Author: SkyLark
Pairings: future 1+2+1
Warnings: Minor angst, sap, romance
Rating: PG-13
Betaed By: ShenLong Deb
Archives: Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or its characters. I just love playing with them.
Across the Frozen Pond
December 21st.
The day before I carry out a mission that I have been hatching for half a decade.
On December 22nd, it has been the same story since the wars... Snow is falling, Christmas decorations are hung, carols are playing regularly on the radio and my best friend has vanished from the face of the planet. That leaves me to stare at Heero's empty deck across from mine in our shared Preventer office. Every year the vacation calendar rolls around, I get an unusually pleasing look from his cobalt eyes and I know what he is requesting without having to ask.
Smiling, I gladly allow my partner the same block of days leading up to Christmas morning off that he has taken religiously since the wars. And he is always back Earth-side en spend the better half of the holiday at Winner's estate to enjoy our holiday feast and get together.
Where he goes and what he does have remained a mystery to me five whole years since the last time we ever saw the inside of our Gundam suits. Oh, I have more than tried to figure out what is so important to someone like Yuy. And every attempt thus far has failed. I realize that I've never just come out and asked him but I fear that he'll clam up and revert back to his old ways of closing me out after all of the progress he's made over the course of our time together.
Besides, this year will be different since Lady Une has changed the leave rules to give paired up Preventers the same time off. Heero had his name down on the calendar before he had a chance to see that I'd etched my name in there next to his shortly before the allotted agents' requests filled up. This year, I am free to follow his footsteps and find out first-hand what it is that preoccupies him every holiday season.
For now, though, December 21st will begin like the others before it as far as my best friend is concerned. At 7:45am on the button, he steps into our office like clockwork with a steaming, plastic cup in each hand. Before he bothers brushing off the snow that has not melted yet from his coat and hair, he hands over my beverage as he announced dryly, "Hot chocolate with cr¨¨me de menthe, as you always order the week of Christmas."
Beaming as I accept the offering, I reply, "Thanks, 'Ro. I'll cover your coffee at lunch." Nodding politely, Yuy shakes loose a few flakes from his thick mop and heads for the coat rack beside the door, while I take in the view of his backside when I can sneak the lingering glimpse in.
Damn. I really am hopeless.
For as long as I've known Heero, I've slowly but surely fallen for him. At first, I passed my affections off as raging hormones that were only amplified by the fact that our adrenaline was constantly pumping while we just tried to stay alive. But when he appeared on my doorstep after a few months of being off on his own after the Mariemaia incident, there was no denying how badly I wanted him... and not only in the bedroom.
It had taken our moving into a duplex together and *a lot* of work since then, but he really has come a long way from being the 'Perfect Soldier' that never let onto his emotions. He actually laughs now, cries on occasion when I'm around as someone to lean on, too. And I couldn't be more proud of him for taking the steps in realizing just how human he is... only adding to how bad I've got it for him.
One of these days, maybe I'll work up the nerve.
Maybe.
At the moment, I give him time to settle into his routine of changing his snow boots to his dressier business shoes, booting his computer and having a few swigs from his cup of Joe before I smirk, "So, all set for whatever your vacation plans are tomorrow?" Feeling a little bolder, I tease, "Any special plans mapped out for your hot Christmas date that you keep hiding from me?"
There is an abrupt pause in the fluid click of typing that had filled Heero's half of the room when his fingers come to a standstill over the keys. And for just a moment, I could swear that there's almost panic in his cobalt eyes before he quickly banished the expression to face me.
"No point in making them wait any longer than they do when I am not around," my partner smirks back. Even though he appeared to be amused enough at his remark, I can't help the twist in my gut that comes on over my dreading that I may have hit pretty close to the mark.
Heero Yuy in love with someone... and he had yet to have made any mention of them to me, his so-called best friend? My own emotions threaded to spiral down that path, but I pull them back to the present reality of still not truly knowing what is going on. But just in case my fears might be right, I drop the subject for the rest of the day.
