Author: PlaidDragon
Pairings: 1x2, ?x2, 3x4, 5x13, D+R
Warnings: Yaoi, Shoujo ai, crossdressing, angst, NCS
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its original characters do not belong to me.
A Kind of a Drag
"Why do I have to do this?" Wufei demanded for the umpteenth time, whirling angrily and almost taking Quatre's head off.
Quatre ducked automatically. "Because everyone's doing it," he sighed around a mouthful of sewing pins. "Now, hold still."
"That idiot," Wufei muttered darkly. Trust that braided fool to come up with an idea like this. Women's clothing, for god's sake! And even worse, Heero had agreed to it.
Not all that surprising, really, he snorted to himself. Heero had been agreeable to most of Duo's silly ideas since he started fucking the braided vixen. Ridiculous what some men would do for love! It still didn't explain why they all had to participate in this... this... humiliation!
And that reminded him of Quatre's last reply. "You're not dressing up!" he snapped.
Quatre sat back on his heels with an even bigger sigh. He took the pins out of his mouth and looked up at the Chinese pilot glowering down at him. "Wufei, the idea is to blend in with the patrons of the club; how well do you think I'd blend right now?"
Wufei rolled his eyes, refusing to even think about Quatre in drag.
"The makeup just won't cover it," Quatre explained patiently, touching the bruise that covered half his face. "Not to mention the swelling. Believe me, I'd be more than happy to take your place and let you sit here and worry, but I just can't. Now, stop fidgeting and let me finish this hem."
"And why are you doing this woman's work? Why doesn't the Catalonia do it? This is all her fault, after all!"
Patiently once more, Quatre removed the pins. "Because I have twenty-nine sisters and they all know how to sew. Therefore, I know how to sew. Dorothy doesn't. If I have to stop once more, I'm going to poke you with a pin."
Several minutes of silence followed as Wufei fumed and Quatre finished pinning the hem and stood up to check the high neckline. "Wufei, you have to put the bra on; I can't fit the bodice without it."
"NO! Absolutely NOT!"
"Wufei --"
"What's going on?" Trowa's uninflected voice came from the doorway.
Wufei spun about, shouting. "I am NOT doing this!! I won't do it!" He stopped suddenly, almost strangling on his words. It was Trowa's voice, but definitely NOT the Trowa he expected.
High-heeled crimson pumps, slender, stocking clad legs, a trim figure encased in crimson spandex -- with cleavage! -- shoulder length brown hair sprinkled with golden glitter, and model perfect cosmetics had turned an attractive young man into a gorgeous young woman.
Wufei's jaw dropped. He clutched at Quatre's arm. He shrieked at the top of his lungs.
~*~
"You know, as much fun as this'll be, we don't have to do it, really." Duo had forsaken his usual single thick braid, letting his silken auburn hair cascade loosely down his back to mid-thigh. "It's not like we owe Dorothy anything, and goddess knows Relena is a singular pain in the butt."
"I know."
"So why are we doing this again?"
"Because Dorothy has information of use to us and she refuses to give it up until Relena's back."
Duo shook his head, touching up his cosmetics. "And you think it's good info?"
"From the hint she gave."
"What the hell... Anything's better than sitting around." He paused as a scream split the quiet. "Wufei must have seen Trowa," he grinned evilly.
Heero frowned. "He's going to be a problem."
"No shit! He's already losing his mind!" crowed Duo, smiling up at him and fluttering his lashes enticingly. "How do I look?"
Heero examined his costume, hair and make-up. ::Like my forever and always love...:: "Like a cheap whore."
"Cool! And you look like my madam!" he laughed. He stood up to slink across their room and back on his five-inch rapier-heels. "This better not take long." He bent to adjust the tops of his thigh high black boots, not noticing that doing so caused his leather skirt to ride up, revealing the curve of his cute butt. Heero noticed, though, with a raised eyebrow and made a mental note to tuck that costume away for later, more private use.
"I never did like corsets," Duo muttered, turning to the mirror to pinch up enough flesh above the tightly laced corset to give the illusion of breasts. "And if anyone reaches under my skirt... Well, I won't be responsible."
"This was your idea," Heero reminded him.
"How else would you expect to get into a women-only club?" He turned gracefully in front of the mirror and did a little shimmy that made Heero squirm inwardly. "Hey, it's cool. You guys can be the good girls doing a bit of slumming, and I'll be the bad girl showing you the sights."
::And where did you learn to be so comfortable at this?::
"C'mon, let's see how Quatre's doing with Wufei."
Heero shook his head as he followed Duo out; his eyes fixed on that shapely swaying butt. He even moved like a woman...
~*~
They found Trowa and Quatre hovering over a prone and whimpering Wufei.
"What is this?" demanded Heero testily. "Wufei, pull yourself together!"
"No!" he howled rolling over on the bed to bury his face in the spread. "I'm not going out as a woman!"
"Oh, for god's sake!" muttered Duo pushing past the others. "Get up, you coward! It's a job! You're not being emasculated! Haven't you ever acted before?"
Wufei lunged to his knees forgetting about the dress he still wore, and almost fell off the bed. "This is your fault!" he shrieked at Duo, then stopped. His eyes widened at the sight of the Deathscythe pilot.
"Oh, dear," murmured Quatre, reaching again for the smelling salts.
"You... you..." he goggled at the auburn-haired beauty standing before him. "Duo..?!"
"I'll take that as a compliment," Duo grinned, tossing his head and looking more like himself. "C'mon, Wufei; get yourself together. You're not the only one who's uncomfortable. Be glad you aren't wearing these heels!" he laughed, taking the Chinese boy's arm.
Wufei still stared at him in a mixture of astonishment and fear, but he let Duo help him to his feet. The Deathscythe pilot looked female... ::Oh, my ancestor... He smells female!:: He reached hesitantly for Duo's hair. It was the same silken mane. Behind the incredibly long lashes sparkled the same impish violet eyes that laughed in the face of danger. Under the blood red and black-outlined lips lurked the familiar sly grin.
