Witness Protection Part 59
Missed Fortunes
The waiting room in the hospital was as still as a tomb. Since Captain Po had barricaded the press out of the building, there'd been virtual silence, save for the murmurs of staff going about their quiet business.
Trowa was pacing by the window, his whole body tense with emotion, while Wufei sat with his eyes closed, apparently meditating. I wished I could find the calm center he often spoke of, but all I had was a seething mass of fear and guilt.
"I should've seen--" I whispered dispiritedly.
Quatre reached over to put a hand on mine. "It happened too fast, Heero. How she slipped a knife into the courthouse, I'll never know."
"It wasn't your fault," Catherine added helpfully.
But I didn't share her opinion.
The outer door slammed open then, and Captain Po stalked past us, several FBI agents in tow, heading through the doors leading to the surgical wing.
I was on my feet in a heartbeat. "Captain--is there any word--?"
She glanced back with a scowl and shook her head. "I'll let you know when there is."
And then she was gone, and my half-hearted attempt to follow was cut off by two agents who took up positions behind the swinging doors.
"No admittance," one said, putting a hand on my chest and forcibly shoving me back into the waiting room.
I was about to take issue with their attitude when I felt a hand on my arm, and Wufei gave me a small shake of his head, leading me back over to the seat I'd been occupying for what seemed like hours.
"You know the FBI will claim jurisdiction," he said quietly. "An attack on a protected witness is a federal matter."
"I don't care," I growled in reply. "I don't give a shit about jurisdiction. I just want to know about Duo."
"And you will," Quatre piped up soothingly. "None of us is leaving here until we have a report on his condition...no matter how long it takes."
And it did seem to take forever.
It had been morning when we'd left the courthouse, and probably close to noon when Captain Po arrived and breezed through. It was dark out before we saw her again.
When she stepped into the waiting room, we all looked up expectantly. I don't think even one of us was breathing--it was so still in that room.
"He--didn't make it," she said quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry."
The next few minutes were a blur. I vaguely remember getting up and trying to push past her, screaming that she was lying and I wanted to see him.
And I think maybe Chang and Barton tried to hold me back, as I have a faint recollection of flinging my partner into a vending machine and nearly breaking Barton's arm.
I know I heard her order me to stand down, telling me it was over and that there was nothing more I could do. Then someone called security, I think, and there were other hands grabbing at me and other voices yelling for assistance.
~*~
I woke up feeling softness under my head and warmth across my body, which pretty much ached from head to toe.
But the moment I groaned, a gentle hand settled on my forehead. "Easy, Yuy. Lie still."
I blinked my eyes open to see Wufei's concerned face. "What--happened?"
"You--went a little berserk," he said rather hesitantly. "The security men got a bit rough, and called in reinforcements." He offered a fleeting smile that looked painfully forced. "They sedated you."
"Oh."
Well, that explained the cotton-mouth, the lingering heaviness in my limbs, and even the throbbing in my temples. It also accounted for the way every muscle and joint felt strained and stretched. Only one thing evaded me.
"Why'd I--go berserk?"
Wufei winced and drew back, his dark eyes filling with pain. "You don't remember?"
I shook my head and was immediately sorry. "Ow."
My partner quickly took a cloth from a basin beside the bed and wrung it out before laying the cool fabric across my forehead.
"You haven't answered my question," I reminded him.
He opened his mouth and then closed it, frowning deeply. Then he took a deep breath, looking me squarely in the eyes. "You went nuts because Captain Po came out and told us--" He cleared his throat, blinked, and continued--though by this time memory had returned in a rush and I didn't need him to elaborate. "--told us Duo didn't--make it."
Again the sharp stab of pain through my midsection made me gasp aloud, though this time I didn't lose touch with my surroundings.
"Oh God no," I heard myself croak.
And then Wufei's arms were around me, pulling me up against his shoulder in a fierce grip, while I desperately tried to regain control of my trembling limbs.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry."
He kept murmuring senseless apologies, while I clung to his shirt and drew shuddering breaths, trying to come to grips with a reality I couldn't comprehend or accept.
