Author: Sami-pi
Pairing: 1x2x1
Rating: PG (language, implications of adult situations)
Warnings: PWP...there's no citrus... it's just... plotless. haha... preventers
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Gundam Wing, its characters, or its trappings. this fic is not for profit, just for fun.
Notes: despite what this look like at the beginning... it's pure fluff. haha!
Beta: trixie
The Art of Persuasion
"Now tell me, fucker, where is the last body?" Duo slammed his hands down on the table for emphasis.
The man sitting across from him leaned back in his chair and straightened his tie.
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, sir," he replied.
Duo was tempted to pick up the table and throw it at him.
"We have you on tape, you sick bastard. The security camera at in the parking garage caught everything. We don't need your confession; you're already going to jail."
The man gave a one-shouldered shrug and turned away from Duo, looking around the holding room with casual interest. He reached out and ran one manicured finger down the tile wall and then inspected it as if for dust or grime.
"I think you should have a talk with your cleaning girl, sir. She's not doing a very good job of covering up Preventer brutality. I think I see blood," he said, holding his finger up for Duo to see.
"I'll fucking show you brutality!" Duo yelled, lunging at the man. "I'll show you the same treatment you gave those poor women!"
Duo tangled his hands in the man's shirt and hauled him half onto the table.
"What women, sir? I really don't know what you're talking about, sir," he said, so calm and utterly unfazed.
Duo tightened his grip and jerked them nose-to-nose.
"Those ten women you raped, beat, sliced up, and then raped again, you little shit! That's what I'm talking about! We found nine bodies buried in your backyard, but where is the last one, the woman from the parking garage, where is she? Where did you dump her?" Duo shouted, heedless of his rapidly dissipating control.
"You know, sir," the man began, appearing to choose his words ever so carefully, "you keep saying 'parking garage' but I really don't know what you're talking about. I can't say I even own a car."
Duo shook the man, hard.
"You were caught on camera, dumbass! We have a full, front on view of your face, your walk, your fucking girly mannerisms, and everything! For God's sake, you're wearing the same clothes today! I can see strands of her hair tangled in your belt buckle! We already know you did it. Just tell us where she is."
The man shook his head slightly and, to his credit, maintained his expression of wide-eyed innocence in the face of a snarling Preventer.
"Really, sir, I don't think I know quite what's going on here."
Duo threw the man back into his chair with a frustrated growl.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Duo started to rant, but he managed wrestle it back and pause for a breath. He needed to calm down, compose himself, try a new tactic. "You're already going down for ten murders, what have you got to lose? Why don't you be a man and help us out? She was a daughter, a sister, a wife; she was three month's pregnant. What if she were your wife? Wouldn't you want to know where her body was, to get it back so you could have something to bury?"
The man straightened in his seat, finger-combed his hair back into place, and leaned forward with his elbows on the table, chin cupped in one hand. He cocked his head and looked down at Duo's hands where they rested on the table top. He noted the glint of a plain gold band around a certain finger.
"If she had been my wife, I wouldn't have let her body out for public 'consumption' at all. I would know exactly where it was at all times...including where I'd 'dumped it', as you say."
Duo glared at him, waiting to see where this was going.
"And yourself? How's the missus?" The man nodded at Duo's left hand. "I imagine a nice looking man like you would have hooked a nice looking wife. You let that fine body roam around free where any old psycho could get a hold of her?"
"Fuck you, asshole. Don't you dare drag my life into your little hellhole with you," Duo snapped, throwing his resolve to play it cool out the proverbial window.
"Oh, how precious. Perhaps I should go pay her a little visit sometime..." The man smiled his oily smile, his eyes half-lidded and glittering coldly.
For a moment, Duo looked very much like a man who'd been pushed too far. He felt his muscles bunch, coiling, ready and aching for him to exercise that strength he'd so meticulously trained in himself since he was fifteen. But he exerted all of his will and fought it down. He had to. Being an ex-Gundam pilot meant one had to be extra careful about flying off the handle, lest they classify one as unstable and have one locked up. Duo had walked that fine line a couple times in the beginning, and now he was older and wiser with a couple tricks under his belt. One of his favourite tricks, actually, was indeed, his "wife".
"You know what, asshole, you're right. You should pay my wife a visit. In fact, let me help you fulfill that wish of yours right now," Duo said genially. "I think the two of you will get along famously."