Against his will, his gaze drifted down to the costume Duo wore. The black leather corset laced tightly around his ribs bared his shoulders and arms, and exposed several inches of skin between it and the short leather skirt. The skirt, hardly more than a wide belt, rode low on his hips and barely covered his butt. Fingerless black gloves graced his hands. Tall, cuffed boots went up and up, ending just shy of the bottom of the skirt. Their five-inch stiletto heels made him taller than all of them, except Trowa.
::It's not real,:: Wufei told himself desperately. ::It's only Duo, playing dress-up.:: He looked around at Trowa in his crimson spandex and past Duo to Heero, dressed in a more restrained, though still startling midnight blue sequined dress and low-heeled pumps.
Heero's unruly hair had been curled and teased, and heavily lacquered. He wore cosmetics more appropriate for a businesswoman than a party girl. He looked... ::god help us all!:: ...quite natural.
Wufei bit his lower lip. If he didn't go... What about his honor, his integrity then? Duo was right; he was being cowardly. "Ohhhh..." he whimpered, giving in.
"Attaboy!" laughed Duo. "Now, let Quatre finish his sewing and I'll do your hair while Trowa does your make-up. Think of all the women you're going to fool!"
"I'm more worried about the men," Wufei said sullenly.
"It's a ladies-only club; no men allowed."
"Oh, yeah..."
~*~
Heero shut the car off and looked over his shoulder at Dorothy Catalonia slumped in the center of the back seat. "If she's in there, we'll find her."
"And if not, oh well," added Duo brightly.
The Catalonia cast him a baleful look. "If you want the information, you'll damn well find her." She glanced at her watch. "She's been off her meds for almost 24 hours."
"Hey, Dorothy," said Duo. When she looked up, he flashed his middle finger. As she fumed, he swung the door open. "Let's go, ladies; it's curtain time."
~*~
Once inside the club, Duo pulled them into a huddle. "Remember, keep your voice in the upper registers, order a drink, but don't drink it and don't be surprised if someone grabs your butt."
"...." Wufei began turning red.
Duo held up a warning finger, his violet eyes glittering ominously. "Don't," he breathed. "Don't even think it." Wufei subsided, swallowing hard. "Okay?" Three heads nodded. "Well," he grinned wickedly, "let's go get the Peacecraft."
Wufei carried a drink, pretending to sip as he scanned for any sign of the blonde bubblehead. Heero should have shot her when he had the chance, he thought sourly. A middle-aged brunette smiled at him invitingly. Startled, he remembered to smile back, but kept moving.
Trowa didn't have a chance to order a drink; a bleach-blonde predator snuggled up to him at the bar and ordered for him, a concoction sure to be lethal he decided when he saw it. He managed to get away only by pleading a prior commitment and promising to return the following night. Alone in a dark corner for a moment, he drew a deep breath, held it a full minute and exhaled a deep sigh. He poured the drink into a potted plant, hoping it wouldn't kill the plant.
Heero made no changes to his usual detached bearing, but soon found himself surrounded by young women all vying for his attention. No sign of Relena, though. ::Any other time she'd be clamped to my side like a limpet.::
Duo, meanwhile, wound his way through the crowded rooms like a prowling panther, slinking languidly past dumbstruck admirers. He knew within minutes that Relena wasn't in the large room. He acquired a drink and chose an admirer to escort him, a tough-looking female wearing leather and steel, whose brown eyes softened doeishly when he accepted her offer.
"I'd love to see... the sights..." he purred, as her hand slid down his butt. "Maybe even be one," he teased. Transfixed by his violet eyes, she happily agreed to show him every corner.
To Wufei's dismay, his nervousness seemed to work like an aphrodisiac. Everywhere he turned women were touching him, fondling him, and making the most outrageous propositions. "You want to do what to me where?!" he choked at one particularly mind-boggling suggestion. "Oh... Um... I don't... I couldn't..." he stammered looking about him wildly for escape. "Eeep!" he gulped, and chugged the contents of his glass forgetting Duo's admonition. The woman grabbed him roughly and planted a tongue down the throat kiss on his mouth. He struggled away, gasping. "No, no, no! I can't!" He scurried away into the safety of the crowd, heart pounding. ::Where do these women come from?!:: he wondered wildly, ducking down behind a table as the lustful blonde hurried by, still searching for him.
"Duo, you bastard," he breathed to himself, "I'll get you for this if it takes the rest of my life."
Trowa glanced over the head of the petite girl licking his palm, his attention caught by a discretely camouflaged door in the corner of one of the alcoves. Duo and his leather girl were winding their way toward that door.
"Oh, there's my friend," he murmured. "She must be looking for me." He extracted his hand from the amorous female, patting her hair absently. "I'll just let her know where I am. I'll be right back," he promised with a bright smile, escaping into a clutch of college girls.
Duo was taking his time, stopping now and then to trade kisses with his escort. He was obviously giving his comrades a chance to notice and follow. From a few yards away he spotted Trowa and waved.
"Darling!" he squealed. "Having fun?"
"Oh, yes! This place is wonderful!" Trowa returned brightly, acknowledging the flicker of Duo's glance at the door.
"Well, don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Duo giggled with a wink, and returned his attention to the brunette. "Hmm..?" Trowa heard him say in response to a question from the woman. "Oh, I don't think so. She's never been to a place like this before." A moment later, they vanished through the hidden door.
Trowa waited a few seconds before trying the door, not surprised to find it locked.
This could be it. Trowa scanned the crowd for his partners and spotted Heero momentarily alone at a table. He cut purposefully through the milling throng.
A golden sparkle caught Wufei's eye. He raised up on his toes to see Trowa moving quickly toward the dance floor. Following his trajectory he could just make out Heero sitting at a table looking bored and slightly irritated. He slithered along the wall in the same direction. Maybe Trowa had found something. God, he hoped so! The medieval torture device that Quatre referred to as a "bra" was crushing his ribs.
::Well, well, well,:: thought Duo as they entered the private room. ::Women only, my pretty ass.::
He noted thirteen men and five women in the room, not counting the obviously drunk or drugged Relena Peacecraft being enthusiastically molested by a man and two women as the rest watched in bored amusement.
