[You gave me a breath of life
Unclouded my eyes
With a sweet serenity
Lighting a ray of hope for me...
And now I am free]
--- Lyrics to 'I Am Free' by Mariah Carey
Ray of Hope Part 16
Heero blinked his wide eyes and repeated quietly, "Your father is dying?" The braided lighthouse keeper remained at a distance while he rubbed his arms as if he was fending off a chill and looked away. Shaking his head, he frowned deeply, "But... you told me that your father died two years ago."
With a deep sigh, Duo's violet eyes closed as he said in little more than a whisper, "Heero Yuy was not my biological father." At that, Heero's cobalt eyes widened anew. Still unable to meet the young sailor's gaze, the American stared out to the quickly darkening sky over the ocean and continued quietly, "Look, it's a really long and depressing story and you shouldn't have to be bothered with it. You have enough to deal with."
Quickly turning on his heels, Duo made his way outside for some air as he reached up to wipe at his eyes. Before stepping past the glass windows, he offered, "I'm well enough now that I can look after the lighthouse on my own tonight." Closing the glass doors behind him, he stepped out onto the gallery.
For a moment, as he stood there alone, Heero actually contemplated giving Duo his space. He had invaded something that the lighthouse keeper obviously wanted to keep to himself. But that look of distress that was on Duo's face was enough for him to make his intentions known. He meant to be there whenever the braided young man needed someone-just as the American had been there for him whenever needed.
With the resolve affixed in his eyes, he made sure steps to the glass windows and stepped out into the warm, early evening air. The last rays of sunlight fanned out over the calm sea as he walked around the walkway towards his friend.
Duo stood with both hands on the green railing before him, looking out to the ocean as his braid gentle drifted on the breeze. The evident slump in his shoulders spoke of the weight that he had been carrying for years that was now threatening to crush him.
Closing the distance between them, Heero gently took hold of his best friend's chin to raise his head until their eyes met. At the small tears filling in those violet gems looking up at him, he smiled sadly, "Maybe I like worrying about you." His smile growing a bit, he shrugged, "And I would hope that by now, out of anyone, you would know that you could talk to me about anything."
Gently brushing back his boyfriend's long, chestnut bangs as he watched him with wide violet eyes, the sailor frowned and pleaded softly, "Please let me in."
With a small whimper, the braided young man whispered, "It's so hard for me to do that right now, Heero. Talking about it means having to admit that something's wrong I don't think that I'm ready to deal with it yet."
"You never had anyone who cared about you as much as I do, either," Heero commented with a small smile. "Whatever this thing is that you're dealing with, you don't have to deal with it alone anymore." After a long pause, Duo finally took a deep breath and nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment.
The wide beam would occasional pass over the pair as they stood out on the gallery. With the cool breeze calming him a bit, the lighthouse keeper gazed back out to the rolling waves and stated, "When I was a kid, all that I wanted to do was make my father proud.
"When my mother passed on when I was little, he was all that I had for family. For a long time, we really leaned on each other and took care of one another. During that time, being his only son, it seemed impossible for me to do anything wrong in his eyes."
Keeping his own back to the occasional passing of the lantern beam, Heero watched him silently as he spoke. Slowly, he reached over to place a hand over Duo's that continued to grip the railing. At his gentle squeeze of reassurance, the lighthouse keeper kept his unfocused eyes on the ocean as he lost himself to his memories.
"Then high school rolled around and I began to notice my attraction to other boys. It was about the same time I heard my fath-" he shook his head and corrected, "Septum making crude jokes about gay people."
Frowning deeply in concern, Heero swallowed hard as he watched his best friend shudder before he was able to continue, "So, I panicked and hoped that maybe I was just going through some normal stage that everyone went through and it would pass."
A small, bitter laugh bubbled from the lighthouse keeper as he commented, "Well, you know how that went." His smile faded as he swallowed hard. With another gentle squeeze of his hand, the sailor bit his lip and waited.
With a deep, shaky breath, Duo's voice returned so soft that Heero almost had to strain to hear it over the light breeze and roar of the waves below. "Finally, I couldn't deal with keeping the truth from Septum and decided to sit him down and tell him that I was gay. I thought that he would understand."
His back stiffening, the American's violet eyes filled with tears as he looked back at his father's enraged face as he had that fateful day. "He said that I was dead to him," he managed finally. "He said that he wanted nothing to do with me, that nothing good would ever come out of me and that he would never be responsible for bringing a queer into the world."
At the mention of the harsh name, Heero was instantly reminded of the morning that he called Duo the same thing, to make him mad and to know the hurt that he was dealing with when it came to his memory loss. To think of the pain that he brought on by making the lighthouse keeper face that time again made his stomach almost retch as his skin paled. "Gods, Duo," was all he could whisper brokenly as he squeezed his hand again.
