[Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;
Heav'n's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me]
--- Lyrics to the hymn 'Abide With Me'
Ray of Hope Part 22
His violet eyes widening, Duo's mind reeled over the news that Sally passed on. Instantly, his throat turned dry and he struggled to swallow. A gentle hand rested on the small of his back in support and when he refocused on his surroundings, he did not realize until then that he had made a couple of paced back from the door.
"Duo," the voice belonging to the hand on his back spoke softly, the concern evident. Turning his head to meet the deep cobalt eyes that watched him worriedly, he noticed that Heero had paled in his own hearing of Sally's announcement.
Quickly shaking his head to clear his thoughts, the braided lighthouse keeper smiled warmly to his boyfriend and reassured him in a surprisingly confident voice, "I'm okay. Thank you." He looked back to his ex-girlfriend as she slowly stepped into the cabin, her eyes still reddened and puffy.
Stepping forward, Duo wrapped her tightly in his arms and whispered, "Thank you for coming to tell me in person, Sal." When he pulled back to look into her shocked and widened eyes, he grinned and nodded, "It's all right. Better this than him having to keep suffering the way he was, right?"
A glance to his right showed Noin, Zechs and Solo standing up with concerned and saddened looks as they stood ready to offer any support that they could give. Looking to everyone around him, Duo laughed, "Come on, everyone. We all knew that this was coming, so it's no real surprise."
Noin stepped forward as she swallowed hard to keep her own voice so steady. "Are you sure that you're okay, Duo? One of us could fill in with looking after the lighthouse tonight to give you some time if you like."
Waving his hand, Duo snorted, "Nah. I got it, mom. Thanks for the offer, though." He walked past the stunned crowd gathered and headed to the front door as he announced, "Better get up there soon, the sky's getting pretty red out there."
Quickly recovering from his surprise, Heero watched his partner open the door and called, "I'll be up there in a little bit." No matter how well the braided young man took the news of his father's death, he knew that he needed his space-even if it was only for a short while.
The violet eyes that turned back to meet his worried gaze flashed, only for a second, a glimpse of pain that the lighthouse keeper had been holding back. Masking what his slip revealed with a bright smile again, Duo nodded, "Sounds good." He turned and waved to the rest of the party gathered, "Have a good night, everyone. See you bright and early in the morning." And with a wink, he stepped out onto the porch closed the door after him.
For a long moment, Heero, Sally and Duo's family stood in silence as they stared at the closed door. Sighing deeply, Solo ran a hand through his blonde bangs and frowned deeply, "I didn't expect him to take it so well. I thought..."
"He's just looking for some kind of normalcy right now to cope," Noin stopped him as she shook her head.
Zechs stepped forward and nodded, "Your mother is right. Eventually, he'll be ready to talk and until then, we best not push him. And when he is ready to talk, we'll be here for him." Solo nodded firmly at that, the resolve to look after his brother overriding any other emotion in his blue eyes.
She turned and smiled brightly at the distraught doctor that she had come to know over the years. Resting a hand on her shoulder, the young mother offered, "Come on, Sally. You look like you could use some tea."
At that, Sally wiped the last of her tears away and grinned in relief, "Thank you, Noin. That sounds wonderful right now." Together, the two young women walked off towards the kitchen as they spoke quietly.
Taking a deep breath, the young sailor announced quietly, "I'm going to call Hilde, Trowa and the others to tell them about what happened. I'm sure that they'll want to know and given Sally's state right now, I'm sure that she's not looking forward to broaching the subject again with all of them."
Zechs sighed deeply and replied, "Good idea, Heero. The more support that Duo can get right now, the better. Solo and I will be on standby here in case he changes his mind about staying up at the lighthouse all night." All too happy to be there for his brother, Solo nodded fervently beside the tall man.
With a small smile, Heero nodded, "Thanks." Satisfied with their plans, the stepfather and stepson-to-be walked off together towards the kitchen to give him some space in calling upon his friends.
As Solo walked past, he patted the young sailor's shoulder. When their eyes met, he said quietly, "Take good care of him. He can be pretty tough and stubborn, but I know that little brother of mine pretty well. He's having a harder time with this than he's letting on."
Nodding firmly, Heero gave a firm and solemn nod as he vowed quietly, "I will." His words seemed to serve their purpose of reassurance to the blonde young man as he visibly relaxed and gave a small smile of appreciation before following after Zechs.
Dry washing his face with his hands, the Japanese teenager moved to the living room and sat at the couch before the vidphone. Sighing deeply as he opened the small screen, he prepared for his volunteered task. As he dialed the first number, he silently hoped to finish as soon as possible so that he could check up on Duo.
* * * * * *
It was already dark by the time Heero climbed to the lighthouse observation room. Looking through the window panes, he found his partner outside. The long braid behind him swayed back and forth on the strong breeze as he gazed up to the stars. Despite the chill of the night, Duo stood in a light, red T-shirt and blue jeans that would have done little to protect him from the coolness attributed by their altitude.
