Gundam Seiyuu (The OAV) Part 6
"What are you doing?" Heero whispered softly as he let the door shut behind him. I was so startled that I dropped the scissors and they splashed into the water. That's when I broke. Everything hit me at once and I felt the guilt well-up inside me. I felt just like a child caught with his hands in the cookie jar, after he'd promised to never take them again. I felt like I'd betrayed Heero by cutting off that small amount of my hair, and it hurt. Turning away from him I just sat in the hot water and hugged my knees, wishing I could just sink into the ground and disappear.
Behind me I heard Heero lightly set his stuff down on the bed and walk toward me, stopping to kneel on the wooden ledge around the hot tub. I buried my face between my arms so I didn't have to look at him, so he didn't have to look at me. But I could still see his hand as it reached forward into the water and took hold of the hair I'd cut. He picked it up as if it were one of the most precious and breakable things in the world and I didn't have to look to know what expression was on his face.
"Duo..." he whispered softly. "Why did you...?"
I snorted softly without lifting my head "Why?" I muttered. I shrugged. "Why do you care?" As soon as the words came out I immediately regretted them. I looked up quickly and caught a haunted look appearing on Heero's face from my words. He flinched slightly and looked away, holding the locks of wet hair tightly in his hand.
"I..." He swallowed and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry."
I blinked at him but didn't move. What was Heero sorry for? Sorry for caring? Sorry for not caring? Sorry for living together for almost a year and only acting like brothers or room mates? Sorry for what?
Heero opened his eyes but didn't look back at me. Instead he gazed at his reflection in the large tinted mirrors, which showed us the bright city lights below. "I'm sorry for... everything."
My jaw dropped and I moved to speak, but quickly shut up. It didn't take a genius to see this was hard for Heero, to have to confess his feelings like this. So I stayed quiet and let him place together the words on his own time. Somewhere deep inside I actually dreaded what was coming next. I dreaded him apologizing and breaking up with me. But... but I had to give him a chance, and jumping to conclusions would not solve our problem.
Heero remained silent, just sitting there for what seemed like an eternity. He was still dressed in the outfit from the con. The tight spandex shorts and the dark green tank top. It was strange, but in the very dim light of the room the outfit, combined with his unruly hair, made him look younger, more fragile and almost lost. He looked like a small child, completely unsure of himself and what to do. The sight was so adorable and he looked so sad it made me want to hug him. Yet the horrible thought of him pushing away from that hug or shutting off from me again was too much to bear, so I didn't move.
"I'm sorry... for... pushing you away." Heero gave a sigh of frustration and stood up quickly, pacing around the room and running a hand through his hair. It was like he was actually nervous. I'd never seen him nervous before in the whole year I've known him. Now one might think that isn't very long but when you live with a guy for a whole year you get to know a lot of things about him. Still, I'd never seen him nervous before.
Turning in the water I leaned against the side of the hot tub and watched him pace back and forth, glancing around the room as if he was trying to find and gather words to say. Setting my chin on my hands I watched him and spoke softly.
"Why did you?"
He stopped pacing and looked at me. For a moment it almost seemed like he had just been reminded I was there. Our eyes locked and we stood and sat in silence, neither wanting to break eye contact. Finally Heero dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed and placed his chin in his hands.
"I was afraid I guess." He admitted with a guilty look.
"Afraid of what?" I promoted.
"I'd known you for a year. And then my character died and the way you responded... it occurred to me after you moved in that I might have made a terrible mistake. That you... that you had fallen in love with my character and..." Heero looked away from me. "And not me."
I swallowed, a lump building in my throat. I could practically read his mind and I went over in my head the first few months we'd lived together. It was like some veil had been lifted and I could see all the things I'd done wrong. All the things we'd done wrong.
"We moved in together," I said slowly. "And I was afraid. I loved you and I loved living with you but... I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to jump forward and go too fast... so I thought I'd let you give me a sign. And then you never did..." I sighed softly and a small smirk grew on my face. "I guess we both kind of messed up, huh?"
