Perfect Part 16
What energy Duo had at the hospital dissipated quickly, leaving him exhausted and drowsy. Heero had to carry him up the stairs and undress him to put him to bed. He didn't protest or whine, which told Heero that he really was nearly helpless.
"Duo," he said quietly, sitting on the bed. "Would you like some soup?"
Duo cracked one long-lashed eye, pulling himself off the gentle slide into sleep. "Soup? How about a cheeseburger?" he mumbled.
"No solid food for a couple of days; you heard the doctor."
"Hrrrrr," growled Duo. "I'm hungry." He yawned, turning his head away.
Heero smiled faintly. "A deal?" Duo looked a question. "You follow the doctor's orders for the next couple of days, and I will take you out wherever you choose when you're ready to eat."
"Um... Okay," answered the sleepy pilot. "I guess I'll have that soup... No crackers?"
"Sorry; no."
Huge resigned sigh. "Okay."
~*~
Duo listened to the engine sound fading in the perfect summer morning. He wasn't afraid to be alone for a few hours, but he couldn't figure out why they all had to go and where they were going. Heero had evaded the subject quite neatly; so neatly, in fact, that Duo only now realised it. It wasn't a big deal; he didn't feel much like going anywhere anyway. He'd only been home two days, and the doctor had told him to be lazy for a couple of days, and then gradually work back into his usual habits.
He chuckled to himself. Usual habits; riiiiight.
Yep, that's me; turning tricks by day, burning Mobile Dolls by night. It's, it's... Super-Shinigami! Oh! Ow...
He wrapped his arms tightly across his abdomen. No laughing! Ow! Shit! Shit. Oh, shit... That hurt...
Doctor warned you.
Yeah, I know...
Use the pillow, baka.
Yeah... And don't call me baka!
He does.
He's allowed!
And you're not?
No. I do it because I don't like myself. He does it because, because...
...?
Because he's entitled. Because I don't mind. Because it's..., it's his way. Now, shut up and go away. Not talking to you anymore unless you talk nice.
He dozed for a while, skittering in and out of dreams, until a particularly stark moment brought him wide-awake. He knew where the guys had gone, or he thought he did. They had been talking quietly last night, some piece of news that Quatre brought. He had been almost asleep, but he heard something...
What the hell was it? The ocean? Yes. And a ceremony? No, a memorial.
He pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, legs dangling.
A memorial service for Rose; that's what it was. God, he remembered Rose and Snow talking about a place they liked to go somewhere north of San Diego.
He rubbed his eyes. If he knew Heero Yuy, and he DID know Heero Yuy, he and the guys had gone there. He grabbed the phone and dialed the operator, asking for a car rental firm. In five minutes, he had arranged to have a car delivered as soon as possible, paying for it with Quatre's credit card {he had long since memorized the number}. Now he just had to become presentable.
He pushed himself to his feet carefully. Walking wasn't hard as long as he had something to steady himself with (usually Heero's shoulder); he'd soon find out if he could walk alone. And he knew he could shower by himself; he did it yesterday (even if Heero had planted himself in the doorway the whole time he was in the shower in case he slipped or something). He made his way purposefully toward the bathroom.
In the course of their partnership, it had become usual for the other pilots to look upon Heero as the leader of the team, even though the others could have taken charge. Quatre was the strategist and Trowa was quietly confident and efficient in all of his missions. Wufei's oo-rah charge against evil and injustice sometimes eclipsed his considerable intelligence and his rock-solid faith in what was right, but he certainly could have led. As for himself, well, Duo never saw himself as a leader and never wanted to be. Heero was the one who had, in his close, calculating way, gathered the dissimilar threads of the team members' talents and woven them into a tapestry of strength, commitment, intelligence and fearlessness. He created the team.
Crap. I cannot remember the name of the place!
It was Heero who received the missions, dealt with the intelligence, and coordinated everything in relation to their missions. He was the one who always knew what was happening and where to find out if he didn't.
Duo ducked his head under the spray, reaching for the shampoo.
He's the one who volunteered to walk the streets so I wouldn't have to. He's the one who showed me a private part of him, just to make me feel better. He's the one who knew that I needed help even before I did. In his reserved and even shy way, he told me that he considered me a friend...
He poured the conditioner onto his hair, working it through the thick mass. He had to pause for a moment to catch his breath.
