Author: PlaidDragon
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4
Warnings: Shonen ai, oddness, humor
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its original characters do not belong to me.
Kieru
001
"So help me, Yuy, if you grunt at me one more time, I'm outta here!"
Heero didn't look up. Duo was making noise, as usual.
"Hn."
"That's it!"
The door slammed. The screen of Heero's computer shuddered and flopped forward onto his fingers.
"!!!!"
He righted the screen and looked around. Duo was gone.
Fine. He could hear himself think again.
002
Heero shut down his computer and leaned back in the chair in a bone cracking stretch. Dark outside, he noticed.
Downstairs, Trowa was watching television while Wufei pottered around the kitchen.
"Where's Duo?" said Wufei idly, bending to check the pan cupboard. He was sure there had been a wok in this kitchen a few days ago.
Heero shrugged. "I suppose he went out."
"You suppose?" Ah-ha! There it was.
"He was making noise, then he wasn't. Silence usually equals Duo's gone out."
Wufei looked at him.
Wufei dropped his tongue with a "clock" sound. "Buy a clue, Yuy. You ran him off again."
A single arched eyebrow.
"You turn a colorful phrase, Wufei."
He had work to do. Duo never shut up. He blocked him out. A to B to C.
Everyone knew that he didn't put things off. When he was idle, he wasn't averse to social interaction.
"Do you dislike him that much?"
"I don't dislike him at all."
"Meaning, you like Duo?"
He didn't consider it an active emotion. Still, if one saw dislike as the negative, then like would have to be the positive. In that case, he supposed he did like Duo.
"Hn."
Wufei switched on the burner and set the wok over the fire.
"You know, normally social people don't generally grunt their conversation."
He poured oil into the wok and swirled it about.
"Do you have a point, Wufei?"
Wufei broke a couple of eggs into a bowl and whipped them into a creamy froth.
"It would be sociable of you to actually utter words to Duo occasionally."
He poured the eggs into the wok.
"I talk to him."
"During missions."
"I don't make small talk."
Wufei looked up from scrambling the eggs.
"Yeah. Neither does Trowa, but you don't see Quatre storming out of the house."
"Exactly."
"No. Not exactly. Trowa listens. You shut down."
Heero frowned.
Wufei plopped the cooked eggs into a warm bowl and set a plate on top.
"Look, Yuy. I'm frying rice for my dinner. I've got some fresh snow peas, carrots and onions. I've even got some leftover sweet and sour pork. I've got a bottle of Sapporo in the freezer. And I have a pint of green tea ice cream for dessert. I am a happy little assassin. You wanna play the great stone Buddha, fine. When Duo comes in, we'll get drunk together and fall asleep in front of the TV. And laugh about how much fun it was in the morning. You go on back to your laptop. Mazel Tov."
Heero stared at him. That made no sense at all.
003
"Am I antisocial?"
Trowa flicked his eyes in Heero's direction, then back to the TV.
"Yes."
Heero sat on the floor.
"In what way?"
Trowa didn't look at him.
"Interaction."
Heero snorted.
"Hn."
Trowa turned his head to look at him.
"You don't."
Heero considered that for a while.
"Should I attempt to change?"
Trowa shrugged.
004
In the only gay club in the nearby town, Duo downed another kamikaze. Not his first. Not even his fifth. His shirt hung open, rivulets of sweat meandering down his chest.
He slapped the empty glass on the bar.
He spun the stool around.
He looked out over the dance floor.
Smorgasbord.
Screw Yuy.
He blinked.
He'd made a joke.
He snerked.
A guy walked up to him. Blond, bright-eyed, almost as drunk as Duo.
"Wanna dance?"
Duo grinned at him. Slid off the barstool.
"Hell yeah!"
005
The back door of the house banged open.
Two automatics and a katana "clicked" and "sheeereeeshed" into being.
The kitchen door flew open.
"Hey stud!"
Quatre grinned at Trowa.
Two automatics and a katana disappeared with a "click" and a "shreeereeesh."
Trowa's smirk grew into a grin.
Quatre tossed his head in the direction of the stairs.
"I've been kickin ass and takin' names from here to St. Petersburg! I'm ready!"