With a deep frown, the young sailor removed one of the brown blankets from the bed that they had shared for several weeks. Clutching it in his hand, Heero stepped out onto the gallery. At the sound of him opening the glass door, Duo pushed himself up from the railing to straighten as he turned to meet his boyfriend's concerned cobalt eyes.
Silently, Heero opened the blanket and gently rested it over the American's shoulders. His hands closing the warm wool around his frame, Duo trembled slightly in recognition of how cold he actually was. He had been so numb the last couple of hours that he never took notice until then. "Thanks," he managed quietly with a small smile.
"You looked like you could use it," the sailor replied simply with a lopsided smile. "I called Quatre and the others. They all send their best and will be here first thing tomorrow to check up on you since they knew you were working up here tonight."
The relief was evident as Duo nodded, "Thanks for getting a hold of them." Another chill ran through him, but just as before, it was not because of the breeze. Without even thinking, he pulled the blanket all the tighter around him.
Gently brushing back the long bangs to reveal his brilliant violet eyes, Heero asked quietly, "You okay?"
For a moment, the braided young man hesitated to answer, his smile fading. He turned to look out to the vast ocean as the wide beams of light continued spinning over them. Swallowing hard, he did not look back but nodded, "I think so."
A chuckle of amusement rumbled in Duo's chest as he shook his head, "I mean, I've been preparing for this for a long time. It's not like I can really have expected there to be word of some miracle that the cancer stopped spreading. As much as that bastard smoked for as long as I knew him, there wasn't any chance of that."
Heero nodded, remaining silent as he patiently allowed his partner to get out what he was feeling. There was another long pause before Duo, still looking out to the sea, whispered, "And to think that there was some damned part of me that kept hoping that his knowing he didn't have much time left would have made him change."
In the distance, a large white ship turned towards its port safely with the aid of the lighthouse and slowly drifted in. As he watched the vessel, Duo spoke softly, "Every day, I kept waiting for that call out of the blue that he forgave me and wanted me back in his life." His last words broke off as his voice cracked with emotion that he had been holding back.
Slowly turning back to meet his boyfriend's gaze as he wiped at his own eyes, the braided young man laughed, "I feel so selfish for that. After all that Heero and Noin did for me over the years, I still hoped that my actual father would care enough to check in on me. Maybe I was just expecting too much."
Unable to stay quiet any longer, Heero's hand gripped the cold railing and he stepped forward until they were almost touching. Paying no mind to the wind as it tussled with his hair, he insisted quietly, "That's not being selfish. Yes, what Heero and Noin did for you was wonderful, but it still doesn't take away the fact that Septum was your actual father. It's understandable that you would want him to take some interest in your wellbeing."
With a sharp, bitter laugh, the lighthouse keeper gave a smile that did not reach his eyes. "A lot of good that did me, considering the message that he sent by not trying to reach me when he knew that the end was close." Quickly turning on his heels with narrowed eyes and clenched fists, he screamed out to the heavens and the ocean, "Well, you can rot in Hell for all I care, too, you bastard!"
Biting his suddenly trembling lip, Duo held onto the railing for support as his legs shook beneath him. Even as he spoke the words, he knew that he could never mean them. Septum was still his father, for better or worse. As enraged as he wanted to be, in the end, he knew that he couldn't stand by it. When he looked back up at the sailor, it was evident even in Heero's worried eyes that he knew the same.
Slowly steadying himself on trembling legs, there were large tears in the braided teenager's eyes as he whimpered and whispered brokenly, "Why didn't he love me, Heero?"
His cobalt eyes widening with a sharp gasp at the desperate question, Heero thought that his heart was going to shatter. "Oh, Duo," he breathed as he closed the small distance between them to pull him into a tight embrace.
The damn holding back Duo's grief fell away as he clung onto the young sailor, sobbing into his shoulder. When it seemed that the young man in his arms was calming after a long moment, the Japanese youth kissed the top of his braided head. "For what it's worth," he said quietly against his hair, "I love you, Duo."
Gasping sharply, the lighthouse keeper pulled back to gaze at him with wide eyes. It had been the first time either of them had the courage to say those words. His face soaked in tears, Duo smiled warmly and breathed, "I love you, too." Slowly, they leaned to share a chaste kiss that sealed their declaration.
When their lips separated, Duo sighed deeply and rested his head on his partner's shoulder. "Could you hold me a while longer?" he asked softly.
Heero rested his chin atop his braided head as he tightened his arms around the young man in his arms. "I'll hold you as long as you let me," he promised in little more than a whisper. At that, Duo tightened his own hold as his eyes drifted closed with a few stray tears rolling down his face.
They stayed in silence for a time, just listening to the rolling waves beneath them and the soft whistle of the breeze.
TBC...
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