When I finally felt myself calming, I loosened my death grip and pushed back from Wufei's embrace.
"How long was I out?"
"All night."
"I--I want to see him."
He shook his head. "Not allowed," he said regretfully. "The Captain said the coroner's office--"
"Coroner my ass!" I spat angrily. "I have to see him, 'Fei. I need to see for myself-- I need--to--to say goodbye."
The tears brimming in my partner's eyes threatened to spill over as I gazed pleadingly at him. "I know, Yuy. And God knows I tried to get her to wait on the autopsy. She wouldn't listen--and I couldn't explain."
"Explain what? That we were lovers?" I demanded. "You didn't tell her?"
"It wasn't my secret to tell!" he blurted. "Damn it, Yuy! You went off the deep end, and I couldn't even explain it to our boss, beyond saying that you were distraught over our wasted efforts. Needless to say, she didn't consider it grounds for waiting for you to--to--say goodbye."
I started to swing my legs over the side of the bed, and Wufei caught my arm in a gentle, but firm grip.
"You can't leave, Yuy. Not until the doctor checks you out. The sedative--"
"Screw the sedative! I'm fine!" I snarled. "And unless you want to end up in a hospital bed of your own, you'll let go of my arm."
He jerked back, looking stung, and then gestured to the bed I was currently trying to drag my ass out of. "If it wasn't for me promising to stay here and make sure there were no further--episodes--they'd have had you in restraints."
I realized there were heavy leather straps attached to the rails of the bed at both wrist and ankle height, and I sobered, looking apologetically at my partner. "I'm sorry Wufei. I just--"
"I understand." Dark eyes bored into mine. "I understand."
His very bleak tone reminded me he knew exactly what it was like to lose a loved one to senseless violence.
I had to swallow hard to keep from breaking down. "Okay," I managed a bit raggedly. "Could you please get a doctor in here to look me over so I can get the hell out of here?"
He inclined his head politely. "Consider it done."
It didn't take long for the doctor to check my vitals and decide that the sedative had no adverse effects, and I was cleared to go.
As I pulled the curtain around the bed closed and quickly pulled on the change of clothes Wufei had been kind enough to get for me, considering mine still were covered in Duo's blood, my curiosity finally kicked into gear.
"What's happening with the trial?"
"Still in recess," my partner told me. "Septum and Tsubarov were screaming for a mistrial after Une's outburst, saying the jury had been prejudiced. But the judge pretty much laughed in their faces and said that they had only themselves to blame if they couldn't control their client's people. Besides, she had the jury whisked out of there before they heard much, and she said when the session resumes, she'll advise them to disregard Une's psycho rant--but that's all she'll do."
"So when will they resume?"
"A-after the--funeral," he admitted haltingly.
I paused with my pants halfway up, wincing in pain. And then I forced myself to continue dressing. My body could do that much--go through the motions of living, even if it felt like I'd died inside.
"When's that?" I asked, surprised at the faint breathlessness of my voice.
"Day after tomorrow."
"I want to see him," I said firmly.
"I understand--"
"No, you don't." I finished tucking my shirt in and yanked open the curtain. "I won't believe he's dead until I see it for myself."
Wufei grimaced, looking away. "Jesus, Yuy--you saw the wound, the blood-- You heard the paramedics--"
"And I know he was still alive at the hospital, or else they wouldn't have rushed him into emergency surgery."
"Surgery that failed," he reminded me.
"I'll believe it when I see it."
My partner threw his hands up in exasperation. "What do you think, Yuy? That Captain Po lied to us--that they whisked him off to protect him--? I fucking wish that were true."
"We lied to her. I'm sure she'd have no qualms about lying to us."
"I wish she had. Dammit, Heero. I want to believe he's alive as much as you do--but we both have to face facts."
"Facts require proof. I need proof. Then I'll believe he's--he's dead."
"Will you?" Wufei asked with a shake of his head. "Be reasonable--"
"I am reasonable!" I snapped coldly. "I want to see his dead body before I'll be willing to accept that Alexander's people aren't just trying to pull a fast one!"
