The Chibi Problem Part 15
Where was I? Oh, yeah. Cooking.
It was past time to replenish the freezer, and the house had turned into a gigantic dust bunny over the winter.
I lined up my "helpers" and gave them their instructions, and we got started.
I found myself thinking seriously of what great little guys my chibis are, and how helpful they can be when they want to be. Would it be possible, I wondered, to train chibis as companions for disabled people? Dogs are routinely trained to help the blind, the deaf and paraplegics, and chibis are much more intelligent than dogs.
I let my mind wander some while we added, mixed, baked, cooled and stored. By the time the freezer was stocked for the next two months, I was sure that I had a revolutionary idea.
Being of a cautious nature -- stop laughing -- I took a well-iced Dr. Pepper onto the patio and began making notes. I wrote down everything I could remember about companion animals. Then I wrote down everything that my chibis did that could be helpful to a disabled person.
Our list was longer.
I called BabyDoll down from the tree where he and a group of other duos were chattering away. He landed gently on my lap and assumed his "awaiting orders" position, sitting cross-legged with his hands neatly folded.
Have you ever noticed the dogs that walk with blind humans? I began. BabyDoll cocked his head to the side, thinking, then grinned and nodded. Several other duos settled nearby curiously. BabyDoll chattered at them and they chattered back and he chirrupped to me that they had also witnessed the coyotes-harnessed-to-humans-with-sticks.
That one took me a moment to process.
Um... Yeah. Well, those dogs are specially trained to help those humans. They become the human's "eyes" and help them move around more freely. There are other kinds of companion animals who help humans, too. There are dogs, as well as some other animals, I think, who help humans who can't walk or who have lost the use of other limbs.
BabyDoll and the other duos listened avidly with only occasional whispers back and forth. I was just a little intimidated by all those violet eyes staring at me.
I've seen dogs trained to carry bags and fetch their owner's wallet in stores, to open doors, call elevators; all kinds of helpful things. And having pets is good for humans' mental and emotional health. And some dogs listen for humans who can't hear. They let their human know when the phone is ringing, or if someone is at the door. Oh; and when the kettle boils or a baby cries. Important sounds the human can't hear.
I had quite an audience by then. Besides the duos, several quatres had come to see what was going on and that drew the guardians. By the time I'd gotten to hearing dogs, even DeathSky was part of the group.
The duos and quatres chattered together for a moment, and then BabyDoll asked why such afflicted humans had to use coyotes-with-collars. Weren't other humans willing to help them?
I hadn't expected that question. I wasn't sure how to explain the human need for independence. Chibis are cooperative critters; they don't have the kind of ego that humans -- okay, Americans -- take such pride in.
Oh, boy... Um, yeah, other humans would help, but... Well, not everyone has family to help them, and to hire someone costs a lot of money. People who have disabilities generally don't have much money. And... humans feel awkward about depending on other people. We like to feel independent and not burden others. And there's the whole pet thing, as well. The mental health, I mean. Companion animals give unconditional love.
More chatter among the gundam. I was beginning to wonder just which was the superior species here...
BabyDoll stood up smoothly and leaned against me (his version of a hug).
"Shiiiii... Oooooiii... *chatter* Shiiinigamiiiii... *chirp chirp*"
(Translation: WE can do that!)
Before I could continue, though, DeathSky gave a loud and rough "Shiiiniiigamiiiii!" and the other duos fled. He turned a glaring eye on the rest of my audience, and they, too, vanished.
BabyDoll latched onto my neck in a gamely protective gesture. All I could think was, Oops. DeathSky was plainly not happy with the direction the conversation was headed.
His violet eyes flashed like neon as he turned that withering glare my way. "SHINIGAMI!! *growl! hiss! snarl!* OOOOOIII!! *roar!* KISAMA!! OMAE O KOROSU!!! BASURA!! Liar!!"
I stared at him in astonishment. Double oops...
BabyDoll shrieked back at him, the first time I've ever heard him at odds with the big alpha. DeathSky snarled at him, and pointed his scythe at me. Angel and Killer appeared then, coming to BabyDoll's defense, if not mine. DeathSky rounded on them, brandishing his weapon, and I did a truly stupid thing.
The scythe ignited in mid-swing, aimed at Angel. I couldn't let DeathSky hurt BabyDoll's mate, even if he was a part of the gundam. I grabbed the scythe, wrenching it out of the startled DeathSky's grip. With an enraged scream, he went for my face.