Yea. So much for the direct approach. I'll get the answers my own way.
* * * * * *
I don't get nearly as much credit in computer hacking as Heero gets, and with good reason. But for my purposes in finding out my housemate's shuttle ticket purchases and receipts to the hotel that he'll be staying at for the next three days, I more than know my way around a couple firewalls and passwords. Silently impressed and nervous over the measures that he had taken to secure the information of his trip, there is a much more defined feeling of guilt that gets added to the mix.
But in the end, curiosity has brought me this far. Might as well see it to the end, find out more about this mystery girl and put an end to any hopes that I've had that maybe there might be the start of something more than friendship between me and Yuy. He clearly hasn't picked up on my hints after all this time and even though I could have sworn there may have been a window, I slowly but surely resign myself to seeing something I really do not want to see.
What a wonderful fucking Christmas that'll make for this year.
I book my own flight to England to leave stateside after Heero's as to not risk crossing paths with him too soon. Securing our duplex and seeing that the timer for the outdoor lights is set for the next few evenings, I take up my luggage well after his taxi has left. By now, he's already airborne and I'll be following in a couple of hours.
My long flight gives me plenty of time to second-guess my actions and to become all the more paranoid over who or what my best friend has kept from me all this time. Just when I was so sure that we had shared everything there was for us to share with each other from our pasts to the present, this really does feel like such a slap in the face to have to sink to such measures in knowing what it is that makes Yuy's eyes melt when that vacation calendar comes around.
The more and more I think over it, the more I am convinced that there really is someone else is his life... someone of real significance to him that I'll never measure up to. And that realization only makes me want to rip out the speakers in the shuttle that are lightly playing Christmas music.
Feliz fucking navidad.
Just the thing to set the mood right on my hop across the frozen pond.
* * * * * *
The chill factor difference between Maryland, USA and London, England is not a great one. The temperatures are still low enough to bring on snow and everyone outside is bundled up well for their walks to the busy stores and market places. I will say that seeing the arrangements of decorations and lights here is putting me in a better mood than I had been since I woke this morning. Must just be the change of scenery and people who are especially in cheery moods thanks to the season.
Booking a room in the same hotel where Heero is staying, I make sure that I am a couple doors down from his so I can keep tabs on him easily. At no surprise to me, he is nowhere to be found and there is no light coming from behind his closed space. Already off with whoever *she* is.
Rather than sulk until his return, I head out and enjoy what I can of the day and early evening there is left. The atmosphere is just as infectious as it was when I arrived, bringing my spirits up that much more.
Partaking in a few of the local festivities, I even get my last-minute Christmas shopping done. Even though he's not Catholic, the fact that Quatre opens one of his beautiful homes to the lot of us to have a holiday dinner only makes it more than fitting to include him on the list every year. As he had told me one, "Prayers all go to the same place, anyway." On that note, I find a beautiful, ornate prayer rug for him and that takes care of my list for this year.
To my surprise, the hour grows late before I even realize it. When I return to the hotel, I note a soft glow of light from under Heero's door. Faint voices from the television playing inside along with the steady click of keys from a laptop bring a smile to my face. No question about who is in that room. Unable to help myself, there is a sense of relief knowing that he made it back safely even though I know he is more than capable of taking care of himself.
Going to bed early for an early rise, I am bound and determined to catch what my partner is up to before he returns stateside in the next couple of days.
* * * * * *
I hardly taste my breakfast in the lobby as my thoughts begin to run on me again. What would I do if Yuy were to catch me here before I'm ready? How would he react to finding out I've been trailing him this whole time? My stomach churns over my growing anxiety, so I quiet it with a long swig from my hot chocolate.
At the unexpected sight of my best friend stepping through the entrance of the small cafeteria, I nearly choke on the next gulp and quickly make myself disappear behind one of the support beams. With the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips, Heero finishes wrapping his red scarf around his neck as he makes a pleasant exchange with the old woman behind the counter. "Off shopping this mornin', lad?" the sweet lady asks while she prepares to ring up his order.