::So, this is where she got to. Shame on you, Miss Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft!::
He was there to get the Peacecraft, nice and quiet, no fuss, no muss. Heero believed the information Dorothy dangled was important enough to do this, so Duo would make sure it happened.
"I thought this was for me," he said to his guide with just the right mixture of hurt feelings and indignation.
"Oh, no! She's just... you know... An added attraction," she replied quickly.
Duo batted his adorable violet eyes at her. "I just wouldn't feel right..." he hesitated, pouting. She was sweating, he noticed.
She looked at the watchers; one of the women nodded slightly. "It's all right," she cooed soothingly. "We'll just dispense with her."
"But we haven't finished with her!" cried one of the women with Relena.
"You would really rather have her?" Duo murmured, lifting his long hair off his shoulders and striking a come-and-get-me pose. It was purely coincidence that his skirt rode up with that maneuver, teasing the assembled patrons.
They looked at Relena slumped against the wall, giggling like an idiot and picking fuzz off the carpet. Then they looked at Duo, sensual, vivacious and willing.
"Ahhh..." breathed one of the men appreciatively.
Duo smiled, lowering his eyes suggestively. "Why don't I just escort this poor thing out?" he offered. When no one objected, he hauled Relena to her feet and down the short hallway to the door and shoved her out.
~*~
"Should we follow or wait?" murmured Trowa in Heero's ear only a few feet from the hidden door.
"I think we wait," Heero replied. ::Help me out, Duo... Give me a clue.::
Wufei hunched his shoulders against the presence of the women in the room behind him. ::I want to go home!:: Never had he felt so exposed and helpless. So weak... Facing a thousand Mobile Dolls was easier than this! ::Damn you, Maxwell...::
Heero's gaze sharpened and his nostrils flared. Duo's scent! And... Relena's! From the hidden door... He moved silently against the wall.
The door opened and Relena Peacecraft staggered out, half-dressed and disheveled, falling in a heap onto the carpet. Just inside the doorway stood Duo, dusting his hands fastidiously. He looked at Heero, not reacting.
"She's just a little tiddley," he murmured with a discreet wink. He turned on his spiked heels and ankled off as the door closed silently behind him. Just before it did, he glanced over his shoulder to give Heero another seductive wink and a flirtatious wiggle of his hips.
~*~
Heero needed time to get Relena out of the club, get the info from Dorothy and check its veracity and usefulness. Duo would make sure he had that time and that no one gave him or Relena Peacecraft a second thought.
Duo took a deep breath and put on a brilliant smile for his escort, and his new "friends". "You're going to love me," he breathed. "I'm just full of surprises." ::Boy, am I full of surprises!::
~*~
At the car, the three pilots hustled Relena into Dorothy's eager arms.
"Oh, Miss Relena!" she gushed. "What have you been up to? Here you go; time to take your meddies."
Heero leaned over the seat. "The disk, Dorothy. Now."
"Sure; take it," she rummaged in her bag to flick the disk to him, returning her attention to Relena. "Now, let's get out of here!"
"No. I want to check the disk. And we'll wait for Duo." Heero glanced at Trowa. "We haven't any particular reason to trust you; I'm sure you know that. I want to be sure that Duo hasn't put himself in danger for nothing. If he's not out safely in reasonable time, then we go and get him."
Dorothy grumbled, but didn't argue.
Trowa nodded silently, and relaxed in the seat.
Wufei glared at Heero. "What does that mean?"
Heero reached under his seat for his laptop. "It means we wait."
Wufei muttered sourly to himself, wishing he'd brought a change of clothing.
~*~
Heero closed the laptop and shoved it back under the seat. He pulled out a small bag. In it was the change of clothes that Wufei so fervently desired and wasn't going to get. No one said a word as he quickly transformed himself from a bored businesswoman back into the familiar steely-eyed teenage terrorist.
"What...?" began Wufei, but Heero cut him off.
"It's been over an hour. He should have been out by now. I'm going to get him."
"Not alone?" queried Trowa.
He looked at his fellow pilots. In this instance at least, he trusted Trowa more than the Chinese boy. Wufei was still twitching. "Wufei, stay here. Trowa, you'll give me a distraction."
Wufei couldn't hide his sigh of relief; he wouldn't be obliged to further humiliate himself for that laughing bastard Duo Maxwell.
"Heero!" said Trowa sharply, and the Wing pilot turned. "Over there. It's Duo."
Walking slowly and deliberately, Duo made his way between the cars in the parking lot. He stumbled once and grabbed at a car for balance. He recovered and pushed away to continue, watching the ground intently with every wobbly step.
He spotted his friends, and waggled his hand. "Hi, guys," he called softly with his familiar grin. "Didja miss me?" His grin widened and his amethyst eyes lit up happily as Heero started toward him. "Heero..."
And then he fainted, crumpling to the ground in an untidy heap.
"Duo!" Heero gathered him into his arms, patting his cheek. He noted with alarm the bruises on Duo's arms and shoulders, and scooped him up in his arms to carry him to the car. "Trowa!" he snapped. "Drive!" He slid into the back seat with Duo, crowding Dorothy and Relena against the opposite door.
~*~
Duo was finally beginning to stir by the time they reached the house. Heero hugged him in relief as his eyes fluttered, trying to focus.
"Are you all right?" he demanded.
"...Yeah... Just beat..." Duo whispered, patting ineffectually at his arm. "Long damn train..." His eyes closed again.
Dorothy gave a start and shot him an almost frightened look. She quickly recovered before Heero noticed. "Come on, Miss Relena," she said brightly. "Let's get you in the car and off to home."
"No."
She looked at Heero.
He scowled at the devious young woman. "Not until I know what happened to Duo."
She rolled her eyes in exasperation, but gave in gracefully (for her). "Fine."
~*~
"Did you get her?" cried Quatre, as Trowa slid out of the car.
"Yes," he replied simply and wrapped his arms around Quatre's shoulders as the smaller boy hugged him tightly.
"And everyone's okay?"
Trowa glanced up as Heero pulled a limp Duo out of the car to sling him over his shoulder and carry the unconscious Deathscythe pilot into the house. "That remains to be seen," he murmured.