Being an idiot, I had grabbed the business end of the scythe. It burned my hand; I swore, dropped it, and looked up to find DeathSky literally in my face. I threw up my hands automatically in defense, overbalanced the cheap plastic patio chair ($2.99 at the local Homo Depot) and landed flat on my back, cracking my head on the concrete.
That was it for a while.
I had a nice nap, until I woke up with a splitting headache, my back screaming curses at my brain, and my brain doing a Homer Simpson turn. I don't know how long I was out. BabyDoll had adhered himself to my face, sobbing wretchedly and soaking my skin and hair. Angel and Killer were about a foot from my eyes, watching me anxiously. Angel was standing on DeathSky's scythe, his buster rifle on his shoulder, and his wings in their combat-ready position. Killer was nervously fingering his katana and glancing past me to the yard.
Before my eyes had even focused properly, Killer was yelling, "Onna! Onna!" Jumping up and down, pointing at me like he'd just witnessed the second coming. Or the chibi equivalent thereof. His jumping made my eyes roll, but at least I knew where I was.
BabyDoll slithered across my face to peer into first one, then the other, crooning all the while.
"Moooiiiii...? Moooiiiii... loooiiiii..."
Ah, shit... I groaned, and began taking inventory; feeling about for any loose or missing pieces. Everything seemed to be in its proper place, if not entirely in working order, so I began working on getting vertical again. BabyDoll fluttered and wrung his hands and tried to help.
That's... okay... I said slowly, trying not to shake my head. You just stay there, sweetie... I don't want to... to fall on you...
Now, he was bouncing up and down anxiously. Geez... Just what I needed.
You're making me dizzy, Baby, I mumbled, closing my eyes again.
I managed to get myself untangled from the chair, but had to rest before attempting to stand. Damn. Concrete is hard! I heard BabyDoll chirping and opened one eye. Damned if the little guy hadn't hauled a throw pillow off the sofa and was trying to shove it under my head. Angel lowered his rifle and came to help. Killer stepped smoothly onto the scythe, protecting his position.
Clearly, DeathSky was still disarmed. I wondered where he was. The pillow helped a lot. I petted all three of them. Thanks, guys. Any chance of a couple of Tylenols and some water? And what did you do with DeathSky?
Killer gave a snort and a muttered "Kisama!" And then he reached out and patted my cheek gently, whispering "Moooiiiii..."
Totally out of left field, I began to puddle up. I stroked his sleek black head. I love you too, I whispered, for his ears only. A smirk flashed across his face, vanishing as quickly as it had come. He turned his back to me, once more in guard mode.
Shit... Just when you think you have it all figured out...
YO! came a holler from the fence up the hill.
I sort of half turned my head and rolled my eyes to see my neighbor, Mike the Marine, leaning over the fence.
You need help?
Of course, I need help, I thought irritably, but you're not a shrink.
I don't know, I said aloud, and it came out wavery.
Nice guy that he is, he hopped the fence and came to give me a hand up. I didn't want to sit in the traitorous chair, so he helped me over to the rock wall. I just crouched there waiting for my brain to stop spilling out, and he took a look at the back of my head.
Whoa, you're gonna hurt for a while, he offered with a low whistle. He didn't touch anything, which was a good thing, because Killer was giving him a "look" that could've fried snails. What happened?
I didn't want to tell my nice-guy normal neighbor that I'd upset a chibi by talking to his gundam, and that he took me out, but I am the world's worst liar. I got a momentary reprieve by the arrival of BabyDoll and Angel with can of DP and the bottle of Tylenol in the carry-net slung between them.
Mike's eyes went huge and his brows disappeared into his short blond hair. Holy- I mean, you've got those guys trained! I didn't know you could do that!
I popped the can and wrestled futilely with the childproof cap. I didn't train them; they do it because they want to help. Thanks, sweetie, I said to BabyDoll. Thanks, Angel.
BabyDoll crawled carefully up onto my shoulder closest to Mike, while Angel gave a "no problem" shrug and returned to sentry duty. My own little sentry peered at Mike suspiciously.
