Duo's POV
The Wedding Planner Part 46
Morning After
When the door closed behind Heero, I let out a sigh, burying my face in the pillow that still smelled like him. And I allowed myself the luxury of recalling his kiss and his touch, and the way his skin felt under my hands; the way his body moved against mine. But I dragged my reluctant mind away from those thoughts shortly before I needed a cold shower. God, he was amazing!
He was also taken. I didn't regret the previous night, and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. But I didn't know what to do next.
If Heero broke up with Relena to be with me, there'd be no hiding it from her. Eventually she'd know we were together, and she'd know I'd seduced her fiancé away from her. She'd know what a selfish, shameless slut I really was.
Not that Relena's opinion mattered to me very much--or at all. She was shallow and selfish herself, a fact that was evident in the way she treated Heero, their relationship, and everyone around her. And knowing she'd cheated on him in the past, I found it hard to think badly of him for doing the same to her.
On the other hand, I didn't hate Relena enough to take any pleasure in stealing her fiancé. She wasn't really a bad person; just spoiled, self-absorbed, and insecure. Her need to flaunt her social standing was a clear indicator of that last trait. But I couldn't entirely blame her for that. It probably had a lot to do with the way she was raised.
And she wasn't always a prissy little bitch; sometimes she was amazingly sweet and undeniably vulnerable. I could see what had made Heero fall in love with her. If I'd been into women, I might've had a little crush on her myself. At least until I got to know her well enough to see how completely messed up her priorities were. Honestly, why had Heero been stupid enough to stay with her so long? To actually propose to her? Didn't it ever occur to him there was someone out there that would treat him better?
Apparently not; at least until I came along. And there was the problem.
God, if anyone had taken Solo or Alex away, it would've killed me. Of course, I never cheated on either of them--never even considered it. But knowing how I would have felt about being on the receiving end made me cringe a little. Yeah, I know--Relena had been unfaithful. But now, so had Heero.
And maybe Relena had grown up since her silly indiscretion; Heero never told me how long ago it had been. Maybe all it took was one silly fling to make Relena realize she couldn't do better than her drop-dead gorgeous fiancé. Even if she didn't know how to show her appreciation of having him, I suspected she really loved him, in her own way.
While I didn't respect Heero any less for the fact that he'd essentially cheated on Relena, I did think badly of myself for letting it happen. I mean, face it; when I dragged Heero off for a day of fun, I knew I'd have ample opportunity to flirt and get closer to him. And I took it. I made the most of it.
I think the only reason he fell into my well-laid trap was that he was confused about his sexuality to begin with. It wasn't me--I really didn't think it could be about me. Rather, I thought his awakening awareness of his attraction to men just came to the forefront of his thoughts because I was openly gay and even more openly flirting with him every chance I got.
Yeah, I know I hadn't expected the kiss--and I'd certainly reacted badly to it. When you got right down to it, he'd been the one to pursue me, even going so far as to show up at my apartment. And yet, I felt like I'd been the one to take advantage...of his confusion and his curiosity. And now that he'd satisfied that curiosity, maybe he'd realize it was only about sex, and that it couldn't compare with the security and stability of his relationship with Relena. Maybe when he had some time to think about it in the cold light of day, he'd realize what being with me could cost him.
Heero was engaged to a girl his parents adored. He was a high-profile executive whose name graced the business pages almost as often as Relena's showed up in the social pages. Their wedding was already garnering public attention, as Silvia had babbled to some reporter that the wealthy socialite Relena Peacecraft might be using Romefeller for her reception.
If Heero went public with the news that he'd thrown over Relena Peacecraft for his gay wedding planner, it could ruin him in more ways than one.
For starters, he'd lose his parents' love and approval...and I knew both mattered deeply to him. I also knew they were a traditional Japanese couple, who would be mortified to find out their son was gay. Calling him bisexual at this point was nitpicking. To his conservative parents, there'd be no noteworthy difference. They'd probably disown him.
And then there was his big-ticket job. He was a top-level executive in Lowe Industries. I didn't know much about them, but if they were like most corporations, they had a pretty rigid mindset about their employees' personal lives. Their "perfect employee" would probably have a house in the suburbs (or a mansion as the case may be) with a lovely wife, a kid, a dog, and a two-car garage. I doubted very much that a gay lifestyle would appeal to their public relations people. Imagine how they'd take the news that Heero dumped Relena Peacecraft to shack up with his gay wedding planner.