"Yes," my partner replies kindly. "Actually, I was hoping you might be able to offer me some advice for certain gift that I'm stuck on." Like the cashier, my interest is piqued, but he leans over the divider between them to whisper something by her ear. Her head of thick, short curls bobs as our hostess beams. Quickly straightening herself, she winks and raises a finger. Taking up a pen and paper, she writes and hands the slip over.
Heero reads over the note as the woman says, "That is where you need te go. Fifth store on the right in the square if you head straight from here. Anyone there will be able te help you." Smiling a rare, full smile to her, my best friend offers his thanks and orders his meal to go.
As fast and as quietly as I can, I discard the last couple bites of my own breakfast and slip out a few feet behind Yuy when he steps away. Securing my coat closed against the light breeze that carries the drifting flurries that are falling around, I become another member of the crowds walking the sidewalks. Wrong as this spying is, I can't pull myself away now. To have any glimpse into the mysterious life of my partner has already captivated me.
Steps measured and sure as he makes a quick job in finishing his breakfast sandwich and small coffee, Heero tosses the trash away in a nearby can and turns into the market square. Once on that half of the street, I have to pick up my pace to be able to keep my sights on him. Then, the fifth shop on the right came into view. And my heart seizes at the same time that I come to an abrupt stop. Eyes wide, I stare up in disbelief at the hanging sign that reads in plain, gold letters, 'Dumbar's Fine Jewelry'.
By the time I gather my senses enough to move forward again, my partner is already inside. Through the cold-misted windows, I see him being helped by a smiling young woman. Biting my lip, I slip inside when a handful of passersby move in. Hiding behind them, I stop at a tall display case from where I can hear the clerk giggle, "Oh, she must be someone very special to be receiving this. No doubt she will cherish this forever."
My heart clenches at the terrible proof that my worst fears have been realized. Against my better judgment, I peer from around the case to watch as the lovely redhead secured a velvet box of deep red closed before I had a chance to see what was inside. Carefully wrapping the gift in gold paper and securing a bow of holly around it, the clerk grins widely as she hands the box over. I hardly pay mind to how Heero thanks her in his native tongue when I all but run from the shop.
Back out in the cold, the sting of tears in my eyes is every bit as sharp as the wind that had picked up to prickle my face. Sniffling, I wipe roughly at the shimmer that fills my vision and make a hasty break away to return to the hotel. First chance I get, I'm moving my flight to leave this damned place and head back home. I've found out what I wanted to find out.
She is very special... and damned lucky to have Heero in her life the way she does.
The most fucking wonderful time of the year my as-
"Duo," Heero's voice calls from behind me, breaking through my train of thought and I freeze. back rigid, I hesitantly turn my head around to find calm cobalt watching me.
Gloved hands tucked in the pockets of his long coat, he actually smirks. "Come on," he tell me when he walks past me quietly, purposely brushing our shoulders together when he begins to step ahead. Shell-shocked for a moment, I stammer non-coherent sounds and finally get my senses together enough to jog in catching up with him.
* * * * * *
There was no anger, no demanding an explanation, nothing at all that gave me the feeling that Yuy was upset with me. Still, I kept my head ducked and my mouth shut the whole walk back to the hotel cafeteria. Hot drinks were delivered to our round table not long after we took our seats across from each other.
Drawing a deep breath, Heero reached for his glass mug as he commented softly, "I'm surprised it took this long for your curiosity to bring you here after me. I was convinced that you would have tailed me after the first year that I disappeared for a while this time of year."
Again, no frustration or accusing... even though he was more than entitled to be furious with me for imposing on his personal life the way I had. To be honest, I don't know what's more irritating to me, his secret that he's kept or the fact that he isn't reacting how I think he should be right now.
Maybe a little harsher than I'd indented, I snort, "Yea, well if you had just been a little more trusting towards me, I wouldn't have had to resort to this at all! Damn it, 'Ro, I thought that I was your best friend and you've kept whoever that box is for from me since we bled and almost died together in that damned war!"