Trowa was on his feet and moving before Quatre finished speaking.
They met at the bottom of the stairs.
"God, I love you in that flight suit," muttered Trowa, following Quatre up the stairs.
"And I love you outta everything!" floated back.
Heero and Wufei watched in silent interest.
"Glad to see you back, Winner," said Wufei conversationally.
006
Heero "hnn-ed" to himself.
"You and Quatre do well together."
It was almost a question.
Trowa didn't look up.
"Yes."
"Sociable."
"...."
"Hn."
007
"Mission?"
Wufei pulled on a jacket
"No. Duo. He's usually back by now. Thought I'd go see if he's passed out in an alley."
Heero stood up.
"I'll go."
Wufei waved the offer away.
"Hey, don't put yourself out, Yuy. Don't you have some work to do?"
"I will go."
He took the keys to the motorcycle from the other's hand.
"I am learning to be sociable."
He walked out of the house.
Wufei leaned against the doorframe, watching his precious bike disappear down the road.
"Sociable. With a drunken Maxwell. And he calls Duo an idiot."
008
Bowl of popcorn on the sofa between them, Trowa and Wufei stared at the TV.
Onscreen, a woman in a ridiculously low cut/high cut gown warbled tunelessly into a microphone.
"I can sing better than that," growled Wufei.
"Me too."
Wufei looked at Trowa.
"Didn't know you sang."
Trowa shrugged.
"Don't. Still better than that."
Wufei nodded.
"Yeah."
Quatre came from the kitchen, bearing another bowl of popcorn.
"Oh, lord!"
He flopped down next to Trowa.
"...?"
He pointed to the TV.
"Her."
Trowa lifted one eyebrow fractionally, stealing a handful of popcorn.
"..??"
"That bitch. She tried to seduce my father a few years ago."
"...!"
"No shit. Sisters took care of her!"
Wufei looked around Trowa in obvious interest.
"What'd they do?"
"Stuck her in an EVA suit and punched her out an airlock."
Quatre slapped Trowa's creeping hand.
"My bowl, baby!"
"...."
"Hmm.... Okay. In that case, you can have some."
Wufei sat back again.
"She survived."
"Well, yeah. They weren't going to kill her, just warn her off."
Wufei scooped up a handful of popcorn.
"I like your family."
009
Everyone looked up at the sound of a motorcycle.
"It's mine."
Eyes returned to the TV.
"These films are all the same." Disgusted, from Quatre.
"...."
The Creeping Hand edged under the popcorn bowl, flowing over Quatre's thigh.
"Lookin' for something, soldier?"
"...."
Quatre grinned.
The front door opened.
Heero stumbled in, a white cloth pressed against his temple.
Three pairs of eyes watched him slump into a chair.
Wufei snorted.
"You weren't driving my bike like that, I hope."
Heero shook his head wordlessly.
The front door banged open.
Duo leaned in, hanging onto the doorframe.
"Shinigami's home!" he cackled evilly.
He tossed the motorcycle keys to Wufei.
010
Duo walked over to Heero and took the bloody cloth from his hands.
He examined the raw wound.
"Yeah, it's about stopped."
He peered closely at Heero's head.
Heero merely glared at him.
A low-wattage, garden-variety glare.
Quatre turned sideways on the sofa.
"What happened?"
Duo checked Heero's pupils.
"You sure you wanna hear it?'
Wufei and Trowa raised their hands.
"We want to hear it."
Duo shrugged.
Heero groaned as the shrug joggled his head.
"Okay. It's like this. I left the bar, walkin' home. Some guys picked me up about a block away. Pack of I'm-so-fuckin-cool-and-bad-I-can-beat-up-on-fags assholes."
"Ooooooh," breathed Quatre in mock horror.
"My thoughts, exactly. Hey, I'm fuckin' Shinigami! And I'm so heavily armed anyway; I could take on a platoon. But I figured what the hell. Let 'em try me."
Trowa stole the popcorn bowl.
Quatre let him.
Wufei stood up.
"I'll get some ice."
Dumping cubes into a plastic bag, he called, "So what happened to Mr. Sociable?"
Duo frowned at him, taking the bag of ice.
"The who?"
Wufei gestured, sitting down again.
