Author: SkyLark
Pairings: 1+2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing, angst, sap
Archives: Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or its characters. I just love playing with them.
Betaed by ShenLong Deb *hugs*
My Worst Christmas Ever
Tiffany's.
I only spotted the gift bag for a second before Heero quickly tucked it back into his coat pocket as it peeked out along with a hint of red ribbon hen he came home late one night. Had I not happened to look up from the table when I had, I would have missed it.
Days later, it was overwhelming my every thought. I tried to not dwell on what I saw... really. But I couldn't quite help that.
Bet he saved for months to be able to buy from there. No doubt Relena was going to be tickled pink when he presented her with whatever was in that little black velvet box with the red ribbon tied around it.
And you know what got me was not so much the fact that he was breaking my heart without knowing it.
No. Knowing that Heero was not in love with me and clearly preparing to take his professional relationship with Relena to the next level was not what bothered me.
It was the fact that he never told me about it.
Ever since the war, I had only fallen deeper and deeper in love with him. Now, after spending a couple of years living together and working together as Preventers, it was a constant struggle for me to keep those feelings hidden.
We had been through everything together. Bled together. Fought together. Occasionally even cried together. Everything was shared between us.
You would think that something this big would be something that might come up in a discussion.
Somehow the lit tree and other festive decorations throughout our apartment were only worsening my mood. Unlike any Christmas before, I was dreading the approach of this one. No doubt the big 'next step' was going to come during the holiday.
For the last two years, Relena opened the doors of her grand estate to Heero, myself and our fellow former Gundam pilots as the guests of honor to her Christmas Eve ball. And I could already see the picture perfect scene.
To escape the crowd inside, the object of my affection would suggest to her Perfectness that they step outside. Snow would be falling as they found a secluded, lit spot to talk quietly. Verbal affections would be exchanged Heero would present the box to Relena's wide, wet eyes. The ring inside would be slipped on her finger and a tender kiss would be shared...Their very first of many to come.
And finally, they would return to the estate hand-in-hand to make their happy announcement that they were officially a couple. It would be the fairytale romance that the press kept pushing for- The Princess and Her Prince Fallen From the Stars.
Meanwhile, I would be forcing a smile and faking my excitement for them.
Feliz fucking Navidad.
So when the time came for the Christmas Eve party, I was a little less than thrilled.
By far, this was going to be my worst Christmas ever.
I tried not to pay attention to how nice Heero looked in his red, form-fitting sweater and black slacks. Tugging nervously at the hem of my own green sweater, I tried to fight away my ever battling feelings over the events to come.
When I grabbed my tan coat, I noticed his tight fist discretely sliding something into his gray jacket pocket. That little hint of red ribbon in the corner of my eye gave away what it was. Not that I was surprised at all. As we tied our scarves on, my heart just sank all the more.
Heero looked every bit the part of Prince Charming.
Our trip to the estate and the beginning of the party moved in a pretty long blur. I do recall catching up with Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and Sally. I remember many of the political figures and their spouses coming over to greet us all. And I remember my gut churning when Heero and Relena took to the dance floor together when the music began.
They spun, talked and laughed as many of the guests took pictures. It was like a wedding reception scene. Meanwhile, back at the table where my friends and I sat, I was already nursing my third drink of the night.
If I was lucky, at the pace I was going, I would be too numb to care when the announcement came.
Unfortunately, I have always had this innate ability to hold my liquor.
As the night wore on and the floor filled up, Relena politely requested a dance with me and the other pilots. The whole time I was spinning with her, my stomach was clenched at how beautiful she looked in her silver dress.
She was every bit as perfect a person as I could have ever hoped for for my partner. If he was not meant for me, I simply had to suck that up and just hope that he would be happy with whomever he chose.
Relena would make him happy. There was no sense in my denying it. And regardless of how much it killed me, I would be happy for him.
The time wore on as the guests continued to make their rounds and reminisce with one another. More and more, I could tell that Heero was becoming nervous. Now I am the only one who can tell when he is nervous, and he certainly was that. He even threw back a few drinks to take off the slight edge in his posture.
It was actually... adorable to see him like that. It was moments like that when I was honored to see him as the normal person he was. The person it seemed everyone else failed to see past his cool demeanor and 'Perfect Soldier' persona.
...The person that I was in love with.
Just as the evening was nearing its end with the drawing of midnight looming, my partner moved towards me from across the room with a clear sense of purpose in his step. Leaning in so that our friends that I had been speaking to would not hear, he asked softly, "Can we step outside? There's... something I need to talk to you about."
All at once, my innards clamped. Oh God, this was even worst than what I had feared.
I was going to have to talk him into moving things along with Relena. His nerves were getting the better of him and so he was turning to me for help.
Of all the things Heero could ask of me... this was the one thing I wished I could have said 'no' to. But I could never deny him anything. Even at the expense of my own happiness.
