Woke Up One Morning... Part 36
The time that it took to remove the rubble that was covering Heero was... painfully slow. The fact that I had to stand back and watch only made it worse. But there were already enough people involved and one more would have only gotten in the way.
I fought off a choked sob when my husband's limp body was gingerly set and strapped onto a hand-grip stretcher and lifted from the hole dug out around him. With all of the dust and dirt on him, it's hard to tell if he really is as pale as he looks. Breaking free from Wufei's hand on my shoulder, I stumbled and crawled over the debris to get to his side.
"Heero?" I called desperately, barely able to keep from reaching to touch his face with so many eyes around.
Lying on his back, I could hear the labored, gurgled breathing going in and out of his nose. That sound is a clear sign of fluid in the lungs... blood. Jesus, he has blood in his lungs! And there is no response from him, not even a flicker of movement behind his closed eyes.
At least the medic that has been inspecting him had bandaged the left side of his face after he cleaned out the long gash there. I follow the team of agents, firemen, officers and paramedics that are carrying him to the doorway leading to the stairwell, keeping his face in sight the whole time as I struggle to keep my emotions in tact.
Those that are on the stairs clear the way as best they can so that the descent is easier on the crew carrying the stretcher. Those in the front call out how many steps there are before the turn to the next flight. All the while, I strain my ears to listen to that bubbled breathing from my lover.
When we reach the ground level and step out into the light, I continue to follow the crew until they put Heero into the back of one of the many opened ambulances waiting for survivors. Securing him onto the padded stretcher inside, the medics hook up an IV and check his vitals while calling their findings.
Just as I am about to jump into the ambulance to ride with them to the nearest hospital that is not already filled up, I look back at what is still standing of headquarters. Those cries for help from those still trapped inside haven't stopped.
I'm... absolutely torn on what I should do- stay and help or go to the hospital with my husband. The decision is made when I think of what I am sure Heero would rather I did... what I would want him to do if our roles were switched.
Quickly hopping into the ambulance, I brush a hand through his dusty bangs and press my forehead against his as the paramedics continue to work. "Hang in there, Heero," I beg in little more than a whisper. Finding a sternness in my voice, I tell him, "I'm not about to carry on without you, so you keep fighting."
Leaning in, I press a discrete kiss against his cheek and squeeze his hand before jumping back out of the ambulance, slamming the doors closed. As the siren blares and lights above flash, the vehicle revs and pulls out to make its way down the road. Biting my lip, I watch it drive off until it disappears around a corner.
When I turn, I find Wufei staring at me in wide-eyed disbelief. No doubt he fully expected me to be in that ambulance by Heero's side. Taking a deep breath, I nod firmly, "Let's go. We have others to get to."
Regaining that determination in his eyes, he nods back and follows me as I run for the back of the building.
* * * * * *
The last few hours have been... absolute Hell on Earth.
About the only relief came in having reinforcements sent to back Tony up after a call confirmed all is still well at Heather's parents' home.
Working from floor to floor where help is needed the most, I've recovered almost as many bodies of my fellow Preventers as I have pulled agents that managed to make it through the blast. I take the successful rescues as the motivation I need to press on as my brain just refuses to wrap around the images of the fallen that have been sealed up in body bags.
Never allowing myself much of a break other than occasionally stopping to stay hydrated, my fingers have nearly been worked to the bone along with everyone that has been searching and digging through the chaos all around.
One huge relief was the word that spread around earlier that Lady Une had made it through the hit along with Kathie and most of those executives on the top floor. We're also learned that even with her right arm in a sling, the Commander is busying herself in the rescue effort on the other half of the building.
Knowing her the way I do, that bit of news came as very little shock to me.
For me, I'm just getting through whatever I can do to help. The more preoccupied I am, the easier it is for me to forget about Heero being in a hospital... most likely in surgery fighting for his life right now.