Jeez, I hated myself for even saying that as it came out. How pathetic am I?
To my absolute amazement, that small smile that Heero reserves specifically for me curls the corners of his lips and I feel my heart skip a beat. "You're right," he tells me softly, an audible sadness in his timbre. "That's why I understand your being here. Of all the people I've come to be close to, I should have been upfront with you about this... I just... didn't know how I felt about all of this. I needed to get my head around it first." Then he levels me with as serious a look as I have ever seen on his face before he vows, "I swear that I never intended to keep you out. After all, I have been hoping that you would have a part in the decisions that I am making around this."
In the moment of silence that followed, there are a couple of things processing in my mind. One, that is one of the longest stretches that my partner had ever spoken as a continuous thought. But mostly, the fact that somehow I am involved in whatever he has been up to has me even more confused than when I set out on this little mission of mine.
"Who is she?" I hear myself ask, in a surprisingly steady voice.
Bowing his head, Yuy answers, "Her name is Mary." That name is more than startling to me, considering its connection to the golden retriever puppy linked to a certain little girl who continues to occasionally haunt him. Drawing a deep breath and clearing his throat, my best friend shifts in his chair in the first act of discomfort that he has shown since we crossed paths. "Rather than go on about her now, I would rather take you to meet her first."
So... the object of my affections wanted me to meet the one that had stolen his. Everything about the meeting screamed as being a bad idea.
But then, I could never deny Heero anything... even at the expense of my own happiness. I give a 'yes' without another second's hesitation.
* * * * * *
Less than an hour later, Heero is pulling his rented car into the parking lot of a tall building I never would have expected to be our destination. Blinking widely at the sign across the arch of the entrance, I mutter, "The Saint Jude Orphanage." I frown as I meet my partner's gaze and ask, "Here?" Nodding, he gives me a hummed affirmative and opens his door to step outside.
Still too taken aback, I only notice I haven't moved from staring at the dark-brick building fashioned to look like a chapel when Yuy steps around the front of the car to open my door and offer his free hand to me. I stare up into his cobalt eyes and find that same look of almost panic in them and take his hand before he allows any doubt to set. Unbuckling and heading out as the door is closed behind me, there is a profound relief that washes over me when he makes no move to separate from me. With a reassuring smile to him when he searches my face, I nod firmly in a wordless urge to get him to move.
Growing more steady with every step he takes towards the orphanage, Heero stares at the sidewalk as he explains softly, "I was off on that mission J had sent me on Christmas Eve during the war when I found her."
He shook his head amidst the light fall of snow that had resumed, "I had just set Wing down in the forest on the outskirts Hampshire not far from the base that I'd just destroyed to check for any damage when I heard her crying. If I hadn't been there at that life-sized nativity set that she had been abandoned in..." Again, he shakes his head when his voice hitches against the lump that he clears away. With a deep breath, he goes on, "London was the biggest city that I knew would have an orphanage to take her in. So, I gave her the name Mary since it... seemed right. And I left, originally intending to never see her again."
"Oh my God," I breathe, numb from head-to-toe as what my partner is telling me sinks in. "But you've come every Christmas to check on her." A small smile brightens Yuy's face as he finally looks back up to meet my gaze. A rush of air escapes my lungs as if someone socked me in the gut. "Jesus, I've been such an ass," is the only thing that I can form out of my mouth, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment over how absolutely stupid I've been.
Laughing his first real laugh since we reunited, Heero smirks, "Well, yes, but I am partially to blame for that." He squeezes my hand and I damn near melt at the sensation it brings on as he shares, "This was the most personal thing about me... something that I needed to figure out where I stood since I never had an urge to look after a child before. Because of how I had brought her in, I've been granted the chance to have as much time with Mary as possible."
He added sheepishly, "I had expressed my interest in possibly taking her in permanently to have as many of those opportunities as her caregivers were willing to offer me. Spending part of Christmas, part of my summers and keeping in contact with Mary only solidified my attachment to her."
