Author: PlaidDragon
Pairings: 1+2
Warnings: Shounen ai, ficlet, slight sap
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its original characters do not belong to me.
Hair
A gentle breeze wafted up from the ocean below. The seagulls circled endlessly above the rocks waiting for the tide to turn and expose their delicacies. Frothy waves bubbled against the golden sand, approaching flood tide. On the sand a few scattered souls enjoyed the early spring day. The sun, just past midheaven, warmed, and the breeze cooled. Tattered white clouds suggested that winter might be gone, but not forgotten. The forecast was for rain tomorrow, courtesy of an early storm off Baja. Heero Yuy relaxed in his chair on the patio of a fast food restaurant, idly observing nature at work and letting his mind coast. He supposed the scene before him would be considered pretty by those who noticed such things.
Duo flopped down in the chair opposite Heero and began licking the droplets of soda off the outside of his cup.
"I swear they make those machines do that on purpose!" he laughed. "I've never seen one yet that worked right." He continued licking at the side of the cup. Heero watched in silent fascination as that darting tongue worked its way around the plastic lid.
Everything Duo did was mesmerizing to him. From the moment they met (and Duo shot him, twice) he had watched every move the braided redhead made. Heero had become accustomed to the twitching in his groin whenever they were near each other. Obviously, his subconscious found Duo appealing. Something about the other boy set off his hormones.
It still remained something of a mystery, this attraction. He knew what it was; Dr. J had been careful to explain the biochemical workings of puberty, what it meant and what to do about it. He was also very firm (Heero winced, remembering how firm) in his directions on how to deal with such hormonal urges. Until now it had never been a problem. He simply treated the stirring as any other bodily cue. Hungry? Eat. Tired? Sleep. Horny? Get off.
Without a doubt Duo was visually attractive. With his flashing amethyst eyes, smoky lashes and brows, trim athletic body and impossibly long chestnut-red hair he was an eye-catching sight. His cheeky grin and raucous laughter were infectious; even Heero thought of smiling when Duo was around. (Not that he did, of course; thinking and doing were two different things.)
The point that perplexed him was not so much why he felt this way around Duo, but why he didn't around the other pilots. Or any of the women or other men in the team's support, for that matter. Certainly Quatre was cuter than Duo, with his enormous sapphire eyes, sweet expression and earnest dedication to their missions, as well as being much quieter. Trowa's aloof attractiveness was a given and his cool distance something Heero found admirable. Wufei's stern and imperious beauty reminded Heero sometimes of Relena Peacecraft, but his single-minded devotion to duty, justice and avengement were all worthy of emulation.
But none of that stirred the tightness in his groin or the need in his belly the way Duo's presence did. Dr. J had never warned him that he might feel such lust for his partners. He wasn't sure what to do about it yet. Should he transfer the feeling to a convenient prostitute, take care of it himself (which didn't seem to be helping) or simply grab Duo? Every time he weighed his options, the outcome changed.
"Heero," said Duo suddenly, snapping him out of his reverie. "Taste this. I don't think its Coke." He offered the cup. Heero took it obediently, blinking as their fingers touched and static electricity sparked. He tasted the soda, and shook his head.
"It's diet."
"Crap! That's not what it said! Dammit!" He stalked back into the restaurant, braid switching angrily.
Heero watched him walk away. The black jeans were a change from his usual jodhpurs. They fit his body like a second skin and the snug black tee shirt was no less flattering.
Yes, the visual package was superb, the psychological appeal enheartening and of course, Duo's professional performance beyond reproach. But that was true of all the pilots. The question remained: Why do I want to have sex with Duo and not Quatre or Trowa or Wufei?
Heero shook his head in bewilderment. It must be that braid. He had touched it a few times (it was a remarkably good attention-getter when Duo got a little over the top in his behavior; one good yank settled him right down), and found it disturbingly warm and satiny. The feel of it made him want to take it down and run his fingers through its luxuriant length. It had to be something about that braid. Hair had a certain psychosexual connotation according to some of the literature that he'd read. At the moment, it was the only explanation he could find.
Duo came bouncing out of the restaurant, grinning. Even the braid seemed to be happy; it flopped and floated with the same exuberance as its owner. "Hah! They had the bottles switched! Can you believe none of them knew how to swap the bottles? I did it for 'em, and even adjusted the nozzle so it wouldn't go all over the place. My good deed for the month." He rolled his eyes and fluttered his lashes and returned to ravaging his food.
Heero studied his partner for a while before deciding to speak.
"Duo, why do you wear your hair so long?"
"Huh? I dunno, I guess I just like it." He paused to run his fingers through his bangs, sweeping them back from his forehead. "Why do you ask?"
"Just curious. I just realised that I've never seen your hair out of that braid."
Duo snorted. "And you never will! I wash it, dry it and braid it right back again!"
"Why?"
"'Why?'" he frowned. "Because... Look, Heero, what's with the sudden interest in my hair?" His violet eyes fixed Heero to his chair like a butterfly to a board. "I'm not cutting it! I wouldn't cut it for Professor G and I'm sure as hell not cutting it for anyone else!"
"I don't want you to cut it," Heero replied absently. "I just want to understand it."
Duo stared at him. "You want... to understand? Why?" He cocked his head like a bird watching a particularly juicy worm. "Why do you need to understand anything about me?"
Good question. Why did he need to understand anything about Duo Maxwell? Because Duo was different. Duo was a catalyst. Duo caused him to think about himself in new ways. Duo caused him to see things in a different light. Duo was more than willing to believe in the impossible, before, during and after breakfast.