He said we were friends...
I didn't think you were listening...
Of COURSE, I was listening! And I know exactly what's going through his mind now.
???
He rinsed quickly and grabbed a couple of towels, wrapping one around his wet hair and drying off with the other.
It doesn't matter whose mission it is; Heero takes the final responsibility with the Mads. If something goes wrong, he accepts the blame, because in his mind, he's in charge, therefore he is responsible. Something went wrong... Rose died... Heero will be at the memorial to pay his respects, to accept the responsibility.
Oh, God! What did they CALL that place?! A pier! Yeah, Snow liked the pier! And Rose liked watching the whales. That's gotta be it! Some place with a pier! But there must be dozens of piers up and down the coast... California is lousy with piers.
He found a closet full of clothing in his sizes and his color, as well as a new pair of boots. For just a moment he wondered where it came from, before dismissing it from his mind. He dressed as quickly as he could, brushing out his hair as he went along, and was halfway down the stairs with his boots in his hand when the bell rang.
He invited the rental agent in, and rushed through the paperwork while pulling on his boots. The woman insisted on pointing out the features of the sleek black convertible, stepping back only when he started the engine.
"Thanks, but I'll figure it all out. I'm late." He put the car in gear, then stopped. "Hey, do you know of any piers around here?"
"There are several," she began.
"This one is north of here, I think. A really long pier. With restaurants and shops. And whale-watching."
"Oh, that would be Oceanside Pier," she smiled.
Oceanside! Of course!
"How do I get there?"
"Oh, it's easy. Just take Del Mar Heights west to I-5 north. Then take the Mission Avenue exit west and stop when you get to the ocean. The pier is right there."
"Thanks!" He threw the engine into gear and romped on the accelerator, screaming down the drive and onto the road.
The rental agent stared after him for a moment, then swallowed and said a little prayer that the 100K car would make it back in one piece.
~*~
Duo had no trouble finding the Oceanside Pier and no trouble finding a parking place in the metered lot. He almost choked when he saw how much it cost for two hours' parking, and the fine for not paying was sheer robbery. No wonder the city could afford the damn pier! But he fed the meter, then crossed the narrow street to the head of the pier.
Once there, he made another unwelcome discovery. He wasn't going to be able to walk the length of the pier. Already he was feeling shaky. As he hung onto the railing and tried to decide what to do, a guy on a scooter stopped next to him.
"You going out?" he asked brightly.
"I thought I was," Duo muttered.
"I can give you a ride out if you don't mind walking back." He indicated the basket on the front of his scoot. "I deliver for Racket's."
Duo brightened immediately. "That'd be great. How much?"
"For the ride? Nothing. Just keep us in mind for sushi. We deliver."
Duo rode sidesaddle on the pillion as they puttered along. "I really appreciate this."
"Hey, no problem. You looked kinda... I don't know... Kinda sad and lost back there, I guess."
"You're right about that. I'm supposed to be at a memorial service, but I just got outta the hospital, and I probably can't walk this far yet."
"Well, then it's a good thing I happened along."
"My luck's usually pretty good." Yeah, it's the people around me who always get nailed...
Almost to the end of the pier, they stopped and Duo eased off the scooter. "Thanks a lot, man," he said to the delivery guy, but he waved it away.
"No prob."
About twenty feet away, a group of people clustered at the railing, the other pilots standing nearby, but not intruding. He recognised Snow, in spite of the clothing the youth wore. He looked like a regular kid, almost schoolboy neat in dark slacks and a white shirt and tie.
Except for the small box in his hands.
A tall woman, dressed in soft black pants and a matching sweater, stood with him. She carried a book in one hand.
She must be the minister, or priest or whatever.
Duo frowned slightly, hesitating for just a moment.
I didn't know Quatre was bringing religious stuff into this project...
In general, Duo had little use for the mass-market religious organisations. Far too often, they failed to practice what they preached; being more enamored of power and wealth, than of the god they professed to follow.
Father Maxwell and Sister Helen were different, and there were others who truly cared, but Duo didn't run across them every day, or even every year. But he knew his manners; it wasn't about him, it was about Snow and Rose, and the love and affection that died too soon.
If a religious service was what Snow wanted, then a religious service was what Duo wanted him to have. He stayed where he was, listening to the few words the wind tossed his direction.