"Yuy. What happened?"
"Oh, yeah. Well, just as they jumped me, Heero pulls up. He jumps on the guy going for me, and one of the other guys busts him upside the head with brass knuckles. He goes down like a lead sinker and they all jumped on him. So, I had to wax them to get them off of Heero."
He grinned at the glowering pilot.
"I'm proud of you, Heero. You scared the crap outta that jerk when you bent his brass knucks. He didn't even see me comin'."
Trowa spoke up.
"Did you hide the bodies?"
"Nah. I didn't actually kill them. Just broke some bones. I painted 'fag basher' on one's forehead in blood. I coulda carved it in, but I was feeling pretty good."
Trowa nodded agreeably.
Heero grumbled to himself.
Duo patted his shoulder.
"Hey, it's okay, babe. Everybody's entitled to an off day."
"...not an off day...!"
Quatre smiled, patting Trowa's leg.
"It's the thought that counts, Heero."
"Yeah," said Wufei. "Maybe you can slay the dragon next time."
"!!!!"
"Whoa! Temper, temper, Heero!"
Duo stood up and helped the very irritated Heero to his feet.
"Let's just take that nasty old concussion upstairs. I think somebody needs a nap."
"...!"
"Sure, babe. Whatever you say."
Duo's voice trailed away up the stairs.
"You're a hell of a guy, Hee-chan. Here; lemme fluff that pillow."
011
Quatre looked at Trowa, who looked at Wufei, who looked at Quatre.
"What do you think?"
"I think Heero's a goner."
"Yeah."
"Agreed."
Wufei picked up the remote to flip channels.
"Look; Yu Yu Hakusho."
"Oh, I like that!"
"...."
"True, but I think it's Duo's thought that counts now."
012
Heero appeared downstairs shortly before 0700.
His head hurt.
His pupils were slightly uneven.
His glare was lopsided.
"Wufei."
He would have raised one eyebrow, but that hurt.
"What are you doing?"
Wufei soared across the room in a masterfully executed ballet leap.
He paused for a moment, then came down from his toes.
"The Gods gave me this body in perfect shape, and thus I shall return it."
Wufei turned to look at Heero.
His eyes widened instantly.
"Yuy, what is wrong with your face?"
"Hn?"
"You look like your muscles are cramped or something."
"I'm practicing."
"Practicing what?"
"Smiling."
"Smiling?"
"Duo says I'm cute when I smile."
Wufei blinked.
"That's a smile?"
He shook his head.
"No wonder Duo calls himself the God of Death..."
He eyed Heero critically.
"I think it looks creepy..."
He looked down at Heero's non-standard--for Heero--clothing.
"And what about that outfit?"
"Duo says I look good in black. He says it enhances my eyes."
"He's right, babe!" called Quatre from the kitchen. "You look like a walking wet dream! Double yum!"
Wufei looked at Heero.
Heero... smiled... again.
"Duo's going to teach me to socialize tonight, if I wear it."
Wufei shuddered slightly at the... expression... that Heero called a smile.
Wufei tilted his head to the side.
"He's taking you on a date?"
Heero looked up at the ceiling.
Wufei could swear that the scary grimace on his face had broadened.
"Duo says we need to work on improving my--"
They heard a noise that sounded like a Gundam landing in the stairwell.
Duo appeared in the kitchen, and started rummaging in the fridge.
"Duo!"
Heero's face lit up with a more natural, spontaneous smile.
"Hee~ro! Hey, babe! Bring that cute ass in here!"
Duo waved at him and beckoned for him to join him.
Heero turned to Wufei.
His eyes glimmered in a way Wufei found almost disturbing - coming from Heero Yuy.
"Hn." He snorted happily. "Duo says..."
"I heard. Go now."
Heero turned on his heels and nearly bounced into the kitchen.
Wufei scrubbed his hands over his face.
"If I know Maxwell - and I think I do - we're gonna hear a googol of 'Duo says' from now on..."
"..."
Wufei looked back over his shoulder.
Trowa was leaning against the doorframe, one eyebrow cocked.
Wufei sighed.
"We've created a monster."
Quatre stuck his head around the door, grinning.
"Hey... it's the thought that counts."
OWARI
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