Without hesitation, I smiled to him and politely excused us from the table. Before we left the room, Heero went to Relena and whispered something in her ear. Beaming, she turned and embraced him tightly before he parted ways with her. At the time, I was too busy wondering how the hell I was going to get through this to pay much more attention to their exchange than that.
Numb, I threw my scarf and coat on as my best friend did the same, and together we headed out outside into the drifting snow. 'Of course,' I thought bitterly to myself. 'It would be snowing just as I imagined it would be for this big event.'
Just as we always would when we walked side-by-side, our arms brushed occasionally. Seemed such a natural thing for the two of us-to always be so close whenever we could. And now something was about to break us apart.
There was a glowing street lamp near the end of the path we were walking when Heero finally came to a stop. Slowly turning to face me, he ran a hand through his hair in another sign of his nervousness and I couldn't help but smile. "What's up, pal?" I heard myself urge quietly.
Sighing, his cobalt eyes met mine. With a small frown, he stated, "I had this whole thing planned and now I'm completely lost with how to go through with this." A light breeze wrapped around us as the flakes continued to dance in and out of the light glowing just overhead.
My heart racing, I licked my lips and kept up the act of not knowing what was going on. "Well you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" I asked. "Maybe I could help."
God, I so did not want to help, but I had to. He needed me and I wasn't about to let him down.
That seemed to help Heero find his nerve as he nodded firmly. Drawing close to me, he questioned softly, "You know that you're my best friend... don't you?" Surprised by that, I just nodded.
His head dropped as he stared at the ground and admitted, "I haven't been as forthcoming with you as I should have been over some things and I feel badly for that. After all, like you said, I should have remembered that I can talk to you about anything."
Slightly tilting his head, Heero asked, "Have you ever doubted yourself before when it came to your feelings for someone? You want to tell them how you feel, but you have no way of knowing how they'll react?"
Dying inside, I reserved my own feelings and told him, "Look, 'Ro. Obviously, there is someone that you care pretty deeply about and have no idea how to tell them. But if you don't let that person know how you feel, it'll eat away at you." Right out of pure experience. "You owe it to yourself, and them, to tell them."
Blinking in surprise at that, he swallowed roughly. "All right," he nodded firmly. "Then there is something that I should have told you a long time ago."
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the blow. The big admission.
Slowly raising his head to meet my gaze, he told me in a whisper so quiet that I had to strain to hear it, "I'm in love with you, Duo."
Wha? I... There's no way I heard that right. It must have been the wind blowing around us that made me thing he said he was in love with 'me' when he actually said 'Relena.'
But I instantly rethought that idea when there was a quiet panic building in the cobalt eyes watching me. "W-what did you say?" I asked in little more than a breath. That clarity needed to be there. I had to hear it again to know.
A small smile tugged my partner's lips as he repeated a bit louder, "I'm in love with you. I have been for some time. I just..." Unable to find the words he was searching for, he reached into his coat pocket to remove that black velvet box with the red bow on top.
My heart started hammering in my chest for a completely different reason then as the air in my lungs rushed out. With my hands shaking, I took the offered present and opened it to find a simple but perfect gold band inside.
"It's a promise ring," Heero explained quietly. Removing the band, he looked into my eyes and stated, "A promise to continue on in this world together as we always have. A promise to stay true to one another... if you'll accept."
And then it really hit me like a wall. This was the very scene I imagined with Relena in my mind. But all this time, Heero had intended this moment for me. He had been in love with me and I never knew.
Much as I am ashamed to admit it, I actually had tears in my eyes as I grinned like a fool. Nodding, I whispered, "Yea. I accept." His lips curled up in the brightest, most beautiful smile I had ever seen on his face.
Gently placing the band on my right finger where it fit perfectly, Heero closed the small distance between us and cupped my face in his hands before kissing me. My eyes were already drifting closed before our lips met so I could savor the contact. It was a simple, firm brushing; but it was as perfect and sweet and I dreamed it would be.
Our first of many kisses to come.
As we pulled back, our eyes opening, I looked at my friend in a whole new light. "Thank you," he said gently, with all of the sincerity in the world.
Laughing, I stared down to the ring on my finger and the opened box still in my hand. "All this time I thought... I thought that this was for someone else," I admitted, "I... I thought that you were meant for someone else."
Realization flooded his face at that. His smile warming all the more, Heero reassured in a breath, "Duo, there has never been anyone else. Only you." My wet eyes closed when he leaned in to kiss me again.
From that point forward, I knew I would never be alone again. I would never have another broken heart.
When we pulled back, my partner checked his watch and grinned before showing me the time. 12:01 am. "Merry Christmas, Duo," he smirked.
"Merry Christmas, 'Ro," I chuckled deeply just before we leaned in for another kiss.
It was my best worst Christmas ever. And I never had bad one from that day on.
OWARI
Back to SkyLark's Fanfictions Page