The woman was brief and gentle; he caught a bit of her remarks, about returning to the Mother to be reborn anew, and realised that she was a pagan priestess. Somehow, that made him feel a bit better. Rose wasn't gone; just being renewed. He and Snow could have another chance, in another lifetime.
But still, something was missing...
The day was mild, blue and beautiful. Sunbathing bodies littered the sand behind the pier and surfers dotted the waves. Terns raced the incoming sea along the beach and seagulls drifted lazily overhead. The on-shore breeze whisked the sounds of voices, birds and surf toward the beach. The sea-smells seemed to permeate everything, settling on his clothing, easing into his lungs and sinuses and snuggling among his hair. Duo stood perfectly still, watching Snow.
Snow knelt and began sprinkling the ashes from the box into the sea, and Duo knew suddenly what was missing. There should be music. Without pausing to debate with himself, he drew a breath and began to sing.
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found,
was blind but now I see
T'was grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear,
the hour I first believed
Thro' many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead me home
When we've been there ten thousand years,
bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun.
Everyone within hearing turned to look at him, but he had closed his eyes and didn't notice. Duo sang because he loved to sing; he sang that hymn because it had been one of Sister Helen's favorites, and because she loved to hear him sing it, and because it was a hymn played for heroes everywhere. He sang for himself, because he did believe in something, if not the god of the hymn; for Rose, because he had been a good man in spite of his circumstances and a hero to the one who loved him. He sang for Snow, because he would have the chance that Rose wanted to give him. And he sang because he hadn't in a very long time, and today it felt right.
When he finished, Duo remained very still, eyes closed, the touch of the wind on his face like the caress of approving fingertips.
"I'll miss you, Rose," he whispered.
"Blue..."
He opened his eyes to find Snow staring at him, tears streaming down his face.
"You're okay... I'm so glad you're okay..." He threw his arms around Duo's neck, almost knocking him down.
"I'm fine, Snow," he muttered into the boy's hair, patting his back gently. "I'm sorry, though; I'm really sorry..." That I let you down, that I let Rose down, that I let myself down...
"It wasn't your fault! Oh, man; Blue! Don't think like that! That creep was scary! I was afraid he was gonna do something crazy someday, but Rose..." He hesitated and wiped at his eyes. "Rose could always handle him..." Duo opened his mouth, but Snow interrupted him. "They told me what happened," he whispered.
"They who?"
Snow glanced toward the group of pilots. "They told me how you were helping them, and how Rose saved you, gave you time." Blue eyes bright with tears shone as he lifted Duo's hand to caress the bruises still visible from the webbing. "He used to do that to me, and I was so scared something would go wrong. But you did your best. I know you did your best."
"I couldn't save Rose," Duo rasped, his throat tight. "I should have --"
"But you tried! No one else would've even tried!"
Duo closed his eyes. He had to get this back on track or he'd break down and bawl right here. "Snow, did they give you Rose's stuff? The bankcard?"
"Yeah. He said he fixed it for me; the Asian guy." He took a deep shuddering breath. "He said you told him to fix it; that Rose wanted me to have it."
"Yeah. Rose... uh, he was saving for the two of you."
Snow's eyes widened; he hadn't known. "For us....?"
"Yeah. Listen, Snow; Rose wanted you to have a better chance. He said you were smart, that you could be something if you had a chance to go to school. That's what he was saving for; so that you can go to school and do something better than whore on the streets." He had a firm grip on Snow's shoulders. "Promise me that you'll do what he wanted for you. That you'll go to school and become something, someone he would be proud of. Promise me!"
"I -- I promise..." The poor kid looked bewildered. "He really thought I'm smart?"
"He sure did, honey. Rose thought the sun rose and set in your eyes. He loved you so much, it hurt me to think about it!" said Duo with unaccustomed intensity. "I hope to hell someone will love me that way before I die. Don't you dare waste what he left you!"
Snow hugged him, squeezing tightly. "I won't, I promise! I've got a place to stay, and I'll ask if I can go to school and I'll study real hard and I'll do it for him!" He looked up suddenly. "And I'll do it for me, too!"
Duo grinned. "Yeah, do it for yourself. Um... Look, Snow, I don't know if I'll ever see you again... You take care of yourself, and, ya know, become somebody. Okay?"
The boy nodded. "Yeah, I will. The Chinese guy said I have to learn to take care of myself, because no one can take better care of me than me!" He giggled a little. "He said it's an old Chinese proverb."