"You didn't know," his braided friend reassured him, as if reading his thoughts. He turned and met his gaze with focused eyes. There was also clear gratitude in Duo's _expression, silently thanking him for bringing him back from that dreadful time in his life.
With a deep sigh, the American looked into the lantern room for a quick inspection of the flame as he shrugged, "So, with my ties cut from him, I went off to live on my own, but word on a small island like this travels pretty quickly.
"I wasn't even living off the streets for a week before I first met Heero Yuy. His wife, Noin, was one of my high school teachers and she had been looking for me. They offered me to stay with them and their son, Solo, who was only a couple months older than myself. No one else had the room or resources to help me at the time and as hungry as I was at the time, I wasn't in any position to turn the offer down."
A small smile tugged at Duo's lips as he turned back to meet the sailor's cobalt gaze once more, "I actually got to experience what being part of a real family was like. Over the years, Heero and Noin really treated me like one of their own. Solo was the brother that I never had, always being there when I needed him and offering any kind of help or advice that he could."
Looking back to the small cabin off on the hill behind the lighthouse, the braided young man grinned, "This place really was home for me. I even had my name legally changed to have my birth mother's maiden name and my first name to Duo. I considered Heero my real dad, since anyone can become a father. It takes more work to actually be a dad to someone."
With a small smile of his own, Heero nodded, "Agreed." His smile fading, he cleared his throat and asked softly, "Then he got sick."
Duo swallowed hard again and nodded with a whispered, "Yea." Rubbing his arms, he turned back to the ocean and went on, "Noin and Solo were devastated when he died, not that I was much better off. But I had promised him to take care of this place in his absence. Being here was just too hard on Noin and Solo, so they went off to Colony L1 to start new lives there."
His cobalt eyes widening in realization, the sailor thought aloud, "Noin is the one who has been calling almost every morning. She's the one who's voice I've heard you talking to, telling her not to worry."
Gently smacking his boyfriend in the arm lightly, Duo smirked, "Yea, you little snoop. And if you had come forward and just asked me about that and what you picked up from our friends, you wouldn't have been worrying half-to-death over me."
At the thought of how the timing of everything could have been easily misinterpreted into making Heero think that he was dying, the lighthouse keeper could not help but chuckle deeply as he shook his head. That chuckle grew into a full-bellied laugh.
Slightly blushing, the sailor mock glared, "It's not funny." He wasn't able to keep up with his pout for long, as he found himself crumbling into laughter along with his boyfriend over the whole situation.
Wiping at his eyes, Duo finally calmed himself and reassured his boyfriend, "Don't worry, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. All I had was a simple flu, which you know is pretty much gone now."
His smile growing in relief, Heero pulled the lighthouse keeper into a kiss before sighing deeply against his lips, "Good. You have no idea how worried I was about you these last weeks." Duo just grinned and wrapped his arms tightly around the Japanese youth's neck for a tight embrace for his own reassurance that the sailor was not going anywhere. Never before had anyone gone to such lengths to looked after him, a recluse.
Once he pulled away, the braided lighthouse keeper sighed deeply, "Anyway, almost a year ago, Sally told me that she had treated Septum and found that he had developed lung cancer from his years of smoking. Lately, his body has not been responding to the chemotherapy that she has been overlooking. Last she updated me, he doesn't have long to go."
"I'm sorry," Heero frowned deeply, rubbing his boyfriend's shoulder. "Do you think that you'll try to go and see him?"
Quickly shaking his head, Duo glared back out to the ocean and replied, "Even if I wanted to, he wouldn't allow it. Sally had asked him if he wanted me to be reached to arrange a visit. He told her that he did not have a son. To be honest, I wouldn't have a lot of nice things to say to the bastard, anyway."
Despite the understandable anger that he could feel radiating from the lighthouse keeper, Heero could also tell that there was still a sense of loss. Instead of voicing his concern and regret for his boyfriend's situation, he just pulled him against his chest for another tight embrace. Duo instantly responded, burying his head in the sailor's shoulder as he closed his eyes and held on just as fiercely.
Kissing the top of his friend's braided head, Heero asked quietly, "If you want, I'll leave you be tonight. Otherwise, I'd like to stay the night again."
As he rested the side of his face against a firm shoulder, Duo begged just as softly, "Please stay... I'm tired of being alone."
His smile returning, the sailor nodded, "Done." The tightening of the arms around his waist expressed his partner's gratitude in ways that his words would never have been able to. With another kiss to his boyfriend's head, he asked, "So what was your first name, anyway?"
With a deep, rumbling chuckle, the lighthouse keeper answered, "Edson."
Unable to help himself, Heero made a face at the plain name that did not do justice for the young man in his arms. "Thank God you changed it," he chuckled deeply. At that, Duo just laughed with his head falling back at the much-needed break in the mood.
Off in the distance, the white-tipped sails of a ship rolling in made its way towards the rock shore. Guided by the bright beams of the lighthouse, it began its last lengths safely home.
TBC...
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