For that matter, I wasn't even sure how Heero's friend Wufei would take the news. The Chinese man had been friendly enough, if a little stiff and conservative. But for all I knew, he'd be horrified to find that his best friend was gay. And I knew for sure I didn't want to cost Heero his best friend's love and support.
To say I was seriously confused and guilt-ridden would be the understatement of the century. I was a fucking wreck.
I made it out of bed by ten, showering rather reluctantly, since it felt like I was washing away every trace of the best night of sex I'd ever had, bar none. Not that I had a choice, since I was supposed to meet Trowa's sister and her fiancé and take them to pick out a cake. I couldn't very well do that smelling like sex, now could I?
But I'd probably keep that pillowcase that still had the smell of Heero's cologne on it forever.
I managed a cup of coffee for breakfast, but didn't even try to eat. My stomach was already knotted with worry, and it wasn't even noon yet.
If only Heero and Relena had broken up on their own, and I'd met him some other way, I might have been able to pursue a guilt-free relationship. But considering how we'd met, there was just no graceful way out of the mess we were in.
Unless I simply bowed out; removed myself from the picture. Yes, and did what I do best...run and hide.
But how the hell was I supposed to do that? I could no sooner break Heero's heart than resist his kisses. I'd already proven that where he was concerned, I was completely without restraint or scruples. So how was I supposed to make myself do "the right thing," and get the hell out of his life?
I mean, shit, I'd already admitted to myself that I was hopelessly in love with him. "Hopeless" being the operative word there. I hadn't thought I had a chance in Hell of any reciprocal feelings. And I still wasn't sure I did. I mean, I think he tried to say "I love you," when I clapped my hand over his mouth. But that wouldn't be the first time a guy had tried to say that to me out of a sense of obligation or gratitude after a one-night stand. Don't get me wrong; Heero wasn't just a one-night stand for me, and I don't think I was one for him.
But still, I had no idea what Heero thought of what happened between us. I knew we needed to talk about it--but really, where would that get us? None of the pertinent facts would change. He could not dump Relena for me without destroying all of our lives.
Yeah, I had a few things to lose as well, though not nearly as many as Heero and Relena. If word got out that I broke up the Peacecraft-Yuy wedding, Quatre's business could be in serious trouble and I could be out of a job...again. As staunch a friend as he'd been, I wasn't sure he could get past it if I destroyed his business. Even if he did want me to find love again, I was quite sure he didn't want me to find it at a client's expense.
Why did it have to be so complicated?
I decided to try to shelve my thoughts and put on my best attitude for Catherine and her fiancé. At least that was one wedding I wouldn't fuck up completely. Unlike Relena, they didn't want to sample every bakery in town. They simply wanted to go to the ones Quatre and I liked best. I could already tell they'd be easy to please, which was probably a good thing, since my mind was still running in circles around the memory of Heero's hands and lips on my skin.
~*~
Unlike Heero and Relena, Catherine and James were giddily in love--holding hands--touching constantly--feeding each other wedding cake while giggling madly. I'd have found it mildly amusing--perhaps even entertaining--if I wasn't so damned preoccupied by what had happened the night before.
But all day long, visions of Heero kept forcing their way into my mind, and the mingling emotions of pleasure and guilt twisted my gut until by late afternoon I was bent over the toilet in Jacques' bathroom throwing up every scrap of cake I'd eaten.
Jacques hovered like a mother hen, wringing his hands in dismay. "Mon ami--is it Jacques' cake make you so sick? I shall be shot! No--hanged!"
I finished rinsing my mouth at the sink and grabbed a hand towel. "Cut the drama, Jacques. It's not your cake," I assured him. "Honestly. It's me--I--" I fucked the gorgeous guy I brought in here with his fiancée a week ago. "I had a touch of stomach flu...thought I was better, but apparently I'm not."
Jacques felt so badly about my little bout of vomiting that he sent me home with a bunch of his biscuits, which he assured me were light and easy on the stomach. I felt even worse, but accepted the gift because I knew he'd be hurt if I didn't.
Catherine and James understood completely when I suggested we call it a day, and I drove them back to The Circus, where we'd rendezvoused that morning. They headed home with reams of information to look over, and I decided to go inside and wait for Quatre, who was bound to show up to see his hot bartender.
Trowa apparently wasn't on duty yet, and when I asked the replacement bartender where he was, he said he'd be in later.
And then he asked if he could get me a drink.
Shit, damn, and motherfuck.
TBC...
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