I nod, "I get that you needed to sort this on your own before you could talk to me." And I really do get it. This was an area that I did not have experience in for myself to be of any help to him. "Have you made any long-term choices as far as what might happen from here? It's pretty obvious you would have a hard time if Mary was adopted and you lost your connection with her."
The flash of pain at the very thought of such a thing happening is clear in my best friend's eyes. Taking a deep breath, he replies, "That is where you and I need to talk...later." It would have to be later as we step through the double front doors. Reluctantly, we separate oue hands to brush off the snow from our hair and shoulders in the foyer while I take in the surrounds.
Old as the building is, the modern furnishings makes the stone interior warm thanks to the rich reds and golds that primarily accent the first floor. Behind an ornate, wooden desk, the blonde receptionist smiles in recognition to Heero and reaches for her phone. Placing the receiver to her ear after hitting a speed dial button, she greets the person on the other line with a polite, "Yes, please let Mary know that Mister Yuy is here to see her."
Like a true gentleman, the former 'Perfect Soldier' helps me shed my coat before removing his own to hang them on the coat rack. Then, taking my hand again, he gently leads me deeper inside and introduces me to the lovely young woman that I now know as Patricia. No sooner does our handshake end when an excited little voice cheers, "Mista Heewo!"
From the corner of my eye, I spot the flash of brown and lilac that materializes into a five-year-old girl hardly taller than my partner's knee when she throws her arms around his leg. Long, thick curls of dark chocolate nearly cover the purple sweater that she wears as a cherub face with apple cheeks smiles lovingly up at her rescuer. Deep blue eyes radiate with excitement as she exclaims, "You came back!"
"Of course I did," Heero chuckles deeply as he bends at the waist and scoops her up in his arms as if it was the most natural thing in their world for him to carry a youngster. Unable to contain his happiness, he grins brightly at the little one when her attention centers on me. "Mary, I've told you about my best friend lots of times before." Without taking those big, deep blues off of me, she nods at the same time that my heart races a bit in hearing how my partner actually talked about me in such a way.
His own smile growing as he looks to me, Yuy introduces, "Well, this is Duo Maxwell." Gasping, the child watches me with newfound excitement. "Duo," my best friend begins with a gesture to his little charge, "This is Mary."
Practically throwing her upper body towards me, the sweet girl holds out a hand as she giggles, "Nice ta meet you, Dwo."
Completely taken by her already, I happily take her tiny digits into mine and reply, "Very nice to meet you, too, Mary."
* * * * * *
A silver necklace with two conjoined hearts.
That was the Christmas present that Heero had picked up for the most important person in his world and she is no doubt still wearing it with the same pride she had on her face when he placed it around her neck. Only once I'd had that first day with her... seeing him and how natural he was in conversing and looking after her... there is no jealousy anymore. In fact, seeing my long-time friend so at ease with a kid only endeared me to the two of them even more.
In the end, I came to find myself just as taken with Mary.
Now that we have the night to just sit and have our little 'talk,' there's a lot going through my own head. Sitting on the window seat in Yuy's room, I peer over my shoulder to watch the thicker fall of snow that has started back up to dance around the lit-up city below our floor. Standing at the other end of the window, my partner stares out to the same scene.
Finally breaking the silence between us, I take a deep breath and ask, "So, any idea where you want to go from here? There's no way a sweet kid like Mary is going to remain available for adoption for long before she's taken up."
A long, quiet breath draws from Heero before he meets my eyes and replies, "I know." Very slowly, he closes the distance between us enough that when he sits beside me our knees are touching. "For the first couple of years, I thought that I would be okay with letting her go when the time came... but... she managed to grow on me the same way you had to the point that it's almost unbearable to imagine life without her."
I can feel my eyes growing as I stammer in disbelief, "Y-you really feel that way about me?" Just to emphasize, I point to my own chest and remind him, "You do remember that I'm the same guy who you couldn't stand when we first met, right?"
