Author: Sunhawk
Pairings: implied 1x2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Gen fic, dork humor, dialogue fic between Duo and Wufei with some tossed in OCs.
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Good Cop, Bad Cop
'No, really... it was the funniest thing you've ever seen. There were streamers everywhere, and we wrapped his whole desk in red Saran Wrap with everything still on it, and...'
'Maxwell! Why are you never in your damn office? I've been looking everywhere for you.'
'Excuse me ladies. What's up, Wufei? Why didn't you just have me paged?'
'Because I didn't want Po to hear I was looking for you. She always gets upset that I don't ask her to...'
'Oh boy! Good cop, bad cop? I love playing good cop, bad cop! Which am I?'
'Bad cop.'
'Hey, Whelan, what the hell are you laughing at so hard?'
'Never mind her, Maxwell... let's go; I've been looking for you for ten minutes.'
'What's the rush; it's good to let 'em sweat.'
'If you must know, I have plans for the evening and I want to get this over with.'
'Ok, fine. Now... what's my motivation?'
'Motivation? What freaking motivation?'
'Come on, man. This is no fun if you don't make it fun. What's my back story?'
'Back story? Can't you just be the bad cop and be done with it?'
'No. That's dull. I want a back story.'
'It's no damn wonder they had so much trouble finding you a partner.'
'Not. They were standing in line to get to work with my sparkling wit and killer good looks.'
'Actually... we drew straws.'
'That's just cold, Chang.'
'The truth hurts.'
'Funny. Now what's my motivation? And stop sighing at me. Throw me a bone here.'
'How about you just be a cop who wants to do his job?'
'Boring. Hey; how about the guy killed my twin brother and I've been searching for him for years...'
'Maxwell...'
'...and I'm willing to throw away my career and everything for a chance to beat the shit out of him? I could throw some chairs and...'
'Maxwell...'
'...you could hold me back and we could get in a scuffle and I could end up knocking you down and go after the guy, and by the time the guards got into the room...'
'Maxwell!'
'What? Too complex? Ok, maybe...'
'It's an embezzlement case!'
'You need a bad cop for a freaking embezzlement case?'
'I told you, I just want to get out of here on time tonight. God... how Yuy works with you is beyond me.'
'Hey, Heero happens to find me amusing. Now can we get back to that motivation thing? Because I still need some motivation here. I can't just go Shinigami on some guy's ass without some motivation.'
'Oh for...'
'Didn't you take the method acting course like the rest of us?'
'Of course I did; it was required! What you have failed to notice is that you are the only one who paid any attention to the dumb thing!'
'And that is why you don't enjoy your job to the fullest.'
'Arrgh... I should have just asked Po and the hell with it. Maybe she wouldn't have dislocated the guy's shoulder this time. Ok... how about this; the man swindled your grandmother out of her life savings?'
'I don't have a grandmother...'
'Oh, for God's sake, Maxwell!'
'Whoa! Kidding, Chang! Jeez... you really need to learn to chill.'
'If you weren't so damn good at the bad cop thing...'
'Hey! What are you laughing at Erikson? What is up with random people in the halls pointing and laughing at us? Do I have a sign on my back or something? So anyway, he swindled my grandmother. What else?'
'That isn't enough? Fine! He... he ran over your dog on his way out of town!'
'He killed Socrates?! That bastard!'
'You actually own a dog?'
'Well, apparently I used to! But he's dead now!'
'Let's just do this. Wentzell! Hold the elevator!'
'So what kind of dog was Socrates?'
'What?'
'If I'm going to get upset over my dog, shouldn't I at least know what kind of dog he was? A big dog, you think?'
'Get in the elevator, Maxwell.'
'You suck at this.'
'...'
'The silent thing doesn't make me stop talking, you know that... right?'
'...'
'Spoilsport. Trowa's a lot more fun at this. He does a great good cop to my bad. What in the hell is so funny, Wentzell?'
'...'
'Hey, Wufei... you guys didn't really draw straws to see who had to partner up with me, did you?'
'No, Yuy volunteered as I recall. God knows why.'
'Oh good, because I'd hate to think he was sleeping with me on account of you guys made him.'
'!!!'
'Wufei, dude! What'd you do, swallow your gum? God... you're not going to choke to death or something, are you? Good; cause this is our floor. Damn it, what are you staring at? Do I have something in my teeth? I've got something in my teeth, don't I? I cannot freaking be the bad cop with something in my teeth. You jerk; why didn't you tell me upstairs? Hang on... I'm running down to the restroom before we do this.'
'Agent Chang?'
'What? Uh... I mean, yes Lawson, what is it?'
'The suspect's lawyer got here. She got him some kinda deal; he rolled on some higher-ups and signed a confession... they just left.'
'Well crap; all this headache for nothing? Listen; do me a favor will you?'
'Yes, sir?'
'Wait here for Maxwell to come back and tell him to forget it.'
'Forget it, sir?'
'Yeah, tell him he finally drove me over the edge and I've gone upstairs to file a petition to have him, his stupid stuffed wombat mascot, his rolls of Saran Wrap, his paper airplane collection, and his damn 'I grok Spock' coffee mug transferred to Outer Mongolia where he can make the marmots as insane as he'd made me, you got that Lawson?'
'Uh... wombat, Saran Wrap, airplanes, mug. Got it, sir.'
'Good. And tell him the next time I need somebody to play bad cop, he can forget it.'
'...'
'Stop laughing, Lawson...'
OWARI
Back to Sunhawk's Fanfictions Page