Author: Sunhawk
Pairings: 1+2
Rating: PG
Warnings: Humor, dialogue fic
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Cause it's been a sucky week in many and varied ways for a lot of people, particularly lavendarlizard, merula31, and kracken I have... stupid. ^____^ *pets the stupid*
Because dialogue fic of the 'dorky humor' kind with a touch of 1+2 in it, makes it all better... right? *listens to crickets*
The Holy Grail
'Duo?'
'You sure you want to come out here, Yuy?'
'I am waving a white flag.'
'Smartass. What the hell is that, a washcloth? You can put it away... I think I'm done now.'
'Well, you don't look quite as crazed as you did a minute ago. Is that part of the front step taken, or can I sit down?'
'Sure, go ahead. What'd you do, draw the short straw? Have to come out and find out what's wrong with the insane guy?'
'Rock, paper, scissors actually.'
'...'
'Was that a smile?'
'More like a pained grimace. A slightly embarrassed cringe. Kind of a...'
'I get the picture. So, you going to tell me just what it was about Wufei eating that donut that... that...'
'It's ok to say it out loud, Heero. That sent me into a flying rage, complete with cursing, cussing, and exploding ceramics?'
'Yeah. That.'
'It's stupid.'
'I gathered that when you deteriorated to calling Wufei a chocolate sucking vampire of questionable pastry ethics.'
'I could do without the instant replay.'
'So talk; I can repeat lines all afternoon.'
'God, you're a sadist.'
'Sadistic would be repeating the line about donut holes and...'
'All right! Jeez! I give already! Grumph.'
'Duo, I can't understand a thing you say with your face buried in your hands like that. Come on... tell me about the donut.'
'Relentless bastard; it wasn't about the stupid donut. Or... it was... but not really.'
'Well, that certainly clears it all up.'
'It wasn't just a damn donut, ok? It was the donut that got me to the end of the week! It was the holy fucking grail of donuts!'
'...'
'Stop laughing Yuy, or you can just stuff your stupid questions side...'
'Ok! Ok! So what made this donut so special?'
'The buck it cost me to buy it?'
'Duo, you're not making any sense at all here...'
'Argh! Look, do you have any idea what a deductible is? Do you know that out here in the private sector there is this thing called insurance? When you get hurt on the job when you're not a Preventer, that things don't just happen to freaking pay for it?'
'Hurt? Wait... you lost me. When did you get hurt?'
'Fuck.'
'Duo...'
'Atmylastjob.'
'The construction job? Duo, what happened? Why are you blushing like that?'
'Yes, on the construction job! It's why I ended up getting fired, ok?'
'What? They can't fire a person for a job related injury! What the hell? Why didn't you...'
'Chill, man. I didn't get fired for the injury. I got fired for decking a guy.'
'God damn it, will you start from the beginning?'
'I did not ask to tell this sordid little tale, all right? I believe you insisted. It is not my fault that you can't follow a simple narrative...'
'You're stalling. Spit it out, Maxwell.'
'You are such a pain in the ass. Ok, look... you know what a nail gun is? Just nod, and shut up. So there was an accident. Newbie using the gun. My ass in the way. I was not amused after getting back to work about the damn ass jokes...'
'Wait, you mean... literally, your ass got in the way?'
'Let me clarify for the comprehension impaired; I got shot in the ass with a nail gun. Three fucking times before the SOB got the damn thing shut off, and if you laugh, so help me God, I will deck you where you sit.'
'This decking thing would be what lost you your job?'
'Yes. A man can only hear snickering construction workers make highly intelligent remarks involving the words, 'nail' and 'ass' so many times before he just snaps.'
'I... think I can see that. But, I'm still kind of confused about the donut, if you don't mind me saying.'
'Not that my minding would actually stop you from asking questions, I suppose?'
'Not really.'
'Fine. Look. Here's the deal... I was out of work for a couple of weeks, and the money situation is best described as... pathetic. I've been on the new job for two weeks... it sucks on a good day, and I have yet to see one of those...'
'You work in a day care, how could...'
'Until you have spent a day working with the little monsters, do not question the power of suckage, Yuy. Do you want to hear this or not?
'Sorry.'
'I've been living on rice and oatmeal for over a week. Monday I had a flat. Tuesday I got the bill from the hospital and if they'd settle for a kidney, it would be cheaper. Wednesday I somehow managed to chip a tooth...'
'On oatmeal and...'
'Yes! On a freaking bowl of stupid rice! Do not ask me how, I have no idea! I simply take it as another sign in a long line of signs that God is out to get me, ok?'
'Uh... ok.'
'Now where the hell was I?'
'Wednesday.'
'Right. So by Thursday I ran out of oatmeal and was down to the rice. I promised myself that if I could just get through to Friday I would spend the last of the change in the cup holder of the truck and I would buy something utterly and completely... frivolous.'
'Frivolous.'
'Do not laugh at me, Yuy. I know it's stupid. I know it was just a fucking donut. But it was my donut. I'm tired, I'm broke, and my damn ass hurts, ok?'
'I'm not laughing. I swear. And what did I tell you about talking with your face in your hands?'
'I just made it, you know? It's Friday night. I didn't lose my job, I did not strangle a single little kid, I did not deck any co-workers... I just want my damn donut now!'
'...'
'You're laughing. Dear God; you really are a sadist.'
'I'm not laughing. I just don't think a donut is what you need. Come here...'
'Yuy? What are you doing?'
'What you need is a hug.'
'...'
'Duo?'
'This... works too.'
'...'
'Kind of well, actually.'
'You ok?'
'I still want my donut.'
'If you let me take you to dinner, I'll buy you a donut afterward.'
'Chocolate?'
'Is there any other kind?'
'Oh yeah... powdered, glazed, cake...'
'Shut up, Maxwell.'
'...'
'...'
'Hey! You taste like chocolate! You split my donut with Wufei, didn't you?!'
'Shut up, Maxwell.'
'Murmph!'
OWARI
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