/Is that what this is?/ Heero wondered. /An emotional reaction to his proximity?/ Did he... like Duo Maxwell? Was this a manifestation of... friendship? Duo still watched him, waiting for an answer.
"I'm not sure," he replied honestly. "Maybe because you're so different from the others. From me."
"Because of my hair?" said Duo in surprise. "That's kinda weird, Heero. It's just hair."
"You never cut it, you take the trouble to wear it in a braid, you take inordinate care of it. If it's just hair, why do you bother?"
Duo drew the end of his braid over his shoulder, caressing it like a pet. Something lively and joyous fled his eyes as he stared at Heero. "It's part of me. It's always been there. It's the one good thing I have that never leaves me," he whispered, all trace of high spirits gone. "When I was little Solo would brush it and braid it for me. Then Sister Helen did, and even Father Maxwell sometimes. I felt wanted and needed and safe... I felt comfortable... I felt loved... I like remembering that feeling. Is that a good enough reason?"
Heero just looked at him, an unfamiliar constriction stalling his voice. /He has feelings... I have hurt his feelings, somehow... This is what happens when I hurt someone's feelings... Someone that I... like... This was not my intention.../
"I'm sorry, Duo," he said slowly, watching the boy's face for a visual cue that what he said was correct. "I was trying to figure out why you seem so different to me. I don't understand emotions. I'm sorry."
Duo regarded him warily, trying to work out what the Japanese boy was getting at. Heero never seemed to care about anything or anyone outside of the current mission. All attempts to draw him out or lighten his stony manner had met with failure.
"Don't you ever feel, Heero?" he asked finally.
"No."
Duo blinked. "Not ever?"
"It's counter-productive to the mission. My training was very clear on that. Feelings have no place in a soldier's life," he recited Dr. J's words.
Duo drew back against his chair, clutching his braid against his chest protectively. "Is that why you don't laugh or... or smile?" he whispered. The expression on his face suggested he might be ill.
"I suppose," said Heero thoughtfully. And yet, he did feel something. He liked Duo Maxwell.
Duo did look sick. He felt sick. Bad as some parts of his training were, no one had ever suggested he shouldn't feel. (In some areas, in fact, it was even encouraged.) The idea that Heero had been taught not to feel at all made him queasy in a way he couldn't explain.
"Heero," he said softly. "Did you ever having feelings? Before your training?" Was Heero ever normal? Did he ever have any kind of childhood?
"Not that I remember."
"Oh." /And I thought my childhood sucked! How could they do something like that?! How could they just... take away his emotions..? Like he was a machine or something... And Heero's so matter-of-fact about it.../ His stomach turned over suddenly, startling him. /Oh, shit!/ He lunged to his feet and ran for the restroom. Heero stared after him in confusion.
/Should I go after him?/ he wondered. /What happened?/
Unsure of how to react, he waited. When ten minutes had passed and Duo still had not returned, he went looking for him. He found him leaning against the building, arms wrapped around his ribs, taking slow deep breaths. His normally healthy glow had faded to a sickly gray.
"Duo? Are you...? Are you all right?" he asked hesitantly. He'd been over their conversation and he still didn't understand what he could have said that would make the braided boy physically ill.
Duo nodded, eyes closed. "Yeah, I'm okay. I was just about to come back. Sorry about that." He slammed his closed fist against the wall. "Geez, Heero, I can't believe they did that to you. That's disgusting!"
Now Heero was totally confused. "Did what to me?"
Duo turned to look at him. "Taught you not to feel! How can a person be human if they don't feel?"
"Feelings, emotions, get in the way of the missions. A soldier can't afford the distraction of feelings."
Duo's chin trembled. His violet eyes filled with tears. "That's crap! Only machines kill without caring! But you don't understand, do you?" he whispered.
"No..."
"Ah, shit..." He gave up trying to fight the tears and reached out to wrap his arms around Heero's shoulders, hugging him. Heero blinked, then brought his arms up to return the embrace.
/He's... crying... For me...? Why?/ He drew back slightly to look at Duo's head on his shoulder. /Is this... friendship..? That he is sad for me?/ Unconsciously, he tightened his arms around Duo. Duo was his friend... Duo felt sad for him... Duo had feelings for him... A friend had feelings...
Duo's feelings didn't seem to affect his performance. Feelings did not impact performance. He frowned to himself. Could Dr. J have been wrong?
/No,/ whispered a tiny voice in his head. /Dr. J is never wrong. Dr. J is the teacher. The teacher is not wrong./
/Something is wrong. Duo is crying. My friend is crying./
"Duo..." he murmured slowly. "Do you... do you... like me?"
"Do I like you?!" Duo exclaimed, wiping his eyes roughly. "Hell, yes, I like you! I think you're god!" Heero stared at him. "I mean, I worship you! I think you're the greatest thing since man set foot on the moon!"
"But why?"
"How the hell should I know?! I just know that being in your company is the most wonderful feeling in the world!" He stopped, his expression wistful. "And you don't have a clue what I'm talking about..."
Heero shook his head silently. "I want to know," he whispered. "I want to know what feelings are. I want to know how to be a friend. I want to learn about... about my feelings..." He touched Duo's cheek, marveling at the softness of his skin. "Would you... would you teach me?" His hand moved of its own volition to caress the satin soft chestnut hair. /I want to know why I want him so much.../
"Yes," breathed Duo. "Yes, I'll teach you whatever you like, Heero..."
OWARI
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