"They won't let you into the morgue without the Captain's clearance," Chang reminded me.
"Then I'll get it."
"Her instructions to me were that you and I are on medical leave until further notice. She thinks the stress finally got to us, and wants us to go home and get some rest."
"I will--after."
"And how will you explain showing up at her office when she made it clear we're off duty? What will you do--tell her that you and Duo were lovers, and you need closure?"
"I'll tell her that after risking my life for weeks to protect him, and being lied to and betrayed by people inside our own ranks, I'm not going to just take it on faith that he's dead."
Wufei sighed wearily, and I realized he looked positively grey with fatigue.
"Go home, Chang. Get some sleep. I can take a taxi over to the precinct and talk to the Captain."
He nodded, apparently giving up on trying to make me see reason. "You'll be okay by yourself? You won't do anything stupid?"
I rolled my eyes. "Chang, I'm going to the station to talk to Captain Po and get permission to see the body. Other than that, I don't expect to do anything at all--stupid or otherwise."
My partner accompanied me downstairs to sign out of the hospital, and then headed for his own apartment, which was within walking distance, while I grabbed a soda from a vending machine to get rid of my cotton-mouth and took a cab to the police station.
~*~
There was a rookie cop at Relena's desk, apparently filling in until they hired a replacement. And as soon as I told him who I was, he buzzed Captain Po on the intercom and told me to go on in.
Captain Po didn't look particularly surprised to see me as I entered her office. "Feeling better, Yuy?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Not particularly," I replied. "I want to see Maxwell's body."
She stared at me for a moment, a slight frown creasing her forehead, and then looked down at the folder on her desk. "I'm sorry. That won't be possible."
"Why not?" Even while my words sounded like typical detective-type skepticism, my heart soared with hope that maybe there was no body to see.
"It's been cremated," came the curt reply. "The will he left with Quatre Winner specified that as one of his final wishes."
"Cremated." I clenched my fists, feeling heat building in my gut. "Listen, Captain, unless you show me his body, I refuse to believe Duo Maxwell is dead. In fact, I'd wager this is an elaborate ruse to put him into relocation, in case the charges against Khushrenada don't stick."
"You can't be serious," she chided. "Honestly, Yuy. I realize you're upset about losing your witness--"
"You don't know the half of it!" I blurted.
"I know you and Chang did a fine job of protecting him for nearly two months. And you got him to the trial alive. You did your job. What happened afterwards was not your fault."
"That's beside the point!"
She frowned in confusion. "I don't understand your reaction, Yuy--"
"Understand this! I know how the FBI works. I know their twisted logic. And if Alexander cooked up some scheme to hide Duo, I want to know about it--!"
My boss opened the folder on her desk and grabbed a handful of glossy photos, flinging them across the desk in front of me. "Would autopsy photographs be enough to convince you?" she asked coldly.
I froze in mid-rant, staring down at the full color, eight by ten images in horror. There was Duo, laid out on a typical morgue slab with a white sheet covering his body. His skin bore the unmistakable pallor of death--looking almost waxy under the exam lights.
My trembling hand slapped down on top of the pictures, sliding them apart to reveal one close-up of the tattoo on his left arm--another of the angel wings and tiger--and yet another of the kanji symbols on his back.
Then there was the full body shot, and even one of the fresh scar on the sole of his foot. Beneath those pictures were more graphic ones, of a body cut open and organs laid out, showing the knife wound on the lung and a slash across part of the heart.
I hastily shoved them aside, before grabbing Po's wastebasket and vomiting noisily into it.
"Jesus Christ, Yuy!" She hit the intercom, calling for the cop who was filling in at Relena's station to come empty the thing.
I was wiping my mouth on a sleeve when I felt her hand on my other arm. "Go home, Heero. You're too close to this case--obviously. I want you to go home and get some sleep. Chang should do the same."
"He already did." I looked up into uncharacteristically concerned eyes. "Duo's really dead."
She nodded, biting her lip and watching for my reaction.
I frowned, still fighting the truth with every fiber of my being. "Photos can be faked--"
"Then talk to Barton. He went more ballistic than you did. So we let him see the body in person."
