need to talk to me. While in this room, we have the strength to show ourselves." She reached out and caressed Duo's face again. "Know this. You have NEVER been alone. Understand? Your parents watched you until Solo found you. Solo, when he died, vowed he would watch over you until he knew you would be taken care of... and we joined him as soon as we realized you were alive. It was no accident that your self-destruct didn't work." With that, she pulled back and faded.
Duo blinked for a second. SOLO watched him? He wondered if Solo was still around. Duo opened his mouth to call for his old friend and protector when Father Maxwell materialized. He felt his breath still in his throat when the ghost of the kindly priest smiled at him. He could only watch as Father Maxwell sat beside him. It took a moment to get his voice to remain steady, and he was thrilled that his hands didn't shake as he made the sign of the cross. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession." He felt the small pit of cold fear in his stomach slowly shrink as Father Maxwell nodded with a pleased smile.
"Tell me your sins, my son."
Duo took a huge breath and started his life story, surprised that instead of feeling worse, he started to feel better. It took most of the night, but Duo had to admit he felt much better about himself. When he finished, he waited for Father Maxwell to deliver his judgement.
"What you must do now... is go to sleep, eat the first meal you are able, and stop blaming yourself for things you had no control over. You must live your life trying to be the best person you can be."
Duo blinked in shock. "That's IT? That's ALL I have to do? What about reciting a hundred 'Hail Mary's? What about offering my hair as a sacrifice? What about..."
Father Maxwell laughed and held up a hand. "You've done the one, and God would never ask you to part with something that has such sentimental value. Your soul is weary, and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. As for your love for another male, God smiles on all forms of love. It is man who does not." He nodded and stood up. "Now you should get some sleep." With that, he faded.
Duo took a shuddering breath and pulled his pillow close. He buried his face in it and took a shuddering breath while trying to keep himself together. He honestly didn't know how much more he could take.
An unexpected voice behind him made Duo jump. "You should listen to that guy!"
Duo spun and smiled at the ghost behind him. "I was wondering when you would show up, Solo!"
Solo shrugged in his carefree way. "I was here all along. You just didn't see me. Hey... the thing with the name? Thanks! Never thought someone would name themselves after me."
Duo opened his mouth.
Solo didn't give Duo a chance to speak as he approached the bed. "And BEFORE you start going into all that apologizing jazz, forget it, okay?" He shook his head. "You didn't know what to do. How could you? Geez! You were only what?" He frowned in thought. "About four or five at the time!"
Duo sighed and hung his head. "I guess so."
Solo's eyes softened. "That you figured it out when you did make me proud that you were my second. The fact that you managed to save most of the gang... that made me so happy! I knew it was too late to save me when you got back, so I pulled a few strings. By the way... did you know that Shinigami is only a demi-god?"
Duo nearly fell over in shock. "WHAT?"
Solo nodded. "Yup! Talked to the grim reaper myself! told him I was sticking with you until you were taken care of and that you were gonna live to a ripe old age or he would have to deal with ME." He grinned widely. "I think I amused him." He grinned at Duo's obvious confusion. "What? The universe is a big place! There's only so much one supreme being can do. That's a perk He has. He's the boss, so He can delegate jobs to underlings. All the old Greek gods were only his underlings. Zeus was sort of like a foreman. Every country had a group watching their early stages."
Duo nodded. "O~~~KAY!"
Solo shrugged at Duo's dubious expression. "Hey... the Big Guy didn't wanna make the same goof He made with the dinosaurs. They ran amuck and didn't evolve at ALL! With humans... they evolved and grew because the so-called gods oversaw what was going on. They're all still around, but we're like a bonsai tree. We don't need too much tending now as far as they're concerned." He looked out the window and whistled. "Hey... you'd better go down to breakfast soon. It's about that time." He bounced up. "OH! That Heero had better not hurt you again! He SEEMS sincere about wanting you back, but don't be too easy for him to get."
Duo smiled at Solo. "I don't plan to be. If I need to talk, I'll call."
Solo nodded. "You do that." And then, with the first ray of sunlight, Solo vanished as if he had been mist on the moors.
Half an hour later, the door to Duo's room opened and Rick walked in. "Duo?" He spotted the youth fast asleep and fully dressed on the bed. With a smile, he quickly got Duo fully onto the bed and took Duo's shoes off. "I'll tell your friends that you're asleep." He quickly tucked a blanket around Duo and turned to leave.
"Hmmm... Rick?"
Rick turned to meet Duo's half-open eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Duo yawned and closed his eyes again. "S'okay. Thanks... for caring enough to check up on me. Tell the guys I'll be down for lunch."
Rick smiled and nodded. "Will do." With that, he left the room.
TBC...
Author's Note: The opinions and beliefs expressed in this chapter are those of the author. They are not to be taken as fact. Please don't flame.
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