Heero's beautiful eyes slid back to me and settled on my face. He nodded once and the edge of his lips inched into the beginnings of a smile. "Yeah, we did."
"I'm willing to try again. It's not too late, I mean I still love you. Do you still-?" I cut off my own sentence as I felt a lump rising in my throat. I didn't want to finish that question, I didn't want to hear his answer. I was still so afraid of it being no, I was still so afraid of him saying it was over.
But he didn't. He didn't say yes or no. Instead Heero stood up and walked over to me. Leaning down he wrapped his arms around my wet body and held me tightly, snuggling his head between my neck and shoulder. "Always," he whispered in my ear.
My arms came up and wrapped around him tightly. I swear that one word was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard and I just wanted to hold him, to never let go again. The entire world could blow all to hell and I would be happy as long as I still had Heero in my arms. That was all I cared about. Words could never express how happy I was to have him in my arms again and to be in his.
We stayed there, sitting like that for a long time, just listening to each other's soft breathing and the soft bubbling of the water. It was like heaven, complete perfection. I was wrapped in the arms of my lover, sitting in warm water and my back was freezing. That realization snapped me back to reality as I shivered.
Heero slowly unwrapped his arms from me and stood up, grabbing a few towels from the bathroom. As he returned, towels in hand, I attempted to stifle a large yawn, and failed miserably. He smirked and set to towels down.
"Tired?" He asked softly.
I nodded sleepily. It must have been the hot water and the time of night getting to my head. I suddenly had trouble keeping my eyes open and if I didn't get out of the hot tub soon I was going to fall asleep snoring soft little bubbles. Although, I was willing to bet that the whole reason I was so tired was that the huge weight of fear of Heero breaking up with me had finally been lifted off my shoulders. I'd finally been freed of a year long burden of worry and fear, and that was probably what had zapped all my energy.
Leaning forward Heero slipped his arms into the warm water and wrapped them around my legs and back. Without even a hint of strain on his face he gently lifted me from the water and I curled up against his body like a young child. I just wanted to curl into his arms, basking in the warmth from his body as he held me in his arms and kissed me softly. Kneeling down he set me on his lap and pulled over one of the towel. Then he did one of the sweetest things I could ever imagine. Ever so carefully and gently he began to dry me off.
It seems like a silly gesture I know, but it wasn't. It was something so sweet and calming and full of love that I felt like I was just going to melt in his arms. It was as if our small conversation and make up had unlocked a door to a side of Heero I'd never really had a chance to see. It was a soft side of him, one that smiled and was full of love and tenderness. Sitting there in his arms as he dried off my body it wasn't sexual in any way at all, even though you'd think it would be. Instead it was comforting beyond words and just a total act of love and caring. At the moment I couldn't have asked for more.
After he was done drying me off he wrapped his arms under me again and carried me over to the bed. He moved the covers down and laid me down on the warm sheets. I watched with heavy lidded eyes as he stripped of his now damp cosplay outfit and laid it across the back of the large easy chair next to the TV. He then slid into bed next to me and pulled the quilt up around us, covering us both in deep and soft warmth.
I yawned once more and felt sleep riding up through my body. Turning on my side I snuggled up against his warm naked body and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. "Can I sleep in your arms tonight?" I whispered sleepily as I closed my eyes.
"Of course," he murmured back. Pulling me closer he slowly began to run his fingers through my wet hair, burying them within the thick wet locks. I snuggled as close as I could, not wanting to sleep or the moment to end.
"And can I sleep like *yawn* this tomorrow night too?" I whispered.
Heero chuckled softly and hugged me tightly then went back to stroking my hair. "We can sleep like this every night for the rest of our lives."
I smiled lazily. "I'd like that."
And as I drifted off to sleep in his arms I remember him kissing me softly on the top of my head and whispering.
"Good night, love."
I know I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
TBC...
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