"Fuck." There was no arguing with that. If Trowa was convinced Duo was dead--if he'd seen him and touched him, and felt the chill of death on that pale skin--
"I--should go," I said wearily, turning and heading for the door.
The Captain's voice stopped me before I left. "Don't you even want to know about Relena?"
I looked back over my shoulder. "I could care less about that bitch."
She raised an eyebrow at my uncharacteristic indifference. "Stress may have put you out of the game for the moment, Yuy, but you'll care plenty once you're back on your feet. Relena has disappeared at the moment. Her parents haven't seen her since morning of the day you encountered her in the courthouse. But we found the bugs she'd planted near my desk, and the tapes she was keeping of my conversations. We have plenty of evidence to use against her if we ever track her down."
"She's a stupid girl. How hard could it be?" I scoffed.
"She's a stupid girl with more money than she knows what to do with. She could be at any of a dozen family estates."
"Then send someone to search them."
"We have--so far without success. But I'm going to put more people on it. When you're ready to come back to work, I want you to be one of them. I want her found. If Khushrenada somehow gets off on the murder charge, we could at least use Relena's testimony to charge him with blackmail."
"What about Une?"
"She's in the midst of a psychotic episode, Yuy. Since Khushrenada told her off, she's totally lost it--keeps ranting about how she 'did it all for Treize.' I don't know if or when she'll be of any use to us at all."
Not that it mattered to me if the bitch spent the rest of her life in a straight jacket, but I kind of wanted her to be rational enough to be tried for Duo's murder. If they tried using an insanity defense--well, I was pretty sure I could call in a few favors wherever they were holding her. She wasn't out of my reach--not after what she'd done to the man I loved.
My breath caught at the memory, and before I entered a psychotic episode of my own right in Po's office, I turned and left.
I made my way through the station in a haze, feeling a curious sense of detachment from a place that had practically been my home for the past few years. So much had happened since I last walked those halls that everything felt unfamiliar and foreign.
Once I was out on the street, I found the nearest pay phone and dialed Trowa's cell phone number.
"Barton."
"Hey. It's Heero."
I heard a soft whoosh of breath on the other end. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, fine. Um, how 'bout you?"
"Bruised, but okay."
"Sorry."
"Naw--I understand. Honest. Had my own little meltdown after they hauled you out."
"The Captain mentioned that." I paused, closing my eyes, and seeing that last teasing wink from Duo yet again. "She--she said you got to see the--see him."
"Yeah." His voice was a bit ragged--hoarse.
"I don't want to believe--" I admitted. "But--if you saw for yourself--" God, this was hard. Harder than confronting Po. I didn't want to hear Barton confirm my worst fears, and yet, I needed him to, if I was going to make myself believe it.
"They--were taking him out of the operating room," Trowa managed, sounding like each word was an effort. "I just got a few seconds, through the window--to see his face--just for a moment."
"And, you're sure--?"
"Fuck, Yuy-- Don't make me say it!"
"Sorry. God, I'm fuckin' sorry. I saw her--in the hallway--and Noventa was too far ahead of us. I couldn't catch up in time to stop her--" I paused in my flood of words, gasping for breath, waiting for Trowa to tell me it was all my fault--for him to curse me and scream at me, and give me the verbal beating I deserved--I needed.
"--not your fault," he sighed, sounding totally defeated. "God--I'd fuckin' love to blame you, Yuy. Honest. But--it's not your fault."
I swallowed, fighting back a scream of anguish that wanted to escape. "It was my responsibility to protect him," I finally managed, my voice so ragged I didn't recognize it.
"And you did--from so much," Trowa pointed out, his own voice a little steadier. "I want it to be your fault--so I'd have someone to be angry with--but, shit. Duo would kick my ass if I was that big a dickhead."
I choked back a sob at hearing Duo's name, uttered so casually--as if he were still around to kick anyone's ass at all. "I, uh--I can't deal with this Trowa. Any of it," I confessed.
"Me neither." There was a pause on the line. "You--need someplace to go?"