~*~
When Duo had been put to bed and Relena tucked away on a sofa, Heero stood over the Catalonia to demand coldly, "Spill it, Dorothy."
She started to make a joke, then thought better of it. Heero Yuy had no sense of humor. He was also deeply in love with Maxwell. No, a joke right now would probably be a mistake. "I don't know what you mean," she said instead.
"Yes, you do. What did he mean by 'long damn train'?"
~*~
Sitting behind Heero, Trowa blinked slowly. Wufei saw, and raised an eyebrow. Trowa stood up and walked out of the room, Wufei close behind. Quatre joined them a moment later.
"You know what happened, don't you?" Wufei snapped, still nursing his snit over the whole affair. "You know what Duo meant."
Trowa nodded.
"Trowa, why didn't you tell Heero?" asked Quatre anxiously. "He's livid!"
"Knowing wouldn't make it any better."
Both the pilots looked at him. "Trowa!" they cried in unison.
Trowa was silent for a moment, pondering the options and consequences of telling the younger pilots. "Have you ever heard the expression 'pulling a train'?" Quatre and Wufei looked at him, then at each other, then at Trowa again and shook their heads.
"Duo has." And he explained.
Wufei sat beside the bed, not looking at Duo, but staring out the window at the glimmering stars.
::I wished this to happen. I lost sight of my mission as well as my honor and wished harm to my partner. Over something so... inconsequential... What does it matter the disguise I wear? The information garnered will save thousands of lives... The innocents in this insane war; children, women, the ones who can't fight for themselves, the ones who shouldn't have to fight for themselves. I know that he's a mischievous idiot, but he's never been hurtful or mean, not to anyone. And I wished this... this abomination on him... Because I was embarrassed...::
He closed his eyes. ::Ancestor, forgive me...::
"Wufei..."
He turned sharply at that raspy whisper. Duo's half-lidded violet eyes met his. Wufei swallowed and began an apology, but Duo shook his head weakly.
"Don't..." he sighed. "It's not your fault... I know... I knew you'd be pissed... Sorry I teased you..." He coughed raggedly, and Wufei offered a glass of water, supporting him with an arm around his shoulders as he drank. "Thanks..."
"Should you be seen by a doctor?" Wufei asked. "Trowa said... that you'd... that they... K'so..." he muttered helplessly.
"I think I'm okay," he murmured. "It could have been worse..."
"Jesus Christ, how?!"
"All they did was fuck me," Duo breathed. "They could have done a lot worse... Could have done me to death..." He sighed, his exhausted eyes closing. "Where's Heero..."
"Probably ripping the Catalonia a new one. He's in a rage... He... um... He doesn't know yet, what they did to you."
"I'm sorry..." He reached blindly for Wufei's hand. The Shenlong pilot laced his fingers with Duo's for a firm squeeze. "Don't let him kill her... Cause no end of trouble..."
~*~
"Omae o korosu," Heero muttered more to himself than to the Catalonia who sat nursing a bruised cheek and blackening eye. "Stop lying to me!" he snarled.
"What're you going to do?" she snarled right back. "Beat me senseless? Big tough terrorist!" she spat. "You got your information; I got Relena. Maxwell's tucked away in bed just waiting for his daddy," she sneered nastily. "What the hell more do you want?!"
"The truth, bitch!" He grabbed her chin, yanking her head around. "What did he walk into?"
From the doorway came Trowa's laconic voice. "I believe Dorothy neglected to mention the men only club on the next street and the tunnel connecting the two." Dorothy's eyes widened with a startled gasp.
Heero's frozen cobalt eyes glittered dangerously. "Dorothy..."
"Oh, for Christ sake!" She swatted Heero's hand away. "I didn't 'neglect' anything; I just didn't feel it was relevant!" she snapped. "I thought Relena would be in the open club!" She stopped as Quatre gasped in horror.
"Oh, Miss Dorothy!" he cried, now at Trowa's side. "How could you! He rescued Relena for you! You should have warned him!" he wailed.
Heero's hands closed on the Catalonia's windpipe. "What the hell did you do to Duo?!" he roared, shaking her violently.
"Heero! No!" Quatre ran to pry at his hands. "She can't answer if you strangle her!"
"Get away!" He let go of Dorothy long enough to shove Quatre away.
Trowa caught him before he hit the floor. Dorothy used the chance to punch Heero in the stomach, then knee him in the groin, but to her surprise, he barely flinched. Instead, he backhanded her. She saw stars, and everything went black.
~*~
Heero tightened his grip on Quatre's shirt and snarled at Trowa. "You'll tell me NOW!"
Rarely did Trowa lose his temper; he lost it now. "Get your goddamn hands OFF MY Quatre!" He leveled his weapon at Heero. "You hurt him and I'll fuckin' shoot you, Yuy!"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" Wufei burst into the room, grabbing the gun from Trowa's hand, and snatching Quatre from Heero's grasp. "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!?!?!" He dropped Quatre on the sofa. "Are you all right?" Quatre nodded, rubbing his throat.
Heero's slitted eyes shifted from one to the next. "I want," he demanded tightly, "to know what happened to Duo in that club. Somebody tell me NOW, or I'm going to KILL someone." His eyes lingered on Dorothy, still unconscious on the floor.
"Fuck you!" bellowed Wufei to no one in particular. "Duo's not hurt; he's fuckin' exhausted! He was gang-raped! That's what happened!" He turned on Heero in a rage. "So who're you gonna kill, Yuy?! Huh?! Pick someone and get it over with!!!" He glared back at the Wing Zero pilot.
~*~
Heero stared at him, frozen. Quatre shrank down on the sofa and crept slowly out of Heero's reach. Even Trowa stepped back a pace. Wufei and Heero faced each other only inches apart.
"Are you satisfied now?!" Wufei snarled. His anger was more for himself than Heero; anger at his own humiliating reaction to Duo's painfully whispered explanation. God, would he ever get past worshipping of the porcelain deity and bleeding like a stuck pig whenever anyone mentioned weird sex? "It's over and done! Maxwell's asleep; he doesn't seem any the worse for the wear." He glanced at Dorothy, now conscious and trying to sit up. "Woman, you'd better empty your guts now, or I'll fuckin' well let him KILL you!"
