[The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you grow
I knew much more then than I do now]
--- Lyrics to 'City of Blinding Lights' Performed by U2
Ray of Hope Part 5
The first two weeks were... challenging to say the least.
Since coming to the large cabin that now served as his home, Heero's days ranged from rough to ones that he wished he never got out of bed. As patient as his braided host had been with his condition, like everything else, it was starting to get under the sailor's skin.
For Heero, between silent treatments and his preference to be on his own, he was waiting for Duo to finally snap and scream at him. But that never happened. In fact, it seemed the more difficult the Japanese young man became towards the lighthouse keeper, the more tolerant and kind the American became.
It was becoming quite irksome to Heero.
Every day, it was the same routine; Duo would have breakfast cooking when Heero finished his morning shower. The braided host would take care of cleaning the glass in the lighthouse observation tower and the outer walls for the better part of the day before returning to start dinner. From there, he would return to the lighthouse before dark to stay there until first light the following morning.
There would always be the occasional day when the lighthouse would not need any cleaning and Duo would spend those days either reading a book in the living room by the fireplace or running other errands in town. Despite that break in the routine, life as a whole was beginning to drive the sailor slowly insane.
While he knew that he only had himself to blame for the usual silence between them, Heero desperately wanted to see something other than the usual peaceful, cheerful side of the lighthouse keeper.
If his own life had fallen apart, what right was it of anyone else to be able to continue their own without disruption? Every day that past, Heero's resentment began to swell and overcome him as he pondered the question to himself every day that Duo was able to go on with his life as though everything was fine.
Sighing deeply as he raised his good arm to run a hand through his wet hair, Heero stepped from the bathroom after his morning shower to greet another painfully habitual day. The smell of pancakes and bacon greeted him as he stepped downstairs.
"I had you in mind through all of this," Duo's voice reassured from the living room. "You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, right?" The voice of a woman that Heero could not make out replied. Unable to make the words, the young sailor quickly moved to stand just beyond the living room entrance to listen.
The lighthouse keeper's deep frown could be heard in his voice as he stated, "Your opinion means more to me than anything." The slight crack Duo's voice caused the sailor's eyes to widen.
Heero strained his ears to hear the young woman on the vidphone that was turned away from him reply, but he was too far to hear the exact words. However, whatever she was saying, it was in an encouraging tone. A small sniffle filled the air before Duo replied sincerely, "Thank you. I love you, too. I miss you."
Blinking his wide eyes, Heero pulled back from the doorway as the conversation ended. When he heard Duo close the laptop, the Japanese sailor stepped into the room with his indifferent expression as not to give away to his eavesdropping. When he found the lighthouse keeper, the young man had done an effective job of regaining his composure.
When their eyes met, Duo smile brightly, "Good morning, Heero. I have breakfast in the oven to keep it warm." His guest just nodded and followed him into the kitchen to take a seat at the small table there.
As he removed the large plate of food and took his own seat across from the sailor, the American grinned, "It's a beautiful day outside." Inwardly, Heero sighed deeply. Seemed every day was a beautiful one for the last two weeks. He just grunted in response.
Like every other morning, breakfast was eaten in silence. Desperate to break the same-old-same old routine, Heero chose to dig at his host. "I thought I heard the phone ring this morning," he began.
Raising his head, Duo finished chewing his food and nodded, "Just someone that I know checking in. It had been some time since I got the chance to hear from them."
"Another old flame?" Heero inquired. At the surprise in his host's widened violet eyes, he inwardly smirked at finally starting to get through his usual carefree demeanor. With a shrug, the sailor commented, "Sally had mentioned that the two of you used to date."
Duo reached for his glass of orange juice to calm his sudden couching spell. Swallowing roughly, he shook his braided head and replied, "No, Sally was the only person that I ever went out with, as short-lived as it was."
Quietly taking that in, Heero chewed at his own plate before asking, "Then what exactly happened between the two of you? Sally seems like a nice person. With the little I have to go on in regards to the two of you, I would have assumed that you'd be perfect for each other."
For a moment, several emotions flashed over lighthouse keeper's face. The first was almost pleasant surprise in what must have been on account of the sudden interest from his normally quiet guest. Then there was concern and almost panic as Duo bit his lip. Lowering his head, he finally answered with a deep frown, "Well, under normal circumstances, it would have worked out between us."
Normal circumstances. The surprising realization of it all helped Heero finally fit a piece of the puzzle that was Duo Maxwell. Finally, he had something that could stir some kind of reaction from the lighthouse keeper; he could give him some kind of pain at life as what he was enduring every day.
Lowering his form, Heero smirked, "So you're a queer."
The silverware in Duo's hands fell to clatter loudly on the floor as he looked up with wide violet eyes. His skin paling, he whispered, "W-what did you day?"