"No. I'm okay," I lied. "Just--exhausted. Gonna go back to my apartment--get some sleep."
"They make pills for that," he told me helpfully.
"Yeah. Guess I'll pick some up."
"You'll need 'em," he predicted in a sepulchral tone.
I gathered he was speaking from experience. "Well--unless I want to go another round with hospital security," I pointed out.
He gave a short bark of mirthless laughter. "I s'pose that's one way to get knocked out cold."
"Yeah--one way I'll skip," I said dryly. "I'm going home now. If you see Winner, tell him I'm sorry--for the scene at the hospital--and--everything."
"I'll tell 'im."
I hung up, leaning against the wall of the phone booth, closing my eyes and rubbing a hand over my forehead to ease the ache behind them. Then I pulled myself together and stepped out onto the sidewalk, scanning the approaching traffic for another cab.
By the time I hailed one and the driver took me to my place, I was facing a whole new set of issues. I'd drifted back to that conversation at the lake house about how when this whole case was over, Duo would be in relocation and I'd just be Detective Yuy of the First Precinct, with a beat-up car, nosey neighbors, and an empty apartment to go home to every night.
I was about to walk into that empty apartment for the first time since Chang and I had been assigned to protect Duo. And as much as I'd dreaded returning there without Duo, returning there knowing he wasn't safely tucked away in relocation was a million times worse.
If I could have pictured him happily starting a new life that didn't include me, it would still have been better than knowing he was dead.
I'd at least have had hope that we might some day find each other again--or at least that he'd be happy.
Instead, there was only the conviction that this cold, musty apartment, devoid of laughter and life, was to be mine permanently. There was no way I could envision anyone bringing the kind of warmth and energy to the place that Duo would have.
I didn't even bother opening a window. I just tossed my keys onto the counter and headed for my bottle of scotch. It was the only thing I could think of that would knock me out as completely as I needed.
~*~
When I woke up, my head was pounding relentlessly, and a smell of cooking from the kitchen was making my stomach twist.
"Who the fuck--?" I shoved up off of my bed, realizing I'd gone to sleep sprawled across it and still fully clothed. But I'd had the presence of mind the day before to stash my gun in my dresser drawer before I went on my little binge.
I retrieved it now, and pushed the bedroom door open, thoroughly prepared to scare the shit out of whatever intruder had decided to help himself to my kitchen.
Halfway down the hall, I had an errant thought that I might turn the corner into the kitchen and find Duo cooking me breakfast--alive and well. It had me hastening my steps, only to feel the letdown all the more intensely when I saw familiar auburn hair and a decidedly female figure in front of the stove.
"Oh, Heero, you're up!" Catherine said brightly, turning from the stove. "Breakfast is almost ready."
I holstered my gun, rubbing my bleary eyes before once again staring at her. "Why are you here?" I finally asked.
"I brought her," came my partner's voice from the doorway.
I turned to see Wufei calmly leaning there, watching Catherine cook.
"And why are you here?" I asked sourly. In all our years of working together, I could count on one hand the number of times Chang had been in my apartment. "How'd you get in anyway? I never gave you a key."
"You left the door unlocked," he said with a disapproving click of his tongue. "Otherwise, I'd have had to get the super to let us in."
"Why?"
He let his gaze rake down my rumpled clothing, and gave a slight sniff before waving a hand in front of his nose. "You reek," he said curtly. "Obviously you need supervision. Why don't you go take a shower before breakfast?"
"And why don't you mind your own business?" I retorted, walking past him to rummage in the fridge for something to wash the horridly unpleasant taste out of my mouth.
There was precious little in the refrigerator at all, though I did manage to find a half-empty bottle of very flat soda. I used a mouthful to rinse my mouth and spit it into the sink.
"Tell me again why you're here, Chang. I don't need babysitters."
"How about friends?" he countered smoothly, stepping past me and pouring coffee from the pot on the counter into a mug. He held it out wordlessly, and I grudgingly took it.
"Catherine came over to my place yesterday to help me air it out and settle in after our long absence," he continued. "It occurred to us that you faced the same kind of bleak homecoming."