"How do you know?" Heero whispered, still staring at Wufei.
"Duo told me!" he snapped. "He woke up for a few minutes. They were going to use Relena. He traded places." He looked away from Heero's empty eyes, suddenly uncomfortable. "He had to finish the mission."
Heero turned blindly.
"You knew..." he whispered in Trowa's direction.
"I suspected," he corrected mildly. "It really didn't seem like a good time to tell you."
"No... Not really..." He looked at Quatre, now huddled under Trowa's protecting arm. "I'm... sorry... Quatre... Did I hurt you..?"
Quatre shook his head. "No. I'm sorry, Heero; we just didn't want to upset you any more..."
"No..." He walked out of the room.
The three remaining pilots traded looks.
"He wouldn't..." said Quatre in a small voice. "Would he?"
"I don't know," Trowa replied thoughtfully. He looked at Dorothy. "You and Relena will be staying here for the time being."
"Fuck you," she gasped in return.
"Shut up, woman!" snapped Wufei. "Before I kill you myself!"
~*~
In the bedroom, Heero stared down at the sleeping boy.
::My lover, my life...::
"For the sake of the bloody mission... Duo..."
He closed his eyes for a long moment. Not once had Duo failed him...
::Dark angel... Always by my side.::
Then he undressed and got into the bed next to Duo, taking him in his arms to hold him tightly.
~*~
Heero walked into the kitchen late the following morning. Trowa, Quatre and Wufei sat at the dining table drinking coffee and chatting. Dorothy (now sporting a full-blown black eye and a livid bruise on her cheek) and Relena (awake, but annoyingly confused) sat together on the sofa.
"Yuy!" snarled Dorothy. "I'm making a complaint! Those buffoons --" she waved her hand to include all three pilots -- "STRIP searched me!"
Heero looked at her, then at his partners. "Did you find anything?" Three heads went back and forth. "Hn." He looked back at the Catalonia. "Now I don't have an excuse to kill you." He poured himself a mug of coffee.
"Heero? How is Duo?" began Quatre tentatively.
"Why don't you ask me?" came Duo's husky voice.
Quatre cried, "Duo!" and jumped up to hug him, as Trowa echoed with a faint smile, "How are you, then?"
Duo returned the hug and shrugged. "All things considered, not bad," he said offhandedly, taking the mug that Heero offered. He ambled over to look down at the seething Catalonia and the still-slightly-out-of-it Peacecraft.
"How do you feel?" he asked Relena.
"Um... Confused," she admitted. "What are we doing here? I don't remember a thing."
Duo nodded. "Lucky you," he muttered. "Guess I don't need to ask how you are," he said to Dorothy with a tiny, hard smile.
She ignored him.
"Hey, no hard feelings. You got Relena back; I got fucked to within an inch of my life. I'd call that an even trade." He sipped at his coffee. "Mmm... Good coffee. Did you make it, Quatre? Good stuff."
Relena looked from Dorothy to Duo to Heero, standing in the kitchen, his face devoid of emotion. "I don't understand," she said plaintively, focusing on the terrorist of her dreams. "Heero, what happened?" Heero ignored her, sipping at his coffee and keeping his eyes on Duo.
"Ask your buddy," Duo sneered, still watching Dorothy. "Ask her what she set us... me up for."
Surprisingly, Dorothy flushed in embarrassment. "I didn't think... I thought they'd just..." she muttered, not looking at Duo.
"You thought they'd toss me out when they discovered I was a guy." He shook his head wonderingly. "For a smart woman, Dorothy, you can be pretty damn dumb." He turned his attention to Relena. "Let me tell you what's been happening while you were... somewhere else."
"Miss Relena --" cried Dorothy, but Duo cut her off with a vicious "Shut the fuck up!" and she shrank back into the cushions, looking actually frightened.
The other pilots watched and listened, giving no clues as to their thoughts on the whole thing. Wufei silently rooted for Duo to slap the crap out of the Catalonia.
He just glared at her. "Okay. Dorothy offered Heero some good information in exchange for our help in accomplishing your safe return." Relena started to speak; Duo silenced her with a look and an upraised hand. "When I'm finished. She knew where you were, but she couldn't just go after you. Why was that, Dorothy?" he asked pleasantly. "Too many of your friends involved? Or were you persona non-gratis? We agreed to go undercover in a women-only club." He leaned close to Relena, grinning coldly. "Hey, Relena, ask Heero to dress up sometime; he's one hot babe in a dress."
Relena's eyes widened and her face flushed crimson.
Duo flashed Heero a grin, a real one. Heero looked at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge the teasing. Only someone who knew him very well (like Duo Maxwell) would have noticed the tiny flicker of amusement in his steely eyes.
"I found you, Relena, in a sex club, in a private party room, in a, shall we say, 'compromising position' with several people. They were preparing to pass you around as a piece of fresh meat."
Relena's eyes bulged even more, but she kept her mouth shut.
"If it was just me, I'd have let them have you," he shrugged. "But Heero had made a deal and the information was important... So, I made a trade. Me for you." He leaned close to Relena, lowering his voice to a harsh growl. "Don't you ever forget, Miss Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft; I took a gang-rape for you. And Dorothy set it up." He turned, his long braid switching almost with a life of its own, and ambled back into the kitchen for more coffee.
Relena stared after him, her mouth hanging open in astonishment.
::Good god! She looks like a dead fish,:: thought Wufei in irritation.
Relena turned to the Catalonia finally. "Dorothy..? Is any of that true?"
Dorothy raised both forked eyebrows helplessly. "Yes," she admitted reluctantly. "You... you had... an episode... And I didn't know where you were. And then when I found you... I... I needed help... I was so afraid for you... And I overheard Treize talking to General Bakker... I traded the information... for your safe return..." she finished, stroking Relena's hand. "I didn't know they'd..." She shot Duo a withering glance. "I thought they'd toss him out when they discovered he was a man. Maybe knock him around a little, but that's all!"