Heero folded his arms, enjoying this little game. Leaning forward, his cobalt eyes narrowed as he stated, "Under normal circumstances, if you were straight, then it would have worked out. So, based on what you just said, that would make you a queer."
A pain unlike any that the sailor had ever seen in another person filled those widened violet eyes at his words. Heero silently congratulated himself in finally being able to see his own rage and resentment at life in Duo for a change. He held his breath in anticipation of the stunned lighthouse keeper's reaction.
Slowly taking a deep breath, Duo bent down to collect his silverware. When he straightened, his face was unreadable, though there certainly was not any anger or hate there. "Life has a funny way of taking us all by surprise at times, Heero," he spoke in a quiet, calm voice. "The trick is not letting it get the best of you when it does." With those words, he took his half-eaten breakfast and rose from his seat.
Flabbergasted, Heero fell back in his seat with wide cobalt eyes. Watching the back of the braided young man as he set about clearing his plate to start the dishes, he wondered how Duo could remain so reserved ever following his personal attack. Even his harsh words were not enough to elicit a response.
Why didn't Duo yell at him? Why didn't he throw something at him? Why didn't he kick him out of the cabin to fend for himself? How in the hell had he won the upper-hand in the game? So many questions rang through Heero's mind as Duo continued to go about the task of cleaning the kitchen.
In the end, the answer to those questions was in Duo's words before he left the table. His heart sinking with guilt at what he had attempted, Heero swallowed roughly. The very person who had saved his life, who had opened his home to him had become the target of his own bitterness at life. When had he allowed life to get the best of him that he would go to the extent of hurting the last person that deserved it?
When he finally broke through his thoughts, Heero found himself alone in the kitchen. Running his good hand through his hair, he sighed deeply and rose from his seat. His appetite gone, he cleared his own plate and set to cleaning it.
Almost hesitantly, the Japanese sailor made his way into the living room. Sitting at his recliner beside the fireplace with another book in hand, Duo looked up and smiled warmly in greeting before returning his attention to his reading. Biting his lip, Heero sat at the sofa across from his host. With his head bowed, he said quietly, "Duo, I-" At the lump that had formed in his throat suddenly, he paused to clear it and lift his head before whispering sincerely, "I'm sorry for what I said back there."
With a deep sigh, Duo lowered the book into his lap and gave a small grin as he shrugged, "It's ok, Heero. I know that you're having a rough time right now."
Shaking his head, the stranger insisted, "That doesn't make it right for me to take that out on someone else, least of all you after everything that you've done for me. I'm tired of letting myself be a victim to circumstance, but..." Another small lump formed in his throat as he lowered his head again. Rubbing his hand over his cast, in little more than a breath, he admitted aloud, "I'm scared."
His smile fading, the braided lighthouse keeper nodded, "I know. I would be, too. Just remember that you don't have to go through this alone. You have me and Sally, and our friends whenever you're up to meeting them."
With a small, lopsided smile of relief at that, Heero nodded. Raising his head, he looked up to the large, covered mirror that was placed to hang over the fireplace. Underneath that large mirror remained the smaller outline of what must have been a picture frame that had been removed, a picture that he had yet to feel comfortable enough to inquire about.
Very slowly, Heero rose from his seat and approached the mirror. Biting his lip, Duo frowned nervously, "You want me to give you some time on your own?"
After considering, the sailor shook his head, unable to trust his voice as he reached up to take a handful of cloth. His eyes closed tight, he tugged the sheet away. With a deep, shuddered breath, Heero slowly opened his eyes to meet his reflection. Blinking at the cobalt eyes staring widely back at him, he reached up to touch the long scar that was healing at the side of his face. His eyes and hand moved to take in the unruly, dark hair that framed his finely etched face.
While seeing himself for the first time did nothing to return any memories, Heero found an overwhelming surge of relief in finally being able to put a face with himself since he woke after his accident. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there, staring at himself, but he was certain it had been a while.
Duo approached from behind with a wide smile as he commented, "Not that I'm hitting on you or anything, but you're not hard to look at." following the emotional rollercoaster that he had been through, the comment was enough to make Heero laugh loudly, his head falling back, his first laugh that he could remember ever having.
"So shall I set about taking down the other sheets from the mirrors around here?" the lighthouse keeper asked.
Finally turning away from his reflection, Heero gave a lopsided grin and nodded, "I'll help with that." Ready to move on in his recovery, he decided to take another large step. "I think I'm ready to meet your friends, too," he stated in a steady voice.
His violet eyes widening, Duo's smile grew widely as he replied, "I'll give them a call, then. Maybe we can have a little get together tonight." Running from the room to set to the task, his braid swung to-and-fro behind him. With a deep chuckle, Heero walked over to the large windows to peer out to the clear sky over the open sea beyond the cliffs.
It really was going to be a beautiful day, after all.
TBC...
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