I laughed darkly. "Bleak? That's a fucking understatement Chang."
He gave a pained sigh. "I know. But Barton has Winner looking after him, and Catherine came to check on me--and now, we've come to lend a hand to you."
Catherine slipped something from her frying pan onto a plate, and turned to the two of us. "Breakfast is served."
I drank half of my black coffee in a few gulps, not particularly caring that it scorched my tonsils on the way down. "You two go ahead. I'm not hungry."
"Indeed," Wufei said with a hint of a sneer. "I imagine the scotch probably soured your stomach for real food. But you need it anyway."
I glared at him, but he stood his ground, and I finally decided if it appeased him and convinced him that he and Catherine could leave, I'd play along. I plunked down at the table and grabbed a piece of toast, figuring that it would be the least offensive to my touchy stomach.
He and Catherine sat down too, digging in to plates full of eggs, bacon, and toast. I noticed as they ate that they'd opened a couple of windows to let in a bit of fresh air, and thrown open the curtains in the living room to allow sunshine in.
I hated the sunshine. I hated that it could be sunny and warm and bright outside while Duo was dead. God, I hated the fucking world!
"Chang--" I rasped, setting down the toast and starting to push away from the table.
"Sit!" he ordered crisply. And I sat. "As I said yesterday, I know how you feel. I'm not asking you to stop feeling that way. I'm merely insisting that you eat, and shower, and take minimal care of yourself, until you're ready to think about living again. That's all."
"Wufei--" Catherine said in a reproachful whisper.
"Quiet woman," he said sternly. "This is between my friend and me."
I looked up sharply at the word "friend," but didn't have the guts to contradict him. Yes, I knew we'd become more than partners over the past few weeks. We'd been allies and confidantes. We'd been through Hell together.
I didn't dare try to tell him we weren't friends.
Especially when I knew he was right.
"I--appreciate the gesture," I said with less hostility. "But--after we eat--I'd just as soon be alone again."
He nodded, seeming unfazed by my request. "We won't be staying long at all," he told me. "As I said, we're just here to get things started for you. You'll need to go out later and grocery shop, as you've very little in your fridge, and we brought only the supplies to make breakfast. And you might want to make sure you've got something appropriate to wear to the memorial service tomorrow."
I froze at that, staring down into my coffee cup. "I don't think--"
"You will attend it, Yuy. Catherine and I will pick you up at noon. The service is to be held at the funeral home on the corner of Fifth and Main at two o'clock, but we should be there a bit early."
"Why?" I asked hoarsely. "It's not like anyone even knew about Duo and me," I pointed out. "I know Trowa is like family, but--"
"We are all like his family," Wufei said crisply. "And I would be deeply ashamed of you if you failed to take part in a memorial for him."
"Do you know how much it hurts?" I demanded. "You're asking more than I can give."
"That's why we'll be right there at your side," he promised. "To help you get through it."
Catherine slid a hand across to grip one of mine firmly. "If I made it through Nate's funeral, Heero, you can make it through Duo's. You're much stronger than I was back then. And you'll do it for Duo."
I sighed and nodded, knowing that all the protests in the world wouldn't get me out of fulfilling my obligation. Hell, if Wufei and Catherine didn't drag me to the memorial, I had a feeling Quatre and Trowa would.
So I steeled myself to face the day, bidding Wufei and Catherine goodbye as soon as we'd finished eating. Then I made myself take that long-awaited shower, which did indeed make me feel a bit more human. And finally, in a desperate attempt at normalcy, I went out and bought some milk and bread and a few essential groceries.
I really tried. For the sake of Chang and the other people I knew were worried, I tried to pretend I was okay. I tried to stick to healthy foods and things that were part of my normal routine--or at least the normal routine I had before my latest assignment.
It wasn't until I was passing a liquor store on my way home and saw a sign advertising a sale on dark imported beer that I gave in to the need for more. I bought a couple of six-packs, even though I'd never tried the stuff before, and then stopped by a Chinese restaurant for take-out.
The memorial might not be until the next day, but I had my own way of remembering Duo that night.
TBC...
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