Author's Note: This fits with chapters thirty six and thirty seven of Witness.
Diary of a Protected Witness Part 28
Hide and Seek
So...after the wild boat ride, Chang, Yuy and I moved on to ATVs. If nothing else, fleeing from Khushrenada gave me a chance at all kinds of new experiences...car rides, llama farms, going out clubbing on a vintage Harley (which I sort of wondered what had happened to), swimming, boat rides...and now four-wheeling through a deep, dark forest.
But all that paled in comparison to the fact that Heero was going to trust my judgment and make a pit stop at Howard's.
It was touch and go for a bit when I suggested it. Not that I could blame 'Ro. I'd screwed up royally by calling Hilde the week before. There was sure no reason for Heero to trust my ability to judge people's character.
But Wufei spoke up for me--which was pretty mind-boggling. Shit, we'd only spent one day "bonding," so to speak, and he'd really changed his attitude drastically. While we weren't all warm and fuzzy together, I knew he was grudgingly starting to like me, and if asked, I'd have said he wasn't a half-bad guy. For a cop.
Heh, heh. Old habits.
At any rate, his endorsement of my idea was almost not enough to sell it to Yuy. And it really stung for a moment. Heero loved me, or so he'd said. But I wanted his respect every bit as much as I wanted his love. When he hesitated so long in replying, I started to think I might never have it--that he'd always consider me sort of an errant child, rather than an equal partner.
One of the things Zechs and I had struggled with was what I perceived as an inequality in the relationship. Zechs had been the one with the money and power, the education and class. I felt horribly inferior to him at times, and when he tried to bring me up to his level, he had to knock himself out to not be condescending about it. Yeah, it was a close call as to whether I'd be pleased or pissed at whatever he tried to do. He must've felt like he was dealing with a lit keg of dynamite at times.
I didn't want it to be like that with Heero. He'd seen me at my worst, and he'd seen me rise to an occasion. We'd had our power struggles and tugs of war along the way. Now that we'd reached some sort of understanding, I guess I was hoping for a bit of a fresh start. I wanted the chance to prove I was worthy of being at his side. And there was no way to do that if he couldn't trust my judgment.
"Fine. We'll go to Greenville. But if you're wrong, it's all our lives."
"Y'think I'd take that chance. With your life? Or Chang's?"
I knew I'd said the right thing--reminded him how much I valued his life. He had to know I held it more dear than my own. At least, I hoped he did.
At any rate, we headed out on the ATVs, and we were making pretty good time until the FBI choppers showed up with fuckin' spotlights. We ended up ducking under some trees and hiding out for hours, while they flew search patterns and damn near found us.
I think that was the first time I felt truly hopeless. I mean, shit. I'd gotten depressed about Zechs' funeral and stuff...and I'd been frustrated at being holed up with minimal diversions at hand. But while I lay half-under Heero on a carpet of pine needles and dirt, with helicopters combing the landscape, I felt like there was just no chance in Hell we could stay ahead of them much longer.
"It's been fun, Yuy, but maybe you should consider handing me over."
I knew Heero wouldn't go for my suggestion, but the vehemence with which Chang objected made my jaw drop.
"Shut up, Maxwell! We are not 'handing you over' to anyone--not now--not ever!"
Whoa. I wasn't really ready for that reaction from Chang. And under other circumstances, it would've made me smile, and maybe tease him about being possessive over lil ol' me. Instead, it just made me feel more responsible than ever for anything that happened to him or to Heero. I seriously didn't want either of them dying for me.
That thought weighed on my mind throughout the night, and into the next day when we ditched our rides and ended up on foot, heading for Greenville.
Howard and I went way back. I'd known him from my earliest days with the Reapers. He ran with a different group, the Sweepers. They weren't so much a gang, as an organization. Not a big enough group to pose competition to the syndicate, which would've been more than stupid. But big enough to have some legitimate businesses. They worked in salvage and actually helped clean up the streets a bit by employing homeless kids to gather the stuff they wanted. It gave some kids a chance at honest work, anyway.
Maybe if I'd met him before Solo, I wouldn't have gone the route I did.
But by the time Howard and I crossed paths, I'd pretty well established my place on the streets. When I bumped into Father Maxwell and started thinking about how to clean up my act, I took a few small jobs Howard offered, and we got to be good friends.
He was nothing but supportive when I hooked up with Trowa and finally got off the drugs. And though he teased me about stripping for a living, he was genuinely happy that I had a roof over my head, money in my pocket, and a way to make an honest dollar.