He knows who Mike is; we chat over the fence, but BabyDoll and the gundam are somewhat wary of him because he has a dog. If you could call Fubar a dog. He's not your typical Marine's dog, being neither large nor fierce. He's a little of this and a little of that, with some who knows and what the hell thrown in; twenty-two pounds of good-natured black-grey-white-brown-tan fluff, with impeccable manners and unnervingly intelligent eyes. Fubar is a retired sniffer dog, EOD, that is.
Mike saw my problem and took the bottle, opened it and handed me four Tylenols. I thanked him and swallowed them with the DP.
I've never heard of chibis being described as helpful, he said.
You haven't been talking to the right people, I replied. You have to get to know them. BabyDoll made a derisive noise at him and stroked my cheek.
He glanced out at the yard. Is that why you've got a formation waiting?
I took a look. The entire gundam was on the ground, all of them watching us solemnly. Even DeathSky seemed subdued, though alert. It may have helped that the heeros and wufeis had him separated from the rest of the group. They must not have taken kindly to him swinging on their alphas.
Ummm... I guess they were worried... I muttered.
Mike looked at me for a moment, then looked back at the gundam. Intelligent looking little guys. How come that one, the big one that looks like yours, is in the middle of the grumpy ones?
Oh, yeah; I giggled. Couldn't help it. Blame it on the knot on my head and the way the yard was bobbing and weaving in front of me.
We sort of had a misunderstanding, I began, throwing away any hope of being considered normal in this neighborhood. I was explaining some stuff, he took offense, and before I could explain, things got a little out of hand.
You had a misunderstanding with a chibi.
Yup. I straightened up and my brain did a little whoopsy-do. We were discussing companion animals, and I was about to make the point that chibis could do most of what dogs do now, and probably better, when DeathSky -- I raised my voice so that His Highness could hear me -- jumped to the conclusion that I was out to steal his gundam.
Mike just looked at me. You want me to drive you to the hospital?
Seriously! I had this idea, that chibis would be fantastic companion animals, and I was thinking out loud, and BabyDoll and the duos and quatres were really interested, when the big guy -- he's the gundam alpha -- went zero. You know?
Oh, sure. Listen, why don't you grab your purse, and I'll grab Shawn --
I'm not concussed! Okay, maybe I am, but that has nothing to do with my conversation with the chibis. Except that DeathSky flew at me and startled me and that's how I hit my head. But it's not his fault; he's just protecting his gundam.
You call him DeathSky?
His name is something like Flying-death-from-above, but I don't speak chibi, so I had to come up with something approximate.
Yeppers. Mike obviously thought I was going to go zero any minute.
I really think you should go to the hospital. How many fingers?
I hate when people do that to me. Two? I guessed.
Not even close. He helped me to my feet and guided me into the house. The ground kept... rippling... away from me, like retreating waves on the beach.
Damn it, I muttered; stay put! BabyDoll was still on my shoulder, clutching my earlobe. I sat down on the sofa; suddenly feeling like a nap would be a very good idea.
Mike, of course, had other ideas.
I'm gonna get Shawn and the car and you are going to the emergency room. Your eyes are all over the place, and your head's still bleeding.
Yes sir, Mr. Gunny, sir, I said with another giggle. Geez, that hurt. He went out the front door, and I curled up, petting BabyDoll.
Baby, I need to talk to DeathSky. We need to clear this up before I go.
"Shiiiniiiiii... Moooiiiii?" Where was I going? He began to fret, patting my cheek and nuzzling his head against me.
It's okay, sweetie. I just hit my head and I probably need a couple of stitches.
*squawk!* "Omae o KOROSU!" *shriek!*
He launched like an arrow out the slider, snarling better than Killer. In fact, he almost ran his mates down. Angel carried the scythe in and laid it on the sofa next to me. He looked me over, then sat down beside me, muttering under his breath.
I heard some squawking and shrieks from outside, as well as some plainly angry back-and-forth. A few minutes later, though, BabyDoll appeared, dragging an unwilling, but not quite ready to kill, DeathSky with him.
"Oooiiiii! Shinigamiii! Boooored! Moooiiiii... Oooiiiii... Kisama!" snapped BabyDoll, and DeathSky stood sullenly, arms folded across his chest, not quite looking at me. I would have to ask how BabyDoll got him in here, but later, when my brain had stopped leaking.
Now, look you; I began sternly, even though my eyes kept trying to focus on my nose. I am not trying to steal anyone or anything from you. I've just been noticing how terrific you guys are to have around; what good company you are, and how helpful you all can be. When you want to be, I said pointedly.