The sun is beginning to fade in the distance as the heavens take on a rainbow of hues and the air is taking on more of a chill that my Preventer jacket does little to shield me from. Still, that damned song of sirens outside goes on. At least inside, the cries from those still alive have faded away now that they've been answered.
...But there really should have been a lot more to answer. So many more.
Every damned muscle in my body is sore and I'm splattered with dust and dirt from my efforts in digging and sawing away debris. But, I keep pressing on and I will until I can't move if I'm allowed.
Anything to keep from thinking... from letting all of this really set in.
When there is no longer any natural light coming into what is left standing of headquarters, flood lights are brought in and hooked up to make the continued search easier. It's at this time that the fatigue is really starting to take over.
Nearly collapsing on top of a small pile of ceiling tile and drywall, I reach for the new water bottle in my jacket pocket. Twisting the cap off, I raise it to my mouth with my hand shaking. I'm only now realizing how cut and bloody my hands are. Not really tasting the water or feeling how cold or warm it is, I only drink out of necessity.
I take a couple of gulps and rinse my dusty, cut up hands. That's when I notice that the band-aid that is starting to fall off around my ring. Quickly, I remove the band all together and slip it in the safety of my uniform pants pocket.
Replacing the cap on the water bottle, I stare out to the city from here on the seventh floor.
You know, with the stars coming out the way they are now, this would actually be a beautiful view if it was not for the fact that I should be staring through an office window and not a massive hole.
"Duo," a soft voice calls from behind me. Blinking in surprise when I recognize who that voice belongs to, I snap from my thoughts and look back to see Lady Une approaching slowly. Sure enough, the rumors were right. Her right arm is bent and draped across her torso in a sling.
Mentally drained and knowing that I'm no longer with it, I hold onto enough of my sanity that I keep back the sharp and poorly tasted laugh that almost comes out of me. Instead, I just swallow roughly as the Commander bends at her knees when she reaches my side so that our eyes are on the same level.
This close, I can see the small scratches that mar her face and the fine splotches of dust on her uniform and in her hair. Her brown eyes are rimmed in red as a sign that she's had... a very rough time with all of this today.
Instinct tells me to wrap my arms around her... but the part of me that knows I'll officially come undone if I do keeps me from reaching out.
A frown of worry on her face, she announces quietly, her tone heavy with emotion, "Duo, you have done enough. I'm taking you to Saint Michael's to check on Heero."
My mouth instantly opens to protest. Not because I don't want to check on Heero... dear God, not because of that. I just can't stand the thought of there being more than I can do here... more that can keep me from avoiding the worst- if the worst is what is waiting for me back at that hospital.
Raising her hand before I can get a word out, Une's frown deepens as she tells me softly, "There is a large, fresh team of rescue staff coming in to take over. You have done more than enough here." She places her good hand on my shoulder and urges, "It's time that you went to see your husband, son."
I can feel my whole body shake at that thought. God, what if I don't want to know... No! I have to know, even if the news that I go and find is not something I will be able to accept.
Knees shaking from overexertion, I get to my feet along with the Commander and follow her to the stairwell. It's nowhere near as crowded as it was earlier and the descent down to the ground seems to be a smooth one, though I don't really pay too much attention while I just go through the motions.
Following Une to her car in the parking lot across the street, I'm pleasantly surprised to find Wufei and Sally standing there waiting for us. Both as dusty as Une and myself, they acknowledge me with sad smiles as the braided doctor steps forward to give me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.
If that embrace lasted any longer, the rollercoaster of emotions I am on would have been spiraling out of control. Somehow, I think that Sal knows that and is giving me the space that I need. However, she does whisper by my ear, "I'm so glad you're okay, Duo," as she pulls back. I give her a tight smile that I hope she can see the appreciation behind.
There's just no way I can trust my voice right now.
Wufei takes the wheel with his wife in the passenger seat as Une and I climb in the back. The drive to the hospital is a quiet one. I stare out the window and do my best to not even think about what news may or may not be waiting for me.
