Author: Sami-pi
Rating: G
Pairing: implied 1x2 and 4x3
Warnings: my idiocy? ^O^;;; and fluff.
Disclaimer: Clearly I don't own GW or the characters... not intended for profit, just for fun.
Oh... I haven't GW ficced in so lonnnng. What was I thinking writing this nonsense? And now am I really going to publish it for y'all to read? Hahaha. Awkward. anyway... just to let you know... it really is just a random, random series of convo-style drabbles.
(PS - one of these calls actually happened. Guess which one! :D)
If Gundam Pilots Worked Tech Support
1) It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.
"Good morning! You've reached tech support, this is Duo Maxwell speaking. How may I help you?"
"... I'm sorry?"
"Hi, this is Duo Maxwell, are you having difficulties with your computer?"
"Are you the Duo Maxwell who used to be a Gundam Pilot?"
"Yes I am! How can I be of service today?"
"Are you going to require remote access to my computer?"
"I might..."
"Then I think I'm okay. Thanks a bunch."
OWARI
2) Could be just that easy.
"Good afternoon. This is Heero Yuy in technical support. How may I be of service to you today?"
"Eeee!"
"I'm sorry, miss, I didn't understand that."
"Ohmygod. Heero Yuy!"
"Yes, miss. My name is Heero Yuy. How can I help you?"
"Heeroyuyheeroyuy! The Heero Yuy who was on tv last night with Princess Relena?"
"... No. That was someone else. Someone completely different."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. Are you having difficulties with your computer?"
"Well, yes. It keeps telling me I've got an error."
"Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on?"
"No."
"Why don't you try that now, miss?"
"I don't appreciate the tone you're taking with me."
"I'm sorry, miss. Has the computer rebooted?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"I'm sorry?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Oh. The error message is gone suddenly. You're amazing."
*click*
OWARI
3) Looking for a different kind of help.
"Good evening, this is Trowa Barton in technical support. How may I help you?"
"Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese?"
"I'm sorry, sir, I'm not sure I understand--"
"Oh, did I get the wrong number?"
"I believe you did."
"Have you ever had the pepperoni pizza from Hal's?"
"...No..."
"You should really try it. It's awesome. They import the pepperoni from Italy, you see..."
"Sir..."
"And they make the sauce from scratch. It's delicious."
"Thank you for sharing, sir, but I'm afraid you have the wrong number. Please hang up and try dialing the number for Hal's again."
"Hal's? Oh my goodness, I haven't been there in ages! I heard they closed down two years ago though."
OWARI
4) It's not even a full moon out tonight...
"This is Wufei Chang. How may I help you tonight?"
"My internet connection is down."
"I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Have you tried contacting your internet service provider?"
"I don't think you understand, my INTERNET is down."
"Yes, sir. I need to determine whether the problem is with your connection or if it's with the hardware."
"I'm not paying you to sit on your butt and eat cupcakes all night! I need to be connected to the internet! I am losing hundreds of thousands of dollars for every minute that I am offline. Do you know who I am? I have a million dollar website that I need to update right now!"
"Sir, you're not paying me at all."
"I hate you and I'm going to sue!"
"I HATE YOU MORE AND I'M GOING TO SUE YOU! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? YOU LIKE IRRATIONAL ARGUMENTS AND RANTING? HOW ABOUT THIS? MY CAT IS DIABETIC, I AM STANDING ON ONE LEG, AND THEREFORE I'M BEING FORCED TO TALK TO A MORON ON THE PHONE."
"...What?"
"What did you hear?"
"I'm calling your supervisor."
"Please do so. His number is 1-888-382-5968. It's $4.99/minute."
OWARI
5) Manager Quatre Winner calls the meeting to order.
"So, we've had a good month in technical support, haven't we? Call volume has come down since we hired our four new techs. And Duo, wow, Duo. You've closed more trouble tickets this month than our most seasoned veteran!"
"Thank you, Mr. Winner. I'm trying my best!"
"Heero, you're right on Duo's tail--"
"I'd like to be on Duo's tail alright..."
"I'm sorry, Heero? What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Okay, so I'd like to assign you and Duo both to evenings next month to give you guys a bit of break."
"Thank you, very much, Mr. Winner."
"Trowa, I'd like you on mornings..."
"That's not what you said last night when you had me bent over the boardroom table--"
"Aren't you supposed to be on shift right now, Trowa? Outoutout. I'll reprimand you later."
"Yes, sir. Looking forward to it, sir."
"And Wufei, I know you put in for a shift change due to your cat's health issues, but I'm afraid you're the best one out of the lot to handle the crazies that we get calling in during graveyards."
"I hate you all."
"Why don't you email a complaint to 2bad (at) dontgiveadamn (dot) com?"
OWARI
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