When Howard made the decision to retire and leave the big city, I was both glad to see him go, and a bit heartbroken at the same time. He'd gotten under my skin a bit, like a big brother, and I knew I'd miss his humor and friendship. But at the same time, he'd always talked about his dream of having his own garage and a quiet place in the country. How can you begrudge a man his dream, hm?
At any rate, when I'd suggested going to Howard, it was because I knew deep-down that he could be trusted--to a degree I'd never even have considered trusting Hilde. He was up there with Trowa and Father Maxwell as people I knew would have my back if I ever needed them to.
Don't laugh. Father Maxwell could be a seriously tough guy when he had to. I'd seen him face down drug dealers and gang leaders when they came too close to the street where the orphanage was. Yeah, he could watch my back any time!
And Trowa--well, after the lions, I don't think anything could scare him--except maybe admitting his feelings to a hot blonde lawyer. And that was all taken care of. Yessss!
We won't even go into the mixed emotions I had about that.
Or maybe we will. On the one hand, I was glad Trowa had found someone to love; and on the other, I was terrified it might not work out. And if it didn't, I'd probably never know. I'd be off in relocation while my best friend tried to pick up the pieces of his heart. After all the times he'd been there for me, I felt horrible at the prospect of not being there for him when he needed me the most.
Maybe I could ask Heero to keep an eye on the situation for me. I thought maybe now that he knew Trowa wasn't a rival, he might start to think of him as a friend. God knew they'd probably need each other's moral support after I was gone. If there was one thing they had in common, it was their affection for me. And I don't mean that to sound cocky or arrogant. It was pretty obvious they both cared. Now, if I could just get them to care about each other, that'd be two worries off my mind in relocation.
But to get back to Howard...the old man was so damn glad to see me it just about killed me to have to tell him I couldn't hang out and shoot the shit with him for a while. But 'Ro had made it abundantly clear we had to keep it short. So about all I had time for was a quick note I left in the john.
Actually, I left two notes. The first was to Howard--a brief reassurance that I was fine and with my two escorts of my own free will, but that if anything happened to me, he was to take my second note to Detective Yuy of the First Precinct in Sanc.
The second note--well, that was something I'd been mulling over in my mind since the FBI choppers showed up. I wanted Heero to know that if I ended up dead during this whole debacle, it wasn't his fault. I knew damned well he'd blame himself, no matter how it went down--and at the very least, I had to let him know I didn't blame him.
Secondly, I wanted to clue him in about something Zechs had mentioned. During one of our "pillow talk" sessions, he'd talked about wanting out of Oz--wanting to disappear into obscurity and take me with him to live happily ever after--or something like that. At any rate, in the course of our discussion, which I interrupted with lots of teasing and fondling (hey, Zechs was a truly fine specimen of manhood--I'd never been able to keep my hands off), he said he'd tucked away a safety deposit box with something for me, in case anything happened to him. He wasn't sure how his departure would go over with his superiors--that being Treize Khushrenada, the fucking bastard himself--and he wanted me to have a safety net of some sort. I wasn't sure what he meant, and I'd have assumed it was just cash or drugs or shit like that--but he'd mentioned it would protect me from Oz. That last bit made me think it might be something Heero could use, assuming I didn't make it to Khushrenada's trial.
And by this time I had serious doubts about that. Not that I thought my protectors were in any way lacking. But I'd seen our opposition--twice--and I had a feeling we were seriously outnumbered and outgunned. I felt a little bit doomed.
I guess that's why I wanted to assure Heero he hadn't failed if I ended up dead. And it's definitely why I dared to write the third part of the note--the "I love you." He needed to know how I felt about him, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to make myself say the words--or even if I did, how long it might take. So this way, if I didn't screw up my courage before someone blew my head off, I'd at least be able to let him know.
Yeah, morbid shit, wasn't it? But it needed to be done. And I squeezed in my note-writing in record time in Howard's little bathroom, jotting it down on toilet paper and tucking it in the pair of reading glasses the old man had left on the edge of the sink. I just hoped he didn't use the wad of paper without looking at it first!
When I got out of the john, Howard, Chang and Yuy were still bristling at each other--all protective and wary. It might've been cute if I'd had time to hang around and tease them. But we needed to keep moving; so all I got to do was promise Howie I was okay and ask him to stay mum about my visit if anyone showed up looking for me.
He gave us his car without so much as a flicker of hesitation, which seemed to placate Heero--though he expressed his usual paranoia, and I expressed my pissed-offedness at his mistrust of a guy I considered family.
We got on the road pretty quickly after that, and it just about made my day when I found a stray pack of cigarettes in the back seat--that being one thing I'd forgotten to request from the last grocery shopping expedition. I settled in for a much-needed nicotine break and an even more-needed nap.
OWARI
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