"Yes, I'm aware," my friend snickers. Turning more serious, he reaches for my hand on my leg and squeezes it while he all but whispers, "Things change. I'm certainly not the same person that I was at the start of the war, just as you've gone through your own transitions into our new lives."
Swallowing roughly, I try to ignore how the skin he is touching tingles and I manage a shallow nod. At that, Yuy smirks, "Then it shouldn't come as such a surprise to you that I can't imagine going on in this world without you." Once again, I feel my heart threatening to pound out of my chest as my throat constricts.
His fingers lingering when they pull away, my partner smiles sadly, "Even though I would very much like to adopt Mary, there would need to be significant changes that would effect what we have and I am not willing to accept that so easily. She deserves a place where her parent is not risking his, hers or their lives in the field the way that I would as a Preventer. I would have to leave the organization before I would feel at all comfortable in bringing her in. That would leave you with any other person who I wouldn't trust to look after you when you're out on missions."
With drooping shoulders, Heero shakes his head, "I would also need to find a larger place than my half of the duplex we're splitting to only further limit the times that we'll have together. Perhaps we would be able to meet up on weekends and such, but that is just unacceptable to me when..." For a moment, he pauses before sighing, "... I need you, Duo. The bottom line is I'm aware that I very well could care for Mary on my own. But I don't want that."
This was the big discussion he had been building to. Heero Yuy was in love with me. He still might not have been ready to say as much in so many words, but what he did say... what he is showing me through his cobalt eyes that he's left completely exposed to me... there is no question in my mind that I have actually been the most important person in his life...
...and I always was.
Never one to shy away from making my own feelings known, I lean in fast to press our lips together in a kiss to test the waters. Though I start the brushing of our mouths off innocently, Yuy freezes for only a millisecond before both our eyes drift closed and he deepens the touch. At first, he starts off shyly before he quickly makes up for what he has clearly wanted to experience between us.
A hand brushes against my right cheerkto reach back and bury itself under the hair at the back of my head as if it had wanted to do that for a long time. My toes curl when our tongues twine together. Some blissful eternity later, we're breaking only for air at the same time that our hands loosen their tight holds on each others' sweaters.
Smiling, I manage between my pants, "I... love you... too, 'Ro." He blinks and gives me an appreciative grin back as he cups the side of my face, rubbing my cheek with the pad of his thumb. I damn near cry from the depth of the affection in his gaze, at the tenderness of his touch.
Whatever questions I'd had in the past regarding my future are answered in that instant. Straightening myself, I tell my soul mate, "We have more than enough funds from what we hacked from OZ during the wars to take care of ourselves and Mary from here out. As for the duplex, we own the building, so I don't see a point in keeping our halves separate to take care of any potential space issues. Hell, we'd be able to take in three kids by knocking the walls down."
Amusement mixed with relief floods over Yuy as he relaxes, shifting his palm from my face to hold onto one of my own hands again. More than excited over the picture of our lives to come, I smirk, "File the adoption papers for Mary tomorrow morning. We could always add my name as a legal guardian once we work out the details of our relationship later."
There is a flash of bright red in Heero's cheek as he ducks his head a bit. "Well, about that," he murmurs. Clearing his throat, he rises to his feet and heads over to where the pile of bags from his earlier shopping. Taking up a familiar black bag from the jeweler I had followed him into, I frown in confusion. Carefully revealing a small box from inside, he chuckles at my sharp gasp.
"You never got the chance to see what else I picked up this morning," Heero tells me as he returns to my side, giving me a clear view of the red velvet to know that it was a definite ring box. Gesturing to the clock that reveals the hour to be past midnight, he informs, "I was going wait until Quatre's party to give this to you, but Christmas Eve is close enough."
In a perfect world, anyone would think we might have been rushing things. But in our reality, everything we were doing was all right on schedule.
Feeling my eyes well up, I rest our foreheads together and breath, "Merry Christmas, Heero."
"Merry Christmas, Duo," he whispers back before taking the initiative to pull me into another deep kiss.
Yea... I'm definitely going to love our life together from here on out.
OWARI
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