Author: Sunhawk
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG
Warnings: Dialogue fic, humor
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
And also... a small disclaimer. Humor, ya'll, is subjective. Like when hubby and I watch movies and he is rolling on the floor laughing his ass off and I'm sneaking glances at the clock, stifling a yawn, and praying to the glitch deities to make the power go out PLEASE, so I do not have to watch the lame anymore. Like that.
The following post is a dialogue fic. It is meant to be mildly amusing. By virtue of it being a dialogue fic, it is kind of implied that it is fairly lame, totally out of touch with any form of serious reality, and I abuse situations that are not humorous in order to milk a few yucks. No real people are actually harmed in the making of these things.
Honest. I would not lie about such a thing.
Plus, I think we established a loooong time ago that my sense of humor is what polite people call... 'quirky'. Your mileage is not guaranteed. ^___~
Anyway, back to the point; *throws streamers* happy un-birthday to all the May babies!
Conjecture
'How are you feeling, Duo?'
'Oh, hey Princess! I'm doing a lot better today; doc says they might let me sit up in a couple of days if I... how'd he put that? Behave myself.'
'That's good news! I'll bet it'll be a big relief for you.'
'No shi... uh, no kidding! I'm going to start pulling my hair out from boredom soon. I'm just about ready to let Sally teach me that yarn stuff like she keeps threatening to do, just to pass the time.'
'I thought Heero was keeping you company?'
'Oh, he stops by, but he does have a job. Especially now that he doesn't have his partner around to write up all the reports.'
'I'll bet he misses you.'
'Well, he's supposed to get a temporary partner until I'm up and around again.'
'I'm surprised he isn't spending every waking hour here.'
'Uh... they kind of frown on that, Lena... visiting hours and all that?'
'But I'll bet he'd be here if he could be.'
'I really think he's got better things to do with his time than sit and watch me sleep.'
'I'd just think he'd get very... lonely.'
'Uhm, Lena... I gotta tell you, I think I'm a little more drugged up than I thought, because I'm just not getting what you're trying to say here.'
'You really are dense, Duo Maxwell.'
'Dense?'
'Duo, Heero is so sweet on you, it's not even funny!'
'Sweet? Heero? As in Yuy?'
'Yes, Heero Yuy!'
'Relena... have you been dipping into the Sherry or something? I know I told you that you need to learn to loosen up a little, but I really didn't mean in a 'drinking before lunch' kind of way.'
'I have not! It's as plain as day! I can't believe you haven't noticed; he has a crush on you as big as space!'
'Do you have any idea how 'grade school' that sounds? A crush?'
'You know what I mean.'
'Wait... you've been reading those trashy romance novels again, haven't you? Even after I gave you that set of classics for Christmas?'
'I seriously don't think you can call 'Chicks in Chain Mail' classics, but that is totally beside the point! We were talking about Heero and...'
'No, I believe you were speculating about Heero's sexual preferences.'
'I was not! I was trying to tell you that Heero is...'
'Gay? Seriously? You think Heero is gay?'
'Why would that be so strange? You are!'
'Well, it's not like it's contagious, Lena. Just because I am of the homosexual persuasion, does not mean that every guy that comes within a hundred feet of me is gay.'
'You are impossible.'
'And you are getting to be a terrible gossip.'
'Gossip! Why, if you weren't lying there with... with... tubes and things all over, I'd just smack you!'
'Ack! Don't make me call my nurse!'
'Wimp.'
'Oh, how could you? You are so mean! And to a man wounded in the line of duty!'
'That's the only thing keeping me from dumping that pitcher of water over your head. You are just an insufferable... unromantic!'
'I guess it's just a guy thing. We're just not romantics by nature.'
'No shi... uh... kidding.'
'Ha! I've corrupted you! Did you just...'
'Put a sock in it, Maxwell. I have to be going anyway.'
'Ok, Princess. It was nice of you to stop by and share conjectures.'
'Impossible. Totally impossible. Bye, Duo. I'll try to stop out tomorrow.'
'Well, I should be here! Bye, Lena.'
'...'
'You really shouldn't bait her like that.'
'Well, if you hadn't left me here alone to entertain myself, Yuy, I wouldn't have to.'
'I only left long enough to get something to eat; I thought you could stay out of mischief for fifteen minutes. And I think I resent not getting credit for staying with you ... how'd she put that? 'Every waking minute'?'
'Hey, I never told her you weren't; I just said you had better things to do with your time. Which is true.'
'Just like you never actually came out and said I wasn't gay... right?'
'Ooooh... you're catching on to the rules of the game!'
'I'm afraid I have to agree with Relena... you're impossible.'
'Not impossible, or we wouldn't be coming up on our first anniversary.'
'True. Though it looks like we're going to have to put that anniversary party off just a little bit. I'm sorry, but I talked to the doctor about it, and he says there's no way you're going to be up to something like that by next week.'
'Yeah... I kind of figured. But you can make it up to me by playing along and not telling Relena what kind of party it is until she gets there, ok?'
'I'm not sure why I'm making it up to you instead of the other way around, but I suppose I can agree to that as long as I don't have to participate in the actual 'baiting' part.'
'Oh hell no! You suck at the half-truth game! You leave that part to me and just be ready with the camera to catch the look on her face.'
'Hey, I can't completely suck at it; I managed to convince the doctors that you were too dangerous to be left alone at night, didn't I?'
'That you did. So, does that mean you're staying with me again tonight?'
'Damn straight.'
'Good! You can help me plot... I mean, plan the party!'
'Like you're going to be able to stay awake that long.'
'Spoil sport.'
'Hey... I waited until Relena left, to come back into the room, didn't I?'
'Awww... you do love me!'
'And you know this because I didn't spoil your baiting, and not because of the heart attack, the ulcer, the gray hairs, the...'
'Hey Heero?'
'Yeah?'
'I love you too.'
OWARI
Back to Sunhawk's Fanfictions Page