"THAT'S ALL?!?!" thundered Heero. "I should kill you right now, you murderous bitch, but that's Duo's choice! And I hope it's slow and painful!"
But Duo shook his head. "Nah... I don't think so," The other pilots looked at him in varying degrees of astonishment. "I think for now I'll just let Dorothy ruminate on the fact that she OWES me."
He lifted his hand in a gesture of blessing. "Go, yon bitch," he intoned, his violet eyes cold as ice, "And scheme no more. Stay the hell away from us, both of you." He turned and walked out of the room.
They moved to a new safehouse an hour after Relena and Dorothy left.
~*~
This house had a beautifully landscaped garden with tall, broad trees overhead, soft Irish moss underfoot and a bubbling fountain pond stocked with waterlilies, koi fish and softly 'ribbit'ing toads. Roses, jasmine, mock orange and honeysuckle gave off a miasma of perfume in the still, warm afternoon air.
Ordinarily, Wufei would avoid the heavily perfumed space, but he had amends to make.
Duo relaxed in the hammock, dozing lightly. Heero had taken off somewhere shortly after arrival. Quatre and Trowa had retired to the room they shared for some concentrated cuddling. Wufei came down the steps carrying two bottles of Guinness and approached the hammock.
He gave Duo's bare leg a nudge. "Want a beer?"
Duo opened his eyes briefly and held out his hand. "Sure. Thanks, Wufei. I sorta thought you weren't speaking to me. After last night..."
Wufei sat on a nearby stone bench out of the sun. "I sorta wasn't... for awhile," he shrugged.
"Sorry you had to dress up," Duo murmured.
"I'm sorry I wished you harm."
Duo shrugged. "No big deal. I've had worse done to me."
Wufei swallowed, looking down at his beer. Worse than rape? He shuddered as his stomach twitched. "I can't imagine..." he said faintly.
"Don't try." He opened one eye. "How's it going with Treize?"
Wufei choked on his beer. "WHAT?!?!"
"Your 'thing' with Treize, how's it going? Is he as sexy naked as he is in uniform?"
"How the hell did you know?!" Wufei gasped, remembering Duo's usual motor mouth. He slapped his forehead. "Oh, no! Does everyone know?"
Duo shook his head. "No."
"How the hell did you find out?! I'm careful!"
"I followed you once. I was bored; Heero was on a solo mission. I knew you were sneaking out." He turned on his side to look at the Shenlong pilot. "You should know me by now, Wufei; I know everything. Well, almost," he said sourly, thinking of the private room. "It's no big deal," he shrugged. "I'm not going to blab it around. I just thought you might want to talk sometimes."
"I... I don't think so," Wufei muttered faintly. "It's... it's personal..." Sure; like sleeping with an OZ general was ever impersonal. Of all people to know of his indiscretion...
"Okay. If you change your mind, though..." Duo let the offer dangle. He reached out to lightly touch the back of Wufei's hand. "Thanks for the beer."
Wufei shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. "I came out here to talk about you. How did we get onto the subject of me?"
"Just lucky, I guess," Duo smiled. "What did you want to talk about? I figured you'd leveled all sorts of dire curses at me for that costume; I didn't take it personally." His violet eyes sparkled with amusement. "You looked pretty hot yourself in that chelong; gold is your color."
The Chinese pilot flushed a deep crimson. "Maxwell..." he warned.
Duo laughed with delight. "Just teasing! You know how I am."
"Yes..." Duo would do whatever was necessary to accomplish the mission, but he wasn't cruel. Look at what he did last night for a woman he didn't even like... ::No, don't go there again; you'll be vomiting in the fishpond,:: he warned himself sternly. "I wanted to apologize for what I was thinking about you last night," he sighed.
"Let me guess," Duo smiled. "You were channeling Heero. 'Omae o korosu'."
Wufei nodded. "You could have killed that woman for what she caused you. Why didn't you?"
Duo lifted his hand then let it drop. "If I killed Dorothy, I'd have to kill Relena, and she's still of some use. Anyway, Dorothy does a good enough job of keeping her on track and away from Heero. I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired." He flashed a brilliant smile. "I didn't sleep very well last night. Hey, Heero said you guys strip-searched Dorothy!"
"It seemed like a sensible thing to do."
Duo threw back his head, roaring with laughter. "God, I wish I could have seen that! It would almost make up for... for the rest of it."
~*~
Shortly before midnight, Heero let himself silently into the room he shared with Duo. He didn't want to wake the other pilot, but a glance told him that both beds were empty.
::No! Did something happen after I left?!::
He spun around, heart in his throat, only to find Duo sitting quietly in the open window, naked, his long auburn mane loose about his shoulders, watching bats chase bugs in the garden.
"You should be in bed," said Heero in his usual monotone, but the depth of his relief was almost frightening.
Duo seemed inordinately pale, the cold moonlight stealing the colors from his skin, his hair and even his violet eyes. "I wanted to wait," he said softly. "I didn't feel like being alone right now." Wistful eyes met his. "It's silly, I know, but I wanted to know you were back."
Heero crossed the space between them to rest his hand on Duo's silken hair, stroking gently. "Well, I'm back, so you should go to bed." He kissed his cheek tenderly. Still those pale eyes watched him.
"Secret mission?" Duo asked after a minute.
Heero nodded. He stepped away and began pulling off his clothing. Duo watched without moving.
::What's wrong with him? Ordinarily he'd be helping me. He seemed fine this morning.::
"Duo? Are you all right?"
The boy started, as if his mind were far away. He slid out of the window. "Heero, have I ever told you how much you mean to me?"
"Of course!" the Wing pilot snorted uneasily. "You're downright annoying about it."
::Shit! Why did I say that?!::
But Duo only nodded. "I just wasn't sure if I'd said it or only thought it. And... and I need to know that you know... how I feel..." He reached out hesitantly. Heero took his hand and pulled him close. Duo was shaking.
"Duo..." he murmured feeling the panic clawing at him.