As we pull into the crowded hospital lot, we make our way through entrance doors and I automatically go to the nurses' desk where several women in brightly-colored scrubs are rushing about.
One of them looks up in time to see me approach and pauses in recognizing my uniform. "How can I help you, dear?" she offers kindly, her older features smoothing over with a small smile of reassurance but I don't really study anything else of her appearance.
"I, uh..." my voice cracks and I clear my throat of the lump that caught there and try again. "I'm trying to get information on my partner, Heero Yuy. He was admitted here a several hours ago, not long after the attack."
Humming in thought, she turns to the computer and begins to type and mutters, "We have been identifying the injured by their badges and other information on them as they've been coming in. Hopefully he had something on him to... Ah! Found him."
My heart begins its hammering in my chest as her green eyes scan over the data on the screen. Taking a deep breath, she looks back up and tells me, "Unfortunately, I cannot tell you more than the fact that Mister Yuy is still in surgery. I can lead you to the waiting area near his operating room. I will contact the doctor to let him know where to find you."
Nodding, I breathe, "Thank you."
With Lady Une, Sally and Wufei right behind me, I follow our guide through the busy corridors as nurses and doctors alike walk about quickly. As my eyes stay on the back of the nurse leading the way, I only now really see that she is wearing lilac scrubs that blend well with her short, graying hair.
Looking over her shoulder, she smiles, "We are offering the staff showers and extra scrubs at the end of the hall to everyone that wishes to use them. I am sure that you will have plenty of time to clean up before the surgeon will be out. If you are going to be here for a while, you may as well be comfortable."
Something else to help distract me as I continue to wait. I quickly accept and thank her for the offer.
After showing us one of the empty waiting rooms, we're led to the doors at the end of the hall and advised by the nurse, "The mens' stalls are on the left, womens' on the right. Feel free to use whatever towels and scrubs there are available in there."
Her green eyes falling on the Commander, she smiles sadly and removes a small plastic bag from her pocket and shrugs, "This should be used to cover your short cast inside the sling." Lady Une gives her a warm grin of appreciation while taking up the bag.
From there, we step into the shower room and split up. On the way, Sally manages to slip me a small brush that she had in her purse. "You could use this more than I can," she comments with a light chuckle. Swallowing past another lump in my throat that formed at her generosity, I nod shallowly and take to my side around the white wall dividing the room in half.
A rack of fresh towels is sitting in the entrance of the mens' section along with a variety of folded scrubs. Not really caring about what color I end up getting, I just grab a set along with a couple of towels while Wufei follows suit behind me.
I step into the first, opened private stall, and close the door behind me. Moving on autopilot, I lower my items onto a short bench and start shedding my uniform and remove the tie at the end of my braid to free my hair.
As I step into the shower and seal the curtain, I find a new bar of soap along with a couple bottles of shampoo and conditioner on a rack hanging from the shower head.
God bless these people for being so damned accommodating at a time like this. I suppose since they have never seen anything like what they've been seen today, this was just one other way they felt like they could help.
Turning the water on, but not really taking it in, I grab the soap and start washing away the dust, blood and other reminders of the search that have stuck to my skin. By the time I finish cleaning up and begin shampooing my hair, I note that I actually am starting to feel a little more normal; finally.
With the help of the hair conditioner and Sally's brush, I work through the tangles in my hair and turn the water off. Opening the curtain and stepping out of the shower, I realize how hot the water must have been at now seeing how pink my skin is.
My eyes also take in the deep green scrubs that are waiting by the towels. I can't help but snicker at seeing them. Green.... Just like Heero's tank top from our war days. So, even my subconscious moved to take something that reminded me of him.