The man's eyes narrowed; he dropped the smooth, debonair facade for a colder, more calculating, look. He was definitely intrigued.
Duo lifted the receiver from the phone by the door and dialed a number he knew by heart.
"Hey, honey. You wanna come down to holding room 2? I have a guest here who's simply dying to meet you. No, come as you are, I think he'll like it."
The man tried to hide his eager expression, but Duo caught it out of the corner of his eye and he smirked. Some people just had to be burned before they believed that the stove was hot. This was going to be cake.
A soft knock on the door made the man snap to attention. Duo could almost see drool.
The person who entered the holding cell, though, was one Heero Yuy clad only in the spandex shorts he wore for weight training. He was still shiny with sweat and Duo thought he saw a couple veins jumping spastically. That was a nice touch. Very masculine. Duo tried not to drool himself.
"Hey there, sweetheart, I'm glad I caught you."
Heero walked up to Duo and gave him a hard kiss on the lips, hands sliding across Duo's back. Working out always gave him that aggressive, almost sexual, rush.
Duo took an extra minute to lean into Heero, just enjoying his presence before turning back to the nasty piece of work at hand.
"Let me introduce you to my, 'wife', Heero Yuy. Heero, this is the man who viciously assaulted and killed ten women." Duo spoke as if it were at a company Christmas party rather than a murder investigation.
Heero tensed. He wasn't good with misogyny, which was partly why he hadn't been allowed to interrogate this bastard in the first place. Heero had a rather over-developed sense of chivalry and a white-knight complex to boot. Duo was looking forward to seeing what would come of this "meeting". After all, the suspect had specifically requested it, and who was he, but a lowly Preventer, to deny the man his rights?
"You--" The man gawked at the two agents before him. "You're a woman?" he gasped, incredulous, pointing at Heero with a shaking hand.
Both Heero and Duo froze. Somehow, that hadn't been what they were expecting.
"Er," Duo seemed to unthaw first, "perhaps you should 'whip it out', Heero. I think he needs visual aid."
Heero glared at Duo.
"I'm not pulling down my shorts for a fucking murderer, Maxwell, he ought to be able tell I'm not a woman from where he's sitting just fine."
The man was starting to look horrified and Duo was perversely pleased to have finally gotten a real, unpracticed, reaction out of him.
"Well, maybe I want to have a look, did you think about that? You know how I like it when you're all sweaty and pumped up. Would you pull down your shorts for your husband, my darling wife-y?" Duo batted his eyelashes at Heero who only rolled his eyes in response.
"I... I don't understand," the man stammered, confusion clear in his eyes. "If he's a man, where's your wife?"
Heero took a step forward and very gently placed his hands on the table. The gleam of a gold wedding band didn't escape the man's attention.
"He's married to me and I don't take kindly to filthy fuckers like yourself making trouble for my husband." Heero's voice was calm, and very quiet, but it was surprisingly scary.
At least, it was if the man's subsequent flinch was any standard of measure.
"But, you can't be married! You're both men!" the man cried, desperate to wrap his mind around this shift in his world view. "How do you have sex?"
Heero blinked.
Duo, though, jumped into things with both feet, grinning like a loon.
"Well, first of all, sex is not the basis of a marriage, mutual love and respect are, but clearly, you're not good with that, so we'll just address that last question as a stand-alone and treat this like sex ed, yeah? "
"Don't come near me!" the man shrieked. "Don't touch me!"
Duo was genuinely surprised. Heero looked to his husband for guidance.
"I'm sorry?" Duo asked, seeking clarification.
"Y--You're going to gang rape me, aren't you? That's why you called in your back-up. To teach me a lesson, right? I know the lesson already! You don't have to teach me anything, I swear it!" The man was reaching for hysterical.
"I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole, let alone my dick, man. You're disgusting--"
"No! You're disgusting!" The man interrupted Duo. "You're both disgusting! It's not natural, men lying with other men! It makes you do crazy things! Terrible things..." He looked haunted for a moment before he shook it off and resumed his rant. "I don't want to do it! Don't touch me! Don't make me, please.... I'll do whatever you want! Don't make me gay like you!"
Heero looked taken aback and Duo almost chuckled at his vaguely lost expression. Actually, Duo was feeling pretty great. His mood had lightened for the man had finally given a crack in his ultra smooth veneer and Duo knew that he had the man over that figurative barrel now.