::What's wrong with him?!:: Duo wasn't like this! Duo... Duo bounced! He teased and joked and laughed and... and... lived! If this hesitancy, this terrifying distance was because of the gang rape... Dorothy Catalonia was a dead woman! An even more horrible thought occurred to him then. Could Duo be afraid of him? Afraid that Heero would hurt him? That he would try to force him...?
"Duo," he breathed helplessly.
Hands on Heero's shoulders, Duo hid his face against his dark hair as his lover closed his arms tightly around his ribs.
"I'm sorry... It just hit me... When it got dark and the guys went to bed... and I was all alone... I didn't want to be alone in the dark..." He sniffed, and wrapped his arms around Heero's neck. "I sure don't feel like Shinigami right now..." And he began to cry.
Heero lay awake well into the early hours with Duo curled in his arms purring gently. His expression was not pretty.
~*~
Much too early the next morning, Quatre burst into the room without knocking, unheard-of for the impeccably mannered Sandrock pilot.
"Heero! Duo! You've got to see what's on the morning broadcast! Get up! Get up!" he cried excitedly. He wouldn't have dared touch Heero; he grabbed Duo's arm instead. "You'll never believe it! Oh, get up!"
"All right, all right," Duo gasped as Quatre hauled him out of the warm bed, Heero's warm arms and an even warmer dream.
"Quatre, what is it?" demanded Heero testily as he pulled on his shorts. "Has OZ surrendered?"
"It's more incredible than that!" He dashed out the door, calling over his shoulder, "Hurry!"
"Hn." He looked across the bed at his strong, fragile and indescribably gorgeous lover. Duo yawned, stretched and rubbed at his eyes.
::Does he have any idea at all how much I love him?!::
Heero wasn't ready to leave his lover's arms, but since Quatre seemed to have lost his mind, he might as well see what the excitement was. "Are you coming down?"
Duo pulled on a pair of jeans and reached for his hairbrush. "Since Quatre seems to require both our attention," he said, echoing Heero's thought, "I guess I have to." He bowed Heero out the door first. "After you, O Perfect Soldier and World's Best Fuck," he giggled.
Heero glared at him, but inside he relaxed slightly. If Duo's absurd sense of humor were recovering, then the rest of his psyche couldn't be far behind.
In the living room they found Trowa relaxing on the sofa, looking no more excited than usual. Quatre stood beside him, clasped hands pressed to his lips, gentle blue eyes wide as he stared at the monitor. Wufei was nowhere to be found.
"What's up?" asked Duo, perching on the arm of the sofa. Trowa pointed to the monitor. "What the hell is that? Oh, my god..." he breathed. "It's... it's... Relena!"
Indeed it was. On the screen, a video unwound clearly showing Relena Peacecraft engaged in all manner of sexual contortions with a man and two women. An announcer's disembodied voice intoned an obviously hasty script.
"- Has declined to make a statement at this time. Once again, the video you are watching seems to show Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft... enjoying herself at a notorious Martine Ami sex club. This video was provided anonymously and station DREG makes no claim to the veracity or authenticity of the video. The Vice Foreign Minister's office has been contacted, but her spokesperson has declined to make a statement at this time." The carefully neutral voice began to repeat and Heero snorted.
The video seemed to be a series of clips showing Relena in all her glory, embarrassing enough by itself, without the added attraction of her obviously ferocious delight in all of her partners.
"It's probably a good thing," said Trowa casually, "That none of us find her sexually attractive. She seems to be what they call a 'ballbreaker'." Quatre gasped out a giggle before he could stop himself.
"Where's Wufei?" Heero asked after a moment, still watching Relena's performance.
"In the bathroom," Trowa murmured. "Quatre... Could you..?" He indicated the action on the monitor.
Quatre giggled again. "Maybe." He tilted his head for a better look. "Um... Hmm... Maybe not..."
"He's throwing up and trying to staunch a nosebleed," continued Trowa easily, not taking his eyes from the view. "Isn't there some way to help him with that?"
"Conditioning," Heero returned flatly.
Quatre glanced at Duo, only to find him pale as moonlight. "Duo? What's wrong?"
His lips moved, but it took a couple of tries before he managed words. "That's from the other night," he breathed. "Oh, my goddess!" He turned to the other pilots. "Before I got her out! I didn't think of video!" He covered his eyes. "Ohhhh... Then I would be on video! Oh, goddess, noooo!" he wailed.
Heero swung around, fury in his eyes. "Have you seen all of it?!" he demanded. "Is Duo anywhere in this?"
"Yes," began Trowa.
"No!" cried Quatre.
They both stopped and looked at each other, then Trowa continued.
"Yes, we've seen the whole thing. Repeatedly. It's on a loop."
"But there's no sign or mention of Duo!" finished Quatre quickly.
"Apparently, it's meant to embarrass Relena," Trowa murmured thoughtfully.
"Hey!" yelled Duo in relief; "It's working! I'm even embarrassed for her!" He shook his head. "I had no idea... Damn... I could have left her there..." He stabbed at the air with his brush. "Nope; we made a deal with the Catalonia. This is nothing to do with us, right?"
There was a silence, then Heero said, "It has nothing to do with us." He snorted again. "I'm sure Relena's people will handle it with their usual brand of spin," he said unemotionally. "It's easy enough to fake a video."
"But it's not faked!" said Duo. "Those are the same people with her! And look! The spectators are the same ones..." His voice faded and he swallowed.
"Doesn't matter," said Heero walking into the kitchen. "They'll claim it's a fake, and a scapegoat will be found to admit to it. Problem solved." He poured a cup of coffee. "It's of no consequence to us." Then he allowed a tiny, evil smile. "Except of course, for the amusement value."
~*~
"Milliardo!" shouted Treize furiously.
"I'm in the shower! What do you want?" A hand reached around the wall to grab his long platinum hair and drag him into the bedroom. "What the hell! Treize!" he shrieked, trying to wipe the shampoo from his burning eyes.
"Look! LOOK!!!" his lover demanded, shoving his head toward the monitor. "Has your bloody damn sister LOST HER FUCKING MIND?!?!?!?!" he screamed.