I mean, you guys can use the remote controls and change CDs or tapes, do laundry, even hang it on the line. I've never heard of a dog doing that.
He grumbled back at me. I wanted chibis to be alone with only humans, and what if the humans were bad to them?
No, I said slowly. I was thinking of mated pairs. And maybe playtimes for babies to be with other chibis, to choose mates. I think most humans would be okay with that. The ones that aren't; well, they should stick with a dog.
He rumbled some, but not nearly as angry-sounding as before.
I won't let anyone take my chibis unless they want to go, I said quietly. I wanted to pet him, but I wasn't sure how he would take it.
"Shiiiii...? Saaa... Kisama... loooiiiii... Shiiiniiigamiiiii...?"
I nodded. Yes. Like your baby going with his mate. I couldn't force a chibi to go to a human if they didn't want to. They wouldn't be any good as a companion if they were forced.
He snorted and uncrossed his arms. "Scythe..." He glanced at BabyDoll, who was still glaring at him, his foot tapping on the table impatiently. *rumble* *sigh* "Shiii...nigaaaaamiiii..." DeathSky spread his wings and hopped to my shoulder to peer at the back of my head. He sucked in his breath and made a sneezing sound.
Then he touched my cheek hesitantly. "Soooiiiii... Moooiiiii... Loooiiiii..."
I handed him his scythe. Killer and Angel looked at me like I'd lost my mind. BabyDoll bounced up and down, grinning.
Here you go, Big D. I love you guys; I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I think of y'all as my gundam. And nobody messes with my gundam.
I took a chance then, and ran my finger down his braid. He leaned against me with a sigh and a nod. "Loooiiiii..."
Killer and Angel looked at each other, then chattered at BabyDoll. DeathSky looked down at them from my shoulder, sighed, and dropped to the sofa. A back-and-forth stream of chatter, squeaks, growls and rumbles, and then everyone smiled. The alpha had apologised, the apology had been accepted, and everyone was friends again.
I had my head on my knees and BabyDoll was dabbing at the blood on my neck with a damp paper towel when Mike returned. He stopped, and did the eyebrow thing again, before clearing his throat.
Uh, yeah. Which hospital?
Palomar, I guess.
Angel looped the shoulder strap of my wallet-on-a-string over my arm, and fluttered up to give me a quick nuzzle.
As I wobbled out the door, Mike asked for my key to lock up.
Don't need to, I said. Chibis'll look after things.
I've got a dog, he said, And I lock up.
Yeah, but your dog isn't heavily armed and naturally grumpy. I've got twenty adult heeros and wufeis who are just waiting for someone to try to break in, I smirked.
He must have remembered that he was dealing with a head injury, because he shrugged and said You know best.
Good idea; humor the crazy woman.
BabyDoll was still on my shoulder when Mike lowered me into the car seat.
What about him? He's not going... is he?
I had my eyes closed, but I could feel BabyDoll's concern vibrating across my collarbone. He's going, I said softly.
Mike's son, Shawn, was in the back seat already buckled in like the good kid he is.
That's your chibi, he breathed in wonder. Wow. Is he going with us?
Yeah, I murmured. He's worried about me.
Dad said you hit your head. Is that why it's bleeding?
Yeah.
Can I pet him?
Um...
BabyDoll sidled across my front to my left shoulder. It was partly to be between Mike and me and partly to examine Shawn.
How about it? I asked my chibi. Shawn won't hurt you.
BabyDoll "oooiiiii"ed and inclined his head for a tentative caress.
Wow, breathed Shawn as his dad started the car. He's soft!
Yeah, but you have to be gentle with chibis. They won't stand for bad treatment.
I knew what was coming; so did Mike, apparently.
Dad...?
No. Chibis don't get along with dogs, sport.
I had to help Mike out; he was being a good neighbor. And I was bleeding on his seat cover.
The wild chibis' natural enemy is the coyote, so they're wary around anything that looks like a coyote. BabyDoll tolerates Fubar because I've explained that Fubar can't get out of his yard and doesn't hunt for his food anyway.
Oh. Maybe I can have a chibi when I'm older.
Maybe so, allowed his dad.
What can I say? I'm just a goodwill ambassador for the cutest, liveliest, most intelligent pet anyone could ever be owned by. And bleeding from the damage caused by one. Yepper.
TBC...
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