Re-braiding my wet hair, I dry myself off and slip back into my boxers before pulling the scrubs on. While a little loose, they're about the most comfortable things I've had on in some time. And the fact that I'm back in clean clothes is pulling my spirits back up quite a bit, even if my socks and sneakers that I'm pulling back on still have the smell of smoke on them.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door to the stall and grab the rest of my clothes to make my way to the waiting room. At not hearing any other water running on this end, or down the womens' end when I walk around the divider, I see that I had taken the longest in here.
And when I leave the shower room as a whole, I can hear voices in the waiting room besides those belonging to the people I arrived here with. Speaking quietly and worriedly with our friends, I recognize Quatre and Trowa's tones.
Oh, God... as much as I love the fact that they took the time to be here, this is all too much too soon. I still have absolutely no fucking clue how Heero is doing.
Carefully peering around the corner to peek into the room, I find them standing in the middle of the room in a ring with the others. All of their heads down and voices low, I manage to catch Wufei in a set of deep red scrubs commenting, "I don't think that it's really hit him yet. He's not letting it sink in." Biting his lip, Quatre looks over at Trowa with small tears in his blue eyes.
No. I can't deal with all of this. Not right now.
Forcing my lungs to relax to the point where I don't feel like I'm suddenly about to hyperventilate anymore, I move quickly away from the room, further down the hall. I need to get the hell out of this place. I need some fresh air to clear my head. Stopping to think about everything is only gong to break me.
A voice inside my head chides, 'Running again. It'll all just catch up with you at some point.'
Instantly, I come to a stop, my eyes wide. Solo's words from long ago. He had been right then and he's certainly right now... I can't run away from this forever. What's done is done and eventually, I will have to deal with it.
Frozen in the middle of the hall, my arms fall limp at my sides and I drop my uniform as the world around me finally begins to crumble a bit.
"Duo?" someone calls gently behind me... someone I hadn't noticed was even here until now.
Slowly turning to face her, there's no more fighting the tears that are filling my eyes when I see her concerned face and opening arms. "'Lena," I manage in a broken whisper as she quickly closes the distance to wrap me up in a tight embrace.
Kissing my cheek, she tells me quietly as her voice cracks, "Let it out, Duo." She rubs my back as I bury my head in her shoulder and give into the sobs wracking my body. "You're not alone," she repeats with a soft sigh.
Much as I hate breaking like this... it's actually easier than the running from it.
* * * * * *
Sitting in the waiting room with my family of friends all hovering close, I've been able to take in all of their sympathy and understanding to start healing a bit after everything that's happened. But nothing will really be able to make me feel better than knowing how Heero is doing.
A cup of hot tea is held out as I sit here, slouched forward in my seat. "Drink it," Trowa urges. Looking up, I flash him a tiny smile and accept the cup for a couple of sips that do little to completely warm me.
Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice in the doorway interrupts, "Excuse me?" The ring around me breaks up as my friends all turn to the doctor standing before us. Dressed in pale green scrubs with a matching cap and a white coat, the older man announces, "I have information on an Agent Heero Yuy."
Quickly lowering the cup in my hands, I all but spring from my seat and run to him with the others right behind. "Yes?" I nod anxiously. "I-I'm agent Yuy's assigned partner with the Preventers. How is he?"
Frowning, the doctor replies, "Oh, I am sorry, but I would first need to speak to Agent Yuy's direct family. Namely his spouse."
W-What? Did he just say-?
My answer comes in the form of the man holding out a shimmering gold band that was clutched in his hand. Oh, dear God. I had completely forgotten Heero's ring. "Mister Yuy was wearing this on his left ring finger," the doctor announces.
Several stunned gasps fill the air around me along with urgent whispers of shock. From the corner of my eye, I can see Lady Une in her dark purple scrubs as her eyes widen.
Then... very slowly, every single one of my friends turn their heads in my direction, wide-eyed and slack-jawed.
No more running. No more hiding.
Raising my hand, I take a deep breath and ignore my pounding heart. In a firm voice, I announce, "Actually, his name is Heero Yuy-Maxwell... and I would be his husband."
TBC...
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