"Probably is," Duo agreed. "He says a lot of stuff like that. Goodbye, Snow. I'm glad I know you."
"And I'm glad I got to know you." He kissed Duo's cheek and turned away, and the priestess came to walk back along the pier with him.
Duo watched, smiling faintly, until a hand came down on his shoulder. He jumped and started to turn. An arm snaked around his waist preventing him.
"What are you doing out of bed?" growled Heero.
"Duo, that was so beautiful!" cried Quatre. "I had no idea you could sing like that!"
"After the hell you've put us through, Maxwell, the least you could do is follow orders!"
"You look paler than usual; come sit down."
Duo shook them all off and turned to face his partners. "I wanted to be here, okay?" he said to Heero. "I used to sing in the choir," he said to Quatre. "I put YOU through hell?" he snapped to Wufei. "I don't wanna sit down!" he said to Trowa.
"Look, I came for Snow. I like him; he's a good kid. And I'm not an invalid; I'm just a little out of shape. I don't wanna talk right now. I just wanna get out of here and... and get back to business as usual." He looked at each of the guys. He shrugged nervously and looked out at the ocean. "Please?"
"Okay."
"Of course."
"About time..."
Only Heero was silent. Duo looked back at him.
"All right," said Heero quietly. "Let's all do that." And he waited. Duo didn't move.
He wasn't sure he could, to be honest. He wanted them to leave so that he could crawl back alone, stopping every few yards to rest and catch his breath. He wanted to be alone so that he could cry without their stares and pity. He didn't want to be fussed over, grumbled at or admired. He didn't want to be a weakling, an object of pity or concern or a noble warrior in need of a shield to be carried on.
"Just go, will you?" he snapped. Trowa, Quatre and Wufei shuffled a bit and finally turned back to the shore, walking slowly. Quatre looked back a couple of times until Trowa put his arm around his shoulders.
"Okay, Duo," said Heero. "Let's go."
Duo glared at him furiously. "Damn it, Heero --"
"You can't, can you?" said Heero in a low voice. "You haven't enough left to get back. That's why you're snapping at everyone."
Face burning, Duo snarled wordlessly. Dammit! What IS it about this guy?! Does he enjoy torturing me?!
"Yes!" he snarled finally. "You're right again, Mr. Perfect! I can't walk back under my own power. I had to get a ride out here! Once again, you've proved that I'm less than perfect, less than competent! Yeah, I'm such an idiot!"
"Shut up."
"What?!"
"You heard me." He seized Duo's wrist, dragged him stumbling to a bench, and pushed him down on it. "Now, you listen to me, baka. Don't you ever lie to me again, about how you feel! If you hurt, I want to know. If you can't do something, can't handle a mission, anything! I WANT TO KNOW! Not because I think you're weak. Not because I want to gloat. Not because I don't think you're capable of achieving our goals. I want to know because I fuckin' care how you're feeling!"
Duo stared at him, mouth working silently. "You... CARE?!" he said finally.
"Of course I care, you idiot! I consider you a friend! Do you think I don't know how to care about my friends?!"
"I -- I -- I didn't... I thought... I thought you were just trying to keep the mission..."
Heero sighed heavily and hung his head, muttering under his breath, swearing in several languages.
He was being straight with me... It really wasn't just the mission... He's my friend...
Duo swallowed the lump in his throat. "I -- I'm sorry, Heero," he said faintly. "I'm just so used to everyone treating me... I'm sorry... You're right; I can't make it back. I just didn't want to be laughed at. Again..."
Heero bent over him. "I'm not laughing at you. Do you feel like having coffee somewhere, or maybe lunch? We can talk before we go back to the house." He gave Duo a tiny smile. "I mean really talk, about how we both feel about this mission, the team, the price of tea on L4; anything. Like friends do."
"Yeah," said Duo slowly. "I'd like to do that. And you'll buy lunch, because I'm hungry? That would be cool."
"All right, then." And Heero scooped him up in his arms. "You've lost too much weight," he growled, but with a grin. "You don't weigh any more than a bird."
"Than a bat, you mean!" laughed Duo. "Can I have a banana split for dessert?"
"Why not? You deserve it."
He doesn't hate me after all! He even likes me! Please, don't let this be a dream!
TBC...
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