"Fine, fine," Duo tried for a placating tone, "we won't touch you if you tell us where you put that last body. The woman from the parking garage?"
But the man was stubborn and the second Duo uttered the word "woman", the walls snapped right back up. The man replied belligerently: "What woman? What parking garage?"
"That's the wrong answer," said Heero, and he took a step closer.
"We're going to have to make you gay now," Duo added, wandering over to wrap his arms around Heero's bare torso.
The man's nonchalant mask dropped like concrete and he looked honestly terrified.
"What are you going to do?" he whispered in a very small voice.
Duo bent his head to press his lips to Heero's neck.
"Did you know," Duo asked in between little kisses, "that seeing a gay man ejaculate makes you gay?"
"N--no it doesn't!" the man protested.
"Oh it does, it totally does."
"I don't believe you!"
Duo nibbled on Heero's earlobe for a bit before answering: "Well you should. I've got a practical example for you right here. How do you think I managed to get myself such a manly man?" he asked, running his hands appreciatively over Heero's washboard stomach.
The man was starting to look a tad unsure.
Heero flexed a little for effect.
Duo made his special happy sound and slid his hand to the waistband of Heero's shorts. He snuck a quick glance at his husband to make sure Heero was okay with what was going on. Duo found Heero with his head back, his eyes closed and his super sexy, super smug smirk gracing his face. Duo's hand took a little journey under the covers...
If Commander Une was surprised to see their primary suspect hurtling out of holding room 2, she did a masterful job of hiding it. Instead, she simply arched an eyebrow and waited to see just what the blubbering idiot was going on about. The man, so put-together when he'd entered headquarters under police escort this morning was now a disheveled mess. He threw himself at the Commander's feet.
"Please! I'll tell you everything! You want to know where the girl is? Behind the Shop-and-Save! I'll draw you a map! Just don't make me go back with those freaks!"
Now it was the Commander's turn to raise both eyebrows at her two subordinates leaning oh-so-casually against the door frame...and each other.
"Maxwell. Yuy."
"Commander."
There was a significant silence broken only by the man's sobs.
"You two do know that the holding cells are monitored?"
"Yes, ma'm," replied Duo, who looked oddly tousled.
"And I will be reviewing the video feeds, you both realize?"
"Yes, Commander," replied Heero, who looked oddly flushed...and was apparently half naked.
The man whimpered.
"I don't want to see anything I won't like, Agents," she said.
Duo's hand discreetly skimmed up one of Heero's muscular thighs.
"Unless you're suddenly 'batting for the other team,' ma'm, I suspect you'll like what you see." His hand was hovering, vaguely touching, just barely brushing, the junction between Heero's legs.
The spandex Agent Yuy was wearing wasn't leaving anything to the Commander's imagination and she couldn't help the little chuckle that bubbled up.
"If the movie's anything like the preview, I think I'm going to have to give you a raise, Agent Maxwell. If I had that in bed with me every morning I'd never want to get up. I don't know where you find the motivation to come to work, but I have to admire your dedication."
"I love my job, ma'm. Interrogation gets more and more fun every day," said Duo with a happy grin.
Heero snorted and batted Duo's wandering hands away. He pushed off the door jamb and started down the hall, intent on returning to the gym to resume his workout.
"Hey, Commander," Duo spoke slowly, distracted as he was by the view Heero presented. "I've wrapped up the case, yeah? So I think I'll take the afternoon off to...uh...'take care of the wife', if you know what I mean?"
And with that Duo Maxwell scampered after his domestic partner, his commander just smiling indulgently at the two intertwined boys making their way to the elevators. They were so cute. And Yuy's butt was just...mm, delectable. She briefly entertained the notion of changing the Preventers' uniforms to include mandatory spandex shorts. But then she thought maybe that would just be too distracting. So she turned her thoughts back to more pressing matters.
"Now then," she tilted her head to glare at the man cowering at her feet. "You're truly homophobic, are you? As in actually terrified? How long have you been suffering from this affliction, hmm? You poor thing. Well, maybe if I explain the birds and the birds to you it will help with this irrational fear. You see, Mr. I'm-secretly-gay-so-I-hate-women, when a boy and a boy really, really love one another..."
And in the end, our little traumatized serial killer discovered that, in prison, sometimes the boys didn't even have to really really love one another.
OWARI
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