Zechs blinked, focusing with difficulty on the pictures on the monitor. After a minute, he sat down hard on the floor, his mouth hanging open in horrified astonishment. "Oh, my GOD!!!"
~*~
Duo lay in the hammock, eyes closed, but not asleep. Heero had disappeared again. Not what Duo hoped for, but his lover would be back soon; he was confident of that. They would go to bed together and he would not be alone. Not that he had been really alone at all today.
Quatre hovered quite charmingly all day, his finely tuned sensibilities desperate to know that Duo was recovering. Wufei had offered to make dinner (it was really Duo's turn) and had made Duo's favorite foods. In return, Duo restrained himself from teasing the Chinese boy about his sexual hang-ups. Even Trowa laid his hand on Duo's shoulder to inquire quietly, "You'll make it?" and squeezed gently when he nodded.
He smiled to himself, recalling the hysterical news coverage that still continued. The Vice Foreign Minister' office had finally released a statement to the effect that the video was obviously a fake designed to sully Relena Peacecraft's reputation.
Pale and tearful, Relena herself had even appeared live an hour ago, to denounce the "horribly evil and twisted mind" that had concocted such an obscene and nauseating attack on her person and her reputation. She begged the authorities to be quick and thorough in their investigation and "bring this awful, diseased person" to justice.
Standing behind Relena like a lowering thundercloud, Dorothy Catalonia declared that Relena's enemies must be utterly destroyed, at whatever cost.
Duo chuckled at the thought, and tilted the bottle for another swig of beer. Of course, they both believed he was behind it! Goddess, he wished he had thought of it! What a perfect revenge! But he hadn't been in much shape, mentally, to do more than snarl at the pair of bitches. No, this one belonged to someone else. Probably been in the making for quite a while.
He lifted his beer in a toast. "Good job," he said aloud to the stars overhead. "Damn fine job."
He felt rather than heard Heero's silent approach. When Heero touched his cheek lightly he opened his eyes and smiled up at the dark cobalt eyes. "I missed you," he whispered.
"Let's go to bed," Heero said with the shadow of a smile and undid the tie on Duo's auburn braid. He ran his fingers through the silken mass as Duo purred with pleasure.
"Mmmm... Fuck me?" Duo teased, hooking his fingers into the top of Heero's spandex shorts.
"If you like."
"I always like."
~*~
The door was locked the next morning when Quatre threw himself against it in excitement. He pounded on it with his fists instead.
"There's more!" he yelled. "More news about Relena! They've made an arrest!"
The door was flung open to reveal Duo, still dripping from his shower. "What?! Damn! I was hoping they'd get away with it!"
"Not about the video!" cried the Arab pilot. "About the fire!"
"What fire?!" Duo grabbed a pair of jeans and yelled at the bathroom. "Heero! More news on the Peacecraft!" He struggled into the tight jeans, carefully avoiding the zipper. "What fire?" he demanded again.
"The club! Someone torched the club last night! Actually, both clubs!" He fairly danced with excitement. "Heero!" he exclaimed as the Wing pilot came out of the bathroom, modestly dressed in his usual green tank top over black jeans, and toweling his dark hair. "They've arrested Dorothy for arson!"
Duo gaped at the blond. "Oh, my GODDESS!!!" He spun to grab Heero in a bear hug. "Oh, my goddess! The Catalonia!" He began to laugh. Heero gave him a brief squeeze, then pried him loose.
"Why her?" he asked in his flat voice.
"The police say she was so angry about what they did to Relena with the video, that she burned both clubs down! They found some bodies..."
Duo's ebullience vanished. "She killed people? Was the club open when it happened?"
"No. It was after-hours. They believe the victims may have been the owners."
Duo's eyes hardened. "Oh, yeah? In that case, good riddance!"
Downstairs Heero brushed out and braided Duo's long hair as they watched the new media circus.
Dorothy was led away in handcuffs. Relena sobbed on-camera. Treize Khushrenada murmured shocked political phrases, about the stress his cousin was under and her affection and devotion to Miss Peacecraft. Various other social and political types echoed Treize's "shock and sadness".
"What a crock!" snorted Duo.
"Do you think she'll actually go to jail?" asked Quatre anxiously. "After all, she did it for Relena. She was provoked!"
Trowa smiled at his angelic lover. "I would be very surprised," he soothed, giving him a hug. "Dorothy is very well-connected; I'm sure Relena's people are already working on it."
Wufei looked up from his laptop where he was monitoring the email traffic through Relena's office. "Already happening," he snorted.
Heero secured the tie on Duo's braid. "It'll blow over in a few weeks," he said dismissively. "We have more important things to do."
All heads turned attentively in his direction.
"We have a mission."
~*~
He sat on the open hatch of Wing Zero watching as Duo poked around in the cockpit of Deathscythe. He couldn't decide right now, which view of Duo he preferred: his wicked smile, sparkling violet eyes and madly switching braid, or this view of his cute butt, encased in tight black jeans. No matter; the jeans would be coming off soon enough, the braid would fall free and those laughing and loving amethyst eyes and that clever and tantalizing mouth would be all for him.
Three weeks since the episode in the sex club. The infamous video had passed into the realm of tall tales. Dorothy had escaped charges of arson and murder by the skin of her teeth due to the fortuitous appearance of a slightly unbalanced Peacecraft supporter who obligingly confessed. Relena had regained most of her patrician demeanor.
More important than all that, Duo's breezy, mischief-making attitude had returned full force, along with his impish sensuality. Best of all, Shinigami was back, gleefully ripping his way through the forces of OZ.
He nodded to himself, thinking of the triple-passworded video file now tucked away in Zero's memory.
Yes, the Catalonia would think twice before trying to double-cross Heero again and maybe three times before setting up an innocent person the next time.
"Hey, Heero!" He looked up to find Duo grinning at him, eyes dancing in anticipation, his shirt already lying on the hatch and his jeans unzipped. "Been a while since we did it in here. C'mon over..." He turned and shimmied out of the skin-tight jeans.
Heero got to his feet with a wolfish smile of his own.
Yes, indeed...
OWARI
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